Author's note: I haven't seen the last episode. I haven't seen any episode of Season 3, however I know enough to write fic around it and therefore feel I should warn for spoilers. This is called healing because I needed to write it to make me feel better. If it makes anyone else feel better then I'm glad.
Warning: Spoilers. Rachel bashing. Blaine bashing. (Not really, this is me we're talking about. *sigh*).
The disappointment and confusion fills him, flows through him and he just doesn't understand. He nailed his audition. It had been so promising, and yet Rachel, Rachel who had forgotten words and choked, she has gotten in. He can't believe that life can be so brutally unfair. He's had to go through so much in his life already, he kind of thought he was owed some big payout around now. He lets a silent tear slip down his cheek and turns to find Blaine watching him and he swipes it away, hating the small smile on his lips right now. He knows Blaine is trying to look sympathetic, but it looks anything but right now.
"You don't need to look so relieved!"
"It's not relief! Kurt…I'm sorry. I just… these things happen for a reason and it isn't all bad Kurt. You get to stay here with me…"
He says it like it's somehow the first prize and he feels his disappointment, confusion and anger all twisting together to pinpoint focus and his eyes narrow.
"I don't want to stay here Blaine. With you or without you, I don't want to stay here. I can't."
He leaves then, turns on his heel and walks. He needs time. Alone. He needs to figure out what he's going to do now, because he meant what he said, he's not staying here. He's managed to get through high school, survived it, but just because everything has been okay doesn't mean he wants to stay here. It's mediocre, and he's anything but mediocre.
He doesn't know how long he walks for, his phone has been ringing constantly but after one quick message to his dad telling him he's fine and he just needs some time and he'll call when he needs to be picked up he just walks. He ends up sticky and hot, torn between removing clothes and being cooler but then ending up sunburnt and his feet have started to hurt now that his mind is calming down, starting to slot things into place. He wanted New York so badly for so long he hasn't actually sat down and thought about any other possible dream.
He looks up and glances around and he's on the outskirts of town, more than the outskirts, he's…not lost. He pulls out his phone and quickly turns it to the GPS and okay, he's not lost, just well on his way to Spencerville. And he's really thirsty. He can see a farmhouse, and well, most people aren't raging crazies right? He dials the emergency number, ready to press send just in case and starts up the drive, nerves fluttering when he sees two men sitting on the porch, both seeming to watch him.
He's not sure who is shocked more, but he shields his eyes and spies Sebastian. Ah. That would be where the muttering would be coming from.
"Did you… walk here?"
"I got some bad news."
"Is everyone okay?"
"Everyone is fine. Just… I didn't get into NYADA."
"What? Blaine said you nailed the audition."
As gratifying as it is to have Sebastian repeat his own thoughts back to him the fact that Blaine is still apparently talking to Sebastian makes him clench his teeth, especially after the whole Chandler-ordeal which he was made to feel so bad about.
"Apparently not. I'm…"
"Want a drink?" Sebastian asks, interrupting, annoying him again, but he does actually want a drink and Dave is already on his feet, heading inside and he clears the emergency number from his phone. He steps up onto the porch and the coolness of the shade is immediate and he relaxes slightly.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian states, and he's looking out over empty fields, not meeting his eye, which is probably just as well because he feels shocked. "I know you really had your hopes set on New York."
"I just… need to find a new dream."
"You don't have a backup plan?"
"Ignore him, he's just jealous because he's never had a say in any of his plans…"
"Fuck you too Hercules…"
He watches as Dave gives Sebastian the finger and Sebastian shoots him a scathing look, but there's underlying… friendship? He feels a prickle of guilt that he's not exactly been what he'd class as an A-grade friend but tries to ignore it as best he can. He accepts the drink from Dave, what looks like homemade lemonade, and leans against the railing, trying to alleviate the pain in his feet.
He tries to wave away the offer of Dave's chair, but gets rolled eyes and he ducks his head, finally accepting it and watches as Dave settles on the porch, legs stretched out and it's weird seeing his height suddenly portrayed horizontally like that.
"So what are your plans? Or non-plans?" He asks, curious, and in the slight hope that maybe he will be able to glean ideas, or other people's plans might make his seem more plausible.
"I'm going to Paris for summer. Spending it with my mom. Then I'm expected to start studying economics and law in London…" He blinks, looks to Dave to see whether Sebastian is joking and he shakes his head. "I can get behind the location. Not so much the economics and law bits though."
"I… like the idea of London."
"Any place is better than here," Dave murmurs and his eyes snap to him and they share a look couple with tight smiles.
"Yeah well, London's awesome. And Paris is right there."
"Dave, what are you doing?"
"Uh, I have to keep studying by correspondence to finish high school."
"Which he'll be doing from Paris."
"I'm going with him…"
He stares, the thought never occurring to him, but god, it would explain so much.
"Are you two a couple now?"
Their matching splutters and adamant denials would be comical if he were in an even slightly lighter mood, but instead he just watches them both shake their heads, breaking into bursts of laughter every time they catch each other's eye and he gets the point. Not a couple, although clearly friends.
"Paris…" he sighs, and it sounds amazing, but going there for a holiday would sap his now completely-defunct college fund, but it tugs at him and calls to him and the idea seems to tantalizing.
"You could come…" Sebastian says, and the complete lack of enthusiasm in the words make him positive Dave has somehow prompted him and he shakes his head. Paris is so far away. He doesn't even have a passport. He frowns then, realizing the number of negatives he's throwing in front of himself before he's even started. He changes his mind and instead asks for Seb's contact details in Paris, saying he'll look them up if he decides to go.
When his dad comes and picks him up later the idea is planted in his mind, he's not stopping himself now, and he's not going to be negative. He applies for his passport the next day and pretends the photo he had to take is for a different person. Hopefully one day it will be.
He's talked it over with his dad, who is understandably freaking out, but he needs to do this. It takes two weeks for him to end it with Blaine, and it's painful, but cathartic. When his passport arrives another two weeks after that he suddenly feels like a whole new world has opened up and it's corny, but he can't wait now, and he books the flights, his dad pacing behind him the whole time. He sends e-mails to both Dave and Sebastian, and then freaks out quietly to himself when they both reply that they're going to be in Spain when his flight lands.
Sebastian arranges for his mom to pick him up, which he can't help but think is actually really nice of him, and her. Sebastian simply tells him to look for the best dressed woman in the airport. He's right, his mother is a stunningly dressed woman, easily identifiable even if she weren't holding a small American flag in one hand and looking at him speculatively like she might possibly recognize him. They make slightly awkward conversation to start with, and he's kind of overawed by the fact that she has a driver, but when she compliments his shirt he relaxes slightly. He can talk fashion at least.
"Thank you. I made it. I saw something similar in the Spring collection, but I like something a bit more tailored around my waist, not billows of fabric."
She makes a small sound of amusement and he bites his lip, suddenly nervous, because he's not in Lima anymore, he's in Paris, and she probably knows about fashion.
"Here I was worried how I was going to keep you entertained for a week until Sebby and David got back, but I don't think we'll have a problem."
He files away Sebby for future reference and watches as she clicks open her purse, pulling out a sleek business card holder and passing him a business card. He takes it, eyes wide, stomach swirling and he feels a new dream being born.
Smythe Style – Fashion House