Completely Illogical

Author's note: I promised a preview to my High School AU fic A Small Town Called Enterprise, and here it is! This is a oneshot set the summer before the story begins, only using TOS characters (as ASTCE will use characters from TNG and VOY as well). Feedback is crucial, so I beg anyone reading this to review.


There was no living being in all of creation who was illogical as any one of Spock's brothers.

At least, that's what Spock thought one evening as he watched them run around the house in various states of silliness. During the summer, they often engaged in such illogical behavior as this, when their other commitments were minimal, even for Leonard. Spock found it most disruptive, as he could not concentrate on the book he was reading.

This running around the house like maniacs could have been attributed to bonding timeā€¦if they were not brothers who had all there life to bond. Besides, there were many more logical methods to bond with one's family, in Spock's opinion. He would even settle for something as illogical as Twister. At least it had a few rules.

Spock supposed this behavior could also be attributed to a lack of maturity. However, that would only really excuse the younger three. Pavel, Kevin and Hikaru WERE only seven, eleven, and fourteen respectively. Spock would understand that those younger than he would act in that manner (though really, a fourteen-year-old should not have been acting like that either). It was the older three who worried him. James, Montgomery, and Leonard were all older than Spock (even if James was only two minutes older), and Leonard and Montgomery were in their twenties. Spock found it highly disquieting that they should be acting the way they were.

And how they were acting! James was giving a laughing Pavel a piggyback ride in circles around the ground floor, and singing the William Tell overture to boot. The normally silent seven-year-old was shrieking with laughter, especially when James bellowed "High-oh, Silver, AWAY!" Although Spock found this most illogical, he was nonetheless satisfied with the fact that James was at least singing on key and had an agreeable-sounding voice. There were only so many bad things one could say about their twin.

Leonard and Montgomery, meanwhile, were sword fighting in the living room, Leonard with a broom and Montgomery with a mop. Where they had found these things was quite unclear, and why two grown men would be doing such sport was also quite unclear to Spock.

"Arr!" Montgomery bellowed. "Nobody insults our town in my presence!" Spock could tell that he was using his fake Scottish accent again, which the stoic child found most illogical. Why on earth would an American boy want to use a Scottish accent, especially for something as trivial as a pretend sword fight with his older brother?

"Enterprise is a garbage dump!" Leonard shouted back, attempting to goad his brother into another attack. Whether this was fake or real, however, was debatable. Montgomery had a loyalty to his family, said family's car, and their town which was surpassed by none.

"It is illogical to call the place we live a garbage dump," Spock spoke up. "Enterprise has a level of cleanliness far surpassing a garbage dump."

"Dammit, Spock!" Leonard cried as he managed to whack Montgomery, who yelped. "You always ruin the fun!"

"I do not ruin the fun. I simply state the facts," Spock replied and turned his attention to Hikaru, his adopted Japanese brother. He, as an actual fencer, would probably be the one who would logically correct his brothers' sloppy stances. Considering he was currently shouting "BANZAI!" into the mirror, however, it would seem he was otherwise occupied. Spock could only imagine that Hikaru was practicing his 'war cry' for the next fencing tournament. Although he had not returned to Japan since his adoption when he had been two, he had always been proud of that segment of his heritage, so it was only natural that he used a Japanese war cry.

It was Kevin, though, who truly took the cake as the most illogical. He was standing on the breakfast table, warbling something about Kathleen at the top of his lungs while one hand was clutching a lamp like a microphone. Spock had enough.

"Kevin, you are being extremely illogical!" he raised his voice not of anger but of the necessity to be heard over the others.

"I'LL TAKE YOU HOME AGAIN, KATHLEEEEN!" Kevin belted out.

"BANZAI!" Hikaru screamed from the other room.

Spock shook his head. His brothers WERE being illogical. He decided to remove himself from this situation. Picking his book up from the couch, he stood up and walked towards the stairs...

...And promptly smacked into James, who went reeling backward. Pavel continued laughing as both rider and mount went down, not to mention said mount's stoic twin.

"Sorry, Spock!" James cried as he checked to make sure his diminutive little brother was alright. The littler boy grinned at his big brother and leapt back onto his back.

"That's right, kiddo! Don't let a little fall scare ya!" James whooped before breaking into another round of William Tell.

Spock continued to the stairs. He had to escape before things got out of hand. Considering how out of hand they already were, though, he wondered if he was too late before he decided that that was not worth considering.

"There was no logic in our parents' decision to work abroad, judging from the evidence you present," he declared as he walked up the stairs and into his inner sanctuary.

No one heard him. They were too busy being illogical, as that was what they did best.


Author's note: If you didn't understand any of that, here it is: in this AU, James Kirk and all of the leading men and Kevin Riley from TOS are brothers. Uhura wasn't there because she's a romantic interest and there's no incest at all in ASTCE. James and Spock are seventeen-year-old twins, Leonard is twenty-seven and their eldest brother, Montgomery (who all of them except Spock call Scotty, but since this is from Spock's POV that wasn't touched on) is twenty-three and also their brother, Hikaru was adopted when he was two and is now fourteen, Kevin is eleven and aspires to be a professional singer (they think), and Pavel was adopted when their parents were in Russia. He is now seven.

Please review and thank you!