Hi everyone! Welcome to another new fanfic. This time, we're doing a fic in honor of the upcomming South Park game. In case you didn't hear, the creators of the show are doing a game that will play like a big RPG game with you LARPGing as the new kid who comes to South Park alongside your favoriate show characters. This is how I would do the game so this is going to be a parody of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses's Year Three Anniversary miniseries: Surburban Knights, but expect to see new fantasy characters and parodies as well in here. That's almost it. Oh. And I only own my OC's and nothing else. This is FANfiction only, so PLEASE don't sue! So sit back, relax and enjoy...
Nevada, Route 659…
On the lone deserted stretch of land filled with nothing but dirt, rocks, and a single road stretching all the way to the west coast no doubt, a new arrival drove his white Spots Utility Vehicle, while listening to the radio playing Stan Bush's 'The Touch.' On the inside, the driver bobbed his head up and down, enjoying the sweet tunes of the 80's. His name was Gerry, all-time dumbass and totally isolated with little to no idea what was happening in the world around him.
This was a trait that would lead to his fate today.
As he continued to drive, he caught something out of the corner of his eye. It was a woman standing on the side of the road. Gerry stopped the car and rolled down the window to the side door so he could see her better. She was Caucasian with curves that just made Gerry's boy-parts turn to jello. Her face was about twenty-three but her eyes were covered from a pair of sunglasses. Her hair was short and spikey, and she wore a purple tank-top and shorts underneath a black trench coat and a black fedora held in her left hand as she fanned herself off.
"Hey baby!" Gerry called, "You need a lift?"
The woman looked at him as if she had finally noticed and then inspected the car before turning back to him. She had no emotion whatsoever and her voice could say the same.
"In this?" She asked, as if this were the only car in her vicinity.
"Cha! Yeah! I mean, unless you can pull out a motorcycle and press your boobs against it while you drive like Megan Fox."
He laughed before looking at her seriously.
"But that would be cool though."
The woman in turn did nothing that reflected upon the two last statements. She didn't smile or show any emotion still. Instead, after a full minute of silence, she sighed and shook her head in shame.
"No. No I cannot." She admitted.
Gerry opened the door and the woman slowly got in, resting against the passenger side. She felt as if she were inside a tub of something unpleasant like bubbling acid or the excreted wastes of a BasCorlik.
The BasCorlik creatures, of course had been extinct ever since the technology she now surrounded herself in caused them to be extinct just as it was doing to every other creature around the world.
Noticing that Gerry was still looking at her, the woman looked at him sternly.
"So, uh, where're you heading?" Gerry asked, casually.
"Colorado." She said, simply, "I'm going to Denver, Colorado."
"Denver Colorado!" The Man exclaimed, "Awesome!"
Gerry then shifted his attention to his iPhone and began to input the GPS for the location, as he was now solely focused on his MapQuest, and fixing wrong suggestions, the woman looked around the car. There were strewn McDonalds cups lying around along with an iPad, a Blackberry, and a Mario Bobblehead in front of her.
It was then that the woman realized that she had just trapped herself inside a prision.
A prision made from the very circuitry that she dispised more than everything else on this god-forsaken world.
"All right!" Gerry said, showing her the map now fully laid out, "Here we go! So how fast do you need me to go, honey?"
The woman turned to look at his iPhone.
"You're using that?" She asked, simply.
"Don't." She said, stern and loud enough for him to hear.
"Don't…what…?" Gerry asked.
"Don't. Use it." She explained, waving her hand at him, "Just don't."
"But I'd be lost without it!" Gerry complained.
"Would you?" She asked, sarcastically, all her hate and bile building up in her voice, "It's bad enough that you have surrounded yourself in this metal prison, but now you sacrifice your own sense of direction? Your own self-doubt? You give your destiny over to be determined by wires, steel and circuitry. You depend upon it to live despite the many opportunities you have to try without it."
She turned to Gerry, as he finally noticed how her voice had turned from not-carring to one that was meanacing and threatening. She looked at him through her sunglasses as if he had gotten every infectious disease known to man.
"You were born with nothing." She hissed at him with venom in her voice clear enough to hear, "And you will die….with nothing."
Gerry stared at her for a few minutes amazed before finally speaking.
"Babe…" He said, clearly starting to take in what she had told him, "I…I'm sorry…did someone with an iPhone kill your parents or something…"
"What is your name?" She asked, interrupting him.
"Gerry." She repeated, turning to face him seriously, "What do you think of the 21st Century…Gerry?"
"It's cool and all." Gerry shrugged, "I mean… the wars suck, but it's nothing that bad. Plus we got a black guy for President."
The woman shook her head at his stupidity. Despite her visage, she still knew the President was bi-racial and that was without technology. She maintained her status however. The man might have some use…if he was worthy.
"Then you enjoy it?" She asked.
"Yeah." Gerry answered, now a bit more comfortable.
"Would you stay here forever?"
"Well..." The woman said, looking at him seriously again, "What if I were to tell you that there was something more that you didn't have in the 21st Century."
"What's that?" Gerry asked.
"What if I were to say that there existed a power far beyond anything that the 21st Century could create in the past, present, or future?" The woman asked, mentally reminiscing of the power in question, while she eyed Gerry with suspicion, "Something of even greater value than your prized possessions? What would you say then… Gerry?"
A full moment passed before Gerry responded, and sealed his fate forever.
"Wicked shit, babe!" He laughed, "Whatever you're on, I want some!"
The woman decided she had put up with his presence long enough and a millisecond later, the contents of Gerry's head was splattered all across the driver's side of the window. Inside, the woman sat in her seat, her fingers pointed like a gun at where Gerry's head once was. Around her fingertips, yellow electrical-like energy danced around the aforementioned area looking almost like a dragon before dissipating completely.
The woman inside quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and left the car. She was a complete fool to accept help from a hopeless idiot like him. From here on out, she would walk. The wind was now stronger, so she put one hand over her hat to keep it on.
But before she left the full vicinity of the car, she stopped and looked back at it considering something she hadn't before. Someone was bound to come across her victim sooner or later, and she couldn't have the authorities coming after her now.
She observed the car and decided that nobody if anybody was going to miss the car that much let alone miss Gerry.
She raised her hand out concentrating on the car. Within a few minutes, the gas inside the hood opened while inside the car the keys imminently turned on its own.
Then the car burst into a million flames, taking the whole car, (including Gerry's remains and his precious belongings) with it. The woman smiled as she walked off into the distance. She knew that the flames would be put out soon enough before anybody noticed due to the wind meaning she could get back to her task at hand.
The task in question was to arrive at the location known as South Park, Colorado…and find the prize that had been kept from her long enough.
The game was now afoot.
Battle for Darktonian's Sword
Eric Cartman as Galandaf (Lord of the Rings)
Kyle Broflovski as Conan the Barbarian
Ike Broflovski as Thor
Stan Marsh as Indiana Jones
Shelly Marsh as Snow White
Randy Marsh as Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)
Kenny McCormick as Aslan the Lion (Chronicles of Narnia)
Jimmy Valmer as Ezio Auditore da Firenze (Assassin's Creed)
Kevin Stonley as Aku (Samurai Jack)
Timmy Burch as The Rockbiter (The Never Ending Story)
Token Black as Organization XIII Member (Kingdom Hearts)
Wendy Testaburger as Tinkerbell (Peter Pan)
Lola as Red Sonja
Red as Red Sonja
With Butters Stotch as Green Lantern
Brian McChester as Ash Williams (The Evil Dead/Army of Darkness)
And Megry Darktonian as Herself.