(… I was so preoccupied with bashing myself that I didn't even notice that Peeta's eyes had left my own. It was so sudden that I didn't know what was going on until it was too late. His mouth was on mine and his strong hands were holding my head of messy hair. The tears were falling again but for why this time, I didn't know. I didn't know anything in that moment. What are you doing, Katniss? My own mind was questioning my actions and why I wasn't putting a stop to this. I didn't have an answer and I didn't care. His lips were warm, inviting, and familiar.

That hunger that I had felt the night on the beach during the Quarter Quell returned and held me captive. He kissed me until we were out of breath and wet with tears. He started to pull away and I took a step backwards, putting distance between us as if my common sense was just now kicking in.

"What'd you do that for?" I inquired, trying to seem upset about it as I should have been. Peeta stepped back as well and held his head down, only looking up at me with his eyes as he had done earlier. Seconds ticked by before he took a quivering breath and answered, "To shut you up." …)

I blinked through my quizzical expression, staring at him and trying to explain the conflicting things I felt. In that moment, I didn't know if he was sincerely sweet or sincerely infuriating. I don't know whether I wanted him to explain himself or do it all over again. I wasn't sure if I hated him or...

My trembling fingers were quickly clenched into tight fists because I didn't want Peeta to see it. I didn't know what that reaction out of me would mean to him. For moments he looked up at me and I stared right back without really seeing him. Then I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in an embarrassing blush and I looked away.

Humiliated, I could only stare at the ground below his feet. I didn't want him standing before me, staring at me like that and making me feel weak and vulnerable. I clenched my jaw and, still unable to meet his eyes, ordered, "Get out."

My ears were ringing and my pulse was beating so loudly that I almost didn't hear Peeta speak. "Excuse me?" His voice was nearly disbelieving.

"Get out, Peeta." I was surprised at how calm and collected my voice sounded, although harsh in every way. I felt bad then, for talking to him like that. "Please. Please just go away." I felt another tear slide down my warm face. I wasn't being rational, and I knew it. I could blame it on my break-down over Prim and Rue, or claim that it was because of the Games as a whole. I knew the real reason though: my own emotions were a mystery to me.

I didn't hear him leave but when I glanced up again, he was gone. A slow, throbbing ache started in the pit of my stomach and grew until it became a soft sob from my mouth. I sank down onto the stair that I had been standing on and buried my face in my hands. For the second time within minutes that had felt like hours, I forced all of the tears from my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, it was bright. "Katniss?" I hadn't stirred the first time that my name was spoken. "Wake up, girl." There was a soft hand on my shoulder. Slowly, my heavy eyes blinked Sae's blurry face into view. "Are you alright, child?" I would have questioned what she was talking about if it weren't for the soreness I felt in my neck and shoulder. I sat up carefully, realizing where I was.

The same step that I had collapsed on late last night had become my bed. A very uncomfortable one, at that. "Katniss?" Sae asked once more. I stretched my shoulders, lifting my arms above my head and listening to my joints crack. "Just... Give me a minute." I got to my feet and raced up the stairs to my bedroom.

I filled my cupped hands with water and splashed it over my tear-stained face. Memories of last night were beginning to flood my mind as I raised my dripping face to the mirror. I started to question how much of it was real. I knew I had really kicked Peeta out of my house because guilt racked me from the inside and out. My fingers traveled up to press against my lips. Did that happen though? I could remember Peeta's voice asking so many times, "Real or not real?"

When I felt that I was decent enough to face Sae, I found her in the kitchen. She was in the process of sweeping the dirt that Buttercup kept dragging in. Her gray eyes flashed up to mine. "Want something to eat?" I leaned over the back of a chair that had been carelessly pushed beneath the dining table and shook my head. "I'm not hungry." Those gray eyes met mine again. Sae turned to place the broom back against the counter. "What's the matter?" She asked it casually, as if she were simply asking me how the woods were today.

"Nothing," My response was just as casual for I had grown used to giving Sae this response. Of course she knew it was a lie but most times, she knew me well enough to realize that this was my way of dropping the subject.

"It's the boy," She turned around so that her back was now facing me. "Isn't it?" It was more of a clarification than a question. I didn't answer right away but when I did, it was with another question. "How do you know that?" Now Sae turned to face me.

"You look the same as you did all those weeks ago." She was referring to my miserable days after Peeta's flashback, when he cut me out completely. I wanted to ask her how I looked different when Peeta wasn't around. Didn't I look like Katniss?

"Can I suggest something?" My eyes flashed back up to her. I was waiting for her to continue before realizing that she was waiting for me. Afraid to find my words, I simply nodded. "Don't let yourself go back to that." Her expression grew soft. "Whatever it is that went wrong, do what you're able to mend it."

I was angered at first that she immediately assumed that I was the one that needed to do the mending. It wasn't always my fault. Why am I always the one to do the apologizing?

Then I reasoned with myself. It hurt to admit it, especially to myself, but she was right. Everyone was right to point fingers at me. My decisions, my actions, hurt people. Particularly the people that I held dearest. When her phone calls were allowed to ring to the last ring, I was hurting my mother. Every time I rejected help or a meal, I was hurting Sae. I'm sure every harsh insult I shouted at Haymitch affected him when he was sober. I had hurt Gale in choosing Peeta over him. And Peeta? It seems as though I hurt him every time I'm around him.

I sighed, pushing myself away from the chair. I wish I could change it all, but it's who I am and what I've become. How am I supposed to mend the problem if the problem is myself? I didn't have all of the answers, but I knew one thing for certain: If I wanted to fix myself, I had to start by fixing Peeta because Peeta was the one thing that made me want to be better.

Several minutes later and after one too many hesitations, I was finally standing outside of my front door, staring at the front of Peeta's. I didn't know how I was even going to confront him or show my face again. I was afraid, ashamed, and for the first time while thinking of Peeta, I was nervous. I felt like I was five years old again, with pigtail braids and a gnawing fear that I wouldn't be liked. When you're five, everyone's opinion matters. As we grow, we force ourselves to focus solely on the opinions of the people that matter. Peeta was someone that mattered.

Don't, I ordered myself when tears threatened to invade my eyes. My boots trudged noisily along the street that separated our houses but at least they were carrying me forward. Nothing felt real and I wasn't sure that I wanted it to be as my knuckles lingered over the door's surface. If I had been in my right mind, I may not have found the courage to knock. When the sound rang out then fell to silence, I found myself holding my breath. I was expecting a lot of things, but I wasn't expecting to be ignored.

I raised my hand to the door to knock once more. I stood for a moment, just waiting. Nothing changed.

An image in my mind played out of Peeta sitting on the other side of the door, knowing it was my knock and therefore choosing not to answer. That same throbbing ache returned in the pit of my stomach at the thought. Peeta had always forgiven me for the wrong that I'd done. Maybe he'd finally realized that I wasn't worth all of the things I'd cost him.

Losing myself in guilt and deep thoughts, I backed away from the door and turned to meet the first stair that would carry me back to my own place. My eyes caught sight of the duo of figures in the street but didn't register in my mind until my double-take found those blue eyes that only belonged to one person in the remains of District 12.

The taller figure on the right, who I then recognized as the man from District 7 whose name I didn't know, stared down at me through dark eyes beneath a mop of mahogany hair. I realized that when I had seen him last, carrying Peeta to my dining table, I hadn't paid him much mind. I noted his pointed chin masked in dark stubble and his broad shoulders before my eyes shot back to the left of him. It was obvious he was from 7 and most likely a lumberjack or load puller like the rest of the young men, judging by his build.

He cleared his throat after a moment, making me jump, and turned to offer his right hand. "Take it easy, Mellark. Get some rest." Peeta peeled his eyes from me to shake the man's hand. "I'll work on it, Orrick. You'll hear from me soon."

The man, Orrick, gave a brisk nod and a final glance at me before turning on his heel and walking in the direction they had come from. With the company of three becoming two, it suddenly felt like the air was closing in around me. Peeta's eyes had settled on me again, standing at the bottom the stairs. I had come over with the intentions of seeing Peeta but now that he was standing before me, I wasn't sure that I wanted to be here.

In all of the silent moments and weird situations that Peeta and I had shared in the past, there wasn't one that had felt more out of place and odd as this one.

"Well say something." Peeta finally said, taking a hesitant step forward to place a hand on the railing. I would have said something but I was having a hard time concentrating on anything other than the mouth that his words had just come from. With some effort, I was able to focus on the scuffed toe of my boot. Still, I couldn't force myself to speak. "Alright, I'll start then."

I looked up just as Peeta began. "I shouldn't have done it. I know that," He blinked and paused before continuing. "But I'm not sorry that I did it." That got a response out of me.

"Why did you do it?" My voice sounded expressionless, like the recorded voices that rang out in the elevators in Panem. Peeta answered like he expected the question. "How else am I supposed to know what you feel, Katniss?"

"You could have asked me before jumping to that conclusion." I snapped back. He started to shake his head while looking down and said, "That's the problem, Katniss. You don't tell me anything. I don't know how to get an answer out of you unless I'm doing something to make you hate me."

I opened my mouth to argue my side but I couldn't think of the words to say. Was I introvert? Extremely. I didn't even know how to tell myself what I felt.

"I don't want to feel this way, Katniss." His defeated whisper matched the look in his eyes. "Please, just tell me what you want. I can take it, Katniss. Whatever it is, it's got to be better than feeling confused."

"Peeta..." How did I tell him? What would I tell him? I felt just as confused as he did. Sometimes I was convinced that I knew what the tracker jacker venom felt like, messing with your mind. Although it was messing with my emotions. Tentatively, I took a step forward.

Peeta was right; I couldn't talk about the way I felt. But I could show him as much as my confused heart would allow me to show. I didn't want to lose Peeta. He was my best friend but with him, it felt like much more than it ever had with Gale. He meant everything to me, but I didn't know how much of that was directed just toward friendship. When he hurt, I hurt. I needed him.

As I walked forward and fell into his chest, I hoped that he understood all of that. When his strong arms wrapped around me and mine clutched just as tightly around his neck, I hoped that he could understand the way I felt, even though it was still hazy to me.

Finally, another chapter! I know it's short but I'll try to get in a longer one for you guys next time. Review, review, review and tell me what you think! Something to look forward to: I've got a few surprises in mind for the next couple of chapters. I would really like some input and ideas of things you guys would like to see happen in the future. Hope you all enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it.