Abandonment

Epilogue

Norns and Fortuna

Everything repeats itself. Everything is a cycle of birth and rebirth. Every life possesses low points as well as high points. Each being, in this universe, experiences moments of complete and utter darkness and despondency, but these moments are balanced with moments of light and happiness.


There is no need for me to explain myself. I forgave Loki because I love him and one does not easily explain so complicated an emotion. But if I, for whatever reason, was forced to provide an explanation, this would be it: Loki and I have only each other. Despite his actions, we have been the only ones for one another since the beginning. Others required it, but we made it so. We chose each other in our desperation. We chose each other to set ourselves free and we chose each other because we cannot be alone. We were alone for too long already.

We are continuously cast out by those we care for. In our own ways, we even cast out one another. He may have rejected me first, but I rejected him when he needed me. And it took far too long for us to realize and correct our mistakes.

Others continuously abandon us, just as we continuously abandon them. My family will never forgive me for returning to Loki, and I will never forgive them for the way they judged me when I most needed them. Loki's father by blood abandoned him at birth, and his adoptive family abandoned him when he was already lost. While Odin's intentions may have originally been good, by the time the consequences reached their climax, they had morphed into something terrible and catastrophic.

We will never be subject to such injustices again.


On Midgard, while studying ancient religions, I read about a Roman goddess known as Fortuna. She is the bringer of good luck and bad, determining each being's momentary prosperity. According to ancient murals and texts, she does so using a spinning circle—the Wheel of Fortune, or, in Latin, Rota Fortunae. From what I could tell, the wheel became a pop culture symbol over the centuries, but I was more interested in the religious aspect.

In many versions, the artist portrays her as blindfolded, and philosophers take this to mean she is insane and dumb. In my readings, I felt this was a bit harsh. I see it instead as meaning she was indifferent to the many races of the universe. They say indifference is the worst emotion to feel towards someone—more brutal than hate—but regardless I feel this places everyone on equal footing, for better or for worse.

Fortuna's wheel is said to be decorated with four shelves, with an inscription on each one. Each person oscillates between the levels equally, but Fortuna, blindfolded, is unable to show favoritism to anyone, even if they may be deserving of her good graces. She determines one's luck in two separate aspects: love and war.


We did marry. I went to Odin immediately and all but demanded that he allow Loki and I to be wed. He stared at me for a moment, then allowed it. His anger was apparent, but he made no move of prevention.

Our marriage was small. We knew none would be bothered to attend, so we did not bother to invite anyone. Odin removed the magic on Loki's room for one day so that we could be married in the throne room. But even the Allfather himself did not show. We said our vows before a single presider and an empty banquet hall holding hundreds of seats.

It would be a lie to say it was the happiest day of my life. But that day quickly approaches.


The four shelves of the wheel read as follows: regnabo (I shall reign), regno (I reign), regnavi (I have reigned), and sum sine regno (I am without a kingdom). Though such phrases obviously were meant to refer to the kings and emperors of ages past, they ring true for everyone. In times of contentment they remind us to not take bountifulness for granted. In times of darkness they remind us that our time will come again.


I am with child. We neither tried for it nor aimed to prevent it, but it occurred nevertheless. Loki worries, as he will be forever imprisoned and our child will likely be bullied, as the son of a traitor and a prisoner. And what will the child think when he hears of the actions of his father?

I make no attempt to quash my husband's fears because they are real. We must be prepared.

What I do tell him is that regardless of what happens, we will love the child with all our hearts.

He does not ask if I worry about it being a half-blood. He likely worries what my response would be. I almost wish he would ask, because I could say honestly that I care not about it being part-Frost Giant. If it was anything else, it wouldn't be our child.


The existence of Fortuna is, of course, false. I know this to be true because the caverns buried deep within Asgard house the true makers of fate: the Norns. They are huge women that live beside the legendary Well of Uror and use threads to create the destinies of everyone that lives and breathes. Beside them lie the roots of Yggasil, the tree from which stems the nine realms of the universe. The women lie at the center of Asgard, which lies at the center of everything.

The Norns are not blind, and they are neither insane, nor stupid. They are perfectly aware of what they allow to occur. In reality, they are responsible for everything. Every war, every death, and every tragedy is their doing, and oftentimes, according to the more bitter of scholars, they do not even have the courtesy to make up for it as Fortuna eventually would have, though unwittingly. It is common knowledge in Asgard that the Norns reside miles beneath our feet, determining our fate, playing with our lives, but there is no way to change their minds, no way to even meet with them, as once one enters their domain, one can never return to the outside world. Asgardians simply ignore their existence and go on, living their lives in the only way they can—oblivious.


No matter the gender, our child will be named Nott. I made the decision, and though Loki is less than thrilled, he accepted.

The word means 'night' in the ancient tongue, but, in my mind alone, it stands for more than that. For me, the hours after sunset represent the most tragic, desolate hours in existence. It is hard to remember this on Asgard, but oftentimes I dream of true darkness; the darkness of when Loki abandoned me; the darkness of when he assaulted me; the darkness of when I abandoned him to the serpent, and myself to anger and resentment. Each ounce of darkness brought me pain, but each ounce made me stronger.

Despite the child's name and all that it will be forced to struggle through, the child will be loved. The child will not reside in oblivion. It will know the truth of the past, and how its parents wronged and were wronged. The child will fight, and should they fail, my husband and I will catch them before they can plummet into despair.


On Midgard, the 'message' sent is of utmost importance. According to what I managed to overhear at SHIELD, politicians of every nation aim to make certain facts extremely known to the people. The facts may be false, or horribly warped, but it is necessary nevertheless. People need hope. The It was surely in mind during the formation of the Avengers. They were meant to be protectors, yes, but they were also meant to show that anyone can pull together for the good of humanity. That there is always hope, and even if everything falls, Midgard would be avenged, unconditionally.

This is the message I want to send to my parents, Odin and all of Asgard. This is the message I want to send to Natasha, SHIELD and all of Midgard. This is the message I want to send to Loki, and, most importantly, this is the message I want to send to my child, that will be born on the dawn following the darkest night.

Even in death, there is life.

Even in darkness, there is light.

Even in evil, there is good.

And from night, day will always bloom.

The End


A/N The great Tom Hiddleston himself (surprise, I'm a fan) said, "The possibility of redemption is right around the corner, but we have to earn it." This story is in many ways a Loki fangirl's attempt at redeeming him. Nothing can ever change what Loki did. It was hard for me to make him as violent as he was, especially towards Sigyn in Night 3, because I feel like deep down he isn't a bad person. He is just broken. He needed someone to show him that all is not lost, and that is what Sigyn is meant to do.

A lot of wikipedia was used as well as some Norse Mythology databases. During my initial research I thought I read Nott (goddess of night) was the child of Loki and Sigyn, but it turned out that it was wrong and the actual situation was ridiculously complicated and unintresting. So I simplified it. Mythology junkies, please don't kill me. The story of the Norns is only slightly altered and Fortuna is not altered at all. As was said in the first chapter, Galdrs Hapts is Sigyn's namesake, not her weapon and it stands for what Sigyn is-the incantation fetter. This means that she can break through spells and lies, therefore making her the perfect match for her husband, Loki, the master of spells and lies.

Her name translates directly to 'Victorious Girlfriend.' If you would kindly remember the beginning of Dawn 1, Sigyn thinks about the endurance of women. This unflinching effort to carry on is what makes Sigyn victorious, over Loki, over Odin and over the expectations that surround her. In some of the versions of the stories I found, Loki is cruel to Sigyn for the entirety of their relationship. In others, he is first obsessed with her, then hateful, then kind when he sees her incessant gentleness and good-nature. Regardless of the version, Sigyn ultimately prevails because she loves Loki and she therefore is able to stay with him. In modern times, this would be viewed as an abusive relationship, but back then Sigyn was the model wife that all women should want to mimic.

My Sigyn being heavily based off the Sigyn of mythology, this means it isn't so strange that she would go back to him after he rapes her. After that particular chapter, some people assumed this meant there would not be a happy ending. I guess that depends on whether or not the ending I wrote qualifies as happy. Personally, I think so, because Sigyn got what she wanted all along: to be with Loki. It may not be the way she planned, but she did get what she wanted. Also, Loki and Sigyn love each other. I think that makes it happy. On the other hand Sigyn doesn't have any friends and she is stuck in a place that she hates, watching the man she loves slowly rot away. So it goes both ways.

Whew. I hope you enjoyed my little essay. I didn't proof read it so sorry for mistakes. Now for a bit of shameless self-promotion.

I have just started publishing a The Dark Knight Rises fanfiction entitled Hurricane. It is a LOT darker than this. Next week I will begin publishing a Loki/OC (with a bit of Loki/Sigyn) fanfiction entitled Without You. It will be LESS dark than this. More information on my profile page.

Thank you for reading and THANK YOU FOR THE RIDICULOUSLY KIND REVIEWS. You guys are the best readers ever. Message me here or on my tumblr (luvkurai).

xxx, Kurai