Truth and Lies

shika hiiragizawa

Summary: Katniss proves Peeta that she didn't choose him just because she can't love Gale anymore, not after the bombs. And she knew plain words just wasn't the solution. One-shot, Everlark. Rated M for lemon.


"You love me. Real or not real?"


I leaned to kiss him again, but he suddenly moved away. It was only a little bit, but since I'm used to his closeness, any gap between us, no matter how small, makes me worry. Maybe he's having another one of his episodes. It's easier to remind him of what's real now, so I lift my gaze to meet his eyes, thinking of a story to make his confusion cease. Like how beautiful the primroses were last night. Instead, I was gazing at those eyes that were still confused, but something else caused it, because there was pain mixed with it.

It hurt me to see him in pain, since I vowed to protect him, and given my recent confession, which took a long time to actually resurface. Of course the love was there all along; I just couldn't put a name to it, with all the things happening. I had a lot of things on my plate to sit back and actually analyze my feelings. But seeing him like this, when it was only us - and it wasn't even the work of Capitol - it hurt me more than anything. More than those tracker jackers. More than burning.

I lifted a hand to stroke his cheek, but his face shied away from my touch. Doesn't he love me back anymore, that's why he's avoiding me? Fresh tears fill my eyes as shots of rejection filled my newly restarted heart. Peeta looked alarmed at my tears, so he moved a gentle finger across my cheek to wipe them. I could faintly smell the flour and the cinnamon, the scents that always reminded me of him. His pain from his eyes never faded, though.

Silence filled us, which was opposite of my expectations. Sure, I didn't exactly say those three words, but, knowing Peeta, shouldn't he understand? It took a long time for Peeta to speak, because for the past few minutes, it looked like he was trying to debate with himself about telling me something. His eyes darted from my face to the window and back to me again, his jaw tightening at his actions. I waited for him to speak, knowing he'd tell me anyway. Peeta never keeps secrets from me. We both learned the hard way how it is to be kept from the truth.

"If… If Gale's bomb hadn't-" he winced and looked down, as if unable to continue, but looked back into my eyes anyway, "hadn't killed … Prim… would your feelings be the same?"

Fresh pain seared my heart at the word kill and Prim. She was the reason for me joining the Games, she was the only one I protected most with my life my whole life, and yet… she died because of the very revolution we thought to be the solution. And most likely by Gale's… I don't even want to think of it. Peeta was wiping my cheek again, and I didn't notice the tears that couldn't stop falling down. I wanted to scream, to shout, to break things, but Peeta's presence kept me sane.

However, he doubts my feelings because of Gale.

Gale. Another wave of pain crashes my heart. It's not the same pain as before - it's sort of pain of loss of a family member mixed with guilt and most of all, anger. But understanding as well, since I knew that it would never be his intention to hurt my sistser. It's a mix of everything, even numbness.

But would things have changed if Prim were alive? I looked at Peeta, who was trying to hide his pained expression, but I saw it, alright. The pain of seeing him in pain hurt more than Gale's… and the kiss in the Quarter Quell… Gale was right. I never kissed him like that. Because only Peeta made me feel so hungry for his love. Only he could make me want his kisses and his gentle touch. Only Peeta could… But words would never be enough to tell him the truth. I can only show him, because I'm bad with words. Peeta's the one good with that. Without even thinking, I crash into his lips and kiss him, trying to make him feel that he was wrong about doubting me. That he is the one I need the most. My Peeta. My boy with the bread. It sounded so good it made my heart flutter.

He kissed me back, surprised but willing. I began to feel something pulsating inside me, making my insides turn into a warm pool of something I couldn't even name. I moaned in frustration when his mouth left mine, but purred when he moved to kiss my neck, moaning particularly loudly when he kissed the crook of my elbow. It felt so good… Oh so good…

But wait, I was supposed to be the one expressing my feelings.

I lifted his chin to face mine, and I looked into his eyes, which burned the depths of my soul, and I kissed him again. I could never get enough of kissing him. I began to kiss his neck; my hands travelling towards his chest, where he sighed. Suddenly, his hands grabbed hold my wrists. I looked at him, not trying to hide the rejection obvious in my face.

"If you're not sure of your feelings, don't do this. Please."

But I'm sure! That's what I've been trying to tell him all along. That I want him. I love him. But words are not enough to tell him. There's this heat inside of me that I have never felt before, and so I kiss him again, making sure I express that I want this. My hands go back to his chest but he pulls away again.

"Katniss, no, please," but his voice was breaking, and I knew he was feeling the same way. He wanted this too.

I kissed him again, and he kissed me back so intensely that the heat inside me burned even more. It was a different kind of fire, not the one that brought bad memories, but the kind that made you want more. The kind that made me want him in a way I have never thought of before.

We pulled away, only to breathe, then our mouths found each other again, fearing a second apart was wasted time. My hands roamed around his chest, feeling his hard muscles against my skin, and he moaned when I brushed his nipples. My hands grazed it again, wanting to hear his moans again, which was music to my ears.

He lowered me to the bed, kissing my neck, especially the crook of my shoulder, where my panting increased. Peeta, oh, Peeta…

But he suddenly stopped again, keeping a safe distance from me. What could be wrong now? I sighed in frustration as I looked into his pained eyes. He still doubts me.

"Peeta, please," I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Please believe me. I want you. I love you. I really do. Remember the Quarter Quell?" My hands brushed his hair as I continued. "You were the only person who made me feel this way. And I want you so much right now, so please…"

I lowered my gaze when I felt the hotness in my cheeks. Saying things like that felt so embarrassing, and it hurt to know that Peeta actually doubted me. I know I have given him enough reasons to doubt me, but still, the pain and shame coursed through me, bubbling in my very core. Haymitch was right. I never deserved him.

The tears began to fall again, but his lips brushed it away. He lifted my chin to face him, and his face burned so intensely as he looked into my eyes, and I knew he believed me. And I knew he wanted me, too.

" I love you," he whispered, his lips inches from mine. He captured my lips in another kiss, and the hunger resurfaced. He kissed my neck again, and my breathing hitched. Peeta…

My hands tugged his shirt, and he helped me take his shirt off. I gasped as I drunk in his well-toned muscles and his firm chest. He had burn marks on his bare arms and his chest, but it never made him look worse. The burning inside me increased as my hands travelled his body, and his breathing increased with mine. His eyes stared at me with such want that I felt powerful. Like I could actually give Peeta pleasure. For once, I could actually make him happy.

When my hands stopped in front of the garter of his trousers, he put my hands away. I tried to protest, but he covered my lips with his before I could even make a sound. He took off my shirt and put my hands at the back of my head, and stared at my chest.

I felt so embarrassed, and I struggled in his arms, trying to move my hands to cover my chest, but his grip was too tight. I know I don't have a large chest, and my chest is licked by the flames, leaving ugly scars in its wake.

He kissed me again, and this time, there was lust and want in his kiss.

"You're beautiful," he gazed into my eyes, his blue eyes glowing like blue fire. He kissed me again and his lips went all the way down to my breasts, where he kissed my left breast. I moaned as he licked and sucked me, the burning inside me increasing. His hands worked its way toward my right breast, doubling the pleasure I already felt. How could it feel so good? He lightly bit my nipple and I nearly screamed. Peeta smiled against my skin.

He moved lower, kissing my stomach and my navel. He paused when he reached the band of my shorts. He looked at me, as if he were asking me if I really wanted this. But my body was already screaming for his touch that I nodded fiercely at him. Slowly, he took off my shorts and my underwear.

I don't know how long he stared at me, but it only increased my want for him. I reached out for him, but he suddenly held my hands and used his free hand to pry open my legs. A finger skirted through my folds, and I couldn't help but moan at his ministrations. His hands found the bud of pleasure, and he flicked it between two fingers. I bucked my hips towards him, murmuring his name. He lowered his head and his tongue pleasured me in ways I couldn't think of. He licked and sucked inside me, and I screamed when his tongue and fingers worked on my clitoris. Moments later, I came in his face and he licked me clean. I was breathing heavily, and I wanted more.

"Peeta, please," I pleaded, my hands fisting in his blonde hair, "make love to me."

His lips found mine as he took of his trousers and his boxers. I gulped when I saw how big his erection was, and I could not help but gape at its size. I mean, I have felt his erection before because we have always slept together, when I would accidently touch it, but then Peeta would just excuse himself and stay for quite some time in the bathroom. I never minded it, and I never even imagined that the tent in his pants would be that… size.

Peeta grinned as he kissed me full on the lips. "Enjoying the show?"

I kissed back, my heart beating a jagged rhythm as he lowered himself towards me. I moaned when I felt his erection at my entrance. It was warm and hard and unexpected.

"This will hurt a little," he whispered, his eyes on me. "You're sure you're ready?"

I nodded, and he gulped. Slowly, he entered me, until I felt that he had broken the barrier. I yelped in pain, but he silenced it with a kiss. I accidently bit his lips, and I tasted the salty iron on my tongue.

"So tight," he murmured against my lips. He was obviously holding back as he went back and forth inside me slowly, taking into account my cries of pain. I could see the sheen of sweat on his face and arms. But I could feel that he couldn't handle it anymore, and I want him to feel pleasure, too.

I lifted a hand to his cheek and smiled. "You can move faster now."

When his thrusts increased in force and speed, I felt something building up inside me. Slowly, the pain subsided, only to be replaced by stars in my vision. Peeta was mumbling my name over and over as he thrust inside me, kissing my neck, my lips, my eyes.

"Faster, Peeta, faster!"

My moans turned into screams, and my fingers dug into his back, drawing blood from it. Every thrust sent fresh pleasure inside me, like I could never even have enough. He was so good…

"I-I'm cumming!" he cried. My breathed hitched. I was nearing my edge as well.

We screamed our names as our pleasure reached its peak.

He was still on top on me even after our breaths returned to normal. I placed a hand on his shiny cheek, which was sweaty from our love-making.

I have never felt so whole in my life.

"I guess I'm not sorry about asking you earlier," he said, chuckling as he placed a strand of hair beneath my ear.

"So you believe me now?"

"Hmm… If we do this again, maybe?"

I would have smacked him if it weren't for the laughter in his eyes. But then his eyes suddenly turned serious.

"I do believe you, Katniss, and I'm sorry if I doubted you. I just - I needed-"

I put a finger to his lips. "Shh, I understand. It's OK. I love you and you love me, and that's enough for me."

Peeta smiled. "I could never get used to you saying you love me."

"I love you," I repeated, actually liking how I said it. There were tears in Peeta's eyes.

"I love you most," Peeta replied, capturing my lips in another kiss.


shika: Whatcha think? Sorry, it's my first, uhm, romantic lemon, I guess? I hope you guys like it! Please drop a review. I won't bite. Thanks for reading :)