Title: Hey There, Oblivious

Summary: 5 times Tony used a pickup line on Steve… and the time it worked.

Warning: Slash, Unbeta'd, Light Swearing, Kinda OOC…. But oh well

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Well… I promised myself once that I wouldn't ever write a story in this format…. I failed. Lately, I've been breaking a bunch of the things on my 'I will never write…' list. It's sad. :( But, oh well. What's done is done. I hope you guys enjoy this.. Or whatever is in here that isn't suck-ish, anyway. Feedback and criticism would be awesome, by the way.


Tony, beer in hand, stared at the blond across the room. He had told Bruce about his crush and Natasha, being the spy she is, overheard. She then told Clint…. And he told Thor. Bottom line was everybody knew. They had all bet him that he couldn't get Steve to go on a date with him within a week. He had already wasted a day.

Tony thought of all the tips and tricks he knew. He wasn't sure any of them would work. He sighed. Was he really going to resort to using cheesy pickup lines? He thought for a moment. Yes, he really was going to resort to cheesy pickup lines. He got up and walked over to Steve.

"Hey, Cap."

The team watched, waiting for Tony to make a fool of himself like he always did. It tended to be quite funny and they never could get enough of it. It became a hobby of theirs. It would be even more hilarious considering he was drunk.

"Hey, Tony. Can I help you?"

Everyone tried to suppress their laughter as Tony blushed a deep red color. He couldn't control himself around the soldier. Tony didn't even know why. He had never felt that way about a guy before! He was a womanizer; he wasn't supposed to be feeling like that about Steve.

"Uh, yeah… um… damn…."

Steve placed his hand on Tony's shoulder, making the slightly smaller man blush even more. The things Steve could do to the man with only a touch…

"I know you're drunk, but are you alright?"

"I'm fine… You're just so beautiful I forgot my line."

Tony stormed off, upset that he forgot what he was going to say. He could always blame the alcohol in the morning. Steve, on the other hand, stood, frozen in place, as he thought. He was confused. Did Tony just call him beautiful? And what line was he talking about?

It wasn't later, until Tony was safely in his room and away from Captain America, that he remembered his line. He had been planning on saying something along the lines of 'I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.' But everyone knows how that turned out.


Tony had thought it out this time. He wasn't drunk. He had rehearsed his line, in order to not sound totally ridiculous when he said it. He was sure there was no way it wouldn't work. It was perfect… or, so he thought, anyway.

Once again, Tony approached Steve. Everyone was, once again, staring at the couple in anticipation of the outcome. Tony cleared his throat as if he was about to make a speech and Steve just leaned back on the counter out of curiosity.

"If we shared a garden, I would put your two lips and my two lips together."

Steve looked confused. He was actually confused! How could you have a pickup line be clearer than that! It was so obvious! What, had pickup lines not been invented in the forties?

"I don't – I don't have any tulips, Tony."

Tony stormed off again. How could Steve not have gotten what he meant? The team enjoyed it, though. Clint laughed and shook his head; Natasha wore an amused smile, Thor's laughter rung out like thunder, and Bruce tried so hard to keep a straight face. And failed.


It was around four in the afternoon the next day and Steve was sitting by himself, very peacefully, reading the newspaper. Tony sat opposite the blond at the kitchen table. Normally everyone would be with them, but Tony convinced them to leave… he just had to share the result later.

"I've got a proposition for you."

Steve placed the paper down and looked up to Tony. He folded his hands neatly on top of the table and smiled. He had no clue what it was about, but he always had time for Tony. Sure they didn't get along too well at first, but somehow they had become best friends.

"Alright, Tony, shoot."

"I, uh… I'll make you dinner if you make me breakfast."

As soon as it came out of Tony's mouth he knew he messed up. Steve would probably take it as a friendly offer instead of how Tony meant it. Everyone should know that Tony always had his mind in the gutter, or most of the time anyway, but Steve was so… innocent.

"Don't we already do that, Tony?"

Tony knew it. Not the reaction he was hoping for. They did already do that, but Tony was trying to tell the captain that he wanted to eat dinner with him. And then take him to bed… And then wake up to him. But, no. Steve had to misunderstand everything. That could be a difficult one to decipher, though.


They were at a party. There was dancing and drinks and Tony was sure he would convince Steve to go out with him this time. How could Steve say no while Tony was all dressed up in a suit? Steve himself had even said once that Tony looks amazing in a suit.

Tony strode over to Steve with a drink in each hand. The blond took one, despite the fact that he probably wouldn't drink it. He just wanted to make Tony happy, really. Tony took a swig before going on with his plan to make Steve fall in love with him.

"So, uh… I was just curious… If I told you you have a great body, would you hold it against me?"

Steve, once again, looked confused, not catching the meaning of the line. What Steve thought Tony was asking: 'Would you be mad if I told you that you look great?' What Tony was really asking: 'If I told you how great you look, would you hold your body against mine?'

"No, Tony. Why would I be offended by that?"

It was just a compliment from his best friend, right? Why would that be a bad thing? But, again, Tony stormed off. Steve just kept misunderstanding everything and it was really getting on his nerves.


It was late. Steve stayed up watching a movie. The blond sat on the couch, curled into a ball. Tony took the opportunity, despite being way overtired, to try another line. He only had that night and the day after to win the bet, after all. He would have had another day, but he stalled for about 24 hours before getting up the courage.

"Hey, Steve."

Tony sat on the couch beside Steve, who smiled warmly and welcomed the man. They really had grown really close; Steve just didn't know what he did to the other man. Tony made Steve get butterflies, too, but how was he supposed to know how Tony felt? Y'know, aside from the pickup lines.

"H-Hi, Tony."

It was Tony's turn to smile as he watched the blond, who shifted uncomfortably.

"You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?"

Steve laughed. He was flattered that Tony would do something like that for him, but he didn't want to invade the man's space, even if he did offer. Steve had no clue Tony was trying to pick him up, so to speak. Obviously, it wasn't working.

"I'm not really that cold. Thanks, though."

And the time it worked.

It was Tony's last day to win the bet. He was desperate. The actual bet didn't really matter that much, but it was the only reason he had the courage to try asking Steve out. When he agreed, though, he didn't think it would be so difficult!

Tony slammed his cup down on the table in frustration, earning looks from all of his team members. Steve immediately went to the man's side, wondering what had happened to upset the billionaire.

"Tony, are you alright?"

Tony stared at the captain. He could just go for it. All out – just go for it. Even with the team watching. That didn't matter, right? Besides, that way they'd know if he won or not. And, come on, how could he not win? Sure Steve was pretty oblivious, but he had a truly foolproof plan this time.

"I bet you I can kiss you on the lips without ever touching you."

Tony spat out his sentence quickly, but everyone still knew exactly what he had said… and everyone had found it highly amusing, too. Clint even spit out his coffee! Steve's jaw dropped for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. Had Tony really just said that?

"Uh, wow… Um, sure, Tony. If you think you can I guess I'd like to see you try."

Tony looked at Steve for a moment, very thoughtfully, before giving up. He pulled Steve into a kiss that made both Tony's and Steve's knees weak. Tony knew he had finally won Steve over when he heard the moan that came out of the back of the blond's throat.

"Whoa… I, uh… I guess I lost, huh?"

Steve placed another kiss on Tony's lips, wrapping his arms around the billionaire. The team was both happy and disappointed. They were happy because the two would finally shut up about each other, but they were disappointed because they lost the bet, too.

"Why didn't you tell me you like me sooner, Tony?"

Steve spoke, nearly breathless, and everyone filed out of the room, knowing where the conversation would end up going. Tony had tried to tell him. All week! But he was just so oblivious and misunderstood every little thing.

Tony didn't mind, though. He just laughed, shook his head, and pulled his now-boyfriend in for another kiss. This was a relationship that Tony was determined not to screw up. Breaking away for a moment, Tony looked at the blond with loving eyes.

"I love you, Cap."

A/N: ... How bad was it? I wrote this at 3:30 in the morning... while living off of Red Bull.. And I haven't slept in two days... :D Awesome, right? I'd love to have feedback and be told where I can improve. I'm really nervous about this because I feel like something is off, but i can't tell what. Anyone who would like to help point out my bad spots, if there's anything in there that wasn't bad, would be my hero!