1,646Arashi request - If you want to write me a gift fic I would love it, the art bunny haunting me is Naruto+Explosives. Could you maybe do something with that? (Note – thematic love vs. explosions, Uchiha vs. Senju, Uzumaki twist – remember Orange Bombshells!)
Jon reeve - I request either a Worm/One-Punch Man crossover one-shot, or an Uchibi chapter with more Sai. I'm mostly ambivalent towards Sai, leaning towards dislike, so you don't have to be nice to him or anything. I'd just like for him to show up once more; maybe some interaction with his twin, I mean, Sasuke and Naruto. The Worm/OPM crossover just because I really like both of those series, and I've like the crossovers I've seen so far.
Sorry for taking so long with this! And if there's anyone else I still owe a request please leave a review or send a PM, I switched computers a few times in there and I'm not sure I'm working with the most current version of the notes doc I keep future ideas and giftfic info in.
Before he died, Shin had told Sai to go to the Uchiha compound to escape Root, leaving a painted clone in his place. It worked perfectly. Sai blended right in and all he had to do was make himself scarce when Sasuke did the periodic headcount to make sure that Danzo hadn't kidnapped anybody. Because they were godawful brats and the first jutsu the academy taught was the clone jutsu, it wasn't even a problem if Sasuke did manage to count him, since Sasuke would just figure he'd counted someone twice.
Since they were less sleep-deprived, however, the rest of the kids had seen right through Sai's slight henge he wore to appear younger than Sasuke and used that fact to relentlessly blackmail him into using his ink and brush powers to do things like empower their hang gliders and put on puppet shows when they were bored or doing mission planning.
Naruto had found out quickly because there was one extra child consuming lunches, but he had just nodded and demanded a high five, since Sai was someone else who had decided going over to the Uchiha side was a good idea.
Naruto also kept him in chakra-infused ink, as long as he didn't mind everything he painted being orange. He just needed to remember to switch pots and brushes when he swapped with his clone to take advantage of Root's training. And then swap back to the orange ink when he wanted to deface Danzo's house with painted dicks.
Naruto stared at his forehead, willing the chakra diamond to not just appear but be orange. Something on his face and in his future bingo book paintings that was there because of his own strength, not just because of the kyuubi.
"Looking like you're constipated won't make this go any faster," Tsunade told him, doing shots from the Uchiha's stores of sake. There was some damn good stuff in there from when merchant families wanted to bribe the police. Periodically she passed another jar over to the wolf, who was sitting there panting happily.
"I'm going to do this, so I can protect my new family!" Flame ignited on Naruto's forehead, and he had a vision of a beautiful goddess.
"Child of the tiger, you have ascended to godhood. What do you want to be god of?"
"Ramen!"
She shook her head apologetically. "Already taken by some of your cousins."
"Explosions!"
"Taken by the same branch family."
Naruto needed to start worshipping these gods then, they had good taste! "Orange!" The best color, the color of the diamond on his forehead.
The goddess leaned down to kiss his forehead… and then smoosh and pinch his cheeks. "The tiger's cub is fated to govern the color of the tiger."
She turned back into the wolf and suddenly there were orange fireworks going off overhead. "I have summoned the brush gods of explosions and ramen." A boar and a smaller pig appeared in the courtyard.
And immediately started chasing the nearest Uchiha spawn as Amaterasu sat there with her tongue out, clearly doing the dog version of LOLing.
Right, normally gods and demons didn't get along, Naruto realized. It was a shame, though! He could totally get them to bond over how awesome explosions were!
Sure, a few houses in the Uchiha quarter would probably get leveled in the process, but Naruto had shadow clones for that. Massive property damage was just how Uchiha bonded, so there were plenty of repair supplies handy. Naruto hadn't even needed to refill the clan stockpile yet, because the kids hadn't managed to get old enough to use the really destructive jutsu yet.
"Alright you brats," Sasuke yelled, sticking his head out the door of his own house. "There are food stockpiles around here! Go smash things on the other side of the compound!" Then he went into a combat stance, kunai at the ready. Two more gods… what had he done to deserve this… Right, all that ancestral karma. Having to pay for fucking people over that he hadn't even gotten to do himself sucked.
"Sasuke! Meet our new friends!" Naruto waved as Sasuke quickly did a replacement jutsu to avoid being skewered on charging tusks.
Oh, that seemed legit. Doing major property damage together was how Uchiha made friends, Sasuke thought as he kept doing rapid replacements. The smashed boards from the smaller boar taking down a shed helped.
"Let's go out for ramen," Naruto suggested.
Didn't they make ramen from pork? The good stuff with meaty broth, anyway? But Sasuke wasn't going to question Naruto's friend-making instincts, not when Gaara was snoozing away in one of the guesthouses. He made the handseals to summon holy booze.
Pretty soon Naruto was riding the larger boar, charging through the streets towards the ramen, the smaller boar trotting after them covered in shreds of clothing that stuck to it after it charged through some Uchiha lady's wardrobe. Explosions followed them as they ran past the Nara compound, forcing the Nara to do their best to plug their ears to preserve their afternoon naps.
Damn Uchiha. Well, this wasn't an Uchiha, but a ninja they had corrupted with their nindo. Uchiha ruined everything.
The Hokage smiled benevolently from one of the windows of the Hokage tower. That was what the village got for ostracizing the boy despite the Fourth Hokage's last wish. The important thing was making sure that Naruto only wanted to destroy parts of Konoha occasionally, as opposed to deliberately setting out to destroy all of it. He was still such a good boy despite the Uchiha influence.
Preventing ninja from disturbing the peace – well, that was the Uchiha police force's job. So even if the police force didn't only have a skeleton crew of the few outsiders found worthy, or adequately corrupt, to join, complaints would go unanswered because how dare some civilians bitch about an Uchiha ally? The civilians should be glad he wasn't burning their shops down. Speaking of shops burning down, where was that protection money?
They could try to bitch at the Hokage, but civilians were replaceable and potential heirs to the hat didn't grow on trees, so he would just laugh and talk about the shenanigans his own brats had gotten up to. Orochimaru had made enough noise to wake the dead – literally!
They could try complaining to Hashirama, but if he wanted to have a say in how Konoha was run then he could darn well take the hat back. Sarutobi wasn't getting any younger.