I felt it. I know I did and this feeling I had it was a lot stronger than I thought it would be.
We're best friends, I can't risk that. I won't.
She's too important to me.
After a few years together we had instantly- become the best of friends. Being with each other was simple and sweet. From time to time- throughout high school- we were teased and called "Love Birds", even jokes about us two were made. Every time we would hear this, not only did I get embarrassed, the both of us would deny it, immediately, in sync.
"We're NOT LOVE BIRDS!" We'd scream. I would look at her and catch her looking at me. I'd see the flustered look on her face the same as mine. Frustrated we'd both move our stares to the people that would bother us and glare at them for repeating the same thing. Some people just couldn't understand, I told myself.
We're best friends. Just as it should be…right?
We had great times together. Except for when our other best friend's teasing. I swear sometimes I just wanted to pulverize our meat loving friend and send him into the veggiest, non meaty, non tech existing part of the ghost zone. He always was finding ways for me and her to get embarrassed. He would make jokes about how I and she felt about each other. He would try to convince me that I should just tell her how I feel about her.
We're best friends….I-I can't and I'm afraid I'll lose her. I really can't lose what I have with her. And this is why I'd play clueless. Okay, so maybe I am just plain clueless but- not always- I mean- sure but, I do notice things. At least a few times. I'm not that stupid.
It was hard to deny or even try to ignore these feelings I felt for her, when all I wanted was to be beside her. Like I always thought I'd be. I-I couldn't imagine- I couldn't bear the thought of some guy, just, just waltzing into her life and taking her away. I hated even the thought of it. My angry, glowing green eyes could prove it.
I enjoyed her company more than any one. More than any girl she was always on mind. I tried to not make it so obvious by distracting myself with other girls like Paulina or Valerie. But none could make me feel the way Sam did. I loved her as my best friend. And I was in love with her.
I fell for her before I even knew and she was always in my mind. She still is. But- things in life don't always work the way you plan… No matter how much you wish it.
She took my hand, smiled.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"N-Nothing, err, sorry." I chuckled nervously rubbing the back of my neck. I was really spaced out.
I was thinking about her…
I shook my head. I couldn't be thinking about her, not that way. Not anymore…
She smiled again and I smiled back. I was dating someone now. Sure she was nice and pretty. She was g-great and all but…
But she's not Sam.
I shook my head. My thoughts-they- I- I just couldn't. I can't think of her that way… We're ay best friends and it would stay that way…even if I wanted more.
I won't lose her.
I had to accept the fact that the one beside me was not Sam. No matter what I wanted. I wasn't the one beside her. One day I know that I would hurt more than I do now. I would hurt knowing and feeling pain. The hurt- that I would feel would be stronger than that of getting hurt while fighting ghost or the way I feel now. I'd feel pain. The pain of losing someone that was never mine, which never could be.
The pain of no longer being beside her…