23Yes, I'm alive! I don't know how to apologize enough for the wait, I know, I know, it's unacceptable. But here is chapter 5. I have not forgotten you guys. I promised to finish this story, and I will do that, even if it takes 50 years. Let's hope it doesn't take that long. (IT WON'T)
Also, this chapter is from Sirius' perspective, so it's a bit different. Alright, well, go on! Read (and review) your hearts out!
Sirius groaned and yanked his pillow out from under his head so he could smother his face in it to block out the sunlight that was streaming through his window. He lay there for a moment before giving in and tossing the pillow away. He stared up at the white ceiling for a moment, trying to think of what he should do today. He glanced at his calendar to see what weekday it was before his eyes slipped down to the year.
1985. Sirius' chest ached and he turned back over. Every night he went to bed, hoping it had all been a bad dream, and every morning he was disappointed.
Sirius got out of bed, already in an awful mood. He pulled on a sweater, immediately freezing, even though the heater was on. Remus had always joked that Sirius was cold-blooded.
Sirius brightened at the thought of the werewolf. Remus used to have a knack for cheering Sirius up, and even though five years had passed, Sirius was sure that couldn't have changed.
"Moony? He called wonderingly. There was no reply. He sighed and walked to the kitchen. On the table there was an empty mug that he didn't recognize holding a small piece of paper to the surface. He picked up the cup and removed the note from beneath.
Padfoot,
I forgot to tell you yesterday, I have to go to work today, so that's why I'm not there. I have to interview a bloke, and then go to a meeting with my boss, so I'll be home around three o'clock or so. I think James went in for work today, but Lily's most likely at her house if you need anything. If she's not, or you need to contact me, I still have my work phone (the 613 number). Don't get into any more trouble. There's food in the fridge.
~Moony
PS- The green pitcher is total shit, so be careful if you use it.
Sirius sighed, and went to open the fridge. So much for cheering me up, he thought bitterly.
He found some bacon and a scone wrapped in some foil. He also grabbed a pitcher from the fridge filled with orange juice, which was probably what Rem was talking about in his letter. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, thinking that the pitcher was definitely more blue than green, but that might've been his brain just wanting to contradict Remus. Sirius shrugged and set down his breakfast before moving to the cupboard to get a glass. He frowned as he saw that the cabinet only contained plates. He tried another one, and sighed to see that it was full of cooking bowls. Finally, Sirius opened the last cabinet and removed a glass. It was a simple enough mistake, but it irked Sirius that he couldn't even find the cups in his own home.
He poured some orange juice into the glass, and swore when the juice spilled out along the edges of the pitcher, getting all over his pants and the floor. He'd forgotten all about Remus' warning. Brilliant.
It took Sirius five whole minutes to find the drawer where the dishtowels were placed. He sighed and collapsed on a chair. This was going to take a long time to get used to.
Sirius flipped through the channels on the muggle telly, glaring at every program that went by. After seeing nothing but weather channels, infomercials, and children's cartoons that frankly creeped him out, he pelted the remote at the television set and threw himself back on the red couch, punching a throw pillow angrily.
Sirius had spent eleven years, plus several summers, stuck in the Black Mansion, which his snotty brother, cold father, and batty mother. He'd been locked in cupboards for being bad, even held in the basement for two days before he finally apologized to his mother for being bad. But all of those years couldn't even compare to how trapped he felt right now.
He felt like a child, the way his friends would dance around him, whisper behind his back as if he didn't know what they were talking about. He saw every sideways glance, felt every delicate touch on his shoulder, as if they were afraid he'd break if they actually touched him. He couldn't stand it anymore. He wanted to get out, but he knew that if he went off on his own, he might run into someone that he was supposed to know, and they were trying to keep his "condition" quiet since they lived in a muggle neighborhood.
Sirius punched the pillow one last time before getting to his feet hastily and stomping over to the kitchen. He needed a drink.
He yanked open the liquor cabinet, or at least, what should be the liquor cabinet. Sure enough, it was filled with fancy dishes- Rem's, no doubt- and jars full of jam, sauces, and spices. Sirius stared at the objects, lip quivering from anger. In a second, he grabbed one of the fancy saucers and threw it to the ground, watching as it smashed into a million pieces. He grabbed one of the glass jars, half-filled with red jelly and threw it at the opposite wall, not even cringing at the piercing sound that resonated through the house. Glass and chips of paint fell to the ground as jam flew everywhere, landing on Sirius as well as the entire kitchen.
Sirius threw two more saucers, one small jar of cinnamon, and a china teacup before backing up into a corner and sinking down to the floor. The floor was littered in all sorts of things, and Sirius felt porcelain crack underneath his bare feet. He hugged his knees tightly and started counting, something that always helped calm him down. He felt like a little boy again, counting each second, waiting for every hectic thing in his life to die down.
Just as he reached forty-seven, there was a loud crash in the living room, and he heard a woman's voice
"Stupid vase, every single time. Reparo. Sirius, honey? Remus told me to come check on y…Sirius?" Lily Evans stuck her head into the kitchen. Her green eyes raked over the mess before falling on him. He didn't say anything, just looked down at the floor pathetically. She gaped at him for a second before walking over to him and crouching down.
"Come on. Up you get." Sirius looked up at her and was relieved to see a small smile gracing her lips. He let himself get pulled up to his feet and Lily shook her head at him.
"You never could just punch a pillow, could you? Always had to leave a hurricane in your wake." For some reason, Sirius smiled at this. She grinned at him, and it didn't look like one of those sad smiles Remus sometimes gave him, or a fake grin like James gave him. It was just Lily's smile- real and comforting, and Sirius had never been more grateful for her. "Now let's get this mess cleaned up before Remus has a mental breakdown. Actually, no; I'll clean this up, you go take a shower. You smell like a dog."
Fifteen minutes later, Lily and Sirius sat at the round kitchen table, which Lily had promptly returned to his stain-free state. Sirius ran a hand through his damp hair, waiting for the lecture that was sure to come. They sat in silence for a moment, before Lily spoke up.
"Let's go on a walk." Sirius frowned. That wasn't what he had expected to hear. She grinned and shrugged. "It's a gorgeous afternoon, and we need to get you out of this flat."
He thought of retorting, of saying he was perfectly fine without her help, but he stayed silent. He did need her help, to be honest, and he did need to get out of this place. So he nodded and fetched a coat before joining Lily.
They walked down the road, which wasn't very crowded since most people were at work. Lily talked as they wandered, and Sirius listened. At times she would ask him a quick question, and he would respond with another question, which would lead her on to another story. The air was crisp and cool, a slight breeze shaking the trees and causing their hair to dance slightly. Sirius watched Lily as she talked animatedly, hands gesturing wildly as she told stories about James, or Harry, a topic that saddened Sirius a bit, since he didn't even remember his own godson, but judging by Lily's tales, Harry was just how Sirius thought he would be- a mini Prongs. She explained how he sometimes spent the day at the Weasleys' house, and how he exploded an entire tea set because he was so excited that they were going to have ice cream, which Sirius laughed at.
Sirius spotted an old bakery that he and Remus used to visit, and he grinned at the fact that it was still there. He pulled Lily inside and they ended up buying some tea and having a small lunch of sandwiches and salad. After lunch, they ventured off again, going further from the town until reaching a small park by a pond.
The two friends reached an old rickety swing set, which Lily practically threw herself in happily. Sirius grinned at her enthusiasm and sat down in the swing next to her, wrapping his hands around the cold, rusty chain as he rocked back and forth. Lily looked over at him and smiled before looking at the ground.
"Sorry I'm talking so much." She said, and she sounded quite genuine. Sirius looked at her and shook his head.
"It's fine, Lily. I like listening to you." He said, and was surprised at how true that statement was. It was relaxing, to listen to someone instead of being questioned nonstop.
"I've missed this, you know." She said, causing Sirius to frown. She looked at him and decided to continue. "I mean, you and James are always at work, and Remus is always trying to finish one of his crazy deadlines, and I just missed being able to… talk to someone, you know? Merlin, I sound pathetic." She laughed and kicked at the ground.
Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "No, you actually don't."
"Yes I do. I sound completely selfish, because I know that you three have lives… or at least, you and Remus have lives, James really doesn't because he's married to me, and I know I act so clingy sometimes, I'm just kind of terrified he's going to wonder why the hell he pined after me for so long, because I'm really not worth-"
"Evans." Sirius cut in with her old name, stopping her mid-sentence. She looked at him a bit sheepishly, and he smiled at her. "First of all, you're not pathetic, you're amazing, and probably the best bird I've ever met." Lily smiled a bit at this. "Secondly, James isn't going to wonder why he pined after you, because he knows perfectly well why. You're beautiful, and stubborn, and intelligent, and 'Merlin's gift to humanity', or at least that's what Prongs says." They both laughed. "Seriously, if you hadn't of stopped by today, I probably would've demolished the entire kitchen."
Lily looked at him, and they shared sad smiles. He wanted to say thank you, but he figured she already knew. Suddenly, she seemed to remember something, and she glanced down at her watch.
"Oh crap, it's 3:20!" She exclaimed, jumping up from the swing. "We've been gone nearly two hours."
Sirius got to his feet as well, remembering that Remus was supposed to be home twenty minutes. "Shit, Remus is probably freaking out…" he muttered.
Lily glanced around looking for any people. There was a small family eating at a nearby picnic table, and she sighed. "Come on." She started dragging him towards the small bath building.
"Where are we going?" He asked her suspiciously.
"We need to Apparate, but there's people here." She hissed back. Sirius glanced at the family. The mother was looking at them strangely, so Sirius just smiled innocently at them and allowed himself to get dragged into the women's restroom.
After Lily checked under all the stalls to make sure it was vacant, she grabbed Sirius' forearm and closed her eyes as they Disapparated.
Turns out Remus' meeting had been cancelled, and he had ended up getting home at two o'clock. Lily had done the smart thing, and hadn't stuck around to watch.
Remus had immediately ambushed Sirius with a hug, and then proceeded to attack him with a couch pillow. Now Sirius was seated on the couch awkwardly as Remus paced back and forth as he lectured.
"…couldn't even leave a note, could you? No, you had to run off with Lily without a second thought, and leave me to wonder where the fuck you'd gone…"
Sirius tuned out Remus' voice. It wasn't that he didn't feel bad. He did. He just didn't want to hear something that Remus had already said ten minutes previously.
Remus eventually drifted off, probably after seeing that Sirius wasn't paying attention anymore. Sirius looked over as he felt the werewolf sit beside him on the couch. Remus looked over and gave him an apologetic smile.
"Sorry about all that." He said quietly. Sirius sighed and smiled back at him, shrugging his shoulders.
"Did you have a good day, then?" Remus asked after an awkward pause. Sirius nodded silently. Remus opened his mouth to speak before changing his mind and pulling something out of his pocket.
"You smoke?" Sirius asked, staring at the cigarette box. Remus looked over at him, looking more than a bit guilty.
"Oh, erm, yeah." He said. Sirius frowned. Besides the occasional fag at school, Remus had never smoked. Sirius realized that Remus was staring at him, so he brightened up.
"Oh. Mind if I have one too?" He asked. Remus looked at him for a second with an unreadable expression before handing him a cigarette. He then pulled out his wand and muttered a small spell to light them both.
Sirius brought the cig up to his lips, inhaling deeply before letting out a long breath. Remus did the same, and Sirius watched as the smoke from the two mouths intertwined and curled through the air. Sirius leaned back into the cushions and relaxed, letting the cigarette dangle from his lips. Remus looked the exact opposite, elbows resting on his knees, shoulders tense and guarded. Sirius suddenly wondered when the full moon would be.
He asked Remus as much. "Oh, not for two more weeks." Remus responded easily, as if talking about the weather. Sirius' eyebrows creased as he watched the other man. He looked so tired, so weary, so…old. Sirius hated the thought, but he knew it was true. He didn't remember Remus being this worrisome all the time, and it caused Sirius to worry as well.
Remus looked up at him and smiled. "Want some tea?" He asked. Sirius grinned, all thoughts of worry vanishing from his mind.
"There's the Moony I know and love." He said. He thought he saw Remus' smile waver for a second, but in a second Remus punched his arm and went to the kitchen. Sirius laughed and took another drag of his cigarette.
He watched Remus as he made the tea, being in the perfect place to watch without being observed back, seeing as Remus' back was to the living room. As Remus turned around to get a teabag, Sirius watched how he bit his lip and saw every strand of hair that fell into the brunette's eyes.
Sirius swallowed and immediately turned away. Now was really not the time to go back to that stupid… crush. Sirius cringed at the word. Ever since that stupid End of School Party in 7th year when Remus had to kiss a dumb Hufflepuff in a game of Truth or Dare, Sirius had started to… notice things about his friend. Like how he could always make Sirius laugh. How his eyebrows creased when he was reading a good novel. How he would grab Sirius' hand during a scary movie… and how much Sirius never wanted to let go.
And sure, that party only seemed like two years ago to Sirius, but it had been seven years. Sirius was sure that those feelings had been long since quenched. And if not… well, if something were going to happen between them, it would have happened by now. And if it had, Sirius would know about it.
Right?