1A/N: I might add 2nd chapter in the future.
He was sitting at the dock of the bay, dipping his bare feet in the cold water, wiggling his toes. Usually it helped him to calm down, to think and brighten his dark mood, but now it wasn't working as he hoped.
It only seemed to make him feel worse.
Lazily he stared through his half lidded bright blue eyes at the world around him, the huge ocean opening right ahead of him, seagulls laughing with their eternal quest for food, the waves crashing gently against the rocks, the sun bathing the whole town with warmth, the leisure wind blowing through the blossoming trees howling quietly as it passed by. There was the smell of freshly cut grass all around him mixed with the salty ocean and the waves crashing against the rocks filling his ears with the sound.
All in all, it was a beautiful day... And it was sad that he couldn't stand to feel it anymore.
He didn't want to feel the warming sun or the blowing wind, he couldn't feel the coldness of the water that bit at his toes, the smell of grass had disappeared and it left a null void to his soul.
It was like the nature was trying to give him the comfort that just came too late.
And it didn't matter anymore.
He felt so numb to everything around him, so emotionally and physically tired that he just couldn't handle it anymore. All that he had tried to do had fell apart, everything he had tried had come down, leaving a mass destruction behind.
All he had really tried to do, was to forget.
He lifted his feet above the water watching it drip down back to the masses of water, watching the gentle waves disappear and to be replaced by new ones. As the circle of life.
In the wild it would be said simply that the bigger eats the smaller. Yes, that's pretty much true. But there's more to it than that, like being born, being cared or left behind, growing, falling in love and experiencing life until the day comes when you die. Everything ends up in a sad final scene called death.
For some it comes quicker than others, no matter how young and healthy you are. Because there may be a curse holding you down.
Like him, there had been and still is.
God, did he sometimes wish it would go away.
The wind blew gently his blonde hair away from his baby blues that drifted across the waves, reflecting the image in front of him. As he stared he felt how his eyes glazed over, but still he didn't dare to blink. For any moment now, it all could be gone. In just a blink of the eye.
Sighing to himself he couldn't help but to think that why this happened to him. Like the cliche it is to think so.
It didn't help much that the small town he lived in was pretty fucked up in itself. Everyday happened something you wouldn't normally expect, nobody's life was 'normal' because in some way it was all so fucked up.
And once a week, did he die in some cruel and agonizing way. In a car accident, rats eating at his insides, something falling on him, a fancy laser beam of some sorts... You name it. Sometimes it was unbelievable. He could remember how it felt when he died. And oh, how it hurt from time to time. Sometimes his death would be calm and gentle but that was a rarity. If he had to name one bad way of dying, it would be drowning. Feeling the air escape from your lungs, the burning need to draw in another breath but all that comes in is water. The struggle you go through before you die is... Traumatizing.
And in a masochistic way, it made him smile.
Even though there was nothing to smile about.
Always he had thought that nobody remembered how he died, but later on he found out that they just didn't care. Like it was something that had to happen, if it didn't the world would collapse.
Right.
From young age, he had been like any normal little boy. Interested in boobs, playing games, teasing, music, messing around and of course boobs. He had sometimes wondered his sexuality for he'd also felt drawn towards some guys. Namely something with stormy grey eyes, blonde hair and innocent smiles. The only one who cared.
Even when he got older, his priorities didn't change much. Only added sex, alcohol and drugs that he abused his system with almost daily to drown his sorrows, that just seemed to help him for a moment, until the next day came, making him feel like the biggest shit in the whole wide world.
He snorted. All this emotional shit was making him crave for a cigarette.
He dipped his feet back below the surface, swinging his legs slowly, feeling the current being made.
Sometimes he truly believed that God liked to punish him from everything. Where he was from down to his dirtiest places of mind and the saddest thing was that no matter what he did to correct his wrongs was never enough.
The worst thing truly in his way down to his own destruction was that he had fallen in love with Butters.
Of course Butters himself didn't know this, but he still felt deeply towards the kid. He couldn't tell him this for he knew that the naive blonde deserved somebody better than him. He didn't deserve to be fucked and left behind like he usually did.
Butters deserved somebody who would be there for him when he fell, somebody who didn't die all the time, leaving him alone for days. Somebody who didn't have as shitty life as he did.
And so he had let him go, tried erasing him with every fiber of his being.
But he couldn't. Something always pulled him back, he always kept the other sheltered, helped him, comforted, talked... He even let Butters draw him, which he rarely let anybody do. Even though he'd been considered to be one of the 'hottest' faces around the school. Kid had drawn him quite well. He never would've guessed that he had such a talent.
And it was all over now.
Kenny leaned over the edge and stared at the reflection of himself. Dirt covered his cheeks, his hair was untamed and the same old orange parka was still with him. Sunken, tired and lifeless eyes stared back at him.
He absolutely despised what had become of him.
He knew he shouldn't do this, he had promised... But he needed to get away. Only if just for a while.
Kenny let his body slide in to the water until it came to his chest. He knew he had to go further away from the shore and started to swim, feeling how his clothes pulled him back, dragging along with every stroke.
When he thought he was far enough he stopped, feeling so tired as he gasped for air. He knew that he couldn't swim in place much longer.
So he slowly, so painfully slowly let himself sink. As his eyes were just about to be taken over by water he thought he saw somebody standing at the dock, imagining someone calling his name as he let the gentle currents take him away. Feeling the air leave his lungs and after the struggle that felt like eternity, his life drifted away.
Leaving behind an empty shell.