A/N: I've had this idea for ever for this 'verse, but never got around to it until I told myself a week ago that I was just going to sit down and write it. And I did. :} Took a bit of wrangling to finish it, but yaaaay, it's done!
A/N2: I don't own any of the song lyrics contained within. Nope, none of them.
A/N3: I asked tumblr if I really had to give credit to each and every line of lyric, and I got a no and a yes. I decided to hedge my bets (especially since I'd forgotten to save all the songs I used well over halfway through this), and say no. However, feel free to ask me what any of the lyrics are from and I'll be happy to tell you!
Anyway, on with the show~
Settling down next to her girlfriend on her bed, Rachel smiled at her. Santana was preoccupied, on her stomach as she listened to music with her headphones, eyes scanning back and forth across the internet pages as she read and combed through song lyric after song lyric. Rachel's smile faded a bit when she remembered that her level of focus wasn't just because she was trying to find a suitable song for Regionals. That was only a helpful afterthought.
Having done nothing more than moving her body a bit to center herself at the weight of Rachel joining her on her mattress, it took a while for Santana to pause, glancing up at her. "But I didn't hear you come in," she eased a large ear pad from her ear, "How long have you been sitting there?"
Rachel made her smile brighten, and she slid her hand down Santana's arm, squeezing her wrist. "That was a good one."
Santana's lips spread in an almost smug grin. "And I try / oh my god, do I try." Sticking her tongue out when that made Rachel giggle, knuckles to her lips, Santana plopped her headphones off completely after shutting her laptop, pushing it off to the side. "Hi baby. It's 6:30 / I just wondered if you had gotten to New York," she offered, her smile genuine as she sat up, pulling Rachel in for a slow, affectionate kiss.
Relaxing into the kiss, arms sliding around Santana's shoulders, Rachel let herself enjoy it. Still, "Not until next year," she smiled as Santana pulled back.
"I know / I know," Santana's fingers gently tucked a strand of Rachel's hair behind her ear, stroking down, her thumb lingering on her chin before dropping down. "Move on, prove and improve on / you'll get your groove on and you'll get there."
Having already been exposed to a weekend of Santana literally speaking lyrics, not even a hint of singing lilt to her voice, it… Really hadn't gotten any easier, separating from the surrealness. And the odd grammer. Though the part of her brain that kept on churning in the background to identify and name what songs the lyrics were from was somewhat enjoying this, the rest of Rachel really wasn't. At least the extra studying was giving Santana a bigger lot to draw from, too – even if Santana initially had started with an impressive library that Rachel had had to admit she hadn't expected. While Santana had always had a learned knowledge of songs used in glee club, that was glee club. Almost everyone in glee knew the words and harmonies and chords of whatever song someone wanted to sing. Just… Aside from that, Rachel had always, well, thought Santana's musical interests to be more… Popular. To put it politely.
…Leave it to her family gremlin to help her ease stereotypes about her girlfriend, even so far into their relationship. Ugh. He wasn't supposed to be a good thing.
No, he wasn't. He really wasn't.
Santana's eyes softened as she continued. "Well I hope I get to go there / with you real soon." She seemed to think for a moment, gaze coming back to Rachel, her smile a little rueful as shook her head, tapping the side of it, "I'll do better than the last time / got so much more than my mind."
Smiling, Rachel shifted closer, cupping her girlfriend's shoulders, smoothing down her shirt. "Yes." Rachel's smile grew, "You will. We're going together. At least… If you're not withdrawing your application to NYU." When Santana shook her head, Rachel squealed and hugged her, peppering kisses to her face even as Santana laughed, her girlfriend wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her in, crushing her to her so she'd stop.
Rachel didn't stop, though, giggling through her kisses, and Santana laughed affectionately, hands dropping down Rachel's sides… To start tickling her.
With a loud squeal, Rachel abruptly started to trying to get away, but Santana was well versed in holding onto her squirming girlfriend, and she only stopped, hands cupping Rachel's hips, when Rachel, quite dramatically, gasped out an "Uncle!", just as dramatically flopping back with one arm flung over her forehead, her other at her waist in case Santana moved back in.
Instead, Santana moved over her, pressing her cheek into Rachel's stomach, sighing as Rachel started stroking through her hair.
They lay there for a few moments, content, Rachel smiling to herself because, even if things weren't always easy, moments like this, with Santana, made everything worth it.
Still, the intention behind Santana's words had caught on her brain.
"Wait." Her fingers carding through Santana's hair paused, Santana huffing and sitting up, looking down at her. "I thought that was Quinn who was going… A bit spare in New York. San. You don't need to cover for her. It's sweet of you, though."
"I know / I know. But my mind was slow." A self-deprecating smile twisted on Santana's lips, "But my mind was slow. Back then / it was alright to pretend. And I thought if I ignored you / you would go away."
"…Oh." That was right. Rachel had wanted to forget that time. She looked down, licking her lips. "San… That was a tough time. I won't deny that. But I understand now, just as I understood then, that you were scared."
Santana's hand cupped her cheek, Rachel lifting her chin as Santana leaned down to kiss her. "You got the right to say I wasn't fair / I could have shown you more love and care," she whispered as they parted, an almost vulnerable smile on her face. "Thought that I was all alone / broken and afraid / But you were there with me / Yes, you were there with me."
Wrapping her hand around Santana's forearm, Rachel shook her head. "Why would I fault you for the very real fear of coming out? It wasn't easy on you. And though I would have loved to make it easier for you, and had to keep convincing myself I couldn't step in, o-or tell you what to do, I knew I couldn't. I could only offer you my support and understanding. You didn't have the support of having two figures in your life to look up to like I did with my fathers, after all. You wanted – needed – to do it alone. And I am so proud of you for doing so." She paused, smiling. "You're strong, Santana. You've always been stronger than you know."
Studying her, eyes suspiciously wet, Santana blinked, then exhaled roughly, dropping to bury her head in the pillow next to Rachel's face. She started groaning out a line, finally lifting up to mumble-finish, " –ght you're perfect / I want to fall in love with stars in your eyes."
Rachel giggled, shifting up and pushing Santana back so she could straddle her. "Didn't you know, baby?" she affected her voice, smirking at Santana with her hands resting on her sternum, "I have stars all up in me."
To Rachel's delight, that made Santana laugh. Then, squeezing Rachel's hips, with chuckles still leaving her, she opened her mouth to say something… Only to pause, moving one hand up to lift a finger instead. At Rachel's nod, she reached past her laptop to grab her phone.
Waiting patiently, hands stroking lazily at Santana's shoulders and chest, Rachel grinned when Santana mmmed low in her throat in response, throwing her an amused, sultry look, her own hand slipping up Rachel's shorts to dip her thumb inside the waistband. Even just that soft touch was enough to make Rachel's body tingle, but she held back her sigh of appreciation as to not distract her girlfriend even more.
She was probably looking up appropriate lyrics, after all.
Rachel mentally sighed, her spirits unavoidably falling again. How her girlfriend was dealing with this so well, she didn't know. She, herself, would have quickly gone crazy, not being able to say exactly what she meant in the way she exactly wanted to say them at the exact time she wanted to say them, too.
Eventually, Santana stopped scrolling on her phone, lips quirking up. Nodding before tossing her phone to the side, she cupped Rachel's hips again, pulling her harder onto her. "My silly girl, I'm beggin' you / don't stop being a silly girl." Santana smiled up at her, momentarily biting her lower lip before stroking up Rachel's sides, "My silly girl, I'm in love with you."
Rachel melted. "San… I love you too." Leaning down to meet Santana lifting up, Rachel squealed as her girlfriend's strong arms abruptly wrapped around her; pulling her to her chest, Santana expertly rolled them over, smirking down at her as she settled between her legs.
"Kiss me once and kiss me twice and kiss me once again / It's been a long, long time."
Giggling, Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's neck. "It was less than ten minutes ago!"
Santana rolled her eyes. "Come on Miss K wrap your lovin' arms around me / Talk dirty, turn me on, let's get goin'."
Enjoying the warm, teasing air between them, Rachel kissed her chin instead.
As she knew her girlfriend would, Santana huffed, narrowing her eyes at her. However, Santana surprised her by then easing, her expression, like her voice, softening, "Listen to your heart / there's nothing else you can do. (It's saying) saying / (stop playing) playing / delaying the divine…"
A lingering, slow kiss was pressed to Rachel's cheek, close to her mouth, and Rachel inhaled, exhaling softly as Santana looked at her, eyes dark as her voice lowered, becoming husky.
"The pleasure is mine, let me give some to you."
Santana. Rachel shivered, gasping out Santana's name as she buried her hands into the other girl's hair, pulling her into her. The kiss this time was deep, needy, incendiary and growing, Rachel's temperature rising as Santana pressed down into her. They hadn't had sex recently, due in part to, Rachel believed, Santana's fear of what she'd say during, but now it didn't feel like that mattered. Now it felt like that they could easily head in that direction.
Suddenly, Rachel registered that in between kisses and Santana's heavy, breathy moans and exhales, she was saying something into Rachel's mouth. She couldn't help but draw back to hear it.
"-el / Rachel, Rachel, Rachel," Santana panted, swallowing, all already swollen lips and shining, serious eyes. "I love you / I love you."
Rachel surged up to kiss Santana again. "Oh Santana," she whispered fiercely, heart overflowing that Santana must have intentionally looked up that song for her, "I love you, I love you, too."