DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything of NCIS Los Angeles or Lady Antebellum

As You Turn Away

Standing face to face

Wrapped in your embrace

I don't wanna let you go

But you're already gone

They didn't hug.

It was something that had just been that way since day one. Kensi never was a touchy feely person, so unless it was an undercover op there weren't hugs. Punches, sparring and even cuddling when they fell asleep after watching a movie together were common but there were never hugs. And Deeks was okay with that. That was just who Kensi was.

But now he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and make all the pain go away. But he couldn't. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain away but he was the one causing the pain.

This wasn't just hurting her. Looking at his beautiful partner, with tears glistening in her eyes, he felt as though someone was stabbing his heart. But this was better for both of them, no matter how much it hurt.

Now you kiss my cheek

Soft and bittersweet

I can read it in your eyes

Baby, this is our goodbye

He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, careful to avoid the tear making its way down. Looking into his eyes she saw many emotions: regret, sadness, anger. It was in that moment that she knew this was the end. Kensi looked away from his baby blues and heard his sigh. As usual, the partners didn't speak, instead choosing to work in subtle emotions.

Nothing more to say

Nothing left to break

I keep reaching out for you

Hoping you might stay

Kensi didn't like to show weakness. But Deeks hoped that just this once; she would be willing to bring her wall down even if just for a second. He wanted to see that she actually cared if he left. That she realized what he had done the past few years. That she realized why he couldn't do it anymore.

Nothing more to give

Nothing left to take

I keep reaching out for you

Reaching out for you

As you turn away

It had always been Deeks that was chasing. He followed Kensi's lead in the beginning, he was there for her when she went after her dad's killer, he waited until she was ready. But how much did she expect him to give? He was exhausted. It was simple as that. He was sick of being the one fighting for their 'thing' when it appeared that the other didn't care.

Let go of my hand

So I can feel again

Nothing's gonna hurt as much

As that final touch

Kensi looked firmly at the wall, fighting to keep the tears at bay and failing. She didn't think it would hurt this much. People had left before, this wasn't new for her. But when it came to Deeks everything was magnified. All she could think of was when he was 'fired' and she thought she would never see him again. But this time was so much worse because he was leaving willingly.

She felt him run his hand lightly down her face and another tear fell. He really was going.

No we can't be friends

Cause I don't think I could take seeing you

And knowing where we've been

I hope you understand

Deeks knew that after this he was going to resign as the LAPD, NCIS Liaison and go back to the LAPD. It didn't matter that they hated them, that would be so much better than seeing the girl that broke his heart every day and have to pretend like everything was okay.

It hurt to think that someone else was going to have Kensi's back in the field but maybe it was for the best. They didn't need another distraction in the field.

Nothing more to say

Nothing left to break

I keep reaching out for you

Hoping you might stay

All Kensi had to do was say stay. If she said the word he would stay by her side forever more. But she was too proud to do it. She thought that she had to do everything herself and by doing that, sometimes she ended up being alone.

He gave her his everything and just once he wanted her to give him something back.

Kensi wanted nothing more than to say. Hell she wanted to get down on her knees and beg him to stay. But her damn pride prevented her. So she stayed where she was, staring at the wall, waiting for him to leave like so many others did before.

"I guess this is goodbye…"

Hearing his voice made everything ten times worse. It made everything real. Kensi felt her anger rising. What right did he have to leave her like this?

Nothing more to give

Nothing left to take

I keep reaching out for you

Reaching out for you

As you turn away

Deeks saw the anger in Kensi's eyes and he beat her to the punch.

"I can't do this anymore Kensi. I just can't."

"Damn it Deeks! You weren't supposed to leave! You were supposed to be the one that stayed!"

"Yeah well how long do you expect me to wait Kensi? Its been 5 years… 5 years of me standing right here, in front of you, just waiting for you to notice me. But I can't wait my whole life Kens. At one point, I have to move on." His voice was barely angry. The main emotion he had was defeat. He was finally giving up, something Kensi thought he would never do. Only now did she realize how much she relied on Deeks to always be there.

One step my heart is breaking

One more my hands are shaking

The door is closing

And I just can't change it

Deeks turned away from Kensi and moved through the door.

"Why?" Deeks froze. Now she wanted answers? Now she wanted to talk about things? After everything, it was only when he was saying goodbye that she would concede? He felt his anger rise to a peak and everything came spilling out.

"Because I love you god damn it! I love you and do you know how painful it is to know that you don't feel the same way? I can't spend another 5 years watching you date other people when every time I do it feels like someone is stabbing me. I'm done waiting and I'm sure as hell done chasing. So you know what? You get what you always wanted Kens. This is me leaving you alone." And with that he walked away, the door shutting with a surprising finality.

Nothing more to say

Nothing left to break

Kensi pushed her back against the now closed front door and sunk to the ground, tears pouring out. She picked up the glass from beside her and flung it at the wall, the tears coming harder than ever before.

Deeks walked towards his car, tears mixing with the rain falling. On his way he punched the wall, barely registering the pain in his hand. He knew this was the right thing but if it was right why did it hurt so much?

Both of them had all their regrets flying through their mind. Both partners, standing on opposite sides of a door that stood for so much more, couldn't help but think how were they going to make it without the other. Neither understanding how this pain was the better option.

Nothing more to give

Nothing left to take

I keep reaching out for you

Reaching out for you

I keep reaching out for you

Reaching out for you

As you turn away,

As you turn away,

As you turn away...

It was just when Deeks was reaching his car that a thought hit Kensi.

This was Deeks.

And just like that everything was clear. This was the LAPD officer/ typical Californian surfer that pissed her off to no end. He was the one who complained about her techno music but never tried to change the radio channel. He was the one who made fun of her junk food obsession but always had donuts for her in the morning. He was whom she went to movies with and spent nights in, watching crappy TV with.

All because he was her partner.

Sure she was still scared and sure she still had that wall. But Kensi spent every day not sure if she was going to have another. And she didn't want to end up living with regrets. She stood up quickly, scrambling over the broken glass all over her apartment and wrenched open the door. Ignoring the fact that she was dressed in leggings and one of his T-shirts, and currently not wearing shoes, she ran out into the rain.

"Deeks!"

He didn't turn around. She only ran faster, desperate to catch him before it was too late.

"Deeks!" When he still didn't turn around she upped the anti. "Deeks turn around damn it!"

As much as he wanted to ignore her he was still hardwired to respond to her don't-screw-with-me tone.

"What do you want Kensi."

The tears mixed with the rain on her face and he could see her mascara dripping down her cheeks. "I don't want regrets. I don't want to be blown up tomorrow and regret not getting what I wanted because I was too scared. I don't want to look back and think 'if only'."

"What does that mean Kensi?"

"It means for once it's me doing the chasing. It's me reaching out, making the effort. I just want to give us a try Deeks. I want to give our thing a try."

Neither partner noticed that fact that they were soaked to the bone from the rainstorm. To them it felt as though they were burning up. Just like that something inside them broke. Kensi took a step towards and grabbed Deeks' face in her hands, pulling him towards her. He kissed back with equal emotion, pulling her entire body into his. Not removing his lips from hers, Deeks hiked her legs up around and spun them around so that she was pressed up against the hood of the car. Deeks leaned forward as Kensi laid down, still kissing. The passion was unbearable, 5 years of sexual tension.

They finally disconnected their lips to breathe when a neighbour yelled out of his window, "Get a room! Damn teenagers…"

Deeks spoke against Kensi lips when he caught his breath. "So there is a thing."

Kensi remembered that conversation after yet another fight. "Shut up and kiss me Deeks."

Deeks only reconnected their lips and carried Kensi back to her apartment where they 'helped' each other out of their wet clothes. And just like that, the beginning of something amazing happened, all because he turned away and she was ready to follow.


A/N: Sorry this took so long but I could just not find inspiration. Then I heard this song a voila! I'm sorry if it's a little cliché the whole kissing in the rain but a cliché is a cliché for a reason. I just really thought it fit. Well I hope you enjoyed!

Reviews buy my love,
Novelnerd97