The Perseus Attraction
A Parody of the Olympian Series
Playing upon Percy's fabled looks and little subtle signs in the books.
Series 1: The Lightning Thief
12 Years Old
Perseus Jackson had always felt a little… awkward around other people.
Look, Percy never wanted to be drop dead gorgeous and generally attract every single monster, demigod, girl and even boy in the United States or anywhere else for that matter. Best place to start? His first encounter with the furies.
It had been a normal day. Grover had been acting slightly gay, which was really weird as Percy was very sure he had been straight before he'd met him.
Percy looked around at his best friend Grover. "Yep."
"Hey, that guy looks totally fat in those jeans," Grover commented, pointing at the guy, but Percy didn't really see anything. He just reckoned it was a gay thing.
Percy looked around to see Mr Brunner approaching in his wheelchair, though Percy was sure he could walk. Maybe he just liked not having to do any extra work.
"Yes sir?" Percy asked.
"Could I have your activities sheet?"
Percy frowned, as nobody else was having theirs collected in, but just shrugged and handed it over.
Mr Brunner seemed to hold contact with his hand longer than was probably necessary, or legal for that matter, before taking his hand away, completely forgetting the sheet he asked to collect in.
Grover looked angry, and, unless Percy was going crazy, he swore that Brunner smirked, as if he had had a treat Grover had missed out on. But Percy couldn't see what that was.
He looked around and dodged a piece of peanut butter sandwich, which hit Grover instead. Grover just sighed and wiped it off.
"Why's she such a… bully?" Percy asked, referring to Nancy Bobofit.
Grover frowned. "You mean a bitch?"
Percy looked around. "Grover," he reprimanded.
Grover shrugged. "Just saying it as it is Percy. Anyway, it's probably because she fancies you."
Grover nodded. "Yeah… she's just trying to get your attention. Typical girl thing."
"How'd you know that?"
"Because I've done it," Grover stated simply.
"To girls, I hope." Percy asked hopefully.
Grover shook his head. "Nope."
Percy coughed. Great; his best friend had tried the 'moves' on guys. Well, this certainly shattered Percy's idea that Grover may be straight.
Percy gritted his teeth. He was getting annoyed with people calling his name.
"Yes." He turned to see Mrs. (what unlucky man married her?) Dodds.
She looked at him, appraisingly, like she approved of him, which was weird, as Percy was pretty sure she hated him.
"Come with me."
Percy frowned. "Err, why?"
"Because I told you to, Jackson. Hurry up."
Percy cleared his throat. "Great… Grover, hold my fountain spot." He made to stand up, but Grover grabbed his arm.
"Percy, I think… I think…" Grover was going red.
Percy leaned in. "What is it man?"
"I think…" he took a deep breath. "I think she wants to rape you."
Percy blanched. "Why?"
"Because you look-"
"Jackson!" Mrs Dodds shouted across the area.
Percy looked around. Nancy was trying to avoid his eye. Mr Brunner was looking hurt. Grover looked jealous. Some random guy was just staring at him.
"I'll see you later." Percy told Grover.
He started walking off towards Mrs Dodds, wondering why she wanted him. He was pretty sure he could fight her off if she wanted to rape him. Sure she was evil and all, but Percy was confident in himself… sort of.
She led him into the museum and through the different sections, further and further into the museum until they got to the Greek display again.
Mrs Dodds looked around at him.
"So…" she started.
"Miss?" Percy answered.
"Why did you try to hide from us?"
"With beauty like yours you could be up there with Aphrodite, so why are you sticking with that satyr Grover? He's average, a five at most."
Percy was very confused now. "Sorry, but what on earth are you talking about?"
But Mrs Dodds was on a roll, steamrolling over Percy.
"All that time, together in the classroom grinding chalk-"
"You made me do that!" Percy protested.
"No! You chose to heed my-"
"Order?" Percy suggested.
"Request!" Mrs Dodds insisted.
Percy looked down, knocking his feet around. "Right… so, erm, what now?"
"Now? Now? Now you admit your love for me!"
Percy was getting seriously weirded out now. "But I hate you!"
"Hate? Hate… Hate!" Mrs Dodds started to lose control at the 'hate' world. She started transforming into a… a thing, great wings growing, talons springing for her fingers.
"God…," Percy muttered backing off.
"What ho Percy!"
Percy whipped around to see Mr Brunner rolling in with his wheelchair. He held a… he held a pump action shotgun!
But instead of blowing Mrs Dodds back to Hades, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ballpoint pen.
"Catch!" He shouted before hurling the pen at Percy.
Time slowed. Mrs Dodds lunged at her lover (Percy), and Percy was frozen. He was screwed, basically. She reached out to slice him, but the pen hit Percy's face, knocking him down and out of the way of the talons.
Percy hit the ground heavily. Mrs Dodds went sailing over him. She landed 7 feet away and looked up.
Besides the fact that Percy was freaking out he was seriously wondering why Mr Brunner didn't blow her up.
"Pretty boys. Useless," Brunner muttered before pulling the trigger.
The blast hit Dodds throwing her backwards. Brunner made to fire again but the gun just clicked.
He looked down in frustration. "Damn. And this is why we keep with good old swords."
Mrs Dodds lunged and kicked Brunner's wheelchair. He went flying back.
"Kill her Percy, you can do it! Use the sword to-"
But then he went flying through Rome and out into the food area.
Percy looked up. Dodds looked down.
"Such a shame to kill you…" She looked genially heartbroken.
Percy scooped up the sword (when had it become a sword?) and swung at Dodds. She dodged before squaring him off.
Percy moved forward but Dodds didn't move and the sword went through her like butter.
Mrs Dodds was outraged when Percy denied that romantic night with the chalk.
It drove her over the edge and transformed her into her demon form. He hated her!
She'd kicked away that stupid centaur, now it was just her love she had to kill.
But squaring off with him, she realised she couldn't so it.
Percy was crouching, slightly tubby, but that's nothing Greek training couldn't handle. But his face, perfect features, black hair falling across his eyes. His face looked so strong, yet gentle. She couldn't destroy perfection, could she? His eyes looked like mini gems, emeralds, but then he struck. She could have blocked but she was too much in love to ruin his moment. She felt the blade destroy her essence as it passed through, her love songs on her IPod flowing through her brain…
10 minutes ago…
Nancy wished he'd notice her.
She'd been throwing peanut butter at him for ages now, watching his muscles tense as he dodged perfectly, once, twice, three times. She sighed as he looked at that stupid Grover fellow. He hadn't even noticed her haircut, even when she made a remark about it. Just because his hair was perfect, didn't mean everyone's could be.
She was half tempted to go and talk to him, but the last time she'd down that he'd pushed her in the fountain. Love… She cursed the word and Percy's good looks…
Grover used to be a ladies man. He'd go for any wood nymph he could find and he'd even settle for the odd Aura if it was a quickie job.
Then he'd had the misfortune to meet Perseus Jackson and he'd become gay. Now, all he could think about was Percy and his stupid smell. Percy smelt like nature… like a clean sea breeze and he couldn't be anybody but Zeus' son. He was way too cool to be like, Ares or something. Then again, he could be Aphrodite's son, with her blessing on, permanently. He was way too good to be otherwise.
Grover was yanked out of his musings as Percy walked through the door, and made his way over to him. He looked confused, out of it.
"Hey Percy," Grover started.
Percy looked at him. "I killed Mrs Dodds."
Grover knew what he had to do. Percy had killed his first monster. He had to pretend all was okay.
Percy crinkled his brow which nearly killed Grover. "Mrs Dodds. Crazy woman, apparently we had some messed up romance going on."
Grover shook his head. Percy was looking at him and he wanted to tell him the truth. Percy looked so good but he had to hold himself.
"Nope, don't know what you're talking about."
Hope you liked it, and it's not going word by word through the story, just key moments so don't worry about basically reading the books again. Please review so I know to actually continue this thing. Thanks.