Chapter 2

Toshio couldn't stop shaking, now that he was sober enough to realize what he'd just done. He pulled another cigarette out of his pack and lit it up, He took a long drag and closed his eyes. How in the world had he ended up in this situation? He looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He could still remember the heat of his best friend pinned back against the wall. moaning out his name...he shook his head and slammed his fist on his bed. "I can't believe I'm so stupid!"

He knew exactly how he'd gotten in that situation. After school that day he'd headed back to the clinic. Something was going on, some big emergency. He was quickly shooed out, told to go hang out with his girlfriend. His family had been pushing for him to get closer with Kyoko so they would get married and carry on the Ozaki line, it was a pain in the ass. Nobody listened to what he wanted though, everyone in the village was so set in their damned ways.

Toshio started smoking along the way to his girlfriends house, he knew it was a disgusting habit. What else was he supposed to do with the stress of the clinic falling quickly on his head though? At least he wasn't during to alcohol or drugs, something that might screw up his future as a doctor. Toshio tapped the cigarette dropping ashes onto the road. approaching Kyoko's house. She'd be surprised to see him again so quickly.

Toshio tossed the cigarette down and stepped on it before walking into his girlfriends family store. "Yo." He waved to her mother and walked towards the back. Nothing could of prepared him for the site awaiting him. He saw her there, lips locked with another man. The other mans hands wondering all over her body. Toshio could barely remember the next few minutes. He normally prided himself on being a fairly calm person, however the site of another man with his hands all over Kyoko's body was too much. The next thing he remembered clearly was walking home, still steaming mad.

"Of course i'd end up turning to drinking" Toshio sighed, closing his eyes again. The image of Seishin pinned against the wall floated into vision again. He opened his eyes. What would this do to their friendship? Their futures? Seishin was a monk for crying out loud! It couldn't be floating around the village that Seishin was gay. Toshio sat up, they'd keep it a secret. What'd happened between them would remain their dark secret. Besides, it wasn't like Toshio was actually interested in Seishin. It'd just been a fling done in a drunken lust caused by jealousy.

Feeling better after rationalizing the whole thing out in his head Toshio got up and opened the window to his room. It was chilly and the cold air helped him think better. He sat down and opened up his medical books and began on his homework, using it to push the entire incident from his mind.

Things went on like normal for the next couple of days, perhaps he was going out of his way to avoid Seishin a bit but who could blame him? Toshio was avoiding Kyoko too, he wanted to be alone and to focus on his studies. Of course his mother kept urging him into going to see Kyoko. He swore the relationship was more for her then for them at this point. Even if his mothers opinion of her wasn't the best, she was the only girl in town that had shown interest in Toshio. The young doctor rubbed the bridge of his nose, half asleep on the bus ride home. "Hey Toshio, are you listening to me?" He heard his girlfriend ask from next to him. "Hmmm? oh sorry." He glanced at her. "What was that you were saying?"

"I said the college is doing a dance this weekend, i asked if you wanted to come. It's more interesting then anything going on in Sotaba anyway." A school dance? He didn't remember anything about that. Had he really been spacing out the world around him that badly? "Yeah sure, sounds fun." He'd rather be at home doing his work, but it would make Kyoko happy and would serve as a decent distraction he supposed.

Toshio didn't notice his friend glancing back at him, or the silent awkwardness as they parted at the bus stop. He hadn't noticed a lot of things. looking back on it in later years he should of saw the warning signs clear as day. Seishin had been depressed and withdrawn, he'd shown no interest even in his writing. However, Toshio didn't notice a thing. Until a call came into the Ozaki clinic late one night, It was one of the nurses who took it initially.

"Hello, Ozaki clinic how may I help you. Oh Monk, how are you..." the nurse trailed off. "The Junior monk did what?"

Toshio's head jerked over hearing this. "What happened?" He looked at the nurse. "Toshio, go up to the temple. The Junior Monk cut his wrist." Toshio swore and grabbed a medical bag before any more could be said. "Tell my mother I'm up at the temple." He bolted out of the front door without another word and ran up to the temple as fast as he could.

"How the hell did i not notice this!?" He growled. He bounded up the stairs, Seishin's mom was standing outside. "Toshio! Seishin's in here." She walked him in to the kitchen. Seishin was laying there, a pool of blood under one of his wrist a bunch of booze bottles laying forgotten on the ground. "The hell were you thinking" He scowled, he grabbed his friends wrist and pulled it up above his heart to slow the blood flow. He pulled out some disinfectant and ran it against the cut. "Seishin! don't you dare leave me!" He yelled at his friend and began wrapping the wound with gauze. Tears sprung into his eyes, this was his fault! If he hadn't of gone and slept with Seishin it wouldn't of ended up like this!

Seishin's eyes opened a bit "Toshio..." the doctor looked down at his friend, tears rolling down his cheeks by this point as he pulled the wrapping tighter. Seishin's eyes closed again, "I'm going to bring him to the clinic." He picked Seishin up into his arms. "Get a blood drip going to replenish what he's lost." He took Seishin back to the clinic and got him all set up with a I.V.

He sat by his friend side, squeezing his hand. "Damn it..." he dropped his head. "This is...my fault.." He watched his friend for a bit before falling asleep. The next thing he knew he felt the soft touch of his friends hand. "Seishin?!" He looked over and saw his friend smiling weakly at him. "Seishin are you alright?!" The monk's green eyes turned back to him, "Yeah...I'm alright." He squeezed Toshio's hand softly. "What we're you thinking!? I thought I was going to loose you!" The monk closed his eyes again. "I don't know..." That was a lie, that was a blatant lie! Toshio sighed, he wasn't going to get an honest answer out him though.

Toshio opened his eyes, why the hell had he thought about that at a time like this? Seishin was gone, he'd gone up to the Kirishiki mansion. Most likely to die. "It really is my fault isn't it?" he pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. "That idiot."