Gluttony
April 2009

The sky is bursts of pinks and oranges, with licks of blue trailing the horizon. Edward and I are chasing the sunset as we drive away from home, the miles passing under our tires like water flowing down a riverbank.

"This was a great idea," he says as he flashes me a brilliant smile. This plan has been all his and spur of the moment, and he is exceptionally proud of himself. I have no idea where he is taking me.

"What exactly is this plan?" I inquire skeptically. Edward is known for his exuberance, which in my experience, usually translates to over ambition. Quite frankly, he simultaneously thrills and unnerves me.

He shoots me that devious grin again. "You'll see." He continues driving on 95 North, and the giant green signs fly by with alarming speed. Where are we going? We begin passing towns I have never even heard of, and we are now at least 45 minutes from Lexington. I have no idea what he has up his sleeve, but I am excited to find out. We rarely spend time together, just the two of us, and almost never under these circumstances. It isn't like Edward to shirk his Captain responsibilities for pleasure. But, to be fair, I am doing the same.

Edward and I had both been at school, stuffed in our gymnasium for an Athletic Association sponsored event. The volleyball team was playing tonight's game in honor of a Lexington alumnus who had died of cancer. The proceeds of various raffles, food sales, and entertainment at this game would go to Cancer Research in that alumni's name. It was Lexington's most popular yearly event, and it really brought the school together for an evening. I loved going every year and I was especially excited for this one. I was finally a varsity captain, so it was my duty to make sure the entire field hockey team was there to support, decked in Lexington colors and glowing with pride. Edward was to do the same, with the boy's cross country team under his command. Coincidentally, the field hockey and boy's cross country teams were seated next to each other on the bleachers labeled "Varsity Teams" set aside for fellow athletes. I had smirked when I saw it. What were the chances.

High.

"Hey Bell!" Edward stood up from his spot on the bleachers to wave me over. My entire team snickered behind me, patting me on the ass suggestively.

"Oh good, Bella, your boyfriend's waiting for you."

I smacked their hands away, rolling my eyes in warning. "Screw off."

A smile lit my face as I rushed over to where he was waiting. I took the spot next to him, scooting next to a freshman on his team. The freshman kept eyeing me, and it made me chuckle nervously. The game began and Edward and I chatted normally. The gym was stuffy and I was sweating, even though I was only wearing jeans shorts and a tank top. I quickly threw my hair in a ponytail to get it off the back of my steaming neck.

"It's quite warm," I muttered, fanning myself with my hand.

"Yes, it is," he whispered, looking me in the eye. He then got up without a word and stalked off down the bleachers, disappearing. Weirdo.

I turned to Jessica, my co-captain, who was on the bleacher below me yelling at our girls.

"J," I hissed. She turned and fixed her expression, from one of anger to joy.

"Hey Bells," she said, raising her eyebrows at me. "How ya doing up there?"

"I think I'm dying."

Her look became more pointed, studying me. "You don't look so hot. What's wrong?"

I took a few deep breaths, and the movement radiated through my chest. I was struggling to get oxygen to my head, which was pounding like a jack hammer. "I don't feel well. I think I need my inhaler," I joked, although I wasn't entirely unsure that it wouldn't help. Jessica laughed and took my joking as a sign that I didn't require medical attention.

Edward strode back into the gym, his expression tense. He quickly ambled his way back to the bleacher and nearly jumped up to his spot. He sat down and handed me a cold water bottle, not looking at me. It took me by surprise.

"Thank you," I stuttered, confused but grateful. I uncapped it and gulped down half the bottle.

"Mhhm," he mumbled, his shoulders relaxing. His jaw went slack and a slight smirk raised the corner of his mouth, but he kept his eyes on the volleyball game playing in front of us. I hadn't been paying attention to it since the first point was scored.

The water helped a little, but I was still light-headed and starting to get paranoid. The last thing I needed was to pass out in the middle of the school's biggest event of the year.

"I'm getting some air," I announced, collecting my bag and rising from the unrelenting plastic of the bleacher.

"Okay," Edward said, but instead of moving his legs to let me pass, he stood up and put his hand gently on my back, guiding me through the throngs of people. We wormed our way through the cluttered halls, past people donning every shade of blue and gold, until we reached the back entrance of the school. I broke through the imaginary shield of the doorway and inhaled deeply. The air was crisp and cool in my lungs.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward stared at me earnestly, and I was momentarily confused as to why he looked so concerned. I'm fine, right? I returned his intense gaze, my eyes drifting over his hair and his beautiful face, with brilliant green eyes covered in lines. My chest tightened at the magic emanating from this person. I was overwhelmed at the feelings he elicited in me. Overwhelmed was probably the wrong word. Terrified sounded more accurate.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. I nodded. He started off toward the student parking lot and I had no choice but to follow. I never really chose to follow Edward anywhere. Something deep within my being simply pulled me toward him.

I spotted Edward's car easily, as it was parked in his usual spot, covered in bumper stickers that highlighted his various successes from track meets and the like. He opened the passenger side door for me and I sat down, reveling in the scent of his car. It smelled like Edward. It smelled like comfort. He hopped in the driver side and quickly turned on the engine, softening the radio to a soothing lull. It very nearly put me to sleep until my curiosity got the better me. I didn't ask where we were going because I didn't need to know. I would go anywhere he wanted to take me.

And that is how we got to this moment, with Edward turning off on an exit that bears no resemblance to any place I have ever been before. I start to get excited, knowing fully well that I am going to break curfew tonight and not caring in the least. People always say that life is about moments that need to be cherished. I am ready for this one.

"Okay, I don't know exactly how to get there, but I think I'll find it okay." Edward turns the radio all the way off so he can concentrate better. The windows are down and a breeze glides through the car, gracing my face with a familiarity I can't place. Then it hits me. I taste salt on my tongue.

"Are we near the ocean?" I wonder confusedly, my excitement rising ever so slightly.

"I hope you're ready for the beach," he answers, and his whole face lights up in the glow of the dashboard. The beach is my serenity. I love it more than anything else in the world. I am fleetingly stunned that Edward thought to take me here. His thoughtfulness endlessly delights me.

The parking lot is dark and deserted, and I wonder for a moment if we're allowed to be here. Oh, well. I am mesmerized by the roar of the waves in the distance, long strands of swaying sea grass beckoning me home. I start walking toward the water without a thought. I can sense Edward behind me, until I feel his hand in mine. He wraps his fingers around me, and it sends a shiver through me. I realize suddenly that I'm cold, despite the blazing heat radiating from his skin.

"It's chilly up here," I mention, baring my shoulders against the breeze.

"Here," Edward says, releasing my hand. I frown, until I notice him shrugging out of the grey track sweatshirt he's wearing. He hands it to me and I slip it on. It's huge and falls to my knees, so it looks like I'm wearing nothing else. I hide my smirk and grab his hand once again.

When we finally reach the sand, I stop dead. The view is absolutely breathtaking. The moon is looming large and gorgeous over the water, which manages to shine silver in the black blanket of night. The sand is pure white, and a lighthouse in the distance stands proud, its red roof reflecting sparks at the horizon. We both leave our shoes at the sand line and tiptoe onto the beach.

"Bells, look!" Edward tugs at my hand and nods his head toward the sand. Around our feet like a glowing halo are millions of fluorescent dots.

"What are those?" I ask, incredulous.

"I don't know, some kind of bioluminescent sea creature. Isn't it beautiful?" I continue toeing the sand, moving my feet slightly around. The lights follow my movements, casting a blueish green glow in my wake.

"Incredible," I murmur, and glance up to see Edward staring at me. "What?" I ask, feeling self-conscious.

"Let's go feel the water." He drops my hand and saunters off toward the shore. He's in an odd mood, and I'm not sure why. The outline of his back against the waterline is enchanting. Through his t-shirt, the muscles of his shoulders are prominent, and I smile at his jeans rolled up to his knees.

I run toward him, my feet slowed by the sand. I revel in that sensation. I use my momentum and jump on his back, laughing at his grunt.

"Am I heavy?" I joke.

"Pshhh." I wrap my legs around his waist, letting my arms dangle in front of his throat. He clutches my upper thighs tightly and walks us easily to the water.

"Maybe if you actually had hips, this would be easier," I laugh, elated and completely intoxicated by the air and the moon and this moment. His laugh is loud and carefree, and I can feel myself grinning in the dark. I rest my chin on his shoulder blade as we stand at the shore, gazing out at the depths of the Atlantic. I am tempted to lean in and brush my lips against his neck, but I don't. We're only friends after all. He doesn't feel that way about you, I remind myself. And I would never want to ruin our friendship. My heart is pounding in my chest and I hope desperately that Edward can't feel it against his back. If he does, he neglects to mention it. I wonder achingly what he is thinking in this moment, but I don't dare ask it aloud. I wonder how long I'll be able to hold on this way.

"Here, let's go to the rocks over there." He turns and points toward the walls of bronze rock on the West side of the beach. He starts trucking that way, bouncing a little to remedy my slipping. I feel bad though, knowing I am no light carry-on.

"I'll walk," I say, and drop to the sand.

"Okay," he answers, "but you were light as a feather." He winks at me, and even in the dark I can see his eyes sparkle. I realize as I follow him that this night has been unusually quiet. Typically, though, we talk when we need to, but not because we have to. Maybe Edward is just feeling quiet tonight. I always thought our friendship worked because we were such opposites in most regards. Edward was verbose in the extreme, and I was more of a listener. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say; I just felt that some things were better left unsaid.

When we reach the rocks, Edward climbs up. The sharp points of the precipice frighten me, especially because I can't see them. I'm clumsy, and not much for nature.

"Uhh," I start, keeping back from the wall.

Edward leans down and throws out his arm. "Step there," he points, and I grab his hand to keep me steady on the narrow ledge. I follow his instructions, placing my feet in strategic places until I manage to get to where he is. We're about 15 feet off the ground, not exceptionally high, but the view is stunning. We can see the entire span of the beach, and the endless skyline. We can also see every single star in the galaxy. It's blinding.

I drop to my butt, and pull my knees up to my chest. I'm lost in the sea of the stars and I don't mind at all. I'd wander there forever. Edward slinks down silently, appreciating everything the universe has to offer. In moments like these, I feel so thankful. This world really can be a lovely place.

"I'm glad we came here," Edward whispers in my ear. "I wouldn't want to be with anyone else." I don't have to look at him; I can feel his smile with my soul.

"It kind of scares me," I say suddenly. The words slip out, but I'm not quite sure what my mind is thinking right now.

"What does?" It scares me how I feel right now. It scares me that you're going to be gone.

"The future," is my best response. And it's true. The possibilities of the future should intrigue me, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't petrified. "College, leaving, all that. I don't like not knowing. I don't like change."

"I know. But that's ridiculous, Bella. You can't let fear get in your way. You have such a bright future ahead of you. You are nothing short of a brilliant person and you are going to have an amazing life. Embrace the sheer incredibility of that."

I don't know what to say. Edward always has a way of making everything alright. He paints over everything that is grey and makes it bright.

I lean over to rest my head on his shoulder, my way of saying thank you for the unending support. I know he'll understand. He surprises me by lying down on the cool rock and taking me with him. He stretches out, pulling my body over his so that my head is on his chest and we're stomach to stomach.

"I'm cold too," he explains. "Someone took my sweatshirt." I giggle, and tilt my head so that I can see the stars. We lay there silently for a long time, just admiring the view, unspoken words passing between us. I guess I just have to leave the future up to fate, trusting that she'll lead me in the right direction. I just wonder how far from Edward's direction mine will be. I stop these thoughts before they can linger. They only cause me harm, little flicks of fire to my psyche.

I'm not sure how long we stay there, but eventually Edward makes movements. He knows I have to get home, even if I fail to care. We start the trek back in deceptively comfortable silence, until we reach the car. Edward lets me into the passenger side, his fingers lingering on my arm for a second or two. Then he shuts my door and saunters to his seat. Time doesn't seem real as we drive away from the perfect harmony of the beach. I recline my seat and close my eyes. With the hood of Edward's sweatshirt surrounding me, wrapping me in an embrace of his smell, I drift into sleep. I am only vaguely aware of the soft roar of the engine, the light of the moon shining across the dashboard, and the faint melody of Edward's breaths going in and out.