Ok, I'm awful, I know! It's been so long tht I bet you're all amazed that I'm updating, but I'm not going to give up on this story! I just went away for a week and then had a bit of writer's block - somehow, whenever I tried writing this chapter, it just didn't come out very good or at all right, so I figured that you'd prefer to wait a bit longer for a better quality chapter than be given a rubbish one... Having said that, it's not particulary long...
The thing is, I'm back at school now and school = lots of work, but also a regular routine, so I'm going to try my best to update weekly from now on, probaby at weekends, but not necessarily. I will also try and write longer chapters seeing as though the action should start again soon. Hope that's ok!
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin!
Chapter 11 –Destiny Questioned
It had been a long day.
And now finally, in the serenity of the cold starlight streaming through his window, in the comfort of his own room, he could finally relax.
The number of near-death encounters that Merlin had faced that day must have broken some kind of record, because it was a few too many even for him. Really, he had thought that his life really couldn't get any more difficult, but then again he should perhaps have known better. It was him, after all.
He sighed.
Destinies really were troublesome things.
Speaking of which, he still didn't know what his destiny intended to do with him. The prat of a king had just been so… Well that was the problem: he hadn't given any indications of his thoughts at all! Ever since that outburst in the throne room, Arthur's face had remained blank. No emotions. Nothing. All afternoon, he had just stood there, silent and brooding, until Merlin just couldn't stand it anymore. All the waiting and anticipation… It was too much. He just wanted Arthur to decide – to pass judgement. He just wanted it all to end.
How it would all end was another matter.
A part of him couldn't help wondering what if… What if Arthur never forgave him? What if he decided to banish him… or worse? It was ironic really. After all those magical creatures that he had faced, all those evil sorcerers and their enchantments, after everything that had happened, who would have guessed that it would be Arthur, Arthur his friend, Arthur the man he had been protecting all long, who would be the one to fill him with the most fear and dread?
He had never been afraid to die. He had been willing to lay down his life for his friends more times than he cared to remember. But always, always he did so knowing that his actions were ensuring that one day, things would be different or even just that the world not lose a good-hearted person and the people he loved would not lose a loyal friend. He did so because if his life was the price to pay for the happiness of others, then he would pay it gladly, with no hesitation.
But this was different. To die at the hand of a friend. To die because someone you love hates you. To die knowing that your actions broke a bond that you valued above all others… That was far more painful. That was something that Merlin could not consider.
And yet, if death was what Arthur chose for him, then Merlin would not blame him. He would understand. Whatever his decision, he would understand. How could he not? He had seen the man deal with betrayal after betrayal, be torn apart again and again and each time by someone whom he had trusted. And Arthur had trusted Merlin - perhaps above all others – yet Merlin had lied to him. Whether Merlin had had good reason to do so was beside the point because the fact was that Merlin had lied - had lied since the day they met – and he knew what that must mean to Arthur.
So when the time came, he would understand, but until then, he would not lose hope because it simply wasn't in his nature to do so. He would have faith in Arthur's destiny. He would trust Arthur to make the right decision and act like the wise and just king that he was destined to become.
But then he remembered Morgana's words from earlier. Either destiny is right, or it's wrong. Perhaps she had been right: if he believed destiny when it dictated that Arthur would be a great king, then he had to accept that Morgana was always going to be evil. Yet he could not help remembering his one-time friend – the girl so filled with compassion and love that she had been unafraid to stand up for what she believed was right even if it meant spending the night in the dungeons. Was destiny really set in stone?
She had been confused and afraid and Merlin had made a choice – he had chosen not to confide in her, but would things have turned out differently if he had? After all, had he not prevented visions of the future from becoming reality more times than once? Would destiny still have become reality if the dragon had not told him of her destiny and had not warned him against trusting her?
Now, he wished that he had never known, because his knowledge of destiny had been precisely what had prompted him to cause destiny to come true in the cases of both Morgana and Mordred. It had been what had cost him two of his friends and the peace and happiness of so many others. Destiny had been using him as a mere tool. It had given him a purpose for his gifts – a purpose that he had so longed for – and so he had believed in it blindly, never once pausing to really consider it. He had been an idiot. How could he have never realised that a force as great as destiny wouldn't be interested in the happiness of ordinary people? It had decided how things should play out centuries ago and it had manipulated him into making sure that everything went according to its grand plan.
Only that grand plan also involved Mordred killing Arthur and he would never allow that. Now that he knew, he would no longer be a pawn in some great game.
He would write his own destiny.
Hope that wasn't too.. weird. I don't know, I've just always found that the problem with a lot of merlin stories with happy endings (hint hint) is that destiny says that that's wrong and that Merlin is supposed to get trapped in a cave ,etc. etc. So here's my kind of solution. Like? Hate? Don't understand? Please let me know! Review are much appreciated as always!
Thanks to the guest reviewers of the last chapter. One mentioned that they thought that Merlin would have been powerful enough to deflect the knife in Chapter 4. I guess what I meant to happen was for Merlin to be so distracted that he didn't really see it coming, so that he got hurt, because I'm mean... Sorry if it appeared a bit unrealistic!
jellyblobs