Each passing day represents one less on this planet. Nothing last for an eternity, so of course people wouldn't either. Everyone knows that their time is limited, as well as the time of other people around them, but just because humans know this small fact, it doesn't change anything; even if ninjas are supposed to be able to accept someone's death better than most.
When someone leaves you forever, the knowledge of this information doesn't ease the excruciating pain that it causes. The pain of knowing that you will never ever see them again tears apart at all of humanity's being at one time or another.
Even if we weren't related by blood, I feel as if my own mother died. The woman may have been immensely hard on me, but still, although it sounds cliché, it was out of love. Without her, I would still be a child who didn't know how to be valuable to my team, my friends.
I saved countless people over the years, yet I couldn't save her, I couldn't save my teacher, I couldn't save my second mother. I wonder if I should even bother trying anymore; if I couldn't help Tsunade-shishou, I may not be as valuable as I once thought that I became.
All I can do now is wander the halls of the Hokage tower and go over again and again what I could have done differently. As I close my eyes, and run my fingers along the walls, I realize that I am standing in front of the door to her office, or at least that's what it used to be. Soon someone will replace her, sit in her chair, and command her village.
A sudden noise from inside brings me from my thoughts. Hope rushes through me as I think for the briefest moment that it might be her, but I quickly return to my senses because I can still feel her blood that soaked into my clothing and see her lifeless body gripped in my hands.
Hesitantly, I turn the knob and open the door to discover who resides within the office that is supposed to be vacant.
Sitting on the ledge of the window is the one who loved her more than I. His snow white hair is covering his face as his head is bowed towards the floor. Even if I cannot see his face, I still know that he is crying because I can hear his gut retching sobs that resonate throughout the entire room. I never witnessed a person cry with such emotion. It's as if he is conveying everyone's feelings about her loss through his cries. His sorrow is ripping himself apart from the inside and leaving him in utter agony.
He knows that he will never see her again, and he's forced to contend with the same burden as I, that we weren't able to save her.
It seems that in order to help ease the pain, or to try to forget, he drank her entire stash of sake hidden within her office. A normal person would have been dead after consuming that much alcohol, but I suppose he never was your average person.
Tentatively, I walk over and place my hand on his shaking shoulder. "Jiraiya-sama", I whispered so low that I'm not even sure that he heard.
Slowly, he lifts his head and a smile appears on his lips. "Tsunade…"
I'm not sure if he actually believes me to be her, or if he just wants me to be her so badly that he's trying to fool himself. I look at my shoes and shake my head in a manner that I hope conveys my apology. "Sorry, I'm not her."
Again he utters her name and begins to stand, all the while pulling me closer with his powerful arms until they fully embracing me. My arms are trapped between our bodies as my hands cling the loose fabric that covers his chest. Almost sensing how uncomfortable I am, he grips me tighter as if afraid that I'll slip through his fingers.
Frozen in place, and not sure what actions I should take, I hear the faint whispers of declarations of love as his breath tickles my ear. The warmth omitted from his mouth onto my flesh sends a shiver down my spine.
At the sudden disturbance within my body, I come back to myself and realize the situation that I am currently in. Carefully, I try to break free from his hold and escape his ministrations. "Jiraiya…please s-stop…you know that I'm not her, you know that she's gone…"
He stiffens in response to my plea, but makes no move to release me. The older man then buries his face into the crook of my neck and I can feel the moisture collecting on my skin as he begins to cry again.
In but a hoarse whisper, he softly croaks, "I know, I know. But please…Sakura. I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry…"
Is he apologizing to me for using me as her substitute? Or is it for somehow tainting her name with this act? Or maybe for not being able to save the one woman he loved? Judging by how much raw emotion filled his apology, I would guess that it was all three and for everything else that he was ever sorry for. For every person he couldn't save, for every mistake he ever made, and for every regret he ever had. I would never think that a person as powerful as Jiraiya could seem so weak and vulnerable, but I guess her death was something that not even he could handle.
I pulled my arms out from in between us and wrapped them around his back as I made the seals to teleport us to my apartment. I tried to tell myself that I was only doing this to help him, bit deep within the recesses of my mind, I knew that selfishness was also guiding my actions. I wanted the warmth of another body against me to wallow in my own grief and have the pain wash over me to escape this façade that I'm forced to put up for everyone.
Now within my apartment, animalistic lust took over us both. We quickly stumbled from the living room to my bedroom down the tiny hallway. We were clawing at each other's clothes to rip them off and be freed from their confines.
The kisses that we exchanged weren't gentle by any means. They were neither filled with love or kindness, just pure need. We came to an understanding within our minds that there would be no talking, so as not to upset the odd balance between us that we set.
A moan escaped my lips as Jiraiya ground his hard cock against my slightly damp sex. When I reciprocated his motion, he sharply groaned in return.
Now both down to our underwear, Jiraiya pushed me down onto the bed as the back of my knees hit its wooden boarder.
Hit hot tongue roamed from my collarbone, to the well in between my breasts. Both of his hands fondled each, as his tongue then swept to my left hardened bud. Clenching the tip with his teeth, he fiercely tugged, causing me to whimper his name in need while I arched into him.
As if hearing my request without actually uttering it in words, he continued his decent downward till he came to my stomach; when his hands tugged off my panties, exposing me completely.
The white-haired man propped himself on his elbows and gazed down at me with eyes filled with both hunger and sadness. It seemed as if he would stop and run, cry, and forget this ever happened, but he didn't. Why, I don't know. Did he want to punish himself by trying to make her hate him? For doing this to me, when he's not really doing anything at all because I want this.
In response to his stilled actions, I sent a minute amount of chakra to my hands in order to flip him over so that I could be on top. His surprise was evident in his expression, but he made no move to stop me as I slithered down him to completely free his erection from his tight boxers.
"Sakura, stop…you don't have to…"
My reply was to grip his hardened member in my hand as I slowly licked him from base to tip with the very end of my tongue. At my ministrations, the man beneath me shuddered and provided me with no further protest for me to continue. Teasingly, I swirled my wet muscle around his sensitive tip as I lapped at the precum slowly leaking out. Engulfing him completely within my mouth, I bobbed my head up and down and I was forced to clamp his hips down to the bed with my hands to prevent him from thrusting upward. Humming, and sucking as hard as I could, his member began to pulsate and twitch to alert me that he was close to coming.
His hands moved from clutching the sheets, to my hair in order to pull me off of him. Reluctantly I conceded and began to shift upward to claim his lips, but he switched our positions again, causing him to be above me.
Before I could even realize what happened, his lips were upon mine and his tongue was down my throat, coaxing mine to dance with his. He explored every inch of my mouth, and I could feel his hot hands roaming down my sides. Moaning into his mouth, he spread my legs apart with his knee and lined himself up with my entrance.
Without breaking our mouths apart, he swiftly thrust into me with one motion. His thrusts were hard and fast. The pain shot through me with each one, but with the pain came intense pleasure. Pleasure the wracked my entire being and made me cry out for more.
Jiraiya worked his way down my neck and roughly sucked on my pulse point, eliciting a groan to escape my lips. My hands snaked their way around his back and my nails dug into his flesh to find some salvation from the constant tormenting.
Pulling his mouth from the crook of my neck, he looked down at me with his half lidded eyes lost in bliss. As he was gazing down at me, I jerked in response to the sudden thumb moving in a circular motion on my clit.
My hips thrust up into his to feel him even deeper within me and I could no longer hold back the intense pleasure that was inevitable to overflow me. I screamed his name as I came, and it felt as if this feeling would never leave. My walls clamped down on his hardened member causing him to follow my mere thrusts after. His hot liquid spurted into me and he growled at the satisfaction of finally coming as well.
Utterly exhausted, he slowly pulled out and collapsed on his stomach right next to me. I turned over to face him, as he faced me, and I snuggled into his broad, muscular chest. One of my hands treaded itself through his silky white hair, while the other rested on his lower back. He reciprocated my motions and pulled me closer until his powerful arms fully embraced me. His hot breath on my ear lulled me into a dreamless sleep.
I shifted slightly in bed and groaned at the morning sunlight streaming through the windows. As I tried to shield my eyes from the harsh light, I was startled by the fact that there was an immensely warm body pressed up against my back as well as an arm snaked around my hip. Who the hell is in bed with me?
Generally, I do not make it a practice to sleep around, and as I pondered for a brief moment to who it might be, it all came back to me. The man laying in my bed is no other than the infamous pervert Jiraiya.
My body tensed as I wondered what I should do. This was indeed the first night that I have slept through completely since the day she died, and I felt oddly at peace. Being with someone that I could take my mask off with and not hiding behind a shadow of a smile was a weight lifted off my shoulders. Shit, what am I thinking? Him, him of all people. I knew that I would regret it because he's hers. They may not have been together, but I knew she loved him, how selfish ca-
"So how are you doing this fine morning?" Crap he's awake, and of course he knows I am too!
Nervous, can't be nervous. Play it off like it's anyone else. "Ahh fine, how about you?"
Gently I tugged his hand off my hip, and pulled the sheet up to cover my chest as I faced him. When I turned around, he made no move to cover himself and just laid on his side as he observed me with that stupid smirk. I tried to fight a blush from creeping up my cheeks- but wait, what the hell! He was crying on my shoulder last night, and basically begged me to sleep with him and now he's looking at me as if it was me who was crying and pleading!
"Good, good, but more importantly, I'm surprised that you weren't a virgin. You used to seem quite innocent to me, but I guess after last night, I have to rethink that."
"W-wait! What? I-I'm not all that innocent! Why does everyone think that? I'm twenty now!"
His stupid smirk went to a full blown out lecherous grin. God, I can't believe he said that, ugh! I'd give anything to punch him in the face right now!
"Yes, as I said Sakura, I know now that you're not that innocent, so who was your first?"
"That's none of your business!" How dare he ask me that! Okay punching him is becoming much more likely!
"Was it a ninja?"
"Well from your lack of reply and fierce blush, I'll take that as a yes! Hmm…someone I know?"
"Ooo again no reply. Sakura, you really need to learn how to lie better. Umm…Naruto?'
"No, of course not! He's like my weird little brother! Now stop asking me these questions."
"Okay then, were they older than you?"
"Jiraiya I told you that it's none of your business! Now I'm not asking who the hell your first screw was ten thousand years ago!" The nerve of him prying into my personal life!
"Sakura, Sakura, now that was a low blow insinuating that I'm old. There's no need to get mad, I'm just curious."
"I wasn't insinuating anything! Damn it, fine! If only you'll shut up. Promise you won't tell?" God, I can't believe I'm about to tell him of all people about a drunken mistake two years ago.
"Of course, of course."
Stop grinning! "…Kakashi,"
"What? The only thing I thought he got any action from was his hand because all he does is read my books! Well, I have to say, that was quite the surprise."
"Believe me, it was a surprise for me too. Let's just say that I had a tad too much to drink." Wow, this stupid conversation with him invading my personal life is taking the awkwardness that was almost assured after we woke up naked in bed together this morning. I guess he did have a reason for prying.
Giving me no response, he almost reluctantly, sat on the edge of the bed and stood up in order to get dressed. I sat there in bed, gripping the sheet to my chest and stared at him as he found his clothes. Silence stretched between us and the awkwardness that was supposed to be there was replaced by a slight tension. There was nothing that could be said, no "Let's get breakfast" or "This was a mistake" because we're in no position for the first and the latter isn't true.
When he was finally finished getting dressed, he turned around and looked at me with eyes filled with sadness. As he began to speak, the smirk was back, but it was not condescending as usual, it was made from pain and grief. "Sakura, thank you."
I stared back at him with a mirror expression and ignored his declaration of gratitude because I was thankful to him as well, so instead I said something selfish. "Jiraiya, I'll always be here." There was no reason to add "whenever you need me" or "for you" onto the end of my uttered statement because he knew what I meant.
With that, he smiled a true smile, one that I've only seen him show to her, and he poofed out of my apartment. When or if he'll return, I don't know, but what I do know is that he helped me survive one more day on this planet.