Despair
by Kaline Reine
Beta/Edits by kagomegirl53


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters/settings. But I wish I did.

WARNINGS: Somewhat dark, character death, angst, gore, blood, violence, hints of incest, etc.

Why won't you love me? ...You bastard. Why did you have to leave? Of all the times, why did you have to pick now?

I wander alone in silence. It's so dark here. It feels like I'm about to break. I can literally feel it in my chest, as my heart breaks in two. I hate this feeling... I always had it when I was with you. Like a bitter bile, climbing through my chest. It settles in my groin and that sickening feeling just won't leave. It's putrid, and it disgusts me.

The truth is, I still remember... Just how your touch felt on my skin. Every time you would come near me, I could feel it racing through my veins. I only wanted to be near you... Yet you shoved me away every time. Out of fear and out of pain. Only I was too blind to see it at the time. And that is my one regret. How could I be so blind to all the pain you were in? You were so right to call me foolish.

I am a fool.

That one night when everything changed, it was different. Something I will always hold onto. The pointless fighting and violence that you hated so much might have taken you away from me... But they will never steal my memories. Especially of that night.

If I had known then what I know now... Things would be a lot different.

There wouldn't have been so much hatred. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt both of us so much. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten so carried away with revenge. I was too concerned with fixing things my own way to see that there was another way. For me, there is never any other way. I'm such a stupid, spoiled brat. Just like you always said.

...You made the ultimate sacrifice and you did it all for me. I wish I could truly turn back time. There is no way for me to go back now. It's too late, and now I have to reap what I have sewn. And it hurts so much.

My own brother, and you weren't that much older than me. But your soul always felt heavy with anguish from ages past. I know you, and yet... I do not. I can't know everything. I'm not the great Shinobi you were.

"...Itachi..."

I sink to my knees, falling onto the cold hard ground, in despair.

If my soul could cry, it would. Everything is so painful. Each breath I take pains me more than even a lifetime of betrayal. For you see, you never betrayed me at all. I just thought you did. I never realized that you gave up everything for me. I am a worthless maggot who didn't deserve any of it!

And now the tears are falling. I have to let it happen. I have to get this sadness out of my body somehow. It's not working.

A war was started... We all had a hand in it. What I will never understand is how things got so intense, so quickly.

But loving you was a lot like that... Wild and feral; sharp and intense. Skin tingling with untold pleasures, as your lips danced across mine. Forever entwined... That's how it should be when you're in love. I was never in love with you. I was transfixed by something so much more powerful than myself. Something any Shinobi might succumb to, given their will is as tainted as mine.

It was all your fault. It still is!

For making me think everything was okay, and then taking it away from me. For making me love you, then having to lose you. Then for being able to finally be with you... Then having all of it taken away from me. The worst part is, I had to take it from myself.

I was the one who had to finally make that decision. I thought getting rid of you would stop the war. I thought it was what you wanted. I thought it would make things better. And I was so foolish as to believe that I could bring you back. You were amazing; immortal. Nothing could ever touch you. But all of their hatred and bitterness did. You let them win, and part of me hates you for it. Only I can't, because I love you too much for that.

Them. I can hear them trying to get in. They've found where I am hiding. And foolishly, like me, they continue to believe that more murdering will bring about peace. Well, it won't. I would know.

It's almost over now... The war I started. They're trying to get me, but I won't let them. How dare they try to desecrate the body which you adored! The body that I loved you with...

My brother. I'll be seeing you soon.

It is with a heavy heart, that I plunge the dagger into my chest. Then just for good measure, I do it again. Over and over until I can't move anymore. The blood flows onto the ground, making a puddle to match my eyes. These cursed eyes which you helped me to attain. Not that you knew what you were really doing at the time.

All that's left is the dizzying sleep. Painful, peaceful bliss that I've been carried to in sorrow.

"I'll... see you soon... Aniki..."

A/N: I was bored... And I wrote this when I was feeling down. I know it's not my usual thing, but I wanted to try something new. Hope it was enjoyable anyway.

-k.R.