Hello, This is my 2nd fic ever that I abandoned because...it just seemed so wrong and easy...I might continue it some time but for now I will keep it here as reminder how to NOT write fics. It has some good parts but it still sucks...

Now I will start writing other fics of mine... give me heads up if you want me to... make this into real fic!

(hello this is my very own thought bubble so if you see text like this, it's my thoughts that only those that can read my mind can comprehend)Also since I'm main narrator if you see text like this,which is a lot,it's mostly me partly describing and partly commenting situation as a narrator.

)And I'm his Bro, and I'm omnipotent Q partly responsible for my the situation of my big brother...other is Q...yes that Q who has messed up with Kirk and many "S/I-authors" under different aliases...and who gave certain dudes technology to go through dimensions just for fun...He has even better schemes than me! damn him! Oh and only those who can read Partsu's mind can hear these thought bubbles(

"This is how everyone talks, like me, I'm now opening the cursed mail...heh Hey bro! Come look at this!"
"What now?is that a joke?" )heh heh plan is working...(

2012,this reality,Finland,me
(what is this? Some kind of joke? Well lets give it a shot.) I think as I receive email asking if I wanted to travel to Mass Effect. The mail has link that I click.

The link opens up a page to questionnaire.

Hello. This Mass Effect profile reconstruction-like questionnaire is used to determine Mass Effect Universe most suitable to you If you were to be transported to Mass Effect...(what the hell?)

Would you join Commander Shepard?(yes/no)(well d'uh?)
If yes ,when? (prior/ME1/ME2/ME3)(prior? What the hell? ME1 of course...)
Are you willing to spend some time before joining?(yes/no/don't care)(who cares? Didn't I answer this already?)
Would you change Canon radically?(yes/no)(that would make precognition through games null so no.)
Would you try to save both in Virmire(yes/no/don't know yet)(radical change...but maybe I'd try...don't know)
Are you willing to be an experiment?(Yes/No)(sounds fun...)

From here on it's construction of your ID in Mass Effect,your age is young adult (20y human/turian/batarian/quarian,10y salarian/vorcha,100y Asari/Krogan)

Your Name:J*** P***** (rule of funny heh...if this were real I would never take that kind of surname)
Your Background (Colony-born/Earth-born/Spacer)(born on earth but I'd like to have been colony kid...)
Your gender(Surprise/Female/Male/Hermaphrodite)(seriously?of course male!)
Your race (Surprise/Human/Asari/Turian/Salarian/Batarian/AI/Krogan/Vorcha/Quarian/your own)(okay this is creepy...but lets roll the dice on this one!)
Class( Soldier/Vanguard/Infiltrator/Sentinel/Adept/Engineer/Surprise)(what the hell?multiple class choice?well lets flip a coin on each!)
Weapon proficiency(AR/SR/HP/SMG/surprise)(Already proficient with AR's of our time,thanks army!)
Specialty?Energy drain all the way.(only ability that really makes sense to me)
Since you chose Surprise race, customization is not available and will be completely randomized.(?makes sense...I guess)

From here on it's what Shepard is like.(WTH? I can choose Shepard? Well lets see...I think I'm taking this portion seriously...)

. Would you customize Shepard?(no(surprise)/Yes) if yes answer these:(I want to choose outlook at least...)
. His/her Gender(F/M/my opposite/Surprise)(who cares)
. First name? (default/ /surprise)(I don't want to choose this)
. Looks (Default1/Default2/Default3/Surprise/Custom)(THIS! This is why I chose to customize! If s/he is she this is MUST.)
. Background (Spacer/Earthborn/Colonist/mix2/Surprise)(let the fate determine this)
. Military history (War Hero/Ruthless/Sole Survivor/Mix2/all/Surprise)(and this)
. Love interest (job/ME1/ME2/ME3/ME123/ME13/ME23/YOU/surprise)(and this)
. Loyal lover?(yes/no/Twotimer/surprise)(Of course loyal! Shepard should be mostly good person!)
. Paragon/Renegade/ParaGade/Renegon/Surprise (Paragade=Paragon mostly but willing to do some Renegade choices depending on the situation,ReneGon is the opposite)(yeah...mostly good person)
. Soldier/Vanguard/Infiltrator/Sentinel/Adept/Engineer/Surprise (multiple choice again? Coin flipping time...)
Favorite weapon class?(AR/SR/HP/SMG/surprise)(Again?well going by cut-scenes Assault rifle and Heavy Pistol...)

Why did you choose what you chose?(I think If someone were to read my thoughts they would know already...but lets see)
For me? I was in army for while,so AR is my thing . In army I was one of the best marksmen so sniper rifles could be my thing too. Infiltrator is my favorite class. Tactical Cloak/Sabotage/hack/Energy drain with sniper rifles is the way I like to do things. I'm also proficient martial artist (though lack of practice has made me rusty). Only thing I'd need to do is get my body back in shape and I could fit right in to Normandy. But I would probably need some help with tech...but not much as I've already got very good grasp how things In mass effect probably work.
For Shepard? Because in almost all cut-scenes Shepard is shown to use either Assault rifle or pistol. Also it's canon that Shepard is Biotic, otherwise s/he shouldn't be able to use those biotic bonus powers when s/he is not biotic class. The classes for Shepard are more like what s/he prefers to be than what s/he is capable of. I'm also believer of god and fate, as in that there are multiple paths for everyone and everything and all we have to do is choose. But Shepard being Sentinel and use AR seems a bit...overpowered to me...so I chose Vanguard...not like it matters...this is some kind of joke right?

I start chuckling at my answers. But as I press OK, the screen goes black and then ominous yellow text appears in the middle of screen.

NO This was NOT joke. Welcome to Mass Effect!

(What the hell?)I manage to think before I get hit by lighting all goes black for a while.

March 16th Year 2183,mass effect reality *****************, two days after attack on Eden prime,space station theta, asteroid belt,unknown system,Kepler verge. Video record few minutes prior awakening

"this unit is ready to serve" armored figure says. It's build like 170cm human male.
"as you heard sir our prototype android is ready. Orders for it?" Asari says to hologram of Saren Arterius. The android in question takes of its helmet to reveal Japanese human male-like face with flowing purplish black hair and lime eyes.
"what in the spirits are you talking about and who the heck are you?" Saren asks furiously. The asari is obviously scared so she starts talking as fast as she can. No one wants to mess with person who is leader of geth.
"umm sir? I'm Lana Mourapsis, the head designer of project PARTSU? 10 years ago You ordered me to design perfect infiltration spy assassin AI that resembles human so much that it can fool every scanner? You ordered me to stay off the grid and not contact you until it is ready?"
"I did? Well good work reminding me. I'll send orders in an hour." the call is then disconnected.
The asari visibly deflates and looks from the unit in question to geth squadron that has been guarding the station for 10 years

Sovereign on route to Virmire
"okay what in the name of spirits was that? I never ordered such a thing...I better send squadron of geth to investigate-"Saren starts
"no need to do that, it has been taken care of."Figure in black behind him says.
"yes...it has been taken care of..."
"you should forget about this,you have better things to do"
"yes...yes i have"Saren says and the figure disappears ghostly before anyone can see it.
"saren? We are about to reach Virmire. Who were you talking to"Benezia yells behind the door
"not important ,lets continue, we have lot to do." he answers.

Silently the figure Saren talked to starts to chuckle .first quietly but steadily louder all the way to full-blown evil laughter in his own personal plane of existence
)and now my brother dear, it is your time to take the stage and provide me some amusement, after all, being omnipotent is boring as hell...Q was right though...humans are interesting...though me becoming part of continuum, in same freak accident that made my bro disappear from our plane of existence, did shook foundations of all Q continuum...but becoming Q did give me info where bro disappeared...and he is about to appear directly where the android I ordered to be made in Sarens name and bro's specifications happens to be...and he is there...NOW(

Station Theta,video feed.

Out of nothing purple lighting hits the Android in question...as does smaller yellow one.

"NO! My prototype! Nooo—uugh" The asari yells and faints. Two geth take her away and then screen flashes off and on.

The unit in question clutches its head and starts yelling very human and primal yell


Station Theta, me. What feels like second after lighting hit me.

"AAAAAAAAARGHHH!" I yell and clutch my head. I then feel as if I'm pulled within myself. In there I continue to yell as the pain is unbearable. Like someone is ripping me apart and then squeezing me into very tiny space. And the numbers oh for gods sake the numbers! I feel ,see, hear and everything in numbers! It's driving me insane. (AN: Yes it's the AI trying to quarantine our main character but I felt I shouldn't put things like "warning:Unknown program: protocol dictates it must be quarantined and studied. Who would like to write shit like that at the beginning?)

(What the fuck is happening to me?AARGH! This is insane! Why do I remember everything so clearly and why in the jokers name everything is full of numbers?) I continue to silently yell and keep myself from falling apart, as it feels like something is trying to dissect me.

Then very familiar voice starts speaking and orders something to get lost and the pain subsides.(AN: changed its protocol for background study.)

(Oh for fucks sake! Bro what the hell is happening and where are we?) I say to him. To my not so great surprise knowing him he just starts laughing.

)Why don't you take a look at these files( He says and throws me something. As I catch it I see it exploding. It doesn't hurt so I open my eyes and in front of me is video feed like in Illusive mans office in mass effect 2&3. I look through them and hearing my bro's thoughts at the end makes me want to kill him.

(What does this mean bro? You are Q? I'm inside some f***ing android and we are in mass effect 2 days after Eden Prime? Is this some kind of sick joke?) I yell at him and he just laughs louder ,which is just like him...and The Joker from batman.

)Bing bong! Correct and incorrect! This is real ,not a joke And I'm bored as hell! So I decided to give you change to play hero! But because only your...soul?spirit? Mind? Essence? Whatever wast the one that got transferred to this plane of existence I decided to give you new nigh-immortal body! I hope you like it! I had to make some suggestions to certain people to speed up the process but it was completed before you arrived...but the AI was pesky so I mellowed the bluebox you're in a little bit and let your essence rewrite it...though it probably should be called partsu-box now...it's closer to organic now...what were you thinking? Now your own body can affect your main computer almost like it were HUMAN BRAIN!( he yells at me

(Ummm...uuuh...okay...clearly you still love to talk...)I say to him as I'm a little more than a bit confused and then I continue(and I don't know what I was thinking! I was still thinking this was my body!) I yell back.

)well it isn't...okay it is now. Anyway I'll watching from sidelines and let you do whatever you want. But if you want to talk, and I know you do almost as much as me, I'll make rapport between us so you can contact me 'telepathically' whenever you want(


)well now see ya! I took opportunity to have some target practice for you. 25 geth units and 20 salarians plus one asari. Enjoy your first kills!( with that he disappeared.

I silently grumble and curse. I then concentrate and files appear before me. I skim them through and then reach out to communications of the base and faster than anyone can see, send distress signal to Alliance command, more specifically to Admiral Hackett. Using my new ID that the Asari had made me,which was identical to my own design.

"This is J*** P***** .In this location is space station ,Science facility owned by Saren Arterius. They perform illegal research to genetics and artificial intelligence here along with very invasive experiments on humans kidnapped from mostly human colonies. I'm last survivor. They didn't take into account my hacking abilities so I managed to hack their comm system and send this. Please help. There are 15 salarian scientists and over 20 geth units. According to communications Station leader is Lana Mourapsis. I can hold my own but not very long. I've copies of most important research done here."

While sending that I quickly download most crucial data from all databanks in the station ,including their omnitools. This of course sets of some alarms and geth very quickly catch up to me. The salarians in the room I'm in quickly catch up too.

"The unit has gone berserk! We must put it down! Put it down!" they yell while sprinting to cover.

I on the other hand smirk and casually, to me at least, put on my helmet and cloak immediately.

(it seems I really do have to kill...damn I was hoping to avoid that...) I think and take out sniper rifle in my back. It's very high grade Viper (because of several missions on ME2 I'm inclined to believe that there has always been weapons that use overheating of ME1 and weapons that use heat sinks of ME2-3.)

(here goes...heaven forgive me) I think as I go to cover and take aim at nearest salarian. I then take deep breath and pull the trigger.

"it's over there! It just shot Gram! Shoot it! Shoot it!" Salarian next to the one I shot yells as he looks at him.

"Gram is alive! Take it out as I apply medigel!"He says.

I grimace at that. (Damnit! Me and my soft heart! Why did I shoot at his horn instead of between the eyes?) I think and feel something odd .I ignore the odd feeling ans as I see some geth coming I quickly formulate quite evil plan but which makes my job easier. I select area hack and point to the geth in middle of three last ones inside. I succeed in hacking them and after 2 seconds I cloak and run outside the room to the hallway. Before they notice where I went and cloak ends I arrive at Armory. There should be prototype Gatling sniper. I intend on taking it and probably give it to either Garrus or Wrex. I manage to shut the door just in time for cloak to end.

"phiiuuh...that was close one..." I say a loud and relax a little.

"now for..." I start turning around but am interrupted by pistol pushed to my temple.(shit I should have looked in before coming in) I think to myself and manage to see from side glance that he just de-cloaked. (figures)

"Don't dare do anything! Answer my questions and I might consider sparing your life!"He says. I nod. I see as he relaxes a little.

"Okay first: why did you turn against your creators? You were considered success and probability of you going berserk was below 0.000001%!" He asks me.

I'm quick to weave story for him "I was planning from beginning to turn against Saren Arterius considering his goals. I believe all beings, synthetic and organic, should co-exist peacefully. But from the start I knew no one here agreed so I went along until I saw my change. I calculated my odds of survival was lower than 0.0001% but after attack on Eden prime my odds rose to 50% so I took my changes today. If you assist me in escaping and contacting alliance I promise I won't kill you. And that gun isn't nearly powerful enough to pierce both my helmet and skull." I say to the salarian. He hesitates a little and then takes his gun out of my temple,surprising me.

"I don't know why but I feel that I can trust you...and that you lied about yourself. You feel...different than this morning...like you're totally different person...if I weren't part of your construction I'd say you were real human...you've an...aura? Like organic...but that's crazy..."

"And you talk almost like you were human, not like most salarians."I say back

"Hah! Roc Ralef, STG. I'm on mission to take this place down. I was supposed to sabotage all the projects here but it seems I made right call when I decided to not sabotage your construction...or should I say construction of the body you hijacked?" He says and smirks at me.

"What? How did you?" I say and take step back.

"I had odd dream as I took nab few minutes ago...about how two brothers talked inside odd environment...other was Q and other was for others amusement stuffed into AI...YOU."

(damn what the fuck? Bro you know anything about this?) I sent thought to my bro. He answer faster than I can metaphorically blink.

)I'm looking into it...it seems Q, the original who messed with captain Kirk, relayed our conversation to him...he thought you needed help. And he wanted to see our faces...damn! I'm going to file him BRB...damn he ran away...well now you know heh heh...if I were him I'd be laughing right now and I HATE when I'm being outmaneuvered...( he responds ,or more correctly,snarls. I resist urge to even think of chuckling and focus back on my new real world.

"Okay I believe you and yes that was me and my bro...I just talked with him...apparently some of his friends relayed our talk to you so you'd help me."

"yeah someone named Q...but yeah sure I will help you...I take it that you send SOS to Alliance and downloaded most of the data?" He says while checking his shotgun.

"Yeah. I just received info that Commander Shepard is an hour away. Mind giving me that monster gun there? I think my enhancements are perfect for that thing." I say while pointing at the gun in its case. It's huge. It would take most of the space on my back when concealed. Roc smiles and gestures go ahead to me.

I smirk and walk to it. It weighs 50kg , which is almost twice of Widow. I barely manage to hold it steady with one hand so I put my Viper to its place on my back next to my Mattock. I then take it on both hands and open it. It's HUGE. The 4 1,2m barrels can be rotated manually.

"you like it? I designed it to be used by Krogans or synthetics. It's as accurate as most snipers on the market but depending on the fire mode it can fire between 1200 bullets and 120 shots per minute. Beauty and the beast!" He says while grinning from ear to ear. I check its specs. It can be fired from hip like badass, or be mounted or used as 4 barreled sniper rifle from shoulder. I choose badass style and sync it with my visor to show 4 red crosses where it points. Though the 4 red targeting lasers help a lot too.

"Shall we wreak some havoc? It's 45 minutes until Normandy is here. We need to take out the defense turret before that."

"I'll take care of them, you make some noise." He says and cloaks.

I smile and then open the door .

"Come here you sons of a bitches!" I yell and prepare for them to come. They don't disappoint. I punch Armor-piercing mods on to upper left barrel and disruptor rounds 3 others. The geth never knew what hit them.

"Take this!" I say and let it roll. The thing punches like hell but I manage to compensate for it immediately. All three geth go down in seconds in small pieces. And the overheat meter doesn't even go up.

"Damn this is good! Maybe I should keep it..." I say and sprint to airlock. I check my clock. 40 minutes to go. I put the gun on mounted position. Then I open the comm to Roc.

"Roc? It's me. Are you in position?"

"yeah I just got the guns offline but I'm under heavy fire! I don't think I can't hold on much longer!" I curse and start running back leaving the gun there. I send message to Normandy informing where is it. They send acknowledgment and message '35 minutes until arrival,try to stay alive and save the STG agent.'

I smile and start running again. 5 minutes later I'm at the door to the room fighting is. I managed to kill 2 other geth on the way. So that means 13 geth and 19 salarian scientists left.

"I'm behind the door. How the heck you got there so fast? It took me 5 minutes."I say over the comm.

"Hah! I am faster than you then! But I am badly wounded...I don't think I can make it. Take care of Saren for me!"

"no! I'm going to save your ass! How many are there?"

"5 geth and 5 salarians, I took down 4 salarians already. I send you the positions" I nod and as I receive the info I send him my plan

"that's good...I'll try"he radios back

"good...I'm coming it...3...2...1...now! " I say as I punch the door open. Faster than anyone can notice I hack left flank geth and Roc hacks right flank. I then shoot one salarian nearest to me. It's the one I failed to kill. I grimace and go behind the cover he was using. After my cloak is ready I punch it and run to Roc's place.

"Good to see you...how much time left until Normandy is here?" he asks me as I materialize next to him.

"25 minutes but..." I stop as I see his injuries. His whole left side is barely there...

"What the fuck happened?"

"grenade..."he says. He's barely conscious.

"Damn...I don't have enough medigel...it seems we have to amputate your left leg and arm...hang on." I say and hack remaining geth and order it to run and detonate at last Salarian alive. I then send message about situation to Normandy. (AN: I've communicate through emails with them so I don't know who is answering)

I receive message saying they are prepping med bay. I then proceed to do gruesome field medicine I know.

"Grit your teeth." I say and then I use Omniblade to cut his left arm off. The heat burns it so it doesn't bleed anymore.(not that there was much left)

"still conscious?Good now your leg" I say and using rope made of robe dead salarian next to him I tie his leg so it doesn't bleed.

He nods and says in hoarse voice "crude but effective." I nod and then apply all my medigel to his torso wounds.

"At least you don't die today..." He nods.

Then my omnitool beeps, it's incoming call from Normandy. I accept it.

"This is chief medical officer of Normandy . Let me see the patient." Chakwas says, I oblige. Seeing my feed she continues

"hmmm...crude but effective first aid. I think he'll survive. It seems there is nothing to worry about. Please connect his omnitool to this channel so I can speak to him directly." I nod and I do what she says.
"how long till you're here?"

"joker says that we're there in 5 minutes." I almost jump on joy.

"Good I-" I'm interrupted by loud explosion. I look over our cover and see that they decided to blow the door I had locked when I came in.

"We have hostiles. There should be 8 geth units and 10 salarians in the station along with project leader." I say and am again interrupted as I hear very unoriginal and familiar roar. Krogans. I groan and correct my statement

" I correct there are 8 geth ,10 salarians and several Krogan. They have apparently flushed them out of their tanks. I wonder how many were friendly..."

I say and grimace as I see one of them flaring purple and see chair flying over us.

"and it seems that at least one of the biotic test subject krogans decided to join the enemy."I continue.

To my surprise very familiar female voice answers me. It seems we have Female Shepard.

"Hold on, back up is on its way. We just docked and found your gift. Wrex, our very own biotic krogan tank fell in love with it and is tearing some salarians and geth apart." I hear amused Shepard saying.

I can't help but grin at that.

"I thought it was suited for krogan better than me. I barely managed to use it. We are at the Station defense control. We are pinned down."

"WE are running there, just hold on..." she says.

But before I can say anything I hear Garrus talking over the comm.

"Damn Wrex took of running straight there, we are barely able to keep up! And he's not leaving anything to us!"

"sounds very krogan..." I say. Then I hear very familiar roar.


Roc shakes his head hearing it"Very Krogan...Well it's good he's on our side." I just nod and duck as the 3 salarians and 2 krogans open fire at us again. The biotic krogan charges out of the room to ,apparently ,challenge Wrex.

We hear two roars and then see as the wall next to door bulges in a little.

Second later Wrex comes in. He's full of krogan blood and other gory things.

"Okay whelps, I'm here to take you to Normandy." He says to us and then he looks at the krogan in the room" And you pussies I'm going to crush like a pyjak!" I then proceed to snipe Salarians before they can even shoot towards Wrex. I then wave at him, he just hmphs and proceeds to drop the monster weapon and the krogan look at each other and take their aim at him. To their surprise Garrus and Shepard arrive at that moment and both shoot the weapons out of their hands. Left with no weapons they shrug and charge at Wrex.

"That's the spirit!"He says and proceeds to give them boost with biotics. They slam at each other with so much force that their heads split to pieces like two tomatoes, as a very gory mess.

Shepard looks at Wrex and shakes her head.

"Wrex...you're taking a shower BEFORE you step into Normandy. And you" she points at me "and Garrus take our patient to Normandy." We nod and Garrus comes over and puts patient stretcher together and we lift Roc to it .

Then we take the handles and Garrus nods to commander. But just then the last survivor, The asari, appears from vents few meters from us.

"YOU TRAITOR! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!" she yells and hurls warp at me.

(Oh shit!) I manage to think and duck so the warp flies over me. I never take my eyes of her but she still manages to surprise me by doing biotic charge right at me.

I tumble backwards from the hit and drop the stretcher Roc is on. But I can't even manage to take out my pistol as she's over me with shotgun...
but not just any shotgun...

Fully charged geth plasma shotgun

probably only shotgun capable of going through both my shields and kill me

(This is going to hurt) I manage to think and shut my eyes before I hear the familiar sound of the gun.

(…okay am I dead or something because I sure as hell don't feel different...)

)Open your eyes idiot!(

I open my eyes and see something I never wanted to see.

Between me and Asari is Roc ,glowing faintly purple. He was fucking biotic!

He had charged from his place towards me, coming between me and her.

"ROC! "I yell out and see as light fades from his eyes as he mutters

"Tell Kirrahe that I held the line..." Then he dies from wound inflicted by Lana, the asari.

"I..."I try to say

"Damn ! Well that just gave you few precious-" she starts but can't finish her sentence as she is lifted biotically by Shepard.

"YOU ASSHOLE! HE WAS MY FRIEND!" I roar and take out my own shotgun (M-22 Eviscerator) and point it at her,But I can't even pull the trigger before

she shouts "INITIATE CODE OMEGA!" which makes her Omnitool flash As a result I feel sharp pain in my neck which makes me drop my gun.

"Wha-" I say but the pain makes my whole body limp and I crash to floor.

Inside my head a battle starts

(What the fuck? That bitch just...what the ******* did she do to me? )I send hasty thought to my bro. As an answer I'm being drawn inside myself and I see my bro in front of me.

)She used backup controls...you forgot to purge your systems idiot...(He says in his what-did-I-tell-you-Idiot -look

(Why didn't you tell me? SHIT! I can't control my body! Help a little!)

)Not a chance...it's your mistake...I'm just enjoying the show...you better do little searching inside your systems...just a hint(

(thanks...) I concentrate and I see holo of myself. I take a quick look at it. As I notice small chip in my neck where the pain was I realize the situation.

(OH SHIT! That's a control chip! How the fuck I'm taking that out?) then the whole imaginary level shakes and I see walls starting to surround me.

(okay what is this bro?)
)I might as well tell you...it's backup AI program trying to quarantine you like a virus It has studied you since you took control...I said you should have purged the systems...lets see how you entertain me with this.( He says in his whatever-I-don't-care-manner .I curse and quickly send email to Shepard explaining that the asari is controlling me using control chip inside my neck ,but it is damaged so my implant that makes it possible to convert thoughts into Emails is only thing I have left ,so they should be wary as I am not in control. Just after I send the email the walls close and I'm quarantined.

(this is seriously not fun...what should I do?)

)get out?( my bro says in his playful tone

(no shit Sherlock...) I mutter and try to think a way out.

The headaches that started after walls appeared start becoming even harder to ignore making it hard to think. I curse and project all my fury in metaphoric blast towards my bro as a joke like I always threw things around when I have headaches, but he evades and it hits the wall .It eases the pain and I see that part of the wall cracked. Seeing the crack gives me epiphany

(well well...it seems machine can't handle feelings...heh heh it reminds me of certain fanfic about how Shepard used feelings to punish and "educate""Reapers as she controlled them...maybe it's true here too...) I flex my muscles and then focus all my hate of Saren towards the wall. It breaks down quite a bit and I feel so happy about it that I basically radiate happiness.

That breaks over half of the walls and I feel my left side again.

(hell yeah!) I send another happy wave but this time it only breaks half of the half. That allows my right hand come back to me.

(lets try another emotion) I focus and test some negative ones, sadness, hate, fury. They are counter effective as I lose feeling of my leg.

(damn AI recognized hate and used it to counter my own move.) I think and then get idea.

I focus and the walls change into Geth-look-a-likes

)impressive...you managed to change outlook of the firewalls but what now? You going to kick them?( Bro says in his mocking tone.

(as a matter of fact...) I say to him and as I go through all my happiest memories and some others that have heavy emotion attached to them ,I feel like I'm glowing from awesomeness. Time to beat some bugs off the system.

I use some lightweight memories to punch several firewalls and then make big 'energy attack' out of one memory laced with happy sadness for watching certain anime episode . I manage to destroy most of the firewalls with that.

)quite unorthodox way to beat firewalls...but you still don't have full control and that chip is still there(

I nod and "run" through my body destroying firewalls while watching what happens outside. Apparently my body is lying still. They are fighting against the asari. She is quite tough but I see that Shepard and others are just buying time. I can't help but smile as Shepard sends message 'we will hold her off so you can break her control of you' to me.

Seeing that Shepard just said she trusts me I feel pumped up. Just then I feel twinge from certain area of my 'brain' and then my body starts moving...without me giving orders. Shepard looks at me question in her moves so I quickly send her email 'It's not me! I felt twinge in my brain and then my body started to move! But I saw that the asari fiddled with her omnitool just before it happened! But since I've no incoming orders she must have implanted me with something with ingrained behavior models!'

'OK,we'll take her out and see if we can find way to return control to you, her omnitool right?'


)you're lucky that she's more paragon than renegade...otherwise she would have just killed you...(


I can't help but to watch as my body takes very...animal pose and looks carefully at each person in the room.

"What are you waiting for PARTSU? You're supposed to kill strongest person you can handle in close combat when I give orders OMEGA,BABLOV,PREDATOR!" The asari yells. My body tenses and I see that everyone is looking at me as if They couldn't believe their luck, but the asari looks at me angrily.

What happens next takes her by surprise. Because my body tenses even more and focuses on her. She realizes what that means and starts shooting at me with evident fear in her face. They are all surprised as I jump to side always just before she shoots, thus evading the blows. I slowly close the distance and the asari decides she has no change and quickly fiddles with her omnitool but for her horror my body continues and says in cold predatory voice that scares even me.

"PROTOCOL OMEGA,PABLOV,NORMAL will be initiated after current target is eliminated or body rendered unable to win."

After saying that my body jumps on her and my claw-like omniblades flares to life and my body rips her guts open with left hand and then hit her heart and neck with right.

Seeing that she's unable to fight ,it apparently registers as win as I feel myself back in control and I immediately jump off her body and crawling backwards I back up to wall panting heavily.

"I NEVER want to do that again! F***ing shit! Please get whatever took control of me out!" I yell and then feel myself losing control as the control chip flares back on. I manage to see the asari pressing button on her omnitool before dying.

'commander? I lost control again...apparently whatever she used to control me deemed her not dangerous anymore even though she was alive...but I'm stuck like this until the chip is off or I'm given new orders...this sucks...'

I hear Shepard burst out laughing and she goes and downloads all the files on the Asari's omnitool. She looks at them and then smirks.

"I think We should keep that implant...but the chip must be removed..."She then contacts Normandy through comm "Joker! Send Ashley and Kaidan here! Wrex is way too dirty to help our newest crew-member aboard and Garrus has other things to do. "

"c'mon! Another stray-cat?"


"yeah yeah they were behind me anyway and are on their way." Joker says as fast as he can. Shepard smiles at that and the turns towards her squad

"Garrus! Sweep the station! Wrex...Find shower so you won't be so dirty when we get back to ship."

Garrus seems barely able to hold his laughter so he takes the Gatling sniper and runs to carry her orders. Wrex shakes his head and wanders to direction of showers.

Shepard sits down and just stares at me for minute before talking to me.

"You're one weird dude...you were experimented on for 10 years and you never once rebelled until now? What gives?"

(What the? uh...bro? What is she talking about?) I send quick thought to my bro.

) I modified the files in here a little...I didn't want to reveal the little secret and make this boring...stick to your cover story...Which is that you were born on earth and moved to colony called New Finland with your family and around hundred thousand other humans. Planet Mindoir. unless you want me to lock your memories so you can't tell the truth? Your choice...( then he starts to cackle like madman. SOB!

Crudgingly I send Email that sticks to my cover-story

'I was earth-born but raised in colony of Uusmaa, in area of Fiinland, until I was apparently kidnapped and sold to that Asari. And that is an assumption as I don't remember much but when I saw her watching news about Eden prime getting attacked...I just snapped to reality. I then used skills I had learned here ,at least those that I remembered, which were hacking ,energy drain, tactical cloak and some basic combat skills I knew since my time in the army...but it seems I've been trained more than that...I'm fucking animal! :( '

Reading that makes her tense and she jumps feet into air as door opens. She almost shoots at the people who came through the door but lowers her weapon as she notices that it's just Ash and Kaidan who came in. They look at each other and shrug.

"That him? What about the other guy?" Ashley asks. Shepard points to Roc and then to Asari. It seems they make connection and nod.

"He doesn't look hurt...why does he need to be carried?" Ash says clearly disliking the idea of carrying me.

"He has control chip implanted on his neck. I could release the control but I thought it's better that we carry him to medbay...it seems he was some sort of experiment and he probably would refuse to go to labs after his experience..." Shepard says. They nod but look at me warily before starting to carry me.

As they carry me to Normandy I decide to send Shepard email 'I have no recollection of me being experimented on so I have no fear of labs...though it might be that I have something that prevents me from remembering things...'.Kaidan notices Shepard's reaction as she turns to me in surprise.

"Umm commander? Do you have some kind of telepathic connection?" he asks in voice I realize is mix of curiosity, fear and jealousy.

Shepard doesn't seem to notice as she looks at me and then at Kaidan before she face-palms.

"No Kaidan...he has implant that allows him to send his thoughts as an Email...give him your Email and he might start chatting with you too." she says with smirk on her face. Kaidan gets curious so he actually sends his address to my omnitool. (he has no idea what he just signed up for...heh heh...lets give him something to think about!) I think and then send him Email that has even more info that I told others.

'Well hello there! Nice to meet you! I'm J*** P*****, or as the asari who did this all to me and lead that station said, PARTSU, which apparently means Perfect Assassin Recon Tactical Support Unit. I don't know if that's coincidence or she just found my old nickname suitable but I was called Partsu by my friends and family before I got kidnapped and brought here. I was ,and am, idiot whose head is full of nifty ideas ,which makes some people think I'm genius ,which I'm not. What about you? Any hobbies? Friends? Special skills? Love interest? Good stories? ' This takes him by surprise

"Woah! Slow down kid! I wasn't asking for life story or that many questions! Damn! If this is what you're online..." He changes his face to mock horror as he looks at me "then what it would be to talk to you? I've a feeling you will never shut up..."

I send him simple smiley that tells him everything he needs to know ':D' which literally translates to evil/mischievous grin. He gulps and turns to commander as he sets me down to Medbay's operating table, "Commander I have a feeling you'll regret if you allow him to speak..."He then turns to Chakwas "Could you put mute button on him? Just in case?" Chakwas and Shepard look at each other and then Shepard gets that glint in her eye and answer before Chakwas can "I'm sure you can handle him as I'm ordering you to take care of him. He may be 33 but he has no memory of his past 10 years. His skills are formidable and since he apparently have talked to you more than me I think you'd be perfect role model to him..." she says and with Ash she leaves with huge grin on her face.

Kaidan sighs in defeat and walks out but not before muttering "Why I ever fell for those two..."

Feeling evil I send him email again 'I heard that...so Ash and Shepard? You prefer badass women who can kick your ass to next galaxy if they wish?'

He quickly reads it, gets red and furious

"You SOB! Just how good your hearing is?"he whispers just loud enough for me to hear so I send him mail 'apparently I can hear a lot better than I remembered.'

Then Chakwas gives me something that should put any human to sleep in seconds so I decide to fake sleep and start a little heartwarming conversation with my brother...

(I just realized something and I have a feeling you're responsible...Why the f**k I have never felt weirded out by getting transported to another dimension,getting stuffed to fucking android body ,or felt homesick or panicked even for second?)I yell to him through our link.

)damn...you caught up...well I couldn't let you panic in middle of battlefield? Oh and I don't want you to wallow in angst about how you are separated from everyone and you have to figure out how to get back and blah blah blah all that shit so...Lighten up! Here comes your answers! Spoiler spoiler here it comes!Erhm! Your original body is brain-dead but kept otherwise alive thanks to me and I've managed to make it so that no matter how long you spend in this dimension you'll only be brain-dead for 2 months there...so feel free to do whatever you want how long you want! Let the massacre begin! Great adventure of laziest dude ever! Dude thrust into world of fiction! At least fiction until he was thrust into it! Oh but I need to remind you...I'm not going to help you...but I made sure that certain of your favorite S/I authors will make Cameos...just so you don't feel alone...they have their memories but I said that if they directly join Shepard's crew in hunt for Saren I'll make sure they'll die...and I made sure that they understand that they can do whatever they wish as long as they don't kill anyone important...most of them wanted to kill Councilors,Udina TIM and Shadow Broker... it seems they are all doing some good things... I've disabled all dimensional travel...for now...but it seems that your operation is over so bye bye until next time!(He says and then leaves my personal space inside my head.

I of course take this as a grain of salt(Certain someone LOVES to speak. I don't know should I thank you or beat you to pulp for spoiling me my fate.)I mutter and after checking that the chip is gone I check the levels of anesthesia drug in my systems. Seeing that only half is gone I set timer so that it would alert me when I should be awake. I then start sorting out all my memories. I manually tag around 10 years of my life and then I make it to auto sort them. I then start to watch all the good shows I thought I had forgotten. Like all the 90's cartoons. I set it so I can watch 200 of 20 minute shows within the time I should be out cold. It's nice to have your own dimension...almost...dimension inside your brain turned supercomputer or whatever...

When the timer rings I open my eyes and rise up from the bed. I flex my body and pop few joints as they feel a bit off. Chakwas is quick to notice that I rose up

"ah you're awake. I noticed that you're very heavily modified. Most of the mods I see in you I've never ever seen! You're lucky commander is a spectre. Otherwise you'd be taken to some lab to be dissected. "She says and then continues as she apparently remembers why I was brought to medbay ," Oh and as you notice I took out the control chip but the implant that has the behavior models is inside your skull so I couldn't get that out. But since the chip is gone you should have enough control that you can stop yourself if someone were to give you orders against your will." Chakwas says as I continue working to get the stiffness out of my body.

"got it. How long was I out?" I ask ,even though I know the answer, and sit down on the bed.

"7 hours. We're about to dock with Acturus. We're here to give the info you've to Alliance command since you requested help from alliance and not citadel. Shepard said Hackett is coming on board to retrieve the files personally" she says and as in cue Shepard walks in.

"Hows our- oh you're awake. Good. Transfer the files to this OSD." Shepard says and throws me the thing. I catch it and do as ordered. I then throw it back.

"Good...now lets see...WOAH! This is heavyweight! "She yelps and skims through the osd for few seconds until she realizes somethings is off" But these are only partly encrypted...why?" she asks and I give her hard look before answering.
"Because I'm awesome hacker and I decrypted most of them while you took your time to get there? I noticed that encryption in them was way over alliance standard and that it would take years to decrypt them from you so I did it on my spare time with the help of Roc ,the STG agent there. He had some codes that helped with it." I say in my most confident tone. I then look at Chakwas and direct my next question mainly to her.

"And It helps that my IQ was close to 200 before they did something to me that boosted my thinking speed to that of salarian if not faster. I also have my nervous system reworked to make me react faster. Also I noticed that my bones are weird...like they were springs? Otherwise I think only my muscles are a bit stronger. Am I right Doctor?"

"well...other than that and apparent gene-therapy I think you're the same J*** P***** that disappeared 10 years ago during disaster of Uusmaa...you were only human not accounted for." she answers me

This makes me think( Disappeared 10 years ago? What the? Bro could you explain a little?) I ask my bro who obliges second later )I said I made you background...just mod your life to include ME things in colony of Uusmaa. I made sure the place would look almost identical to our home...except in ME,like cars being hover cars. Even if they say it was colony of several million, it was all statistic to them. I just planted few million dummies with randomized DNA construction. With exception of all the people of Finland you knew in our present day there .After making them I made several dummy batarians attack the place .Then I made one of the human dummies make extranet manifesto how all life should be purged and then made it detonate several nuclear bombs that left almost no trace...but enough that Alliance was convinced there were people. So batarians were not to blame but were reason you survived as a slave(after saying all that he leaves again leaving me gritting my teeth. I start thinking all my friends and family and all the things my bro did. It makes me look very distraught and dark. Shepard apparently sees that what chakwas said made my mood so bitter so she hurries to talk about the info I gave her.

"Anyway There is how to make some of your implants and that thing that controls your behavior...it's apparently very advanced VI in small computer in your head...it seems that removing it would render you...unable to move a muscle"she grits her teeth and continues

"that's harsh...but I don't see codes how to control it so either you deleted that file,which would be wise move, or they were not here begin with which would make sense. That means I'm only one who knows them" she smirks at me,"So I have my own little puppet who does whatever I say...could be useful if you ever disobey me...but since I'm not evil enough to take away your free will, I ordered to take away the critical component that restricted your movements when order is given, the thing you refer as control chip. So now if you're given order you can stop yourself from doing it but it renders you unable to move for a minute."

After saying that she puts the OSD to her pocket and extends her hand towards me. "that being said, Welcome to Normandy J*** P*****! I expect you to follow orders, but otherwise you're free to roam around but remember...my spectre status is only thing that keeps you from getting dissected."

I smile and we shake hands. "It's an honor to be accepted to your crew. Also it's nice to see no one is joking about my last name..." I say and after seeing her questioning look I decide to remind her. "Hey hello? How many has Potato for surname?" before Shepard can answer Chakwas burst out laughing before sobering up after seeing the data she just uploaded from extranet.

"Around 1 million humans in hundred different languages and way over billion aliens in their languages use that as their surname...but in English there was only one registered family-line under that name 10 years ago in colony that's now wasteland...and while your DNA doesn't match the name of their oldest son Juha that you say you're It could be explained through extensive Gene therapy seeing that changes between you are those that make your body superior to normal humans. So I think it's safe to say that you're him. I'm sorry for your loss...all of your family were found dead as were their families...the place was hit with Nuke so only charred remains of them were left." Chakwas says in grave voice.

I'm stunned so It takes me whole minute to send thought wave to my bro (Well that was exactly what you said) he answers in singsong voice (Puppets created from DNA patterns of our extended family and few million random people and your friends...and no, No one really died, but I had to make you a believable background now didn't I? And yes they are all alive in our world...) I mentally sigh in relieve ,but it still feels horrible to know that I may never see my friends or family again. So my shock and bad mood is not faked.

"That nuke...I suppose it killed everyone in the colony?" I ask Dr. Chakwas. She gulps and after looking for Shepard for permission she sighs and looks it up from the extranet. "30 thousand dead in second...New Finland was beautiful, mostly agricultural area of Uusmaa that was settled by Finns 30 years ago. It was in border of alliance space. The planet was smaller than earth but had gravity of 1,1 G. Temperature there averaged just above freezing. According to this report They had no defense but they fought bravely against batarian pirates for a week ,before one human got sick of it and detonated several homemade nuclear bombs that wiped out everyone on the planet. The bombs were powerful enough to sink whole planet into nuclear winter. It was taken off the star charts after that. But it was remarkable how one human managed to build fusion, fission ,neutron and several other bombs in one week...and what the reports say...the maker was your little brother ."

(You just had to make yourself genius mass destruction suicide bomber that destroyed whole garden planet?) I ask My bro who just laughs creepily as an answer. I sigh and decide to spice up the story a little it means time to put my small acting skills to use! I clutch my head as if I got painful memory back.

"Bombs...week...NO! It was not him...I was the one who designed them...but I never detonated them! I was about to use them as bargain against batarians! I even went to negotiate about it...damn they must have kidnapped me then!" I say in tone full of desperation.

(AN: thanks to my friend who taught me how to act xD and everyone who thinks I have way too many skills can come to my place. I'm good at what I say but because I've been lazy and crippled few years I can't do a shit,thus I needed new body...and to cut the part where I would run around exercising for months to get back in shape.)

"hmmm okay whatever you say..."Shepard mumbles to me and then turns to Chakwas, "anything else I should know about our patient?"

Chakwas thinks for minute before answering "Well...his bone structure is something that blocks all sort of electromagnetic radiation so scanning his head is impossible. It first seemed to be absorbing vibrations but in reality just diverts them away from head."

"So if I'm shot to the head what would happen?" I ask and chakwas quickly makes some calculations on her omnitool and after a minute she answers.

"If My projections are correct, you'd need to be shot to head by main gun of frigate while being made sure your head stays still to overcome the ability...so..."

"We have immortal dude amongst us...pretty neat...but I take that you can't duplicate the material?"Shepard asks Her.

"I'm afraid not...unless you have schematics?" Dr. Chakwas asks back.

"No. unless it's in those few files that are still encrypted." Shepard says. Then her omnitool beeps and she leaves in hurry.

Which leaves me and Dr. Chakwas.

"Umm...so Dr...can I go now?If I am to be part of your crew I think I should get to know others?"I ask her.

She just goes to her work station and waves towards door. I take that as yes and get out.

(since this is crew deck I should probably talk to Kaidan first.)I think and do as I thought. I step out of the medbay and immediately look towards Kaidan's usual place. Only to notice that he is sitting on the table and eating. I shrug my shoulders and walk to him

"Hello. Kaidan wasn't? Shepard said you'd be my mentor. so...what's the plan? You going to interrogate me or give me a tour?" I say to him as I sit opposite of him on the table in the mess hall. He clearly wasn't expecting anyone to come and talk to him as he visibly jumps into air a little.

"huh? Yeah...well I'm eating at the moment. I heard Hackett is coming here soon so I thought I'd eat before that. You should eat too. And no I'm not about to interrogate you unless you want to talk...which I think you do." He says while looking at me before continuing to eat.

I smirk at that and then take comfortable position and start my story,which is as truthful as I can spare."Yeah I'm going to talk. Hmmm...what I didn't tell you already? Oh I know! I was born in Finland on Earth before my whole family moved to...well you know...Before I got abducted and experimented on I was 22 year old lazy-ass inventor. I had barely received rank of private in army, before I quit. Amongst my division I was expert marksman. I'm adept martial artist and I hate politicians and racists. Most of all I hate xenophobic idiots. I don't know about you but I've met my share of aliens and I find them fascinating. But you should never judge book by its cover. I've met guys who are complete assholes to outsiders and have turned out to be really good people. I've met opposite cases too..." I stop as I see Kaidan giving me plate full of ...something. Something really good looking.

"Well thank you." I thank him and start eating. His eyes bulge out at my speed. I finish the whole plate under half a minute. "Is there more or is this max you can eat?" I ask. He stares at me, then at plate and sighs.

"Yeah that was what you normally get for whole day...but I got orders that you should get biotic share which is double of that." He says and goes to fill my plate again. I quirk an eyebrow at his statement. When he returns I decide to ask him about it even though I could have just asked while he was doing the cooking.

"Why I get biotic share? I wasn't born Biotic you know..." His eyes bulge out again and he then looks over my shoulder to Chakwas who had just come out of medbay and after I turn to look at where he looks and see her shocked eyes I get bad feeling.

My doubts are confirmed when Chakwas starts to speak.

"krhm! I thought you knew since the nodes in your body were so natural looking, as if they were since birth. But it seems you either had and never knew or you got them during the 10 years. But in any case. Your Eezo nodes were so fine and advanced for human that I almost dropped the OSD when I saw the results. I know only one human who has more advanced Eezo nodes. Ah and there she comes." she stops as Shepard comes down from CIC with Hackett. Everyone stands in attention as we notice him. Even me.

"At ease." Hackett says before anyone can say anything. Then he walks to me and after sizing me up he continues," I'm just here to confirm the rumors about him with my own eyes among other things. The only survivor of Uusmaa disaster. How are you feeling son?" He asks me.

His presence is really oozing with confidence and charisma. If I would dare say I'd say he's perfect mix of Chuck Norris and Good military leader. The man feels like legend he is. Can't say I blame other races accepting his command during the final fight in ME3.

"I'm feeling fine but I still remember almost nothing of the past 10 years. Only snippets of general facts and some training I got. And I just got to know I'm apparently Biotic so I'm a bit shocked Sir."

"and also hungry if those two plates in your place is anything to go by. Hmm biotic? I don't remember any of that from your military record son. So you must have survived and adapted from secondary exposition to Eezo, which is very rare, or you got implanted during those years. "He sizes me up again for few seconds,which feels as if he were seeing right through my soul. After few seconds he sighs and continues "Anyway I'm grateful you came to when you did. The research on that station would give overwhelming advantage to Alliance. Especially that implant which made it possible for you to communicate with electronic devices using only your thoughts. Very convenient." he then reads OSD that Chakwas gave her. His eyes bulge out from amazement.

"And your body is full of illegal mods and it has been enhanced to point that you're barely human...damn...If those laws wouldn't restrict I would pay trillions to get what you have...but I think you should stay with Commander Shepard. She is spectre so she should be able to keep scientists from opening you up...and C-sec from arresting you for using illegal mods."He says solemnly.

Then he extends his hand to me. I take it and we shake hands and he gives something for me. It's prisoner of war medal and badge of Corporal. "Welcome back Corporal Potato. If you still feel like being in army, I'm assigning you to Normandy under Commander Shepard and order Lieutenant Alenko to show you the ropes. Good luck." With that he salutes and leaves.

"Okay...now could someone tell me what I can do since I'm apparently biotic?" I ask . Shepard ,Chakwas and Alenko look at each other and then Kaidan sighs and motions me to follow. I follow him to elevator.

"Okay. According to scan you don't have nodes all over your body like rest of us. So the training is partly easier and harder."

I nod and then I notice we arrived at cargo hold where Wrex is toying with the monster gun Roc had made. Garrus is inside Mako doing something and Ash is doing something on the table she always is...blindfolded. I take better look as we walk into middle of the room and notice that her hands move in blur as my Mattock materializes out of parts to the table. I shake my head and go to Kaidan who was waiting at the middle.

"Okay what now?" I ask and flex my arms. He smirks and then glows purple.

"stop this." He says and throws purple ball towards me. In reflex my left arm glows purple and I push it away to my left side with my it. The ball gets bigger and hits Wrex who wasn't looking and he gets trapped into stasis.

"err...Did I just?" I ask wondering what the hell just happened. Kaidan just looks at me mouth hanging open.

Before he can wake from his state and say something We hear roar and look at source. Wrex.

"You imbecile! You'll pay for that!" He says and throws different looking ball at me, It comes so fast that normal humans couldn't see it but I had slipped into 'slow motion' when I heard the roar. But even with that I barely manage to do...something . Whatever I did stopped and exploded the ball in the middle.

"You warped my throw! Damn! Never seen that happen! Hahahaha! I like you! But you should hone those skills. Your stasis barely lasted second."

"I just redirected whatever Kaidan threw at me..."I say to Wrex and look at Kaidan. He stammers a little and then manages to get word out

"I threw you a Lift! How the hell you made it Stasis?" This gets reaction from Wrex.

"What? You redirected Lift and made it into Stasis 20 meters in completely other direction? Only person I've seen do that was one Asari Merc that I knew! And that was long before Humans were discovered! And I've seen and fought my fair share of Biotics!"

"eeh...either I was trained to do those things and they had become ingrained to my body or that was fluke." I say. They look at me and wrex gets this grin that definitely shows that he has some fun in mind...fun for him.

Without warning he shoots another ball at me at that incredible speed. Instead of doing anything to it I duck under it and shoot my arm forward like I did to his first ball. But this time I focus on him. He notices this and puts up a barrier which disappears in flash when my warp hits.

"Hah! Try to do same you did to his Lift to this" He says and throws another ball. I smirk and do it. To my surprise the ball explodes and fly backwards to the feet of the dude who sells things.

"Ouch! What the hell was that?"
"Hah! You need some training to recognize moves your opponents use! I threw you a Warp. I knew that would blow to your face. Heh heh hee..." He says and then stomps back to his spot and I get back up cursing silently like a sailor.

"You got your butt kicked by Krogan and survived. You should feel lucky instead of curse like that. Just a hint." The requisition officer says to me. I look at him and nod. Then I walk to Kaidan.

"So Lt? What's next?" I ask when I get to the serious man.

He looks at me and then shakes his head. "your moves are too different from mine,not much but enough to render my methods obsolete. You have only part of your body covered in nodes but I have whole body ,just like most biotics. Your moves are closer to Shepard as she is only one I know who does biotics using only nodes of one hand. So I think you should ask her to train you biotics. I suspected this as I saw how your nodes are placed." He says and then leaving but before the elevator closes he shouts "Btw You're on ground team with Williams to get T'Soni so try not hurt yourself!".

I nod at this "Okay...well maybe I'll go say hi to our resident soldier." I think a loud. And true to my word I go to Williams.

"So you're the new addition huh? I saw what you did back there. I heard you're good at martial arts. Want to spar?" She asks me before I can say anything.

"Uhm yeah sure. But I'm not sure as my body is pretty heavily modified so I might actually hurt you...which I would rather avoid as we're ground team to get T'Soni dude " I say feinting I do not know who we're getting.

"dude? Hello? T'soni is Asari. Race full of females? And I am enhanced too like all alliance soldiers. I'm probably 2nd best hand to hand fighter here. Shepard is only one better. So I think I'll be fine so lets go." she says. I shrug shoulders and she leads me to elevator

"I know asari are all females but I just like word "dude" more than lady, because I think "dude" is quite neutral term which fits monogendered species like asari."I say as we wait for elevator to arrive. After waiting forever for it and then eternity later at one floor below she puts bag to my hands. I dig through it and there are gloves,headgear ,knee and arm guards and foot protectors.

"Well the kicking protectors are good thing" I mutter as we put them all on.

"Lets see what you've got kid" She says smiling from the ring she went after putting on the protectors.

"Don't whine to me when you wake up from medbay." I say smirking as I enter the ring. But before we begin we hear elevator opening...revealing everyone of the squad. (Well it's always better with audience)I think and smirk even wider
)If I were you I'd stop before your pride gets shattered...you may think you are faster because of your new brain being supercomputer...but she is REALLY good. Remember she said she is 2nd best in WHOLE SHIP( my bro says in my head. I ignore it and after we have exchanged greetings I go for my favorite pattern, right leg in front I throw barrage of punches and after Ash backs a little I do feint of right hook that 'misses' and instead go for the Back roundhouse kick with my left leg towards her head. I can almost hear the winning fanfar...and then something happens and next thing I know I see roof? What the hell?

My storyline.


March 13 evening

Eden prime attack

March 14 day/evening

Council shit

March 15 Morning

Saren loses Spectre status ,Shepard made spectre

March 16

I'm recruited, begin planning construction of surprise using funds stolen funds of the station I was in. when I give info Alliance needs to them (Except my construction) they reward me handsomely. Buy ship building company and make up new special company.

March 17

Liara is recruited

March 18-20

Side missions and begin construction of surprise using mechs that I control using GEC implanted to my right 'lung'. Buy parts anonymously from your own company. Get to know Ian Shaw (who never lost Rebecca) he is thankful for letting me handle things so he can be with his love. Meet Shiara who is royally pissed of, Bro scares her to submission when she tries to meld with me,it tricks her into believing that I'm human.

March 21

Feros - mission

March 22-April 1

geth incursions

April 1-14 (Situation in Noveria starts during this time.)

side missions including BRING DOWN THE SKY

April 15

get info about Virmire- do it ,have an...interesting chat with Sovereign. (Hack the cure,don't tell anyone in order to make sure Wrex does his share of uniting Krogan)I manage to save Ashley from bomb while Shepard deals with Saren. Kaidan injured badly (coma on Normandy's med bay,was hit badly by Saren's biotics and broke his spine, using my new equipment boosted my hacking skills and I kept them away from bomb,I also managed to hack AA gun and wreck havoc)

April 16

Noveria,have interesting shore leave.

April 17

Noveria mission, Rachni saved, Shepard confronts me about how I knew, I tell her and from her orders I tell the crew I have gift of seeing future but it's 'uncontrollably random but 100% accurate unless I change key things'. I tell them general ,condensed, version up until 2186 and how I can only see Darkness after that and how my theory is that Reapers are then there. No one figures out that I'm AI,except Shepard who I told.

April 18

Council manages to trick Shepard despite my warnings.

April 19

Normandy grounded and Kaidan wakes up, he retires from active duty and takes 'desk job' : training biotics in the alliance.

April 20

Ilos- Vigil is surprised but after quick talk trusts me and after talking with Shepard he secretly downloads itself to me. Seeing my memories and being inside my unique core it develops into AI that helps a lot.

Battle of the citadel

Shepard manages to trick Saren into suicide. Citadel fleet and C-sec loses a lot less personnel and ships because of my warning and my surprise helped a lot until Sovereign destroyed it after it took down 1/7 of the geth fleet. Am rewarded and reprimanded by Council, in secret begin construction of secret armada using funds given to you. Meet several other SI's who happily let me be in charge of things when they got to know my plan. They join up in my company and I let them handle things.(few of them go of to be mercs, C-Sec,Alliance and Cerberus)

I give information I took from Vigil (without telling he's now with me) but Council is reluctant to believe us. Hackett and Anderson on the other hand believes and start to prepare while buying some high tech ships and orbital platforms from me (mostly Illegal tech so we strike agreement where I'll provide them when needed)

I buy very large shares of several companies dealing with Tech and Mechs, I manage to slip very unnoticeable programming code to all mechs. (it allows me to override all programming whenever I wish, It's irremovable and only I can use it, problem is that I have to be within 0,001 lightsecond of mech I hack.)

May 2

We go through simulations of Pinnacle station. In the end the scoreboard is Shepard first in all scenarios .After quick thinking I made challenge, everyone of the squad was to take two random grunts from the station and THEN compete. Turns out that Shepard is ultimate champion(beat even her own records...), then Garrus ,then Wrex and then Ashley. I barely got to top 10. I very much noticed that they are all natural leaders (with Shepard on top) but the grunts I got to go barely listened to me...or tali...or Liara...

May 3

Wrex leaves


May (18-)20 2183-2185

With my warning Shepard took precautions but against my recommendations tried to fight collectors (instead of losing 20 crewmen Normandy lost only 10 thanks for me insisting to have Kodiak in the hangar). With my instructions Cerberus had vessel waiting and it recovered Shepard. But universe was against me and Blue Suns highjacked the vessel.

Shepard's body went through the Redemption with exception that I helped but still Feron got captured. My Tracer was found and only life sign QEC detector was not found. I gave it to Liara so she knew if something happened to Feron. We couldn't find his base so Liara decided to become information broker and find him.

After that continue building surprise armada and send encrypted mails to certain people (namely Garrus about Sidonis and plan how to prevent his squad getting killed,by having contingency plans if one got captured. Also tell Tali about her father, it backfires as she beliefs him more than me. Use plan B. Tell her about dangers of Haelstrom and Freedoms Progress)Tell Wrex about Maelon.)

When warnings sent I place tracer on certain Asari that comes in contact with Rachni. Use it and contact Rachni, Tell the queen about how Reapers would find her, recruit her to help build secret fleet .With Bro's help I manage to build psychic rapport between me and Queen.


I never was fast enough to help colonists against collectors.


When Shepard is close to waking up, I remember to send warning to TIM about Wilson being double agent for SB. Before Plaque starts meet with Mordin and tell him about 'vision' where Great Inter-species plaque hits,Then go with Garrus (note: remember Ian Shaw, he is part of the team! Rebecca was killed by Blue Suns Omega leader, he's Item with Melanis.)

thanks to your and Ian's help his team managed to survive (BARELY, most of them in critical condition and requires months to recover) but Sidonis is on the run for cowardly betraying them.

Manage to hold off until Shepard comes.(becomes universe is against me the amount of mercs was almost 3 times bigger and the freelances were very plentiful. I got in before infiltration team.

She comes with her whole team up to that point (Mordin, Miranda, Zaeed and Jacob, he got Dossier on Archangel ,Deadpool and Flash, meaning Garrus, Ian and me)

I join with Garrus but Ian goes with Melanis annd others .He promises to help whenever needed(his skills are same as mine BUT since I'm AI with very much enhanced body I'm faster thus better option)

EDI instantly notices me being an AI and we become very fast friends...though her programming at the beginning meant TIM knew me being AI too...but he either was scared or didn't believe it.

I bring better Heat management system upgrade to Normandy along with some tech I made up,having Super Computer for head gave me much needed time to run all necessary programs to make my crazy ideas reality, also having omnipotent Bro who helped on some things because 'idea was too amusing to not pass up'

Thanks to me we manage to save Okeer but only barely. He's catatonic but Grunt proves to be valuable...well he's Grunt!

Most missions go like normal with my minimal help.

Thanks to me buying most Mech companies all the missions that had mechs were easy as hell. Usually Mech heavy missions were done by me, Shepard and someone of her choosing just leisurely walking in and all mechs immediately turned on our side,even before We reached the place if I wanted (300km was maximum range...)

I also had special Hacking helper that allowed me to maintain better control over my hacks,it helps a lot on Maelstrom

Jack proved to be very Jack...She never trusted me...but she did open up to Shepard ( though she wondered what the fuck I did with Shepard when I had almost as much money as TIM)


went like always but I had developed counter measure against their stasis effect ,but its components were very expensive so I could only make 24 of them (our team, Ashley ,Archangels team and few other select people, it allowed to cancel their stasis field but had to be used 5 minutes after stasis was induced,it could be timed.)

Kasumi's loyalty mission went so that I went separate as I was stinking rich. During my years alone I had managed to befriend Hock and my job was to get Keiji, I told him about my mission and plan. It was risky but only way to make him disappear and Hock out of the game so I took out his Graybox and he was induced to artificial coma. When the Heist came about I went in as myself,invited by Hock himself, I helped Shepard and Kasumi defeat Hock and his goons (I'm good but not good enough to beat Hock without Shepard)

When Heist over I smirked as Keiji's message was not 'I'm dead' but 'I'm in coma and I need this graybox to get out of it,ask J*** for detail' That makes Kasumi and everyone else both angry at me and thankful. We went for my secret facility where he was. After getting his graybox back and small jolt later he woke up. Thankful for the thing Kasumi was 100% ready to face of against collectors (I provided them with QEC that they used to communicate) Keiji went to work under me and instead of being thief he became my encryption specialist under new ID.

I became fast friends with Thane and Samara was her polite self.

Grunts and Mordins loyalty missions go like always and Shepard decides to save the cure (not knowing I had one...but Krogan were not ready in my opinion) Grunt gets The Gatling sniper I had given Wrex. He falls in love with it just like Wrex did.

When It is time for Tali's Loyalty mission I can't help but say I told you.

But instead of getting info that they were dead and marines were killed trying to retake the Alarei my plan B has made it so that no one could approach the vessel. I then go disable my device (sadly we had to kill all the geth) They were all in stasis for a week. But since my device worked only on living beings and was on bridge we had to go through everything like in the game except there were quarians in the stasis. When we disable last geth and shut down my device I give Shepard the power to decide what to do

(Exile Them&lose her loyalty/excile Tali&she is loyal(her father willingly demotes&exiles himself)/ignite crowd/CHARM/INTIMITATE)

Collector ship is one hell of a scary ride even though most of originals knew what is supposed to happen. It all goes like it goes and we all get new weapons, even though my special weapons are better. Shepard takes Revenant ,Grunt takes the Claymore ( he has Roc's Gatling sniper that Wrex gave him), Garrus takes the Widow and I get collector particle beam that Shepard already has after finding one in Horizon.

We get the hell out just in time ( though I did leave Nuke inside...too bad I t only took out portion of it)

Shepard is of course royally pissed off at TIM ...again...
Then Shepard decides to continue strengthen the team, which isn't much.

Garrus forgives on Sidonis and Thane reunites with his son.

Miranda managed to save his sister and I managed to save the asshole and recruit him to my company.

We do all recruitment and loyalty missions.

Project Firewalker Goes like always and Shepard is left with glowing...ball...thing...and new vehicle!

Project overlord makes me royally pissed at TIM and Archer. But instead of Shepard getting hacked...I'm together with Shepard...though immediately after separating from others I deactivate the hack so that I see what he wants from my left eye and hear with left ear what he wants while otherwise I'm myself I give Shepard same thing and together we go through the geth (they were real even though I always thought otherwise)

Unlike Shepard I can understand him throughout the whole time we are on the planet and manage to calm him down a bit but not much. He mainly wasn't in control and whined how it hurts.

We take down it and Shepard does her Heroic paragon thing.

We go to the derelict Reaper...and do the things...and get Legion!

Shepard activates it and has long talk with it...then I go have talk with him...and let me tell you...talking to over 1k programs is disturbing...even though our conversation lasted barely 5 seconds we talked A LOT...perks of being able to have conversation at light-speed …

We went to Heretic station and I voted for terminating them (because IF quarians attack them...well I'm still in favor of saving organics if we put organics vs synthetic lifeforms...)

I warn everyone about bug in the reaper IFF but no one takes it seriously. When it's ready to be tested I refuse to go on the mission and stay on Normandy stealthed.

So when collectors DO strike...I alert Commander immediately and start my fight...I fail at saving anyone but just before I'm about to be overwhelmed, EDI regains control, apologizes and purges the Normandy...sending me to space...and EDI and Joker gets away. For my luck the collectors leave shortly afterward and they come back to get me after an hour...and they all just laugh at me...

and apologize for not trusting my warning.

We then go and kick some Collector ass … and save our crew.

We destroy the base and I warn that any Reaper tech is able to indoctrinate (HE DOES NOT LISTEN AND THUS IS ENEMY IN ME3!)

for 6 months we go around doing some more adventures (like all the side-quests)

I go for my separate way and so does some other like Grunt to Tuchanka, Thane to hospital, Kasumi with Keiji, Zaeed whatever. When Shepard gets the cursed message from Hackett She calls me and I warn her but she goes anyway. I put tracer on her and wait on Normandy. When she goes to project base and I hear that it's 3 days I smile and send faked feed to Batarian colony showing how some mad Batarian had decided to test new superweapon on the colony and how its calculated path is 3 days away from hitting the planet. This causes massive hysteria and I watch in glee as most ships leave the system during first day so I sent in my private fleet that evacuates most others during the time.

When it's 1 hour left I get worried and try to reach Shepard. To my luck I arrive at the asteroid seeing firefights going on. I smirk and wait outside gunning down the bastards trying to get to the shuttle. When it's 15 minutes left for impact (20 for 'Arrival') I dock with Normandy and we get Shepard out. (and even though I know there was giant holocram in game, I can't see it which makes me think Shepard got indoctrinated.

I confront her so only she,chakwas and EDI knows. When she is about to whine about how she couldn't save anyone I show her data on how many casualties:

3000 prisoners that couldn't get out in time.

When we talk about possibility of indoctrination she thinks and grimly decides it's possible.

After 3 days she seems in much better health and Hackett comes to brief her on how they want her head on the platter.

Charge: destruction of Mass Relay and garden planet and inducing mass hysteria. And deaths of 3000 batarian prisoners...

When I object Shepard objects that I'm part of her crew and thus she is responsible for my actions.

We bicker for while and then Shepard does what I knew would happen:

she hands over herself and the Normandy.


Despite our warnings Reapers hit Batarians hard.

I get Spectre status and permission to use any means necessary.

I formulate plan so 12 of my new super-weapons are in Acturus, 24 in sol and 10 on each major planet and 1 on each human colony.

100 of them I leave on reserve and leak the blueprints to major companies and Citadel race goverments.

Thanks to me we manage huge victories at start but there are just too many of them.(we get about half of them)

So When reapers have destroyed my installations they mainly focus on Earth (50 %)and Palaven (30%) and very scarcely on other systems.(half power of ME3)

So when we go for ME3 journey and at the final fight at earth we have about half of their firepower instead of less than 10% I calculated victory fleet had.

But my super-weapons make the Crucible meaningless but Council/alliance decides to take no changes and wants to build and use it.

In the end ME3 goes almost exactly same ...even Cerberus going evil and Udina's coup, and the fact that my forces of SI's managed to keep most of the people away from sanctuary. One HUGE exception was that we didn't NEED to go to Thessia...I already knew what the Catalyst was so we had no need...and even though Shepard ,Liara and EDI knew too we still decided to go...the battle was intense but Asari lost only about half of ME3 casualties even though we insisted we didn't need help (this time Asari were overconfident...)

Javik the prothean talked a bit with Liara and the VI...and when Kai leng came I bluntly captured the VI and we battled against very furious Kai Leng...who with help of mantis gunship managed to beat us...and Shepard fell...and as I thrown so badly that my connections broke on my neck. I watched helplessly as Kai leng smirks and took the VI from my Omnitool (it was copy...but still...)

I email to EDI and Shepard that I lost control of my body and they need to be repaired...and that Leng took the VI...so we went to Normandy, I was operated and quartet of victory fleet among with 30 my super-weapons went to guard Citadel while civilians evacuated. quartet prepared to go royally fuck up the Cerberus and half were with Crucible.

We on the other hand went for FREEDOMS PROGRESS where the new Haven had been opened...and it was cerberus facility studying indoctrination...what made me made was that TIM has managed to fool us all even though we knew his plans. And Horizon happened there instead of original place.

After that was done we went for cerberus main base...I had never told its location so it was there where it was on ME3. So we busted it.

Bad news was that they had gone through our citadel defense and it was taken...though with heavy losses to both sides.

So we had to go with ME3 ending...

but instead of Shepard and Anderson being only good guys there I came later with huge pack of medigel and other things...and saved Anderson.

I then used jetpack to arrive just in time to interrupt catalyst speaking with Battered Shepard.

"Sorry catsy...but I've got to batch up Shepard...and when I've cleansed the indoctrination from her I'll let you continue your nice little conversation...while my forces hammer your Reapers!"I say cheerfully and as I take care of Shepard's Injuries the AI Glares at me

"This is all YOUR fault! You built those weapons! You cheater!" It raged at me and ignored

as I fixed Shepard I had my special scanner taking look at shepards psych...and yep she was being affected.

"Shepard what were you about to say to that thing before I came?

"I was about to listen a while and then shoot it...or that Red option...which would,according to it, destroy Reapers and all Sentient machines..."

"good...just so you know...that means you're fighting indoctrination pretty well...has it given you trouble?"

she jumps a little

"just headaches and few odd dreams...which I forced to stop every time they came...that 'oily shadows' by rachni was pretty good hint..."

I smirk at that

"Yep that's it...now listen...according to my scans you're fighting against it so well that only thing that is keeping it alive is ..." I leave dramatic pause and look very clearly at the glowing boy who snarls at me.

"Yeah...hey it's lessening..."

"of course because I stopped it...it seems that only way to make you choose is to let you choose willingly...and you must choose!" it says desperately

"J***? can you patch in Hackett?" I nod and connect them

after talking a while She smirks

"Just so you know...THis is my answer" Shepard says and shoots the construct.


"I don't think so...we are currently winning...and we haven't even used our all might!" Shepard says cheerfully and then we see Normandy arriving and it sends a shuttle.

"I'm sorry Shepard...but I want to know something." I say and do disappearing act.

I appear in Blue ending thing.

(I hope you are right Bro...)

)of course I'm...but you know that it-(


But instead of dis-incinerating I slowly gain more and more knowledge.

Then the Blue ending goes but relays don't even take damage enough to mention.

Five minutes later I release control and walk back to Shepard and others

"Okay what the fuck was that and why you?"

"I needed knowledge of all civilizations before us. I got it but the memory units I took just in case are now full...I wasn't going to let all that get into my head...I left Vigil in control and he's making all the reaper Destroyers stand still...he can't control capital ships because of imperfect connection so you better hurry up and destroy them!" I yell at them.

"Vigil...you mean THAT Vigil?" I nod

"Why the fuck you never told me that you...oh...copy...and just after Sovereign was beaten...damn why I never noticed that before?"

"Sorry...I didn't think it were important...anyway I have information how to build relays in this drive"I take one and give it to Garrus

"Few very interesting Biological knowledge in this"

I give one to Mordin (who didn't have to sacrifice himself as I took care of cure though they were angry about it...especially wrex)

"Some very very high level Tech here" I give to EDI's robotic body

"and most important...all the collective thank you's and pleads that you kill their reaperized forms of all civilizations before ours...I checked it 200 times" I give one to Shepard who takes it hesitating.

"and for me...I keep knowledge of secrets of indoctrinations and how to do it...but in these"
I send to everyone of Normandy and all contacts I have

"Are how to counterattack it if you ever think it is necessary."

"Okay what now mister hotshot? No candies for me?" Ash says and winks.

"well there was this quite advanced weapon schematics that Reapers thought was too dangerous to use because they were highly effective against them husks of any kind?" I say while grinning from ear to ear.

After seeing their bewildered expressions and then throw small data cube to ash.

"but I don't think we need them anymore..." just then my brother materializes in front of whole ME3 Squad which makes everyone draw weapons

"krhm...on behalf of Ascended beings and Q-collective, whom some of you refer as gods or demigods or even demons and devils! I congratulate you for going through all this and showing us that Unity of species is indeed possible and how tenacious Humans are." seeing how everyone is boggle eyed out of disbelief my bro shrugs and snaps his fingers and makes lavish table appear where the Catalyst was. Then he walked to the end of table, takes some wine bottle ,sits down, puts his legs on the table and drinks very loudly half of it. Then he burps and continues talking

"and thanks for taking care of my big brother! He sure did a lot for you! And thanks for giving me such a good show! I think I have enough material to last...I don't know...few thousand years?" he says and takes some food and starts feasting VERY RUDELY.

I come out of my disbelieving trance and look between him and others

"Okay bro why the fuck you decided to appear NOW that war is almost over? I had to go through some crazy shit and your omnipotent powers could have come handy!" I yell at him so hard that it shakes others out of their stupor and they start talking amongst themselves.

My bro's answer makes most of them fall down in disbelief and others...well

"citating my favorite movie character:

Where is the fun in that?

"He says with grin worthy of The Joker himself.

Like I said most of them fall down in disbelief and laugh nervously while...

"Well that's exactly what kind of god I thought this fucked up universe must have if there is one."

ASH of all people said and sat down and took one of stronger wines and poured herself.

"this is good!" she says and starts eating earning grin from my bro.

Javik and James shrug and starts eating and drinking too.

"okay I think I'll fall unconscious right now..." Shepard says and true to her word goes out. This of course makes Chakwas ,Liara,Mordin and Tali rush to her and carry her to med bay.

Garrus looks at Shepard ,shakes his head and joins them in the feast.

"Umm...Normandy come in! This is Hackett! What is happening and why you are not answering?"

still in small stupor reach to my comm and answer "Shepard and Anderson are out and half of the team is having a feast with my brother who is Omnipotent Joker of batman. J*** over and out going to kick the said god to the balls." I say and true to my word do just that and his yell of pain instantly is heard throughout the galaxy.



was what whole galaxy thought at that...

"J***... I'm getting reports that your brothers shout was heard throughout the galaxy...I don't know how he did it but it was quite clear...I advise you to shut up and stop angering him anymore...if he can do that I'm willing to believe he is more dangerous than reapers..." Hackett fills me in a minute later.


"damn you...I lost control because of that kick! Do you have any idea what it caused?" My bro asks me. But before I can answer Shepard comes back out with others behind her

"Hey shut up! I'm trying to sleep here!" she yells and goes back.

"you woke up Shepard?" I retort playfully.

"so? anyway It opened rift in space...and it's just about...here" he says and puts his hand through it and expands it a little bit...

in it...I see home...3 minutes after my disappearance according to my analysis.

"that's...home! hey! can I go home now?"

"well...yeah...but I have to replace all the new stuff and all...so you would be same as you were when you left..."

"man...could you AT LEAST let me keep this physique? I don't want to be back in that broken body of mine!"

"then stay here! those are your options you have one minute."

"hell no! shit got to say good byes!"

I go around and say my goodbyes. I give all my knowledge to EDI.

Hackett says he will make me legend. "sidekick of Shepard who helped save the galaxy and then went home. He was known as Partsu...no one knew why."

then I go through the portal...

and for my frustration my body is now that same mess as it was...3 years ago? or should I say 3 minutes ago?

well now...now I'll go and write this down to Fanfiction...I bet no one will ever believe me...