When you saw her with him, you were all too aware of the closeness between the two, how Strider only had to reach out his hand, and he would find Terezi's. And you were so jealous. She looked so happy!
God damn it. Damn Strider.
Were they pale? Was she flushed? Oh, god how you wished knowing this didn't mean so much to you.
But it was Terezi.
Everything about her meant so much to you. You cared so much, and you didn't even know why.
You knew all your friends hobbies, but even though you really didn't care about them, you always made sure to note how much she cared about justice, how she'd act out fake court scenes with her scalemates, then hang the guilty from her tree hive (you actually were verbally surprised when you found out how many scalemates she hung. How on Alternia does anyone have that much time?), and what her favorite color/scent was—not as if she'd let you forget that. But, goddamn it, you knew her!
And you knew her favorite color. And the guy who always wore it, whose font color it was.
And that guy wasn't you. It was Strider.
God damn you hated that guy.
You really couldn't believe that you had offered to share Terezi with that arrogant "ironic" prick. Stuff like that hardly ever works in real life, though. Nobody shares quadrants with two people. For one thing, it was bound to be confusing, especially when the drones come—whose bucket would you fill for what? Really, romances like that are for books and fanfiction only.
You're starting to wish Gamzee was here, to do moirial-like things like a feeling jam, or at least take your mind off of everything. You're starting to go crazy.
The thing is, you had realized, is that you had expected things to sort of go like a movie. Some sort of action-filled dystopian adventure where there are only a few survivors lead by their glorious leader. You were the leader, weren't you? And the hero is always the leader. And heroes get the girl, without fail.
But you weren't a hero. And this wasn't a movie.
No one would even think of selling a movie like this, in any case.
"Oh, you ended the world with a video game? That you were playing on your wiggling day? And you were so close to winning, but were stopped by aliens, who were part of the world you made? Oh, I don't know, seems a little unreasonable, don't you think?"
You would have to agree. But that's the trouble with life. It doesn't have to make sense. Everyone's died at least once, there's some dream bubble with one of your friends in it.
As usual, you don't want to sleep. How could you?
The only thing in the bubbles for you is someone you need to apologize to.
And now, you can't even avoid them, not all. God damn meteor.
And there's one approaching right now. You give up. Fuck, why not go in? It's not like you're actually doing anything worth while.
You're near Nepeta's hive, back on Alternia. You had only been here once. No, this was your first time, wasn't it? You're a bit confused, and you can't place why going to Nepeta's is such a big deal.
"Karcat!" She squeals happily, running up and hugging you, "You're here!"
"Of course!" You reply, slightly inching out of the hug. She lets go.
"It's so nice to finally meet you in purrson!" Nepeta continues, "Even if you can't stay long, I'm sure we can have a great time!"
"Just as long as you don't make me roleplay for the whole time, I'll be fine," You tell her. Nepeta's house is sort of far away from yours. It took you a long time to get here, and you were a bit worried someone might hassle you about your gray shirt. Right! You didn't want Nepeta to find out your blood color! That was it!
"I talked to a coupurr others, and they said they nepurr saw you befurr!" Nepeta says as she leads you into her hive, "It sounds fishy if you ask me! There must be one of us you live near!"
"I don't like going out," You tell her, which isn't exactly a lie.
"It's not good to stay inside all day Karcat! You could get weak!" Nepeta scolds. From out of the corner of your eye, you see a comic. There was a figure with your symbol? No, it couldn't be. Nepeta was probably drawing some speculation of what she thought your ancestor looked like! She would have told you by now if she knew something, wouldn't she? Although, she couldn't really tell you now, because…
"Karcat?" Nepeta asks, seeing you zone out.
"You're dead," You tell her. The world darkens around you, and Nepeta's face crumples in sadness. Her eyes were the milky white of a dead girl.
"We could have had some fun," She whimpers, "We could have pretended that Alternia was still here."
"But it isn't."
"It isn't," Nepeta agreed and slumped down on a chair, "And I'm not either."
"Nepeta…," You don't know what to say. You really don't know how to comfort someone who's dead. It's never come up before.
"It's okay," Nepeta sniffs, "It's not that bad. I've seen almost everyone here. Except Gamzee. But that's purrobably for the best."
"You're using less puns," You point out. You don't know why. It's not like you care that much. But Nepeta really liked her puns.
"I'm dead," Nepeta sighed, "I don't see the point. Now I know how Aradia felt!"
"I'm sorry," You say. Nepeta looks at you with her dull eyes.
"What could you have done?" She asks, "Get killed along with me? No, it's fine Karkat. It's just…"
She wipes a tear from her eye, "I was flushed for you, you know?"
"I know," You reply, "But I wasn't. I really couldn't… I'm sorry Nepeta."
You sit down next to her and she sighs.
"I would have been a great matesprit, though," Nepeta says.
"You probably would have," You have to agree. It would have been so easy if you had loved her! You two could have watched romcoms together and you might even try and pair some of your friends up together, "But that's not how it's going to happen."
"Yeah," Nepeta agrees softly, "It'd never work out, anyways."
She looks at the wall. You follow her gaze. It was her shipping chart. Where it once had what was probably a picture of you and her, was a scribbled out and scratched, so much so that you could barely make out what it once was. You can almost make out small writing with the letters "OTP" next to it.
"I knew it was nefurr going to happen," Nepeta sighs. She looks like she needs comforting, but you really don't know how to give it. You give her an awkward hug instead. It isn't very comforting, you can tell.
"I'm really sorry," You say to her.
"It's okay," Nepeta gave a humorless laugh, "Well, if you everfurr change your mind, you know where to find me!"
"Nepeta, you're better then that," You tell her. She stares at you with her dead eyes in such a fierce way you take a step back.
"It doesn't matter if I was better then that," She cries out, "I'm dead now! All I can do is wait furr somebody to come and find my bubble!"
You don't have anything to say. Nepeta never seemed like the type to yell. But you guess being dead changes someone.
"Waiting nefurr works out Karcat," Nepeta tells you, suddenly calm, "It just gives you too much time to think. That goes for you too."
You go up to Terezi. She was drawing something on the ground in red.
"Terezi?" You begin. You sound pathetic, even for you. You try again, "Terezi. I was doing some thinking and I think that we have spent hardly any time together on this meteor. I might have avoided you at one point, but that's stupid. The reason I'm saying all this is because I wanted you to know," here you take a breath; "I love you."
Terezi stares at you, so you start to babble a little bit.
"I know you probably don't feel the same, and you probably want to go back to macking on strider or whatever, but I just wanted to get it out there because, fuck, I don't want to be pining over someone like a fucking idiot, so you should just say you don't feel the same, and I'll-,"
You stop. Terezi had pulled her arms around you and hugged you tight. She was grinning.
"Karkat you idiot," She says. Then she kisses you. You think you need to thank Nepeta.