Disclaimer: I no own kuroshitsuji. But this was a really funny thing I found in someone's profile, so enjoy!
I smirked as I read through the list. Perfect. I needed a way to annoy my teacher, Mr. Sebastian Michaelis (and hopefully get him to quit). And now I found the perfect list.
(^v^) (^v^) (^v^) (^v^)
The next day at school, I slung my backpack over one shoulder and kept my back against the hallway wall while walking to my classroom, all while humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme song.
The principle, Mr. Tanaka tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "Ciel Phantomhive, what are you trying to accomplish?"
I pretended to jump back as if startled, and held up my finger in a gun shape. "Step back!" I told him. Then I looked around and whispered loudly, "There are enemies nearby." Then I walked away casually as if nothing happened, leaving the other students and Mr. Tanaka staring after me.
Finally, as I reached the classroom door, I turned around and told the people who were still staring, "You all make terrible spies. Stay in the shadows!"
Then, continuing to hum the 'Mission Impossible' theme, I entered the classroom.
(^v^) (^v^) (^v^) (^v^)
I looked around, continuing to walk like a spy. When one of my classmates, Alois Trancy asked me what I was doing, I looked around and whispered, "I'm a spy!" and turned my attention elsewhere.
Did I mention I attended a private school and shared the teacher with four other students? Well, my dull classmates were Alois Trancy, Elizabeth Middleford, Finnian (nicknamed Finny by yours truly. I never bother to remember his last name), and some random kid named Joker or something.
I strolled past our desks and reached the most shadowy part of the room where I crouched down and waited.
At 8:00 o' clock sharp, our teacher came in.
We all waited for Finny to arrive.
He did so at 8:03, running in and colliding with our lesson plans of the day with a "GOZEN NAZAI!" (SORRY!)
I smirked slightly. Good job, Finny.
That was when Mr. Michaelis exploded. "FINNY! WHY ARE YOU LATE AGAIN?"
Finny muttered something in response.
Mr. Michaelis sighed and then launched into a lecture about responsibility.
When he finally finished, I asked, "DOES SOMEONE NEED A HUG?"
He gave me a glare and asked, "Is there a problem, Ciel?"
He glanced at a couple of pencils on his desk. Before I could react, the pencils were embedded on the wall next to my head.
I gulped silently.
"Um… Ciel… why are you in the corner?" asked Elizabeth.
The sun had begun to breach my corner, and was touching my foot. I stood up, allowed the sun to touch
my face before grabbing my face with my hands and screaming, "The light! Make it stop! It BURNS!"
"Ciel…" the teacher's voice took on a warning tone. "Stop."
I looked around. Lizzie and Finny were looking at me as though they believed me; Joker was bent over a piece of paper (probably his homework); Alois was looking at me with an amused smile; Michaelis was glaring.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you are in school right now," Michaelis answered.
"Because you need to learn."
"Because you will be taking over your father's company soon."
I think I saw a vein throb. That was the only warning before he exploded. "WHY WON'T YOU STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS?!"
I let a smirk form on my face before replying, "Wow. I can tell you're a blast at parties!"
"Come back to your seat, Ciel."
"Why?" I asked, but strolled over to my seat and sat down.
During history, we studied Hannibal.
"AAAAHHH! CANNIBAL*!" I screamed.
That earned giggles from the entire class.
"Ciel," Mr. Michaelis stated.
I returned the look and began ripping up a random sheet of binder paper and flicked it across the room.
"Stop," the teacher said.
I stopped and crossed my arms. "You're racist against paper, aren't you?"
The teacher groaned. "Ciieeel."
"Yeees?" I replied.
"Turn in your homework, class," he said.
My goody-two-shoes classmates obediently fetched their homework.
"Ciel, where is your work?"
I didn't do it, but I wasn't about to tell him that. "I dropped it while beating up a guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever," I told him, smiling sweetly.
He couldn't prove that I didn't, I knew that, without looking like a stalker.
"Alright, then, if you did, please tell us who Hannibal is."
I nodded. "I need it to be dark in order to concentrate." I pretended to be blind. "AHH the lights are too bright!"
The teacher relented somewhat reluctantly. "You have half a minute."
I nodded eagerly. The moment the switch turned off I began singing opera at the top of my lungs. I think he turned the lights on before half a minute but I didn't complain.
"Who did that? Whoever did that should stand up and confess." Mr. Michaelis said.
I stood up. "I totally agree," before sitting down again.
"Well, Phantomhive?" Ohh… last name; not good.
"The singer distracted me," I claimed.
He sighed, "Everyone turn your English books to page 76."
"Why?" I asked.
He ignored me.
"Pourquoi?" I asked. Why?
"English, not French," he told me. "Anglais, pas le Français."
I was stunned. For the rest of the lesson I was quiet.
"J'ai entendu d'autres enseignants parlent de vous dans la salle du personnel," I told him. I heard other teachers talking about you in the staff room.
He ignored me.
I stayed quiet, trying to remember what other tricks there were on the list.
While we had science, I tried to lick my elbow.
Don't worry, I wasn't so well-behaved for long.
After lunch was over, we had math.
During math we had a quiz.
"Psst, Alois, what is the square root of 341 to the nearest hundredth?"
"Do you have a question?" asked Mr. Michaelis, coming up from behind.
I jumped out of my desk, knocking it down, and scrambled away like a crab. "Oh my gosh, RAPE! GET AWAY, RAPE!" I screamed.
By then the entire class was staring at us, the quiz forgotten.
"Ciel, why are you…"
"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RAPE ME?!" I hollered.
"I'm not- "
"Mr. Michaelis," a voice sounded. "The time allotted for the test is up."
Michaelis cleared his throat, relieved for the distraction.
I scowled. Why did Joker have to ruin my fun?
"Well, your fifteen minutes are up. Turn in your tests, class."
The sound of chairs shuffling and papers rustling could be heard around us. The little incident had probably escaped their little minds.
I turned in my half-completed test and sneered. "You're lucky there was a distraction."
"Yes, that was quite careless of you, was it not," he replied. We stood there glaring at each other before the bell rang. "Off to gym now, everyone," he said.
On the way to the gym, I began to mumble lame knock-knock jokes. When that didn't cause me to laugh, I began to imagine Mr. Michaelis in a dress. That did the trick and I began to laugh loads.
"Ciel Phantohive, may I ask what is causing you to laugh to hard? Care enough to share?" asked the teacher.
My brain came up with a brilliant plan. "Well, you see, I was merely imagining you in a dress."
His face grew red, though from embarrassment or anger I could not tell.
The other students began giggling very hard.
I excused myself quickly.
When I arrived at the gym afterwards, I shoved apart the double doors and began screaming, "THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"
"Good for you," said Mr. Michaelis. "Now will you please tell us what a double dribble looks like?"
I stared at him blankly.
He sighed. "Were you not paying any attention at all yesterday?" He showed the class a double dribble. "Do you understand now?"
"I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected. Please leave me alone or try again later. Thank you."
I pretended to snap out of a daze. "Oh! I'm sorry! The answer is 64! Uh, Hannibal! Bonjour! Uh…I totally agree."
I smiled at him sweetly. "Yes?"
"Run five laps after school today."
I shut up after that. I absolutely HATED running.
P.E. passed very boringly after that. Before I knew it, the class was over. I tried to slink away with the rest of the class, but a voice stopped me.
"Phantomhive, where are you going?"
I sighed and resigned to my fate, all the while looking forward to the next day.
*I did actually do this, except I didn't scream it. I muttered it loud enough for the people surrounding me to hear, but not the teacher.