Diclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or this list. I own… I own … an iPad! Yes, that was random, but tell me you weren't amused for a second there.
Yes, I am ba-
Ow! *rubs head* who threw that apple? Ok, I deserved that. Ouch! Again? Please stop – AUGH!
W-without further ado – ouch – and before I am killed be these projectiles, here is what may be the last chapter to 60 ways to annoy your teacher.
When I came to school, instead of going to class, I ran and hid in the boys' locker room until school had officially started for 10 minutes. During this time I had changed into my Spiderman costume.
After I was sure there were no people in the hallway who could delay me from getting to class with stupid questions, I came out and headed toward the classroom.
Pushing open the door, I did a ninja roll (which totally did not end with me sprawled on the ground) into the room.
Through my mask I saw my classmates and teacher with their mouths open in disbelief.
"Ciel?" Mr. Michaelis demanded.
"Why are you late?!"
"There was a disturbance," I replied.
"And what does this … 'disturbance' have to do with you?"
I smiled sweetly. "I have to rid the town of it."
I heard him mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'if you had rid the town of it you wouldn't be here.'
"Well whatever the cause may be for your tardy, please turn in your essay."
"The one I had the substitute assign specifically to you," Mr. Michaelis said sarcastically.
"The one he assigned last week," Finny piped.
"Oooh that one," I said as though I knew what they were talking about. "You see, it's just that you give so much homework I can't keep track of it all and -"
"Do you have it or not?"
"Can I change out of this suit first please?"
Mr. Michaelis sighed, "Go ahead."
I ran to the locker room, changed in record time, and set about writing the essay when I remembered one of the "ways" on the list: hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
I smirked and set about writing it.
After about ten minutes I had written a three paragraph essay. Misspelling every word is harder than it sounds.
I casually strolled back to the classroom. Right before entering, however, I took out a sticker I had Hannah, one of the maids back at the manor, make for me yesterday. I stuck it on my uniform, right over where the school logo was.
I then kicked open the door.
"Ciel! Why are you so late?"
I lifted my head in an elegant, indifferent manner. "The King is never late; everyone else is merely early."
My (poor) teacher sighed. He is sure doing that a lot today. "Never mind. Hand in your essay."
I skipped over and handed him my essay. Every word was spelled wrong, but if he were to read it aloud, no one would be able to tell.
He frowned but placed it on his desk along with the rest of the essays.
"Now class, as you all may know, today is going to be a short day due to parent teacher conferences. So instead of going about with our regular schedule, we will be – Ciel, what are you doing?"
I met his glare with a defiant smirk. "Expressing my artistic talents." I held out a paperclip necklace. "I think this suits you very well."
I turned to Elizabeth. "And this beautiful pair of earrings belong on the ears of the most lovely maiden here."
She giggled. "Thank you Ciel!" Apparently she took it as a compliment. Her brain probably didn't register that she was the ONLY maiden in the room.
"And Alois, my friend, do you not want these bracelets? They're pink you know."
Aloisi scowled. "Hell no."
I laughed at his expression.
"STOP THIS AT ONCE, PHANTOMHIVE," roared the teacher.
I took Alois' pen ("Hey, give that back!") and began talking to it.
"See how weird my teacher is? You're lucky you're a pen; you don't go through this torture."
"Now I see why you wear that sticker," commented Michaelis.
I grinned back at him.
"Now where was I? Ah yes, today there will be no schedule. We will go through whichever subject I feel we need a better grasp on."
I smiled. "I totally agree."
The teacher looked stunned. "Oh. Well, let us… we need to take a test on history."
"I totally agree."
Mr. Michaelis had put on some music for us to listen to during the test. Well, actually, he just replayed one song: The Devil's Trill.
I raised my hand silently and waited for him to fall prey to my trap.
The teacher walked over and whispered "What's wrong."
"Ew! NO I WON'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!"
"What? I didn't say that."
"Report to me after school today," he hissed.
"What about the parent-teacher conferences?" I asked.
The test was too hard. Therefore, I wrote my phone number with a heart next to my name. 408-254-2081 (do NOT try this.).
But I forgot about the incident by 10:30. This time, I took a tissue and began blowing my nose to the tune of 'Call me Maybe.'
Lizzie joined in with what she must think is a charming voice.
"This is silent reading time, not blow-your-nose time!" yelled Sebastian. "Why are you doing that?"
"Erm… Computer… Says… NO."
"I don't care what the computer says."
Right then we heard some police sirens outside.
"Oh no, they're here. Oh my God. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Sir, you have to help me! Oh God. They must have found the body! Help!" I said, panicking.
"Calm down, what body?"
I looked at him like he was crazy. "NEXT."
He sighed and turned around to write on the board.
I motioned for Alois to swap seats with me, then I had Lizzie, Joker, and Finny switch seats as well.
"Ciel what are you doing?" asked Michaelis, turning around –
– only to be met with Alois's questioning stare.
The bell rang, signaling dismissal.
My classmates all ran out the door, but unfortunately I had forgotten to take into account one thing when switching seats.
I was furthest from the door.
Gulping, I turned around. "Yes?"
Ciel gulped and hesitantly turned around. "Yes?"
"Stay here. I have let you off the hook way too many times, wouldn't you agree?" Saying so, he shut the door, barring it shut.
"I- I still have to go home," stuttered Ciel, all his confidence drained from his body.
"Oh, please, don't hurry," Sebastian drawled, walking towards Ciel much like how a cat stalks a mouse.
Ciel unconsciously took a step backward, then another, then another until he found himself against the wall.
"Oh come now, you've had your fun, don't you agree it's time for me to have mine?" Quicker than the eye could follow, Sebastian grabbed Ciel and bent him over a desk. "Don't move," he hissed. "It's time for your punishment, wouldn't you agree?"
Sebastian gave no reply, merely changed … something … on Ciel's person.
"Ah!" Ciel cried out. "S-stop!"
The sound of flesh-on-flesh and Ciel's cries resounded around the otherwise silent room.
I am smirking very hard right now. I mean like "Sebastian's signature-smirk hard. Now, tell me through review what your dirty little minds are thinking.