Diclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or this list. I own… I own … an iPad! Yes, that was random, but tell me you weren't amused for a second there.
Oh dear, you all just won't let me have me fun, now will you? Never mind that. Now yes, I am extremely sorry for my lack of updates and broken promises to you all, but I shall make it up to you all in one nice, lengthy, (hopefully) well-written chapter.
Oh, and I may write a sequel but you as my dearest readers must come up with Ciel's next list of activities ^^.
So, without further ado, the final installment to How To Annoy Your Teacher. Enjoy, and please review to tell me your opinions on this story.
This shall be the first story that I will be finished with. I feel so excited and nervous!
I grumbled at my mashed potatoes while trying to ignore my sore ass. Seriously, Mr. Michaelis hit's way too hard. I mean, I wasn't all that rude, was I?
"Ciel, do not ignore your mother," came a stern voice.
I forced myself to look up and plastered a winning smile on my face. "Sorry father, mother."
"Ciel, are you feeling all right? You haven't touched your steak." Mother.
"How was school today?" Father.
"I'm fine," I replied, "merely distracted. You see, my teacher gave us a lot of homework, and I fear I will not have time to finish it all if I do not start now, and the matter has made me lose my appetite. I am very sorry."
Mother whispered something to Father, and he in turn looked straight at me. "We are very glad to see that you are so serious about your studies. You may go to your room as soon as you feel you are done with your meal; there is no need to wait for a formal dismissal."
"Thank you, Father, Mother," I replied.
Two minutes later I was up in my room scowling at the memory of my teacher. My ass STILL hurt. I opened my laptop and scanned through my list of to-do's and already-done. To my utmost surprise I had finished with the entire list, save two.
And one of them I really did not feel like doing.
Then again, it may prove to annoy Michaelis further.
I logged onto my email account and gave a small surprised sound when I saw an email from me teacher.
I opened it.
Well it was boring. It merely asked me where I had gotten my recent ideas.
I wrote back:
None of your business, Michaelis.
p.s. my ass still hurts, thanks to you. Go to hell.
And I clicked 'send'.
Not a minute had passed before he sent me another email:
You have two things that you have not yet done on my list.
I reread it five times before what he had said registered in my mind.
No way, a part of me said. Uptight, strict, perfect Michaelis could NOT have written the list. Yet another part of me realized that there was no proof either way.
Then a smirk grew on my face.
I replied with:
What list? I don't know what you are talking about.
p.s. Screw you.
I sat back, satisfied with my trap.
And unsurprisingly, he took the bait.
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask" DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?" very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, "wow I can tell you're a blast at parties"
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream " THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!"
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, "Your racist against paper aren't you."
8. Don't do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn't do your homework say "I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever." then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say "PROVE IT!"
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, "My goldfish died." Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, "May the force be with you, young one."
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream "OMG! GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!"
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance"
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework's due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, "THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, "The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, "I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you."
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream "AAH MY EYES!"
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell "THE SKY IS FALLING!"
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout "OH NO, THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!"
32. Bring in a 7th Grader and says he's your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you're playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone's hair and yell "DNA!"
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says 'I am retarded'
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what's wrong, yell "NO I WON'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!"
44. Yell "LIAR!" to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, IT'S SPREADING!"
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say 'Your worst Nightmare'
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh god. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
60. Show them this list.
I giggled slightly to myself and printed the pages containing our little conversation out. I left out the part about my ass hurting.
I walked into the classroom with a spring in my step. (Not literally)
Mr. Michaelis was sitting at his desk in front of the computer, presumably updating our grades.
I stepped to the front of the room and proudly presented the print out from last night to the class.
"Attention!" I called in my sternest voice.
Everyone fell silent.
"Today I shall show you the darker side of our beloved teacher, Sebastian Michaelis. Take a look at this list he made up!"
The others gathered around. I took this opportunity to skip over the my teacher and in an Alois-like fashion bent down to his blood-red face and whispered, "Checkmate, Mr. Michaelis. Oh, and may the force be with you. It is probably more use to you than your brain."
I then walked back to the group of student who were having trouble calming down, seeming to have forgotten all about Michaelis.
How I love school.
Yep, Sebastian was the one who wrote the list. I planned that all along. Totally. Good day and farewell to you all!
Oh and the Bartimaeus Trilogy is really good. You guys should read it. It's about a demon (djinni) named Bartimaeus who has a sarcastic, funny, and overall awesome personality and a teenage magician named Nathaniel who is … I don't know how to describe him.
So anyways, farewell~!