AN/ Harry Potter is the Intellectual / Legal Property of JK Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury Publishing and Warner Brothers Inc. I am, unfortunately, none of the above.
The crashing sounds of war echoed through the building. The screams of rage, the cries of the fallen. The lights flickered like flames along the walls while the smell of burnt flesh settled in the air.
"Bloody hell, we need cover!" yelled someone.
"Bastards won't stay dead. Fuck! I'm hit. Go on without me."
"No George, I won't leave you," yelled Fred.
"I shall flay the flesh from your very bones!" an evil laugh cackled, raising the hair from the back of their necks.
"Bugger me, I'm blocked in. I could use some help here!"
"Now, it is time for you all to die," came and eerily calm voice.
"How do we kill these things?!"
"I swear to Morgana, I will rip out your Intestines and string you up to the ceiling with them as I beat you bloody," came the yell from a furious brunette.
"Oh shit, run!"
The lights all went off abruptly and there was a crash, followed by silence that held for a seemingly infinite heartbeat. No one breathed as they waited to see what happened. Suddenly the lights came back on, revealing the destruction that surrounded them.
Hermione dropped the remote from where she had turned off the game console and looked at the twins currently hiding behind the overturned couch. Harry was leaning against the wall next to the light switch looking around in awe at the level of chaos the twins had managed in the short time they were gone.
"Does anyone else smell charred flesh," he wondered. "I'm having flashbacks to dragons and golden eggs."
"Oh bloody hell, my bacon!" Ron yells as he runs for the kitchen and the pile of charcoal that was once a pig.
"Why were you trying to make bacon," Neville asked from the doorway, "you knew we had gone to pick up takeout."
"The blibbering humdingers that infest Ronald make it impossible for him to show any restraint when it comes to food." Luna stood up from where she was seated on the floor.
"So a blibbering humdinger is like the magical equivalent of a tape worm? That actually makes sense," mused Harry as he watched Luna and Ginny straighten up the living room furniture while the twins cowered away from an angry Hermione.
"That. Is. It. No more violent video games for you. No action movies, nothing. If you're going to act like five year olds, I will treat you like five year olds. From now on you are only allowed G rated games. No blood, no guts, no hellfire or machine guns. I will set up the parental locks after dinner. Now finish putting this room back together whilst I go air out the kitchen."
"Awww, but 'Mione…." the twins sulked as they started taking apart their impromptu fort.
"Now," was all she said as she went to start laying out dinner. "And don't think I didn't see the rankings before I turned the game off. I did you a favor, Luna was stomping your arses into the ground, even with Ron as a partner," drifted out to them from the kitchen.
"You know you never should have introduced them to muggle video games," Ginny comments as she followed her friend into the kitchen. "It's just opened up a whole new world of destruction and mayhem to them. I overheard them discussing whether or not they could create something similar to their day dream candies but involving different games and scenarios."
"Great, just what the wizarding world needs. More ideas on how to kill each other," Hermione sighed as she finished sorting out the food containers, "I will talk to them about it after we eat. I can probably bribe them with help on a different project."
"I will never understand your relationship with the two of them. It's only two weeks into the summer and I've already caught them hitting on you nine times, hiding from you three and trying to start an uprising against you twice. That's not even considering how quickly you go from treating them like partners to children to a pet that piddled on the carpet. A girl could get whip lash from trying to figure the three of you out."
"Ehhh, normal is overrated," she shrugged. "They put up with my homicidal tendencies and my codependent relationship with Harry, which more than one male has told me is daunting. They're fine if I ignore them for a week because I'm busy and aren't put off by the fact that I can't be bothered with frilly dresses and the latest hairstyles. I, in turn, recognize just how brilliant they actually are even if they won't apply themselves in school. I don't mind the fact that they literally cannot function without each other, in large part because of my previously mentioned relationship with Harry, and am willing to tolerate their bouts of childlike behavior because when I need them to step up they do so without hesitation. I have, after a lot of consideration, realized that I can't reasonably expect much more than that out of a relationship."
"I'm really not sure whether I am deeply disturbed by that or jealous."
"If it helps any you don't have quite as many off putting traits as I do, so there will probably be less compromise involved for you."
"That's not to say you don't have any off putting traits, baby sister," came from Fred as he sat down at the table.
"Because Merlin knows that temper of yours could cause most any man to think twice," George smiled innocently at them from across the kitchen.
"Your habit of jumping to conclusions…"
"Your tendency to hold grudges..."
"A bit judgmental…"
"Stubborn as a ..."
"We get the bloody idea!" She yelled, as she pulled her wand on her two troublemaking brothers, "and if you don't cut it out I will not be held responsible for what I do to you."
"We forgot quick to threaten violence, my dearest brother."
"We most definitely did my… Ahhh, make it stop!" Fred yelled as he and George tried to fight off the bat bogies flying out of their noses and attacking them.
"Ginerva Weasley! Not at the kitchen table," Hermione yelled flicking her wand at the twins, "do you know how unsanitary that is?"
"Thank you my love, for saving us from the wicked wrath of that wretched witch."
"We will forever be indebted to you, our beautiful…"
"Very nice one Forge. Buxom…"
"Why thank you Gred. Busy…"
"Weren't you supposed to be complementing me at the beginning of this?" She asked with an amused smile.
"Oh, sorry." They say together.
"Nice use of alliteration boys, and George, you get extra points for working my books in there."
"You forgot brave," Neville said as he sat down at the table, "she'd have to be brave to willingly put up with the two of you for the rest of her life."
"Hey!" the twins chorused, "We resent that remark."
"Resemble is more like it," Ron grumbles coming in. "Can we please eat now if Hermione and the twins are done with that weird intellectual foreplay they like to do."
"Really Ron, do you ever think of anything else?" Ginny asked as she set the last plate down in the center of the table.
"Hey, its not my fault! I'm…"
"A growing boy," everyone chorused. "We know."
He looked around the table to see everyone laughing and just shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't be bothered to stop eating long enough to defend himself and really, why should he. It was true after all.
AN/ Okay next will be the kidnapping/raining of destruction mentioned in Pink Elephants. It will probably end up being a couple of chapters because it is looking ridiculously long for a oneshot.
AN/ I know this isn't really specific to the timeline but I'm choosing to set it before Pink Elephants and plan to put the aforementioned kidnapping/destruction after this one.