Absolutely not. As long as I denied it happened, then it didn't happen. Nope. No way. I never did.
Except that I did.
But, you'll never hear me admit that, not even to myself.
Three months prior was my "birthday". It was to celebrate five years I was with the singers in the house. And each housemate had a different way of expressing their celebratory spirit.
After the usual anniversal festivities, a bunch of the adults ditched the kids and went out to a bar. I can say, without a trace of abashment, that I got completely wasted. It was the next part I will regret for the rest of my life.
I woke up in a big nude pile. Yes, my birthday turned X-rated. Kaito was there, Meiko, Haku…basically anyone who looked of age, was in the locked room on the floor. The entire room reeked of alcohol and a hint of…never mind. We cut the X-rated content here. I searched all over for my clothes, under several garments I rather would not have found. I left the scene and went downstairs. All the kids were downstairs, apparently watching a heated game of go. I sat next to Gumi and smiled.
"Oliver, but Lui's catching up fast." Gumi was intent on this game.
"When do you leave? I see you're all in uniform."
"Nee-chan, we've been back for a half-hour." Oh, lord, how long was I out? "I saw you had some wild night."
"Really? You noticed?"
"Please, nee-chan, everyone did."
"Do you mind, sis?" Rin said, turning around. "We're trying to watch."
"Yeah, I know, but Luka-nee won't shut up."
Okay then. Feeling a hangover coming on, I decided to just leave.
Weeks passed of me feeling like crap. I'd get dizzy for no reason when I stood. I kept gaining weight, contrary to the fact I was throwing up daily. I started sleeping later and later. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, I decided to ask my friends about it, swallowing my pride (and a bunch of vomit).
"Girl, you need to either stop drinking or drink harder," were Haku's words of wisdom.
"That seems a bit contradictory."
"Well, if you stop drinking, you won't get sick. If you drink harder, you'll become more resilient and used to it, thus you won't get sick."
"Thank you, Haku-chan," Meiko said, patting her on the shoulder. "My turn. I remember your birthday."
"Good, I forgot most of it."
"Do you remember how we woke up?"
I'd actually successfully repressed that memory. Meiko's words caused it to resurface.
"Well…you don't suppose you're…?"
"Meiko-chan, please, just – "
"She's asking you if you're pregnant," Haku finally spit out for her.
Pregnant? We don't age. Ever. Only under special circumstances could we ever hope to age. How...how could I expect a baby to grow up in me? Grow old faster than me? This was messed up in so many ways.
"I can't be pregnant."
"Oh, I'd be so jealous if you were," Haku said lazily. "I always wanted a baby. A girl. She'd have my hair and her daddy's eyes."
"Haku, snap out of it. Seriously, Luka, this is a possibility you need to think about. Birth control can fail."
"I'm not on birth control: I'm just wondering how she can age."
"Perhaps at our pace?"
"Well, you are aging, Luka-chan. Keep in denial all you want, but it does happen."
"Fine , she can age. But how can she grow?"
"We all grew. They'll know when the right time for her to stop is. And the rate."
Meiko gave me a "belated birthday gift" the next day.
"Luka-san, take the test."
"No, Meiko. I'm not pregnant."
"Who's pregnant?" Kaito asked, walking past with an ice cream bar.
"No one yet, calm down," Meiko said. It had taken me a while to notice that he was looking at her alarmed. "It's not me."
"Well, it's not me, either!"
"I'm fine. I haven't thrown up today," I lied. "I stopped drinking so much, like Haku said, and guess what, it worked. I'm fine. I'm not pregnant." Meiko watched me a second longer before walking off after the ice cream bar.
I put the test on my desk. I looked at it every night. I wondered: what if I was pregnant? What would become of it? How could I take care of it? The most nagging question, though, was "Who was the father?" There were three men with me that night. I knew if I was pregnant, who I wanted the father to be…though I'd never admit it to him. Especially not knowing if it was truly his. But knowing him…he definitely loved me, so he might just step up and take responsibility no matter whose it really was. But, like I said, I'd never admit it to him. And, I wasn't pregnant. I kept that up for weeks afterward.
Until I realized I was growing out of everything I owned.
I put on an overly large t-shirt and hid the box in my sleeve. I successfully avoided everyone on my way to finally take that damn test. I pulled it out from under me and waited for the reading.
My heart jumped straight into my throat.
Of course, why would I be writing about it if I really wasn't?
Now what? was the first question I had for myself. Who could I confide this in? Surely I couldn't hold it for long, especially once my bump got bigger: someone would catch on. So, perhaps it was best for me to announce it? But, being me, I kept my mouth shut.
"Hey, listen," Haku said one evening, coming up to me. "Meiko told me all about your drinking abstinence, and I support you one hundred percent, but you seem to be really depressed lately. I think you're going through withdrawal. Whaddya say we go out tonight, grab a few beers? Huh?"
"Sounds great, Haku-san, but I can't. I can't drink."
"Oh, you're still in repression mode. Look, we won't do that again, at least not until my birthday."
"Haku." I cut her off. "I can't drink."
"If it's about Meiko, I won't tell her – "
"Haku, I'm pregnant."
A slightly stunned silence followed my spilling. Haku blinked once at me, then said rather awkwardly, "I won't tell her that, either."