A/N: There can be some spelling mistakes, English is not my main language. But I hope you still enjoy! ;)


I was laying on a ground, the rain had woken me up. I quessed it was almost an evening. I opened my eyes slowly, watching the dark sky and finally pushed myself up. It felt like I had been hit by a truck. I could sense the pain but I actually didn't feel it anywhere. It felt like something was missing from my body. I checked myself but everything was fine.

I watched the surroundings and remembered the fight. The Foot Clan had ambushed us all on the roof and we struggled fighting against them, there was too many of them. Then, I had done something really stupid. I had done something which was dangerous and reckless. I had just attacked a whole group of Foot Clan members, alone. I shook my head. It had been a very dumb action.

I climbed to the nearest roof and looked the area. There was some clear signs of fighting: scratches from the weapons and blood. Actually, there was quite a lot of blood. Oh my God! From who had that come from? Is one of my brothers hurt? And where was everyone?

I started to remember. Somehow I had managed to fall from the roof and blacked out. Maybe my brothers hadn't found me when the fight was finally over. No, it couldn't be like that. Maybe they were mad about my reaction and left without me, as a revenge. If that was the truth it was so childish from them it could not have happened.

I mumbled myself and started walking. I was so gonna say few words to them. Or not, maybe I should be just quiet and watch what they were going to do. That sounded like a good plan. Revenge is always so sweet.

When I got in the lair there was really quiet. No talking, no tv, no anything. That was weird, usually Mikey was palying Helix or something else. I could see Donny's lab's door open and I walked there and peeked in. He sat on his stool and stared an invention which was in front of him. Just stared, did nothing else, not even build or anything. I was about to say something when I remembered my promise. No words to anyone. But maybe a little? Just to check what the situation was.

"Donny?" I asked and waited for an answer. Nothing. Fine! I walked away from there and straight to upstairs. On my way up Leo passed me. I thought he would have said something to me but he just passed me, didn't even give a look at me. I rolled my eyes. Dumbass. I went to my room and felt myself quite tired, even though I had just been passed out for God knows how long! I went to my hammock and fell asleep in few seconds.

My dreams were restless. There was fighting, fighting and more fighting. Scenes from the fight we'd had, screaming and pain. I woke up being covered with sweat. I took a look at my clock, it showed 9:37 PM. I almost accepted it when I realised something. It had showed the same time when I had gone to sleep. I decided to wait and watch it. It turned out that the time wasn't moving forward.

"Great!" I said annoyed and got up. Now I even didn't know what time it was. Stupid clock.

I left my door little open and gave a quick look to the living area. Mikey stared at me from there, confused, and then turned away. I sighed and headed to kitchen. I was thinking the options what I could eat when I realised that I wasn't even hungry. A hand on the fridges handle I turned on my heels. The tv was on now. Mikey sat there on the sofa and watched some cartoon. He will never change.

I sat next to him and we both watched the screen. After a while I realised that something was still wrong, it was too quiet, Mikey didn't make any noise. Everytime he watched his favourite cartoons he just laughed and screamed like a kid until I came to shout at him. Now he remained silent and that was creepy.

I took the remote control and switched the channel. He didn't react. I kept going about a minute but he didn't even plink his eyes. I gave up. Was the situation so bad?

"I didn't do anythin' to ya Mikey," I said but my brother didn't say anything.

Frustrated I stood up and wandered around the lair, searching something to do. Leo passed me few times doing his things but like earlier he didn't react any way towards me. It was depressing. That continued maybe for hours, I wasn't sure how much time had been passed but one thing was sure: no one said anything. Finally I had enough.

I went to the dojo where Leo was sitting in the middle of tens of candles. I watched him a while, I could see that he couldn't concentrate well.

"'Kay Leo, let's talk about a little!" I said and sat in front of him. He didn't answer.

"I admit that it was the most stupid thing to do and I'm sorry! Okay?"

I sighed. "Look, it was my fault we all were in danger. I should have thought first. Now, will you please talk to me? Even a word?" I stared him with an angry face, waiting for an answer. Leo opened his eyes and sighed deep. Finally some reaction!

"I'm so sorry Raph," he whispered. What the shell he was talking about? "It was my fault. I should have take better care of you," Leo explained to me.

"Oh c'mon! I just said -"

"I know you don't agree with me, neither does anyone else, but why I couldn't see them? Why I couldn't sense their present? Why I wasn't there in time? It was all my fault you got hurt."

Oh man, he wasn't listening to me. My so perfect brother was taking the guilty as his own burden instead of me. And I wasn't even hurt!

"Leo, listen to me!" I shouted to him. He lifted his head and looked at me, looked actually through me, like not even seeing me. That was irritating. Before I could say anything else he stood up and left the dojo. I followed him quite pissed off.

In the living room they all had gathered together, even Master Splinter was there now. Donny and Mikey stopped their silent conversation when we came. I walked to Splinter.

"Master? Please talk some sense to them." He just lowered his head and looked down. I felt so hurt. I'd done nothing so wrong which entitled them to treat me like this. I had done the same things earlier but they had never done this. Was this a lesson for me?

I marched to the nearest shelf and took whatever item I could and throw it to the floor. They all jumped about a half of a meter, suprised from the sudden noise. They stared confused and horrified to my direction.

"Now, could you please explain this situation to me! This is not funny anymore!" I yelled to them.

No one moved so I marched back to Leo and tried to grap his shoulders. My hands went straight trough him.

"What ta shell?" I murmured and watched my hands. I raised my gaze to my brother and he looked at me. Or at least I thougt so.

I tried to touch him again, this time more gently but the result was the same. Leo took few steps away from me. They were all so still. I didn't understand at all. Was I invisible? Was this some Donny's new invention? And they didn't even tell me about it!

Master Splinter had took the thing I threw from the ground and was watching it now. I turned around and saw it was a photograph of all of us. The glass was broken, there was a deep cut on top of me.

"I'm so sorry Raph," Leo mumbled.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault!" Donny said and rushed to his brother. "It was nobody's fault."

"No, It was my responsibility to take care of him," Leo said restless.

What the shell had happened? Why were they talking about me like I wasn't there? I had talked to Leo earlier. What was going on?

"No Leo," Donny said and hugged him gently. "He had the temper, you knew it. We all knew it would cause his death some day."

WHAT? In other words Donny had said that I was.. dead? I was shocked. No, no I couldn't be dead!

"Leo!" I shouted. "LOOK AT ME! Donny! Mikey, Master Splinter! I'm here! I am not dead!" I tried to get their attention but in vain. They just were there silent as someone has.. died. The reality hit me. That's why they had "left" me there. That's why there was so much blood on the roof. It was from me, I had been hurt. Mikey really hadn't seen me, Donny hadn't heared. Leo didn't talk to me, he was talking himself. They were so silent, so sad.

"No," I whispered as the tears started to fall. "No, I'm here. Please, look at me! I'm begging you. Please.." I had now dropped to my knees. This just couldn't be true. I couldn't be dead, I was walking and sleeping and... not eating.

"I could have saved him," Leo said. He was also sobbing now. Mikey and Splinter joined the group, I was just couple meters away from them.

"No, you could have not. Neather could have any of us," Donny said with a low tone. "The sword through his heart.. straight to his heart.. He didn't have any chance. Karai was doing her job well."

Karai? She was there too? The scenes of the fight came to my mind and I could re-see the whole thing. How we saw all of the Foots, how I in some point made my thoughtless action, how Karai had the chance to suprise me and stab the sword. I could feel the place where he hit me, I could feel the pain again, all the screams and fear. I could feel the smell of death again.

My eyes and face were so wet, I almost couldn't see my family anymore. I was totally crying, for the first time of my entire life. They were also crying. We all were crying together by now.

"Raph, I promise I'll revenge for you," Leo said and waved the tears away.

"No, my son," Master Splinter said, "you will not do anything reckless, even for your brother. These days, weeks, months and maybe years are hallowed to your lost brother. To Raphael Hamato."

Leo nodded and tightened his hug to his brothers. The tears were flowing on everyone's face. I screamed in mental pain, knowing that it wouldn't help anything. That I would be gone forever.

Sobbing on a floor I tried to understand it. They wouldn't see me ever again. They wouldn't talk to me, I wouldn't be talking to them. I wouldn't feel their soft and warm skins. I wouldn't be alive again. Never. My heart started to ache and I put my hand to it.

Watching my family suffering because of me, because of my death, I promised myself to protect them forever. I will be watching their backs in fights, I'll be there in their life without them knowing it. I'll be there every day, watching, following, protecting. And no one would ever know that.

The protection was all I could offer them now. I would be their guardian angel. Forever.

A/N: Read and review, please!