Remember the day
'Cause this is what dreams should always be
I just want to stay
I just want to keep this dream in me
"This might be a little cold," the nurse wearing a tight red dress and a little white hat with a red stripe said.
I shivered as she smeared the blue substance on my belly. "What is it that this test is for?"
"Well, with our advanced technology, we are able to see the health and gender of the baby this early on." She says.
"Really? I thought it had to be like 3 or so months in or something." I shrug my shoulders.
"The baby is a girl, ma'am and she is perfectly health – oh, wait."
"What? What's wrong?"
"Miss, you have two babies in there."
"The other baby is a male. And he also in great condition."
I can't help it when I start crying. I'm so happy and sad and I don't know what to do. Finnick squeezed my hand and I could see tears in his eyes. I know he always wanted children because he told me, but he probably never wanted them with me. He probably had wanted them with Annie.
I sat on the floor in front of the bed. Finnick was out getting groceries. I've been having really weird cravings. Like mini M&M's, pickles, and these like pea crisps that are like chips are something. I kept thinking about what it was going to be like two kids around the house, married to a victor, having to live in the capitol and being sold.
I remember what it was like growing up with my mom and my sister and dad. There were some good times and some bad times. I miss all of them, my family, those memories. It is hard to believe that I will never be able to make memories in District 12 with my own children. I remember the first time my father took me hunting when I was around 10. (I don't remember what it says the age was when she first went hunting with her dad, so I made an age up).
"Katniss! Get down here. You're taking forever."
"Dad, I don't know what to wear for the woods. Is it cold or humid or?"
"You know those like forest green pants you have-" I rummage through my room to find them and lay them on the bed. "Um go with a black shirt and like one of your jackets." I slip on the clothes and grab my brown combat boots and tie those up.
I come rumbling down the stairs and making as much noise as a herd of animals. "Katniss shush. Your mom and sister are sleeping." I quiet down and follow my dad through the dusty roads of District 12. We make our way to the fence and I freak out. I jump back away from it.
"Dad, that is an ELECTRIC fence!" I shriek, terrified to even go near it.
"Kat, they never even turn it in on." I sigh and start to walk towards it. I feel my body tremble as I shuffle under the fence in a hole. I wonder how that was created. Or who created it.
It is a terrific feeling once I am on the other side. It is almost like drugs or something. Maybe ecstasy. We had visitors in school from like District 1 or some rich place and they kept complaining about being here and wanting to do drugs. They didn't know that I could hear them when they were talking about their favorite drugs and one of them said ecstasy. The other one said sex was the best drug. The one who talked about ecstasy said try doing ecstasy and sex at the same time. It was weird.
I breathe in the fresh smell and just loosen up all my muscles. I sit and just take in the feeling of freedom. The actual dirt under my foot and the actual plants surrounding me. I look back at my dad climbing through the fence and then turn back and close my eyes. I just sit there soaking in all the beautiful and wonderful nature, pure, not modified or fake nature.
My dad gets through and directs me to go into the trees. I sigh and just accept that if something is to happen in there, it will help me grow as a person. As we start to get deeper and deeper into the woods, my fear grows smaller and is overcome with wonder. I embrace the true reality of what the world is supposed to be as I become more and more surrounded by trees. I tune my body to the song of the birds and the whistle of the trees and the hum of the critters.
My father senses that I have attached my thinking to the forest, "Kat, that is how you become a good hunter. You tune yourself to become nature."
"Wait, so I'm supposed to like grow sticks and leaves?"
His deep hearted laugh echoes throughout the forest and makes me laugh, even though I am not quite sure what he is laughing about.
"What is so funny?"
"Nothing, sweetheart." He sighs.
Suddenly the leaves and bristles start to move and the sticks on the ground are snapping and the birds have stopped singing. I feel the fear come up through my body and make up my entire being. My father immediately pulls his bow out and strings an arrow. I try to copy him, but my arrow falls to ground. My dad shushes me and I back up into the tree.
A hoof makes it way out of the underbrush and my dad starts aiming. And the tips of antlers stick out through the limbs of the trees and bushes. It walks out into the open, completely ignoring the fact that another creature is in the opening as well. The hoofs are twisting slightly in the dirt, almost like one would do if they had stepped in something. A hiss flies through the air quickly and makes its way towards the deer. I look over at my father and see that the arrow is missing from the dock and is now in the deer.
I start crying and feel the entire feeling of nature and fear slip through my body as sadness takes over. "Why would you kill it, daddy?"
"Sweetheart, that is what happens in nature. Nature has a food chain, animals eat other animals and we are above deer in the food chain. You need to eat, your mom and sister need to eat. This deer provides a week or so of meals. This is good game." He explains.
I feel my tears start to dry up as the purpose of this death sinks in. "Wait, good game as in like the Hunger GAMES?" I almost scream. He did not just kill this deer as a game.
"No, sweetie, good game as in like game being used as a term for a catch. The Hunger Games only serve the Capitol with entertainment and maybe some profit. It will never have any good, community serving purpose other than entertainment."
I nod my head as I begin to understand what he means. "Wait, daddy, how do we get this home without the peacekeepers seeing it?"
"We have to prepare it right now in the woods so it is ready to cook and is in smaller pieces when we get home."
I remember the meal that night. It was the first night in months when I still didn't feel empty afterwards. I smile at the thought of at least being able to provide food for my children. Their bellies would be full or at least not empty when they curled up for bed. Their blankets would not scratch up their legs. I will be able to provide for them. I have enough money to last 5 lifetimes.
But nothing will be able to fill the whole of their parents being gone because they have to go be prostitutes. Nothing will fill that absence in their lives. Plus, because they were "bred" by two victors, there is no way that Snow or whoever is president won't take advantage of the money that would come if one or both was thrown in the ring. Nothing could take away the trauma if they were to survive the games. Nothing could replace them if they were to not come home.
I didn't want children and this is why. I didn't want to bring anyone else into a world that was cruel and deadly. I didn't want to bring anyone to the fate of having to kill people for their own life to continue. This wasn't how I wanted it, but I can't change the facts now.
I hear a clicking sound as the door opens and Finnick walks in. The floor creaks as he approaches the bed. He sits down next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Whatcha thinking about?"
"How do you do that?"
"How do you manage to put off the happy, flirty persona?"
"I don't want anyone to feel the pain that you, me, and everyone else feels. I know that all of my friends feel the same but if I joke and make them laugh then I can distract them from the pain even if it is just for a second. I can make them laugh at how stupid I am or how funny my joke is, but I can't actually take away the pain. Plus, when I focus on making others happy, I can forget about how unhappy I am because I am so focused on doing at least one job."
I feel my body relax into his side as the tears make their way down my face. "I don't want to do something wrong and mess up my children's lives. I can't bring two living, breathing beings into the fate of being sent into the Hunger Games. I can't send them to kill or to be killed."
"I know." He says calmly and quietly.
I feel myself drift off as Finnick starts to pick me up. Suddenly I'm in the air and my eyes are closed and I can't feel anything as I fall.
"Mom!" A young, high pitched voice screams. The voice spreads throughout the area.
"Hunny!" A voice from right near me screams. The owner of the voice is being held back by guards as she fights to get to her baby. Her little girl is taken onto the stage as she is the female tribute.
The mom of the child seems to tune out everything as she kicks and screams and tries to get to her child. She goes still when the name of the male tribute is called. "No." I hear her whisper. I watch stunned as the woman elbows one of the guards and back kicks him so he falls down. She turns around and punches the other and runs towards the stage, where the young boy is walking up the stairs. He turns back towards the woman and nods. I love you.
They're the tributes. They know each other just from how they look at each other. Neither of them could be older than 15.
She cries as new guards come up from behind her and hold her back. The woman sobs as I look on, terrified. Suddenly I realize that tears are falling down my face. Pure sadness enters my body and starts to take over. I feel my body start to crumble just like my heart.
When I look over, I see that the woman is crumbled on the ground, sobbing as the two young children are taken backstage. I then notice that I too am on the ground sobbing. The blur of the tears are making everything I see foggy. The woman is screaming for her children. Some man, that too is sobbing, comes up and hugs her and tries to comfort her, but is failing because he can't even comfort himself. He must be the father. And she must be the mother. Wait, the way the woman reacted to both of the children – they're both their children. The two tributes are siblings.
That's when it hits me. It's me. The woman is me. I am the mother. The two tributes are my children. And the man is Finnick. Our children are the tributes. It's me. It's me.
HEY GUYS! I am so so so so so so freaking sorry that it has taken me this long for a chapter. How was it? I think I actually kind of liked what I was writing so hopefully you guys do too. Please review. Review the chapter, use the review space for telling me how terrible I am for taking SOOO long. Just please review.