This is the result of an idea that's been rattling around in my head for a couple years. When I saw the scene in POA where Hermione deduces Lupin's identity from his luggage, I thought it was very Sherlockian. So then I thought of a crossover/AU fic where Hermione was a consulting detective like Holmes, and Ron was her assistant, like Watson. When I actually started plotting this the other day, my friend suggested I make Harry the assistant, so I made Ron the Lestrade figure (making the Ministry analogous to Scotland Yard). This opening scene is taken from "The Cardboard Box," and the rest (if I ever manage to write it) will be based on "A Case of Identity," but some elements of their characters are inspired by the BBC series (hence a couple of the lines).
Admittedly terrible title is subject to change. A big thank you to the lovely Neko Kuroban for being my beta!
"I agree, Harry," Hermione said. "She does deserve worse than a sacking."
I turned to face her in surprise. "How'd you know what I was thinking, Hermione? You're not taking up legilimancy, are you?" I teased.
Hermione laughed. "Don't be ridiculous, Harry. It was quite simple. You were reading the Prophet until you tossed it down, which was what drew my attention to you. Then you looked over to your stack of books, then up to the portrait of Professor Dumbledore. So it was a simple deduction that you'd specifically been looking at the biographies of Dumbledore sitting on the top shelf. Why would you look at those? Presumably because you'd just been reminded of that awful woman's book when you read about her sacking."
I shook my head in disbelief. "You never cease to amaze me, Hermione."
She smiled wanly. "Well, I'm glad someone appreciates me," she murmured.
"Allow me to make a deduction of my own?" I suggested.
Hermione laughed. "Try me."
"You're bored, aren't you, Hermione?" I asked. "It's been awhile since we had a good case, after all."
"I am," she admitted. "But I doubt I am now."
"Why is that?" I asked, genuinely surprised.
She turned to me and smiled. "Because Pig is coming toward us now. Ron wouldn't send for me unless he had a case he wanted me to consult on, now, would he?"
As if on cue, Pigwidgeon came buzzing through our window, settling on the mantle so I could take his message, and give him a petting and a small nibble as Hermione read the note.
"Well, this is interesting!" she crowed.
"'Oi, Hermione, and Harry too' – oh, when will he learn to start a letter properly? — 'A woman named Mary Sutherland came by here talking about a fiancé who'd disappeared. But since she didn't even know his name, I said it wasn't really our division.' You don't think anything's your division, Ronald," she muttered. "'I told her you might be interested, though. Here's her address if you want to send her an owl.' Well, yes, I quite would, Ron! 'Love to you both from everyone at the Ministry,' come see us soon, and so forth.
"Well, I'd say that merits some looking-into!" Hermione beamed as she wrote a quick note and addressed it. "Feel up to a special delivery, Pig?" The owl screeched excitedly as she tied the envelope to his leg, then flew off in a flurry, as he always did.
Hermione shuddered with pleasure. "Oh! That Skeeter woman's been sacked, and now we have a disappeared fiancé — it's like Christmas!" she grinned happily.