Chapter 1

Stewie's perspective

My name is Stuart Carter Griffin. It's been twenty one years, two months and fourteen days since my glorious exit from Lois' birth canal. My mother is Lois Griffin (née Pewterschmidt) and my father is Peter. I have two siblings, both older than me. A brother named Chris and a sister named Meg. Well technically I don't have a sister any more, since her sex change procedure. Now she's my brother, Ron. I still have problem adjusting to this new reality. Sooner or later I think I'll figure out how I feel about all this. Right now I feel a headache coming just thinking about it.

At this moment, and for the past three years I've been in Cambridge. As I was always the top of my class I was accepted in Harvard University with little difficulty, not thanks to my fat lard of a father, or my mother's family conections. Studying applied physics has been a dream of mine since I entered high-school. My plans for world domination have been taking a downfall since I entered puberty, so a future in, say, weapon engineering was my second choice. And one I have not felt sorry about yet.

Nearly free possible access to Uranium can cheer a guy up, you know?

Staring at my dorm room's door, I sighed heavily before searching once again for my keys. When I first moved in, I had taken Brian with me, and he would be the one to remind me of the little things. Things like my keys, the paper that was due tomorrow, my presentation with one of my professors. He even reminded me of a date once or twice. A pact that I made with Lois, to date at least once a year since I was sixteen. None of my dates ended well. The funny thing is women were far more pleased staring at me from afar than actually talking to me. The fact that I would insult them every chance I got didn't help either. Most of them were too stupid to realize what I was doing, and the few of them that were smart enough to understand would walk out of the date angry and in tears. Well most of them anyway. The few courageous enough to stand me were my few sexual encounters with the fair sex. It never lasted more than a night

Once I talked to Lois about the possibility of me being gay. She said that as a child I had an inclination to get a bit more jealous of my male friends in contrast to girls, that I enjoyed being dressed in female clothing and other similar incidents. She said that I would never find out unless I let myself free, and that she didn't care as long as I was happy. I was grateful for that. After a few times with people of my own sex though I hadn't found anything spectacular in any of my sexual partners. My psychiatrist thought that I was intimidated by women due to my mother's strong character, thus my hostility towards them, and that I was unable to enjoy my interactions with men due to the size of my penis. I thought my genitals were fine, explained to him as calmly as I could that what I have is and has been called for some time now asexuality and left his office.

But I digress.

Anyway, Brian is dead. His death was the reason I returned to Quahog, to bury him in our backyard. I felt a void in me just beneath where my heart should be, a loss that made me tremble with the uncertainty my empty room would present for my future. And I still couldn't find those blasted keys!

Penelope's perspective

I'm coming Stewie.

I don't own Family guy. Wish I did, 10th season sucks balls. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the beginning of Mr. and Mrs. Stewie's adult romance ;)