Title From: Can't Get It Right Today - Joe Purdy
Author's Note: Not as long of a chapter as I'd like, but a much faster upload time! I'm still working on lengthening the chapters I write, as this is one of my first fanfics and it's my first multi-chapter, so I am doing my best!
TRIGGER WARNING! This multi-chapter fanfic will include an eating disorder and self harm. If you think you will, at all in any way, be triggered, please don't read it. If you do chose to read it but find yourself getting triggered, please stop reading. The last thing I want to do is trigger anyone.
Head spinning, heart racing. Arizona's feet hit the ground over and over in a steady rhythm. Running cleared her mind. Today though, wasn't a good run. Her head kept spinning, and her heart was racing too fast and it didn't look like it would slow down soon.
The people in the streets started to blur, her vision darkened.
Almost there. Almost there.
Arizona came to a slow stop, and sat herself down on the bench outside the emergency entry into Seattle Grace Mercy West. As the world around her remained blurred, she closed her eyes against it trying to stop the dizziness.
"Robbins? Robbins are you okay?"
She stirred, opening her eyes to see Karev standing right in front of her with unmistakable concern in his eyes.
"Yeah. I'm fine, just tired."
"Are you sure?" He offered his hand to help her stand up. Arizona accepted it graciously and pulled herself up, clutching Alex's hand harder when the dizziness started all over again.
"I'm sure, Karev." She blinked rapidly, trying to regain steady vision. "How's- how's the newborn doing?"
Karev sighed deeply and sat down, knowing she was trying to avoid his questions. "She's doing good, getting stronger, eating well. Unlike you." He stared straight ahead, studiously ignoring Arizona's gaze, waiting for a reaction from her.
"Arizona, I may make mistakes and screw everyone in the hospital but I am not an idiot. You're always out running, you've lost a LOT of weight." Karev let his words lingered in the air, unsure of where to go next.
Her breath hitched, scared that he'd discovered her secret. Arizona decided to push her luck. "I've been stressed. Running calms me down, ask anyone. I just…I just overdid it today. I need more sleep is all. I guess that's what days off are for, huh Karev?" Arizona flashed her signature smile at him, hoping she had him fooled.
"Arizona…you." Karev hesitated, not wanting to anger her again. "I think you have a problem." From the corner of his eye he saw her face turn red in anger. "Wait. Hear me out. You were never fat, but now you're a fraction of what you used to be. You keep losing focus in the OR, and you zone out all the time. I've seen you grab walls to steady yourself when you get dizzy. I am worried about you, Robbins."
Arizona stood up stiffly, and started walking away from the bench as fast as she could. "I'm fine Karev. I'm fine." How could he know I'm always dizzy? I've been so careful around him. How did he realize I've lost weight if I'm still just as fat a before?
Arizona got home, ready to collapse on the couch in exhaustion, but Callie had other plans for them. "Arizona, lunch is almost ready."
Before she could stop herself, Arizona snapped back "I'm not hungry. God. What is it with everyone today? Bailey then Karev and now you. What am I doing wrong?"
Callie stared at her wife in disbelief as Arizona stomped across their apartment and shut herself into their bedroom, just like a toddler would have done.
"Arizona, honey?" Callie gently opened their bedroom door and made her way over to hug Arizona, trying to stop her tears.
"DON'T TOUCH ME."
"Arizona? What's wrong? It's me, it's Callie."
"DON'T touch me. I don't want you touching all of my fat."
Callie gasped loudly and stepped back. "THAT is why I can't touch you anymore? Arizona you are the furthest thing from fat. You were never even fat to start with and you lost so much weight-"
"Why does everyone keep saying that? I haven't lost weight, I am still huge. Look at my arms, and my stomach, and my legs. They're all fat, Calliope, how can you love me if I look like this?"
As Arizona curled up on the bed sobbing, Callie let a few tears escape from her eyes before sitting down next to her wife. Gingerly, she put a hand on top of Arizona's. "Honey. You are beautiful. You are not fat at all. And you have lost weight, that might be why everyone is saying it. Now why don't you take a warm shower and join me and Sofia."
Arizona nodded grateful that Callie hadn't pushed it any further. She wiped her eyes roughly and headed for the bathroom.
Meanwhile, Callie went into the kitchen and dialed a number on her cellphone. "Bailey, we have a problem."