What the? A fanfiction that isn't Naruto?!

What is this blasphemy?

I do not own the characters, the setting, or Apples to Apples.

Enjoy if possible


Sirius Black yawned hugely as he flopped in a chair. He set his elbows on the table and dropped his chin into his palm before looking over the table at his three best friends: Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Remus Lupin.

A.K.A. Wormtail, Prongs, and Moony.

The four Marauders were sitting in the Room of Requirement. They were bored of sitting in the Gryffindor common room because of the constant array of people there, and the Shack wasn't exactly the proper place to have a nice Saturday night without being animals.

Thus, the Room of Requirement transformed into a decently sized room with four comfortable chairs positioned around a nice table of perfect height, a large book case filled with books, and a giant shelf stuffed with games of all sorts.

"Alright James, what's this awesome game you had to show us?" Sirius asked. "By the way, some of the House Elves are bringing up some snacks for us. If only this blasted room would give us food..."

James smirked at his best friend who sat across the table from him. He got up and walked to the shelf of games before extracting a decently large red box. He carried it over to the table and set it down.

"Apples to Apples?" Remus read. He raised his eyebrow and looked at James. "What is it?"

"It's a game. I was watching Evans and some of the other girls play it in the common room the other day." James explained. "It seemed very fun and quite amusing."

Peter looked up. "How do you play?"

James reached towards the box, pulled the top off. He plucked a green card off the top of one of the decks and showed it to the guys. "Alright, so a person draws a green card or an adjective; for example, this one says 'Addictive'. It is up to the other players to choose one of the red cards from their hands that best fits the description. The red cards are nouns."

Sirius frowned and grabbed one of the red cards. He stared at it and the green card in James's hand before snickering. "Well… that certainly could be addictive."

Remus leaned to his right over the table to look at Sirius's card. He sighed with a soft chuckle and shook his head. "Well done, Padfoot."

Peter squeaked a laugh when Sirius showed him. "Sirius!"

James frowned and snatched the card from Sirius. He stared at it and frowned. "Really Sirius?"

"Really James." Sirius replied with a smug smirk.

James set the cards down and flopped in his chair. "My body is not addictive."

"Ask Lily. She might be of a different opinion." Sirius mused playfully. He laughed at the glare James sent him before composing himself. "Alright mate, let's play.

"Okay, so each of us start out with seven cards." James explained. He waved his wand and one of the red decks distributed seven read cards to each of the four. "And now to choose the judge…"

"Why don't you go first Prongs? That way we can see for ourselves how to play." Remus suggested.

"Alright." James shrugged. He picked a green card from the deck and flipped it over. "Charismatic: alluring, magnetic, charming."

"Me." Sirius said with a smirk as he sorted through the red cards in his hand.

"Anyone who puts Padfoot instantly loses." James announced with a countering smirk.

Sirius just stuck his tongue out before slapping a red card down on the table face down. Peter followed awkwardly, setting down the card nervously. Remus was silent for a moment longer before sighing with a shrug and setting down a card.

James waved his wand and the cards shuffled themselves before zooming to his empty hand. He flipped them over and sorted through them, snickering as he did so. "Clowns, Spiders, and Ear Wax…" He laughed. "I'm going to have to go with Ear Wax."

"That's right." Sirius praised, picking up the green card and setting it by his pile of red cards.

James started the discard pile while the other three collected another red card from the deck to keep seven cards in their hands. "Alright Wormtail, you next."

Peter nodded and chose a green card. "Fabulous: marvelous, wonderful, and incredible."

"Also me." Sirius announced. He put down his card, followed closely by James and Remus.

Peter shuffled them before picking them up and he laughed. "Underwear, Cholesterol, and Telling the Truth." He rubbed his chin in thought. "I think I'll pick underwear."

"Yes!" James laughed, picking up the green card. "Nice try, you two."

"Come on Peter, Cholesterol is wonderful!" Sirius pouted. Remus just chuckled and encouraged the rowdy teen to pick a green card.

"Arrogant: egotistical, overconfident, and conceited." Sirius read.

"Sirius Black." James stated as he looked through his cards.

Sirius just scowled. When the other three boys had laid down their cards, Sirius chuckled to himself as he picked them up. "Rats, my mind, and Americans."

"Hey!" Peter protested.

"All of those are exceedingly arrogant." Remus agreed.

Sirius shook his head with amusement. "Okay James, you win. Putting 'My Mind' card was a good choice."

James rubbed the back of his head. "Actually, I was Rats."

"Prongs!" Peter whined.

James just laughed and patted Peter on the shoulder.

Sirius blinked. "Then who…" He gawked as Remus picked up the "Arrogant" card. "Remus!"

"I couldn't help it." Remus said with a smile. "My turn then?"

"Yep." James confirmed.

Remus picked a card and read it aloud. "Emotional: passionate, moving, volatile."

The second Remus put down the card, Sirius slapped down a card of his own. Peter looked a little uncomfortable putting down one of his cards and James shrugged with a chuckle as he put down his card

Remus eyed Sirius uncertainly as he shuffled the cards. He picked them up and read them carefully. His lips twitched with amusement at the first one and his expression changed to one of disturbed amusement at the second. The third card wiped the amusement and disturbed expression off his face as he gave the card a deadpan stare.

"What are they?" James asked.

"Pyromaniacs, Having a Baby, and A Full Moon." Remus explained. Sirius and James roared with laughter at the last one and Peter muffled his laughter with his hand. "You win, Sirius; A Full Moon."

Sirius picked up Emotional, chortling to himself. "It's all you, Prongs mate."

"Risky," James read, "hazardous, daring, and speculative." He waited for his friends to set down their cards before he picked them up and read them off. "Supermodels, Going to School, and Falling Down." He laughed, shaking his head and picked out Going to School. "Who put this in there?"

Remus raised his hand. "I did."

"You win, Moony. Good play." James praised.

"Thank you, Prongs." Remus said politely, picking up his card.

Peter grabbed a green card and read it. "Naïve: unsophisticated, childlike, simple."

"Oh that's a good one." James stated with a chuckle, putting down a card.

"I have two really good ones." Sirius whined. "I can't pick one. Moony, help!"

Remus, who already set down his card, looked at the two Sirius showed him. He chuckled and pointed at one. Sirius cackled and set it down with Remus's card an instant later.

Peter picked up the cards and looked through them curiously before laughing. "Mosquitos, Mud, and Witch Hunts." He shook his head. "I chose Witch Hunts."

"Whoop!" James cheered, picking up his card. "Your turn, Sirius."

Sirius picked out a card and he laughed. "Dreamy." He fluttered his eyelashes and read the synonyms in a charming voice. "Fanciful, whimsical, and heavenly."

"Me." Remus said before James could.

The boys laughed as they went through their cards. When they were finished, Sirius picked up the red cards. "Getting a Hug could be pretty dreamy." He put that one down and snorted. "Girlfriends are also pretty dreamy." He looked at the last card and burst into laughter. "Plane Crashes?! Who put plane crashes?"

James raised his hand. "I did."

"Kudos to you, Prongs." Sirius said between gasps of laughter. He handed the green card to James as Remus and Peter laughed along with him.

"Dainty." Remus read through his chuckles. "Delicate, fragile, and thin." When the boys put down their cards, Remus snickered and shook his head. "Out of My Past, Ghosts, and Charging Rhinos, I think I have to choose Charging Rhinos."

Sirius picked up "Dainty" for his own.

"Ordinary: usual, common, plain." James read. He waited for the cards to be handed to him before reading them. "Eww. Ha! Festering Wounds are pretty common I guess." He shook his head. "Cleaning the Bathroom, and…" James scowled. "My Love Life."

"I vote My Love Life." Sirius chuckled. "That one's not even mine."

"I like Festering Wounds." Remus mused aloud. "It was the funniest one."

"Festering Wounds it is." James shrugged.

"I will take that." Sirius said smugly, picking up the green card.

The foursome played well into the night until finally they remembered that they had classes the next day and their fatigue caught up with them.

"Alright, so the last thing we have to do is read our green cards out loud. Whoever has the most wins. However, whatever cards you have describe your personality." James explained. "Who has the most? I have fourteen."

"I have fifteen." Sirius teased.

"I have eight." Peter said quietly.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "I have sixteen."

"Good job, Moony. Read yours out loud." James encouraged.

"I am arrogant, risky, responsible, painful, crazed, profound, intelligent, fuzzy, hardworking, extreme, dull, unbelievable, spicy, wild, trustworthy, and loveable." Remus read boredly. "According to the cards…"

"That's pretty true." Sirius said with a smile. "You are loveable, Moony. And you certainly can be fuzzy."

Remus just rolled his eyes with an amused smile. "Your turn, Padfoot."

"According to the cards, I am: charismatic, emotional, dainty, ordinary, funny, juicy, insane, realistic, absurd, stunning, crazy, zany, luxurious, playful and adorable." Sirius said smugly.

"How fitting." Remus mused, smirking at the grinning dog Animagus beside him.

"Alright, I suppose I'm next." James guessed. "I'm fabulous, naïve, dreamy, witty, flirtatious, sensitive, colorful, elitist, dramatic, radical, visionary, touchy-feely, weird, and perfect." James said, emphasizing perfect. He got the result he wanted, the widening smirk of his best friends.

"Well you certainly are naïve and weird." Sirius agreed.

"Flirtatious was a good adjective too." Remus agreed.

"Ha ha." James said with a scowl. "Go on, Peter."

"Mine are awful." Peter said with a pout. "According to the cards, I'm chunky, filthy, phony, earthy, annoying, quiet, heartless, and selfish."

James chuckled. "Ouch."

Sirius smirked and patted Peter's shoulder. "The truth can hurt, mate."

"It's just a game, Wormtail." Remus said soothingly when Peter slumped at Sirius's comment. "We don't think you're any of those things. Well… you are quiet."

"And earthy." James offered. He put the cards back in the box and waved his wand. The box closed itself before zooming over to the shelf and stacking itself inside neatly. He stood and stretched before pulling out his invisibility cloak. "Let's head back to the dormitory."

"Right." Sirius and Remus agreed. Peter transformed into a rat and scurried over to Remus's hand. Remus set Peter on his shoulder and ducked under the cloak with Sirius and James. The three boys and rat snuck through Hogwarts until they finally reached the Gryffindor dormitory.

James put the cloak away and Peter resumed his natural form before all four boys stumbled tiredly up to their beds. The four Marauders talked in hushed undertones, chuckling about the more humors rounds of the game and the funny options they would have played if given the chance to replay the hand.

One by one, the boys passed out as fatigue caught up with them. They had classes tomorrow after all and none of them wanted to explain to McGonagall why they were sleeping through Transfiguration.


I recommend playing Apples to Apples if you never have. I would also like to recommend a game called Cards Against Humanity. It's kind of like Apples to Apples for horrible people. It's super fun.

The idea for this spawned in my brain last night while I was playing Apples to Apples with my roommate and some friends. We were watching the Prisoner of Azkaban whilst playing and I was like: I wonder how amusing it would be if the Marauders played Apples to Apples together. It was funnier in my head.

Actually, the first idea I had was McGonagall playing with Snape, Remus, and Sirius because they were the first people to come to mind. But it morphed into the Marauders when I sat down to type it.