Authors note: This is a story I wrote a long time ago and used to have at my website. The website no longer exists so I'm posting some of my stories here. Enjoy them!

Disclaimer: I own nothing here. Joss owns it. I just borrow, so please don't sue me.

Author's Note: This is the beginning of a series called, Chained To Fate. I'm not sure how long it's going to be yet. I'm just going with the flow. The title's Chained To Fate and I Alone Love You are from the song "I Alone" by Live. This is NOT a song fic however. So don't run away if you hate those! J I just like the way it sounds and it fits the mood of the story.

Summary: (This story takes place after Older and Far Away, so if you haven't seen it yet and don't want to be spoiled, you should wait.) Buffy and Spike slip further into the world they've created together. Buffy's resolve is weakening. But when their relationship begins to take an intense turn, she worries that she may be losing herself to him. The question is, does she want to be found?

Rating: NC-17

Chained To Fate

I Alone Love You…

~I alone love you, I alone tempt you,

I alone love you, fear is not the end of this…~ LIVE

Buffy stood in her room throwing her weapons into her bag. She was getting ready to head out and investigate a demon cult that had apparently been spotted in town. Spike had actually been the one to tell her about it. She still had a hard time grasping that. He was a demon himself, and yet he managed to tip her off to the evil doings around town. She supposed it was useful sometimes that he still had friends in demon places.

She was supposed to meet him at his crypt and they were going to check out the spot where the demons were living. Spike had heard that there was some sort of ritual sacrifice that was going to take place. He didn't really know anything about it, and Buffy didn't really care. She just knew it was her job to stop it from happening.

She walked downstairs with her bag over her shoulder, and a battle axe in her hand. When she got into the living room, she saw Dawn sitting on the couch.

"Big night of slayage? You have a mini arsenal with you." Dawn pointed out.

"Looks like. Spike says they are some evil nasties down by the docks. We're gonna drop by for a visit." Buffy told her sister.

"Be careful. It sounds kinda dangerous." Dawn worried.

"I'm always careful. Is Janice's mom coming to pick you up soon?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah. She said she'd be here in a half hour. I'm so excited to see this movie tonight. It's got all the cute guys in it. Janice and I will probably be up all night just talking about it." Dawn smiled.

"Well, have fun and be good. I don't wanna find out that you guys were running around town causing trouble again. And no stealing. Or parking with vampires at lovers lane." Buffy said with a serious look.

"Relax, Buffy. I totally learned my lesson. I'm over my klepto phase. And I know it's not cool to make out with vampires. Been there, done that." Dawn assured her.

Buffy just looked at her and felt instantly guilty. Here she was telling Dawn to be a good, sweet girl and she was out killing things and having wild sex with a soulless vampire every night. Not exactly a pillar of virtue. And definitely not a role model.

"Right. That kind of stuff only leads to badness." Buffy said guiltily.

Dawn didn't notice Buffy's guilt and just smiled at her.

"Go save the world from whatever. I'll see you tomorrow." Dawn told her.

Buffy gave her a quick hug and headed out the door. She was lost in thought the entire walk to Spike's crypt. She had so much weirdness in her life right now, that she just couldn't make sense of it all. She had felt different ever since she'd come back. She didn't know what was different. But once Spike had told her she came back wrong, everything started to make a little sense. At least there seemed to be an explanation for her strangeness. She was wrong. Some kind of freak. Maybe not even human anymore.

Oddly enough, that comforted her. At least she could explain why she was feeling this way, and why she was so drawn to Spike. She was wrong. She wasn't really Buffy. But that theory had been blown out of the water when Tara informed her that nothing was wrong with her. Only that wasn't really true. Something was wrong. She didn't even recognize herself anymore.

She had all these feelings and urges that she couldn't contain. There was this rage inside her that she couldn't control at times. Spike had been the one unfortunate enough to bear the brunt of that rage. She had flipped out on him and beat the crap out of him. She was trying to blame all her problems on him. And he just stood there and took it. He didn't even fight back.

Part of her was almost hoping that he would snap, and just kill her. Put her out of her misery and stop this madness that she was feeling. But he didn't. He just let her unleash. And when it was over, she was horrified at what she'd done. She had called Spike the evil monster, but she had been the monster that night. That was the instant that she really knew she had to be wrong.

Buffy would never do something like that. That was the only salvation she had to cling to. The real Buffy would never hurt someone like that. Not someone who wasn't even fighting back. And not someone who loved her. Finding out that there was no sinister explanation for her madness, had shattered her. This was really happening. Everything she felt and everything she had done was real. She still didn't understand it and it frightened her to even contemplate it.

She walked up to Spike's door and opened it. He was waiting inside for her.

"Thought you weren't coming." He told her.

"Sorry. I got held up. I was looking for this." She said holding up her battle axe.

"You misplaced that? It's not like it's the remote control or anything." He said with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah. I just forgot where I hid it. I only bring this bad boy out when I know I'm gonna need it." She explained.

"Well, lets get going. Element of surprise and all that. At this rate they're probably all sacrificed out and having cocktails by now." He said, grabbing her bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

She sighed and just followed him out the door. They walked silently through the cemetery on their way to the waterfront. Buffy had her axe slung over her shoulder and Spike looked over at her.

"You realize that you're not very inconspicuous walking down the street with that thing over your shoulder, don't you?" He told her with amusement.

"It's not like anyone in Sunnydale would even notice. They see all kinds of crazy stuff. This is nothing. Besides, where else would I carry it? It's not like I can just stuff something that big in my pants." She pointed out, not realizing how naughty that sounded.

Spike smirked and couldn't let that comment slip by.

"That's not what you said last night." He said suggestively.

"Oh god. You're so gross. Is that all you can think about?" She said making a disgusted face at him.

"Oh come on. You left that one wide open." He laughed at her.

"And you just had slip in— Okay, poor choice of words. You know what? Let's just stop talking." She said shaking her head.

It was no use. Everything she said was going to sound sexual now. And of course that was all she was thinking about now too. She hated how he could do that to her.

He just smirked at her and they kept walking. Finally they reached the spot where the demons were supposed to be. It was an old warehouse that was boarded up and dilapidated. There was a small window that was located high above them. Neither one of them were tall enough to look inside.

"We need to find something to stand on. I don't wanna come crashing in here and be surprised with a hundred angry demons. We need to see what we're up against." Buffy told Spike as she walked around to the side of the building, looking for a crate to stand on.

"How about this?" Spike pointed to a large wooden freight box, lying by the dock.

They went over and tried to move it but it wouldn't budge.

"What the hell is in here? Lead weights?" Spike muttered as he tried to shove the box.

Buffy pulled the lid up and saw that it was filled with boat anchors. She sighed.

"Lead weights pretty much sum it up. We can't move this. It's too heavy." She said irritated.

She walked back over to the where the window was and Spike followed her. She laid her axe down on the ground and looked at Spike.

"Boost me up. I'm gonna see what's inside." She told him.

He put the bag of weapons down and bent down to make a scoop with his hands. Buffy stepped on them and he tried to lift her up. He still couldn't get enough leverage to get her to the window. She jumped down and looked at him.

"You know, you're awfully short." She said growing impatient with this adventure.

"Hey! I'm not short. Just because I'm not a huge bulking mass like Angel…" He said wounded.

"Well, whatever. I still can't reach." She groaned. Then she looked at him. "Get on your knees." She said quickly.

"Well alright, love. But are you sure this is the right time for that?" He said as he knelt down in front her. He reached out and ran his hand up her inner thigh, until she swatted him away.

"Stop that! That's not what I meant. I'm climbing onto your shoulders and you can lift me up." She said giving him an incredulous look.

He let her climb onto his back and then stood up with her on his shoulders. He couldn't help but become overly excited at the feel of her heat across the back of his neck. It was distracting.

Buffy managed to grip the window ledge and pull herself up to peek in the window. She saw a bunch of shipping crates and a couple of old couches. But no demons. Not even one.

"There's no one in here!" She said irritated.

"What? There has to be."

"Are you sure this is the place?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Just then a large, scaly demon walked up behind them. He saw them spying into the window and smiled. He came up behind Spike and punched him in the back. Spike lurched forward and Buffy came tumbling down on top of him.

Before either one could get themselves oriented, the demon struck another blow, this time kicking Buffy in the face. She reeled back and hit the side of the building. Spike jumped up and faced their attacker. He then realized that their weapons were lying next to the demons feet, out of his reach.

"Now, that wasn't very nice mate." Spike said as he lunged for the demon, knocking him backwards onto the pavement.

Buffy managed to get herself up off the ground and scrambled to get hold of her axe. Before she could grab it, another demon came up behind her and kicked her in the back. She fell to the ground again, face first and felt her lip split open from the force. She turned her head and looked up at the demon who was quickly descending upon her. She flipped around and kicked him away, as she sprang to her feet.

Spike was struggling with the other demon and took a hard hit to his face, which sent him flying backwards. The demon reached down and grabbed Buffy's axe. He charged at Spike, who was attempting to get to his feet. Buffy saw what was happening and tackled the demon to the ground.

She tried to wrestle her weapon out of his grasp, but he only tossed her away from him effortlessly. She crashed into Spike who had finally gotten to his feet. This sent them both hurtling into the side of the building.

They looked up and saw that the demons were both looming over them. For an instant Buffy feared that this was going to be the end, until one of the demons spoke.

"You're too late. They've gone ahead to the sacred spot. You can't stop this ritual. Preparations are already in order. In two days time, we will own this town." He told them sinisterly.

Just as Buffy was getting ready to jump to her feet once again, the demons turned around and ran off, taking Buffy's axe with them.

She called out to the departing demons.

"Hey! That's my special occasion axe!" She shouted angrily.

She stood to her feet and looked down at Spike who was attempting to get up for a third time.

"Can you believe that? They stole my axe!" She said disbelieving.

"Pet, shouldn't you be a little more worried about the ritual?" He asked shaking his head.

"Well, yeah. I guess. But that was my favorite weapon. Giles gave that to me." She pouted.

"Come on. Let's get out of here." He said picking up her bag off the ground.

They set off walking towards Spike's crypt. They reached it quickly and walked inside. Buffy sat down on his couch and sighed.

"This just sucks. Not only are these demons planning on taking over Sunnydale with some ritual that I know nothing about, they're thieves too." She told him.

"They're demons, Buffy. Evil? Nasty? Remember?" He pointed out.

"Yes, I remember. It's just…I was hoping for something easy. Preferably with closure. Now we don't even know where they are anymore."

He sat down next to her and noticed that she still had some blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth, from when her face had smashed into the ground.

"You alright?" He asked, pointing to her lip.

She reached up and touched her mouth and came away with blood tinged fingers.

"Great. I didn't even realize it was still bleeding. Do you have a mirror— Wait, guess you wouldn't, would you?" She said with a small smile.

"No, I don't have much need for one." He smiled back.

She reached up and attempted to wipe away the blood with the back of her sleeve, but he caught her arm. She looked at him strangely.

"Let me get that for you." He purred softly, as he leaned over and traced his tongue along her chin, and up to her mouth.

The sweet, coppery taste of her blood was intoxicating. She closed her eyes and felt herself growing warm at the feel of his tongue tracing the outline of her lips.

"What are you doing?" She whispered breathily, uncomfortable at how completely turned on she was by this.

"No sense in letting it go to waste. I am a vampire, remember?" He told her seductively.

She drew in a sharp breath and then took his face in her hands. She kissed him forcefully. In what seemed like an instant, he was on top of her, pressing her back into the couch cushions. Her hand immediately went for his zipper and she urgently tried to free him. She was desperate for him.

His hands slid under her shirt. He began to caress her breasts, as their kisses grew in intensity. At some point, the cut she had on her lip had opened up again, and it began to bleed even more. Buffy didn't even notice until they broke their kiss, and saw that Spike had blood on his lips.

She was a little shocked. She started to tell him to stop, but he began kissing her neck, while his hands were undoing her pants. She was completely lost in the moment, and didn't care about anything else but having him. She laid back and let him undress her. She reached up and pulled his shirt off. His pants were already undone, so all he had to do was slip them off and toss them aside.

He returned his lips to hers, and his tongue explored her mouth. Traces of her blood were still lingering, and he gently sucked on her bottom lip. Her hands were caressing him and she wanted so badly to have him inside her. She didn't want to wait.

"Now." She murmured into his kiss.

He pulled back and began nibbling on her earlobe.

"Not yet." He whispered.

She closed her eyes again, and relished the things he was making her feel. His lips moved down her neck and she felt him nibbling on her tender flesh as he made his way down to her breasts. She drew in a sharp breath as she felt him suck one of her nipples into his mouth. She clutched at his head, and pressed him down harder against her chest.

Suddenly she felt a twinge of pain and she cried out softly.

"Ow. What are you doing?" She asked breathlessly.

"What?" He asked curiously.

"Are you biting me?"

"You don't like it?" He asked, as traced circles around her nipples with his fingertips.

"It hurt." She told him softly.

"But in a good way, right?" He asked giving her one of his best smoldering looks.

"I don't know." She whispered guiltily.

She knew that she had bitten him lots of times. She couldn't help herself. But he had never really done that to her. She tried to tell herself that he was the one who liked that, not her.

"Maybe we should try it again?" He said, as he bent down and nibbled on her gently.

She couldn't help but moan at the incredible sensation. He took that cue to mean that she was quite into what he was doing, and he began to be more forceful with her. She arched her back and whimpered softly at the feel of his teeth. His hand moved between her thighs and he began caressing her. He could tell that she was wild with need for him.

He kissed and nibbled his way down her stomach until he reached her center. He was still stroking her gently with one hand, and with his other, he pushed her knees farther apart. He slid his fingers inside of her and began licking across her burning flesh. She cried out as she felt his tongue drinking in her sweetness.

"Oh Spike…" She moaned, as she tried to press herself against his mouth harder.

And again, she felt his teeth against her flesh. This time even more intense sensations electrified her body. She couldn't lay still and clamped her legs tightly around his head. With his free hand, he pushed them apart again to give himself more room. He held her leg firmly to the side, and he could feel her struggling in ecstasy to move it.

Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer. Her body tensed and she began gasping for breath. She was rocked with powerful spasms, and she felt herself biting her own lip again to stifle her cries.

When he sensed she was beginning to relax, he pulled back and looked at her. She was panting and her eyes were closed as she tried to recover from her powerful climax. He took that opportunity to position himself and thrust deeply into her already throbbing heat.

She gasped out, taken totally by surprise by his entrance. She hadn't even had a moment to regain her senses, and he was already taking them to the limit again. He leaned down and began sucking and biting at her nipples as he thrust into her. She felt like she was floating, and not even part of her body anymore. She was just a giant nerve ending. Every part of her body was on fire.

She grabbed his hair and yanked his head up to meet her mouth again. He kissed her hard, and could still taste blood. Their kisses refused to let her lip heal quickly. She didn't care though. She felt him press her legs back so that he could move deeper inside of her. The feeling made her shudder, and she found herself biting down on his lip as he kissed her.

She tasted blood, but she didn't know if it was hers or his. It didn't matter. She wanted to consume him just as badly as he wanted to consume her. She sucked at his lower lip and he quickened his thrusts. She ran her hands over his back, and dug her nails into him. He winced, but only became more determined. He grabbed her arms and pinned them over her head, so she couldn't do anything but lie there.

"No fair." She said breathlessly.

"More fun." He said with a fiery glance as he kissed her again.

Finally, it was too much for either of them to take. She felt herself coming again and she tried to free her arms. But he was holding them too tightly. She began to quake and he felt her walls tighten around him. He released her arms as he began to fall over that edge with her. Her hands went to his chest, and dug her nails into him again, leaving a trail of scratches across his skin.

He collapsed on top of her, panting for air that he didn't even need. Finally, he lifted his head to look at her. He had blood on his lips again, this time it was his own. She reached up and wiped it away. He grabbed her wrist, and held her hand in front of her.

"Taste it." He told her.


"Taste it."

"I don't want to." She protested.

"You were kissing me, weren't you? Taste it." He stated again, this time more firmly.

She knew that she had already tasted it, but before she couldn't tell if it was her own. It was all mixed together. This just seemed weird. But he held his gaze, and she cautiously snaked her tongue out and tasted the blood on the tip of her fingers.

"There. Happy?" She asked, trying not give away how excited and freaked out she was at the same time.

"All of it." He commanded her.

For some reason, she obeyed him. She licked his blood off her fingers, then looked at him.

"I'm in you now." He told her huskily.

"You've already been in me. Lots of times." She said, with a small smile.

"I'm serious, Buffy. I'm part of you now." He said seriously.

She looked at him and said nothing. She felt an involuntary tingle go through her body at his words. They scared her and excited her at the same time.

"No you're not." She protested softly.

"I've tasted you, and now you've tasted me. We belong to each other."

"I don't belong to you, Spike. This is stupid. Get off of me." She said trying to shove him away from her.

He grabbed her wrists again and pinned her arms above her head.

"You can't run away from this, Buffy. This is real. This is you. This is us. I know you feel it. I saw the way you got off on the things we do. You're mine." He told her seriously, as he leaned down and kissed her neck softly.

She wanted to push him off of her and run out the door. The things he was saying were frightening her. Mostly because she felt the truth behind his words. She'd never experienced anything as intense as what she experienced with him. Especially tonight. No one else could make her feel the way he had made her feel.

She had done things with him, that she never even knew she wanted to do before. She let him hurt her, and she tasted his blood. It was sick. She hated herself for it, but she couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop.

"Spike…Don't." She told him as she tried to free her arms.

"You really want to leave?"

She looked at him and had every intention of saying yes, and running out of there while she still had some semblance of herself. But her words came out wrong.

"No." She whispered.

He released her arms again, and lay his head down on her chest. She was breathing heavily, and he stroked her arm softly.

"I love you." He said, not looking up at her.

She remained silent. She had no idea how she felt. She insisted it wasn't love, but it was definitely something. Something scary. Something so big, that neither one of them had control over it.

The next day, Buffy sat at the Magic Box with Willow. Luckily Buffy had the day off, and Willow had no classes because it was Saturday. They were trying to figure out what sort of demons Buffy and Spike had run into last night.

"Wow. They sound awful." Willow said shaking her head.

"They were. I mean, come on, that axe was a gift and they just took it? Unbelievable." Buffy said, still ranting over her lost weapon.

"That does suck. Poor Buffy. You'll get it back." Willow patted her arm sympathetically.

"Remember that time when those vampires stole all my stuff? This is just like that. Well, sort of. I mean, at least he didn't run off with my diary." Buffy sighed.

"Wait, look. I found something. Is this the demon?" Willow interrupted excitedly, as she shoved the book over at Buffy.

"That's him. All big and scaly."

"It says here that this is a Carmock demon. They worship chaos and pain." Willow pointed out.

"Does it say anything about a ritual?"

"No. But it does say that they are loyal to the demon Mortar. He's like some guru or something." Willow explained.

"Mortar? Never heard of him. I bet he's using my axe to pick his teeth right now though." Buffy griped.

"Did you guys say Mortar?" Anya piped up from behind the counter.

"Yeah. You know him?" Willow asked curiously.

"Well, no, not personally. He doesn't live in this dimension. But I dated one of his followers once. It didn't work out." Anya shrugged.

"You dated a Carmock demon? Can I just say 'eww'." Buffy said making a face.

"Well, it was a long time ago. I was young." Anya explained.

"Well, what do you know about Mortar, or what kinds of rituals they'd perform for him?" Willow asked, choosing to ignore the ickiness of Anya's previous taste in romantic partners.

"They were always doing rituals for something or other. Mostly feeding rituals or for gaining power."

"Where would they do them? This guy last night mentioned a sacred spot." Buffy told her.

"Sacred…Hmm…I'm not sure." Anya said scratching her head, trying to remember something useful.

"Well, we need to figure this out, and soon. He said two days. That's not much time." Buffy said seriously.

"Wait! I remember. Water. They like water. I remember Joey used to take me to the river a lot." Anya smiled.

"Joey? Your demons name was Joey?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Well, sort of. I called him Joey. I couldn't pronounce his real name." Anya explained.

Buffy shook her head and smiled slightly.

"Okay then. Water. We have a lake, a river and an ocean all within a few miles. I guess tonight I'll scope them out. See what I can find." Buffy told them.

"You want me to go with you? I-I know I'm not much help these days, but I can go if you want?" Willow offered.

"That's okay. I can handle it. I'll take Spike. Besides, someone needs to stay with Dawn." Buffy told her as she stood to her feet.

"You heading out now?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go tell Spike the plan." Buffy said, grabbing her bag.

"See you later." Willow smiled.

Buffy waved, and looked at Anya.

"Thanks Anya." She said sincerely.

Anya smiled and Buffy walked out the door. She headed down the street towards Spike's place. It was a nice, sunny afternoon. And it was her day off. She should have been doing something outdoorsy and fun. But she found herself wanting to go to the cemetery and see Spike. She preferred the damp, darkness of his crypt, rather than basking in the warm sun. Telling him the plan for this evening was really on an excuse, and a flimsy one at that. There was no reason she couldn't tell him tonight. But she didn't want to wait.

She pushed open the door and walked inside. She looked around and didn't see him. She walked slowly over to the ladder that led downstairs. She figured he might be sleeping. She crept down silently and walked into the room. The bed was rumpled and empty. Just as she was about to turn around and walk the other direction, she was grabbed from behind by strong arms.

"Looking for me?" Spike purred into her ear.

"Let me go. You startled me." She said with irritation.

"You were the one sneaking around." He pointed out, not loosening his tight hold around her.

"I wasn't sneaking. I was looking for you."

"Well you found me. It's early though. I wasn't expecting company." He said, releasing her from his grasp.

"You want me to leave or something?" She asked, straightening her shirt that was rumpled from his grip.


"Well then shut up. I'm here for a reason." She said moving away from him, trying to keep her distance.

"What reason? Looking for a little afternoon delight?" He said reaching out and caressing her arm.

She swatted it away.

"Stop that. I found out about the demons from last night. They like water, so it looks like we're gonna need to check out all the waterways tonight. See if there's any sign of them." She explained.

"Oh. Okay." He said with disappointment. He was hoping she was there for a better reason that just that.

"Yeah. So, I just thought you should know." She said shifting uncomfortably.

She realized that it was stupid to come here just to tell him that. Deep down she knew that wasn't the only reason. She just wanted to be with him. But she didn't want to tell him that. She didn't want him to know that she actually wanted his company. Or that she'd been thinking about what happened with them last night, all day long.

"Well, if that's it then." He said with a shrug, waiting for her to make some kind of move.

"Yeah. That's it."

"Right then. You can leave." He said pointing the way to the ladder.

"You're what? Throwing me out?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm not doing anything. You said that was the only reason you came. Unless there's something else?" He asked moving closer to her.

He put his hands on her shoulders and gripped them firmly, looking into her eyes.

"There's nothing else." She said unconvincingly.

He leaned over and kissed her neck. Then he whispered into her ear.

"I know why you're really here. You couldn't stop thinking about me. About last night."

"No. That's not true." She said weakly.

"I bet you can't wait to do it again. You've tasted me, and now you want more." He purred as he bit down on her earlobe.

She squeezed her eyes shut and felt a small shudder go through her body.

"Last night was gross. It was sick and disgusting." She said, trying to back away from him.

"It made you hot. Hotter than I've ever seen you. Don't deny it." He said, refusing to let her out of his grip.

She wanted so badly to deny it. She wanted to mean her words when she said it was disgusting. But it hadn't been.

"Stop saying that, and let me go." She said as she pushed him away from her.

She turned around and attempted to leave. He grabbed her arm and swung her around. She reached back and punched him across the face. In reflex, he punched her back. She was startled momentarily, only because the last time she had hit him, he hadn't fought back. Her surprise quickly faded and she hit him again. He tried to grab her arms, but she pushed him backwards.

He reeled back and landed on the edge of the bed, and bounced off. She walked over quickly and grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him up. He stared at her with an intense fire in his eyes. She returned his stare. In an instant, she was consumed by her passion. She ripped his shirt apart and the shreds fell to the floor. She shoved him backwards again, and this time he landed square on the bed.

She leapt onto him and began kissing him roughly. He reached up and ripped her shirt off of her shoulders. His hands grabbed at her breasts and he ripped her bra in half from the front, exposing her. He broke free from her angry kisses and his mouth went to her breasts. She clutched at his hair and tried to remove his mouth from her nipple. He bit down and she cried out with pleasure as she pulled his head back. He dragged his teeth over her sensitive flesh until his mouth was free again for her kisses.

She dragged her nails across his chest, reopening the scratches she had left the night before. He let out a small cry and she looked down at him with satisfaction. She then bent her head down and began to lick across his open wounds. The taste of him was intoxicating. He was right when he said she wanted more. She did. She wanted all of him.

Her tongue traced circles around his nipples and she found herself biting him the way he had bitten her. He moaned and grabbed her shoulders. With a quick move, he had tossed her onto her back and straddled her. He undid her pants and yanked them down. He tossed her shoes and her pants away. He ripped her panties off of her and pushed her legs apart.

She moaned softly, and waited expectantly for the feel of his tongue or his fingers caressing her. But he did nothing. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"What?" She asked, wondering why he had stopped.

"Tell me what you want me to do." He said huskily.

"You know what I want you to do." She said softly.

"But I want you tell me." He said caressing her inner thigh, teasing her.

She squeezed her eyes shut again at the feel of his caress, wishing so badly he'd just move a little and touch her where she needed to be touched.

"Just do it." She said, not looking at him.

"Do what?"

"What you did last night."

"What was that?"

He knew he was playing games with her, but he wanted her to play along. In the past she had made him beg for her. Now it was her turn.

"I want you to touch me." She said growing impatient.

He reached down and ran his fingers over her slick skin. She arched her back and moaned.

"Like this?" He asked.

"With your mouth." She whispered breathlessly.

He smiled and bent down to take her into his mouth. She clutched at the bed sheets and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Yes…Yes…" She murmured as he consumed her.

He could feel that she was already reaching her peak and he pulled away from her and looked down on her again. She was panting and completely unsatisfied.

"Don't stop." She said desperately.

"You finish it." He told her with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"What?" She asked, disbelieving.

"I want to watch you finish it."

"What? No." She shook her head.

"Alright then." He said attempting to get up from the bed.

She grabbed his arm.

"No. You finish what you started." She said not enjoying the weird games he was playing.

"I want to watch you. Don't tell me you've never done it." He told her.

"I haven't." She protested. Then she looked away from him. "Not with an audience anyway."

"Well, then its something new." He said, reaching between her legs again to feel her.

She moaned and allowed him to get her worked up again. Then he stopped and waited for her. She looked at him and knew that he was serious. She'd make him pay for this later, she thought.

She reached down between her thighs and began rubbing herself. He watched with excitement as she pleasured herself for him. At first she felt really awkward and uncomfortable. But it didn't take long for her to almost forget he was there. Just as she nearing her climax he freed himself from his pants. He put his hand on her thigh and pushed it farther apart. She opened her eyes and saw him and she pulled her hand away. He grabbed it and placed it back onto her.

"Keep going." He told her.

She did as he told her, and he lifted her bottom up. He then entered her quickly, wrapping her legs around his waist. She cried out at the feel of him thrusting into her. That coupled with her own caresses sent her into an earth shaking orgasm almost immediately. He moaned loudly at the force of her contracting muscles around him.

She gripped his body tightly with her legs and flipped him over onto his back, never breaking their connection. She pinned his arms above his head, and ground herself against him. Her breasts were hovering over his face and he strained his head up to take them into his mouth. The pleasure of his mouth and the feel of him inside her, was almost more than she could take.

She released his arms and sat up straight as she continued to ride him. His hands grabbed her ass and squeezed tightly, leaving nail marks on her skin. She returned his passion by scraping her nails over his nipples. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her down into a forceful kiss. He bit down on her lip again and drew blood. He began sucking at her lip, savoring the sweet taste.

She pulled back and looked down at him with lust filled eyes. She could feel another orgasm building and she ground herself against him harder. As she began to come she bent down and buried her face into his neck. As impulse overcame her, she bit into his skin drawing blood from him. It was just enough to send him into bliss as he released himself into her warmth.

She lay on top of him completely spent. Her face was still at his neck and the bite she left was dripping a small amount of blood. She snaked her tongue out and licked it away. She wasn't even thinking about what she was doing, only that it felt right and good. All at once she regained her senses and sat up.

He looked up at her with complete contentment and satisfaction. She was the most exciting lover he'd ever had. She was wild and he could never get enough. She felt a wave of panic and remorse come over how she had bitten him. Was she turning into a creature like him? Why on earth was she doing these things?

She wordlessly removed herself from him and sat on the edge of the bed. He sat up and rubbed her shoulders softly.

"What's wrong?" He asked confused. They'd just had the most incredible sex ever and she looked upset.

"Nothing. I need to go. Dawn will be home from her friends house." She said, standing up and looking for her clothes.

"Why the rush? Stay a bit. We can bask in the afterglow." He suggested with a smile.

"Afterglow? What are you? A romance novelist?" She asked shaking her head.

She bent down and picked up her tattered undergarments. She realized that she couldn't even put them back on because they were destroyed. She then picked up her shirt. It was in the same condition.

"Why do you do that?" He asked irritated with her.

"Why do I do what?" She asked, preoccupied with trying to figure out how she was going to get home without any clothes.

"This. We share something amazing, and then you jump up and run off like nothing happened." He told her.

"Maybe because I can't stand to be with you." She said flippantly.

He looked at her angrily.

"You seem to like me okay as long as I'm fucking you." He said getting up hastily from the bed.

"You're a pig." She spat at him.

"And you're a acting like a whore." He spat back.

She punched him across the face and his head snapped back.

"I am not a whore!" She said with involuntary tears in her eyes.

His words had wounded her deeply. More than he could ever know.

"You use me for to get your naughty kicks off, and then you toss me away! All the while saying you don't give a damn about me. What do you think that makes you?" He shouted at her.

She suddenly felt very exposed not having her clothes on. She covered herself with her hands and tried to fight back the tears that were spilling from her eyes. She was so ashamed of her feelings for him. And ashamed at the things they did. But part her would rather be a whore than admit to him that she cared for him. Both options pained and humiliated her.

She wiped her eyes hastily and glared at him.

"Give me something to wear. You ruined my clothes." She said, choosing to ignore his cutting words.

"Now you want the clothes off my back?" He asked her incredulously.

"Fine. I'll wear this." She said grabbing his duster off a chair and putting it on.

"You're not taking that." He protested.

She picked up her jeans that had managed to remain unharmed, and slipped them on.

"Stop me." She said, giving him a hard look.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" He asked as he moved over to her like a cat stalking its prey.

She shoved him back.

"Leave me alone." She told him.

He laughed at her and that angered her even more.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"You. You're so cute when you're pissed." He told her with an amused grin.

"You think this is funny? You think calling me a whore is funny?" She asked angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry. But you started it. It hurts to be called names, doesn't it?" He told her seriously.

She just looked up at him guiltily. She knew she had called him far worse. He was just stooping to her level and she knew it. She looked down at her feet sadly. He walked over to her and held her shoulders.

"Look at me." He told her.

She looked up at him and tried to push back her tears.

"I love you. Nothing will ever change that. No matter what you say to me, or do to me. And you know that. We belong together. And the sooner you realize that, the better things will be." He told her sincerely.

"Spike, stop talking like you know what I'm feeling. You don't know. You could never know how hard this is for me." She said tearfully.

"You think this is easy for me? You think I wanted to love you? To have you inside of me like this, consuming me? I hate it." He told her heatedly.

"Well, then why are you doing this? What are we doing? You don't want it, and I certainly don't want it, so why?" She asked desperately.

"Because…I love you."

"Stop. Stop saying that all the time."

"Why? It's true. I won't stop saying it until you believe it." He said, hurt that she still refused to acknowledge his feelings.

"You don't understand and you never will." She said shaking her head.

"Well then why don't you try and explain it?"

"It's just…I don't know who I am when I'm with you. It's like I'm someone else. It scares me." She said softly.

"But that's the thing, Buffy. When you're with me, you are being yourself. It's the other Buffy that's the lie."

"No. No…You're wrong."

"Really?" He asked, knowing she was lying to herself.

"Spike, I can't do this right now. I really do need to get home." She said avoiding the question.

"Will you be back tonight?" He asked.

"For business." She said firmly.

"We have to talk about this."

"I'll see you tonight." She said, turning around and climbing up the ladder.

He watched her go and shook his head.

"She took my bloody jacket." He muttered to himself as he went over and lit a cigarette.

He wanted her so badly it was like torture. He wanted all of her. Not just part of her, but everything. Sometimes he wasn't sure what was worse. When she wouldn't give him the time of day, or this. He just didn't understand why she was acting this way. When they were together, it was clear that she wanted him. That she needed things that only he could give her. But time and time again, she ran from him and what they shared. He was getting tired of the game. But just like her, he couldn't stop playing it.

Buffy walked through her front door and prayed that no one was home to see her. She was wearing her jeans and Spike's duster with nothing underneath. If anyone saw her she wouldn't know how to explain things. She closed the door behind her and started to walk up the stairs. Dawn and Willow both walked into the room and saw her.

"Buffy! You're home." Dawn said with a smile.

She turned around on the stairs and looked at them like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Dawn. Will. Hey." She said nervously.

"We were waiting for you so we could order a pizza. Early dinner. Or late lunch." Willow told her with a shrug.

"Oh. Good. I'm starved." Buffy smiled.

Dawn looked at her strangely.

"Is that Spike's jacket?" She asked.


"His jacket. Why are you wearing it?"

"Oh, um…This isn't his. It's mine." Buffy lied.

"Buffy, y-you weren't wearing that earlier. Plus, it's kinda big on you." Willow pointed out as she became suspicious.

"Right. Okay, you caught me. It is Spike's."

"Well why are you wearing it? It's like, not even cold outside." Dawn asked.

"It's embarrassing, really. We were fighting a demon, and I got demon goo all over my shirt. He let me borrow his jacket." Buffy explained quickly.

"You and Spike were fighting a demon?" Willow asked skeptically.


"Outside? In the daytime?" Willow pointed out.

Buffy felt like a total moron. A moron caught in a really stupid lie.

"In the sewers! We were in the sewers." Buffy blurted out.

"Oh. Okay." Willow said, still unsure. Then she smiled. "Well, you better get changed. We'll call the pizza guy."

"Right. I'll be down in a few." Buffy turned around and let out a small sigh of relief.

She felt horribly for lying to everyone, but there was no way they'd understand this. She didn't, so why would they? But slips up like this were going to be her downfall. She couldn't keep hiding like this.

She had confided in Tara, and had felt so much better afterwards. It was like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. But telling everyone else seemed so much scarier. Tara had been completely supportive. Buffy had braced herself to be shunned and judged by her, but it hadn't happened. In fact, right now she really wanted to talk to her. She needed someone who could help her sort out this mess she called a life.

Buffy walked into her room and shut the door. She peeled off Spike's jacket and walked over to her dresser to get out new underwear. As she did, she looked up into the mirror and saw her reflection. She had bruises on her wrists and teeth marks on her breasts. She ran her fingers over the marks and looked back into the mirror.

He had done this to her. And she had wanted him to. But she had returned his passion even more fiercely. His body was scratched and bruised. And his neck… She had bitten him. She was no different than he was. He had tried to tell her that, and she refused to believe him. But it was true.

Buffy pulled her clothes on and went to the phone. She dialed Tara's number and waited for her to answer.


"Tara? It's Buffy."

"Hey. What's up? Everything okay?" Tara asked with concern.

"Yeah. Great. I mean…Well, maybe not so much great as terrible." Buffy admitted.

"What is it? Did something happen?" Tara inquired sympathetically.

"No. Not really. Its just…Can I come over in a little while? I need to talk." Buffy asked.

"Sure. I-I'll be here all evening studying. Come over when you can."

Buffy said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. She went downstairs and joined Willow and Dawn for pizza. Once their meal was over, Buffy got up from the table.

"I need to get going, guys. Sorry." She told them.

"It's alright. We know you're fighting that evil. I hope you find them." Dawn told her sincerely.

"Right. Me too. I still want my axe back." She smiled.

"Good luck." Willow told her.

Buffy walked out the door with her weapons bag and headed for Tara's. It was just a quick pit stop before she had to meet up with Spike. She knocked on Tara's door and she opened it.

"Hey. You're here. I have Chinese food if you're hungry?" Tara offered.

"No thanks. I had pizza with Will and Dawn."

"Oh. Good. Um, how is Willow? I haven't seen her in a few days." Tara inquired.

"She's good. She's been doing really well I think. She misses you." Buffy told her sincerely.

"I miss her too… But we don't need to get into that. You wanted to talk about something?" Tara changed the subject quickly.

Buffy sat down on the couch and Tara joined her.

"Is it about Spike?" She asked.

"Yeah. Sort of. Its kinda more about me."

"What is it?" Tara asked, putting her hand on Buffy's arm.

"I don't even know where to start. I mean, I still think something is wrong with me." She told Tara.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because. I keep doing things that are crazy. Things that I don't want to do, except I do want to do them, but I shouldn't. Does that make any sense?" Buffy asked desperately.

"What kinds of things? I-I mean, if you want to tell me." Tara stammered awkwardly.

"Just stuff…With Spike." Buffy said softly.

"S-sex things?" Tara asked uncomfortably

"Yeah." Buffy said almost inaudibly.

"You don't want to? Is he forcing you?" Tara asked concerned.

"No. He's not forcing me. It's not like that. I want to, but I know I shouldn't want to. That's where the badness and confusion come in."

"Well, Buffy it's normal to be confused about this. I-I mean, he's certainly not Mr. Right. But like I said before, he does love you. And if being with him makes you happy, then maybe that's all that really matters?" Tara offered kindly.

"But I'm a vampire slayer. I'm not supposed to be sleeping with a vampire. I'm supposed to kill him."

"Do you want to kill him?"

"Sometimes." Buffy said with a joking smile.

"I mean seriously." Tara said with a small laugh.

Buffy looked up at her.

"No. I don't want to kill him. It's just the things I've done…They aren't right. They aren't normal." Buffy admitted embarrassingly.

Tara took her hand and squeezed it supportively.

"Who says? What's normal anyway? There are people out there who still think that I'm wrong and abnormal just because I'm a lesbian. I-I don't think it really matters what a person does in the privacy of their own bedroom. As long as everyone is having a good time, who cares?" Tara said seriously.

"You really think so? You don't think I'm a freak?" Buffy asked.

"No. I mean, I don't know what you're doing. And I don't need to know. The point is, if you like something, it can't be wrong. I-I mean, unless it involves kids or animals. It doesn't, does it?" Tara asked nervously.

"No! Gross. Of course not. I may be a little freaky, but not that freaky." Buffy said shaking her head quickly.


"I mean, isn't the fact that I'm doing it with one of the undead bad enough? You don't find that strange?" Buffy asked.

"First of all, yes, it is a little strange. But not that strange. He's not like other vampires. If you were out jumping into bed with every vamp in town, then maybe I'd be worried for you. But this is different. People fall in love with the wrong person all the time. It doesn't mean that loving them is wrong." Tara pointed out.

"I don't know if I love him." Buffy whispered softly.

"But you might?" She asked.

Buffy just looked at her and shrugged. She couldn't answer that, because she honestly didn't know.

"Just don't be too hard on yourself. I-I think it's important that you find what makes you happy. If being with him makes you happy, don't deny yourself just because it's a little unconventional. If I did that, then I'd never have fallen in love with Willow." Tara smiled.

"And what if he doesn't make me happy?" Buffy asked softly.

"If he doesn't, then you need to let him go." She said seriously.

Buffy looked at her sadly. She felt better somehow, even if she was still as confused as before.

"Thanks for listening to me. I know I'm a big pain."

"You're not a pain. I want to help. I want you to be happy, whatever you decide. Just promise me one thing." Tara told her.

"What's that?"

"Don't let someone else decide for you. I listened to my family for years go on about how wrong it was to be like me. I let them drag me down, and because of that I was miserable. When I started making my own choices, that's when I finally realized who I was. Just remember that." Tara said seriously.

Buffy hugged her tightly. She felt so much better just hearing someone tell her that she wasn't crazy. Of course, she didn't know everything. She didn't know details of why Buffy felt so guilty. But according to Tara, it didn't matter. Maybe she was right? Buffy wanted to believe her.

She pulled back and stood up to leave.

"I'm sorry to rush off like this, but I've got some slaying stuff to take care of." Buffy said regretfully.

"It's alright. I'm glad you came over." Tara smiled.

"Me too."

"I'm glad that you feel like you can confide in me."

Buffy smiled at her.

"You're a great friend. I'm just sorry that we didn't connect sooner." Buffy admitted.

Tara looked down at her lap.

"Are you gonna tell the others?" She asked quietly.

"No. Not yet. I-I'm just not ready. I think I need to figure out what I'm feeling before I can tell anyone else." Buffy told her.

"Right. That's probably a good idea."

"I'll see you later. Thanks again." Buffy said, as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.

She walked towards Spike's crypt and realized that she was running late again. They had a lot of ground to cover and it was already getting late. She walked up to his door, but before she could open it, he was standing next to her. She jumped.

"Geez. Stop doing that!" She said composing herself.

"Doing what? I was outside waiting for you. Thought maybe you wouldn't show." He explained.

"Why not? I told I'd be here. And this is business remember?" She told him.

"Right. So, where's my jacket?" He asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"I forgot it." She shrugged.

"You forgot it? I need that. It's cold out here." He said irritated.

"Cold? You don't even have a circulation. I think you'll manage." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Well, I look tougher with it. Cooler."

"It's just a jacket. Get over it. We need to get going." She said turning away from his crypt.

She started walking and he followed her.

"Where are we going first?" He asked curiously.

"I guess the docks again. The river runs there. Maybe they found a different spot?" She offered.

"Well, if the docks were the sacred spot, then why bother moving? They had a nice little set up there." He rationalized.

"I don't know. Maybe they're not very smart. Or they needed a change of scenery?" She said exasperated with him already.

"Fine. If you wanna waste time—."

"Do you have a better idea?" She interjected angrily.

"The lake. I'm thinking the lake. It's secluded." He explained.

"Fine then. The lake. We'll go to the lake first." She sighed, changing her direction.

They walked into the woods and made their way to the lake. They searched around the banks and saw nothing. It was completely quiet.

"This isn't it. It can't be. There isn't anyone around here." She said with frustration.

"It was worth a shot."

"I swear, if they were at the docks this whole time, I'm keeping your jacket." She said as she turned on her heel and walked away from the water.

"You are not." He called after her as he shook his head.

They traveled the docks for over an hour. They peered into countless warehouses, including the one from last night. They found nothing.

"I think Anya was wrong. It can't be water or else we would have seen something." Buffy said with frustration.

"What about the ocean? It's a short drive. We can go back and get my car." He offered.

"No. There's no where to hide there. They can't just be lying out on beach blanket all day trying to get a tan before they take over the world." She complained.

"Maybe they like to surf?" Spike chuckled.

Buffy gave him a hard look, and then she couldn't help but laugh.

"Be serious, will you?" She said between her laughter.

"I'm just saying that we'll never find them this way." He told her.

"Well then, what do you propose we do?" She asked.

"I can hit some demon haunts. See what the word is. That's how I found out about them in the first place."

"We better go now. We don't have much time." She told him.

"No. I'll go. You can't."


"You can't go with me. It'll look a little suspicious if I'm toting the Slayer with me." He explained.

"But you took me to your demon place before." She pointed out irritated.

"That was different. Besides, this isn't the same place. That bar was a friendly establishment. They don't discriminate. This place is a little less open to outsiders." He told here seriously.

"You hang out in places like that?" She asked, somewhat surprised to hear that he was still so involved in that world.

"I frequent them on occasion."


"Does that bother you?" He asked.

"No. I don't care what you do." She said casually.

"Fine then. I'm going to head out."

"What am I supposed to do while you're out gallivanting with your demon buddies?" She asked.

"I don't know. Go home. I got this covered."

"Fine. You'd better find something out though. We're running out of time." She said unhappily.

"Don't worry. I can be really persuasive. And charming." He added with a smirk.

"Charming? They're aren't any girl demons at this place, are there?" She asked suddenly worried.

"Jealous, Pet?" He asked, moving over and putting his hands on her shoulders.

"No." She protested weakly.

"You're not?"

"No. Why should I be?" She asked casually.

He gave her a disappointed look and moved away from her.

"Right. Why would you be? You don't care." He said bitterly, as he turned and walked away from her.

She saw the hurt in his eyes as he turned to go. She called out after him.

"I'm not jealous—." She started.

He turned and faced her again.

"I got that part." He said with a pained expression.

She looked down at her feet.

"I'm not jealous because I know you're mine." She whispered.

She almost couldn't believe she had admitted that. But it felt true. She knew it. He knew it. And now she was saying it out loud.

His look softened and he walked over to her again.


"You heard me. Now go, and get some useful information this time." She said with a small smile.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss her.

"I want my jacket back." He said with a grin.

He turned around and walked off. She watched him go and smiled to herself. Things just got even more complicated. Admitting that she thought of him as hers was a huge step. He said they belonged to each other. Admitting this was just like admitting she was his as well. It was terrifying. But it had felt right. Tara had told her if he made her happy, she shouldn't deny herself that happiness. She was trying. It was a small step, but at least she was moving this time.

Buffy lay in bed tossing and turning. She was restless. She had gone home after Spike had left, but she had felt completely useless just staying home. She had watched a movie with Dawn and then they had gone to bed. That was hours ago, and Buffy was still awake.

She sat up and looked at the clock. It was 3am. She wondered if Spike was back yet. She wasn't sure how long it would take for him to get information. She climbed out of bed and walked over to her dresser. Spike's duster was lying across it and she picked it up. She held it to herself and smelled it. It smelled like him and it made her tingle inside.

She pulled it on over her pajamas and laid down on the bed. She closed her eyes and remembered the way he had made her feel. The way he touched her, and kissed her. The things he said to her. She began to feel a little warm, and it wasn't because she was wearing the jacket. She sat up and peeled the jacket off. Then she got an idea. She stood up and undressed herself completely. Then she went to her dresser and grabbed some sweats and tossed them into her backpack. She went back over to the bed and pulled his jacket on over her bare skin.

She crept out of her room and down the stairs, careful not to wake anyone. Spike wanted his jacket back, so she was going to give it to him, she thought to herself with a smile.

She walked towards his crypt quickly. She was hoping that she wouldn't run into anyone or anything else. She wasn't exactly dressed for slaying. She couldn't actually believe she was doing this to begin with. It was a whim, and probably a stupid one. She reached his door and went inside.

It was completely dark on the upper level, which indicated he wasn't home yet, or already in bed. She hoped it was the latter or else she might lose her nerve and just go home. She walked down the ladder silently and entered his bedroom. It was dark except for a few candles burning in the corner. As she walked closer she saw that he was in bed asleep.

She walked over and stood beside him. She leaned over to his ear and spoke loudly into it.

"Wake up."

He was startled awake by her not so gentle command, and he sat up straight.

"Bloody hell, woman! You scared the shit out of me." He said giving her an angry look.


"What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to focus his eyes.

"I brought your jacket back." She said with a devious smile.

"Couldn't you have waited?" He asked. Then he saw that she was wearing the jacket.

His eyes traveled down the length of her body and saw that her legs were bare.

"Are you naked?" He asked, suddenly intrigued and turned on.

"I might be." She said casually as she moved away from his bed. The she turned around to face him again. "Wanna check?" She asked with a smirk.

"Get over here." He said excitedly.

"If you want your jacket back so badly, you're gonna have to come over here and take it." She said with a wicked grin.

"Oh, I see. We're playing a game, are we?" He said with amusement.

"I thought you liked to play?" She said innocently.

"I love to play." He said seductively, as he leapt out of bed completely naked and tried to catch her.

She was too quick though and slipped through his grasp. She ran over to the other side of the bed and laughed at him.

"You won't catch me." She teased him.

"That's okay. I like the chase." He smirked, as he leapt over the bed and grabbed her arm.

She wrestled it free, and scurried over to the other side of the room again. He ran after her. He knew he could catch her if he wanted to, but this was more exciting. She ducked his reach and ran to the bed again and jumped on it. She stood on it and waited for him to come closer. He jumped onto the bed, just as she jumped off, sending him sprawling to the floor.

She ran across the room and attempted to head up the ladder. In an instant, he was behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and yanked her off the ladder. She wiggled around, trying to free herself, but her laughter was a dead giveaway that she wasn't trying very hard. He carried her like that over to the bed and threw her down playfully.

She lay back for a moment and caught her breath. Then she tried to get up again. He stopped her, by straddling her legs and holding her arms above her head.

"I'm not letting you get away from me this time." He said playfully.

"You think I can't toss you off me and run out of here?" She asked with a smile.

He smirked at her and reached over to his night table. He picked up the pair of handcuffs that he had introduced her to before. He held them in front of her.

"I don't think you're going anywhere." He said with a smoldering gaze.

Her eyes got big and she felt herself growing even more excited at the memory of the last time he had used them. He fastened her wrists above her head and she didn't try and stop him. She just lay back breathing heavily. Partly from their chase and partly from anticipation.

Once she was secured, he sat back and looked at her. She was so beautiful and so exciting. Only in his wildest fantasies did he ever think she'd share herself with him this way. He reached his hands down and slid them over the leather jacket that was still covering her body. One by one, he undid the buttons and then pulled it apart revealing her nude form for him to admire.

"You know, this jacket looks even better on you." He purred as he ran his hands over her bare breasts.

She let out a small moan and closed her eyes. His fingertips played over her nipples and he gave them a gentle squeeze. She cried out softly and he smiled. He bent down and took one into his mouth, while his fingers continued to play with her other one. She pulled on her restraints, desperate to touch him. All she could do was arch her back to try and bring him closer.

He lifted his head to look at the pleasure on her face.

"You like it when I do that, don't you?" He asked her.

"Mmm…" She murmured softly.

"You like it when I do this too?" He asked, as he took her nipple into his mouth again and took it between his teeth.

She moaned loudly.

"Yes…" She said to him desperately.

He trailed his tongue down her stomach and parted her legs. He covered her wetness with his mouth and she cried out again. She tried to move her arms and pushed her pelvis towards his face. The sensation of his lips, his tongue and his teeth made her shudder with delight.

He heard her moans become louder the more forceful he was. It was driving him mad with lust and desire. He felt her tensing and she began to gasp for air. He replaced his mouth with his fingers and kissed along the inside of her thigh. Just as she began to come, he vamped out and sunk his fangs into her inner thigh.

The overwhelming sensation of pleasure drowned out the pain momentarily. She was so lost in the moment, she didn't realize what he had done. She could feel him sucking on her thigh and it sent her over the edge again. Her body shuddered uncontrollably and her wrists were becoming bruised from her struggle. Finally, she began to regain her senses and Spike removed his hand and looked up at her. He was still wearing his demon visage. She opened her eyes and looked down at him.

She was startled to see him that way and she felt a small wave of panic go through her. He'd never vamped out before when they were making love. Suddenly she felt very vulnerable lying there naked and hand cuffed to his bed. She strained her head to see her leg and noticed that there was a small amount of blood there. She then realized that he had bitten her.

"Did you bite me?" She asked nervously.

"Did you like it?" He asked.

"Oh my god… Why did you do that?" She asked feeling guilty.

"I thought you wanted me to." He said seriously.

"What? No. I-I mean, not like that." She said struggling to move her arms again.

"Why not? It made you come again, didn't it?" He pointed out, not understanding what he did wrong.

"Oh god…" She said, feeling extremely dirty for the way she had reacted to his bite.


"Let me out of these things." She said indicating the handcuffs.

"What? Now you're going to leave? I gave you what you've been wanting." He said feeling confused and hurt by her sudden turn.

"First of all, I never said I wanted that. And second, put your 'Grr' face away." She said looking away from him.

"My 'Grr' face? Is that what bothers you?" He asked, making no move to undo her or put his human face back on.


"This is who I am, Buffy. You know that." He told her.

"Spike, please…" She said softly.

"You mean, you won't make love to me like this?" He asked, slightly wounded.

"That's not it…It's just…"

"Now you can't pretend to yourself that I'm not what I am? A vampire?" He asked.

"Just undo me." She whispered, unable to answer him.

He reached over to the nightstand and got the key for the handcuffs. He unfastened them and Buffy sat up and rubbed her sore wrists. Then she looked down at the bite on her thigh. It wasn't bleeding anymore and she touched it gently. Then she looked up at him.

"Why'd you have to bite me there? That's gonna rub on my pants." She complained.

"Where would you rather I bite you?" He asked hopefully.

She looked up at him and into the eyes of his demon. He wasn't putting his vamp face away and she didn't know what to think of it. It didn't really bother her as much as she said. But he was right. It was easier to pretend he wasn't a vampire when he wasn't like that.

"I never said I wanted you to bite me at all. You assumed." She pointed out.

He moved over closer to her and stroked her neck with his fingertips.

"I assumed, and you enjoyed. Don't deny it." He whispered.

She was silent. She wasn't agreeing, but she wasn't denying either.

"You know I'd never hurt you." He told her softly.

"I know." She whispered.

He caressed the side of her face gently.

"Kiss me." He told her.


"Kiss me." He repeated again.

She leaned into him and kissed him softly. He peeled his jacket off of her body and laid her back down on the bed. Her hands went to his face and she traced his demon features. He kissed her again, this time more forcefully. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer to her.

He guided himself into her throbbing heat and she cried out softly. Their bodies moved in rhythm with each other and she clutched his back tightly. As they both reached the point of climax, he whispered into her ear.

"Tell me you want me to."

She only gasped as her pleasure began to overtake her. He whispered again.

"Tell me."

"Yes. I want you to." She cried out as she began quaking beneath him.

He bit down on her neck as his own orgasm engulfed him. They rocked together as he drank from her hungrily. It was pure and utter bliss. Everything he loved most about her, was pouring into him. With her blood, he was alive again. Her pain, her pleasure, her laughter and her tears were all a part of him now. He never wanted to stop, but to truly hurt her would destroy him.

He pulled away from her slowly and looked down into her eyes.

"I'll never let you go." He whispered as he slipped back into his human guise.

She was still shaking from her passion, but more so because of the magnitude of what she had allowed him to do. She had let him feed from her. And not only had she let him, she had told him to. Something was very, very wrong with her. But she didn't have the will to make it right.

She just lay there in his arms silently. She was completely numbed by her actions as well as his. It seemed that every time they were together, she slipped a little further from reality, and deeper into the fantasy world that they shared. She wasn't sure she could find her way back to herself. But more importantly, she was no longer sure she wanted to go back.

"Are you alright, Love?" He asked her, noticing her silence.

"Yeah." She replied softly.

He rolled off of her and laid next to her on the bed. He stroked her arm softly and she managed a small smile.

"I have a present for you." He told her with a grin.

"A present?" She asked, as she rolled over to face him.

"Yes. Close your eyes." He told her.

She looked at him skeptically.

"I'm afraid to. What are you going to do to me now?" She asked cautiously.

"Nothing. It's actually a gift. Not a game. Close your eyes." He told her again.

She did as he asked. She closed her eyes and waited for whatever he was offering. She felt him reach down to the floor and fumble with something under the bed. She felt her heart quicken, unsure of what his idea of a gift would be.

"Okay. Open them." He urged her.

She peeked out from underneath her eyelids cautiously. Then her eyes shot open and she sat up.

"My axe! You got my axe back?" She asked, excitedly as she grabbed it from his hands.

"Your welcome."

"How did you get it? What happened?" She asked him.

"Well, I went to that place, you know the one I told you about? Well, it turns out that a couple of Carmock demons were in the joint earlier this week. I started asking questions and someone knew where they were staying." He explained.

"They just told you? And what? You went there alone?" She asked disbelieving.

"Well, not exactly. See, it turns out that these fellas lost a huge game of poker. Then they grabbed the pot and ran out. Pissed off just about everyone in the place. So I suggested we find them, and kick their asses." He said proudly.

"You took a bunch of demon lowlifes with you?" She asked incredulously.

"Hey! Some of them are quite nice, I'll have you know. And yeah. We crashed into their den and annihilated them! It was bloody fantastic!" He said excitedly.

Buffy just stared at him in shock. She didn't know what to think. Spike had never gone off on his own and done something like this. And the fact that he took other demons with him, made her feel funny.

"Aren't you happy? I mean, I took care of it. No worries. I even got your prized weapon back. It was a hell of a good time." He told her.

"Yeah, its cool…You mean you guys went there and killed them all over a gambling debt?" She asked.

"Yeah." He shrugged.


"What difference does it make, Pet? They're dead. Who cares why they did it?" He asked, confused.

"Why did you do it? They didn't owe you money." She pointed out.

"I did it for you, Love. Why else? I mean, why should you worry your pretty little head over this, when I can take care of it for you?" He told her as he stroked her shoulder softly.

"So now you wanna take care of me? Spare me from the evils of this world?" She asked defensively.

"Of course I want to take care of you. I love you." He said softly.

"Well, I don't need you to do my job. Especially without me." She said huffily.

He looked at her and smiled.

"Is that what this is about? You feel left out? You didn't get in on the action?" He asked with amusement.

"Shut up. No. That's not it." She pouted. Then she shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe a little. I mean, hey, look out! It's Spike the Slayer and his band of rogue demon Scoobies. Guess you don't need me." She whined.

Spike couldn't help but laugh at her. She was so damn cute when she was complaining. He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled.

"I'll always need you." He said sincerely.

She looked at him and smiled softly.

"You sure about that?"

"Positive. Besides, it's not as if I deliberately left you out. It was a spur of the moment thing." He explained.

"You could have come and got me." She pointed out.

"Right. I told you these guys aren't friendly with outsiders. What do think they would do if I said we needed to pop over to the Slayer's house and pick her up?"

"I don't know."

"If they knew about us, they woulda killed me just for principle." He said seriously.

She looked at him surprised, and to her dismay, hurt.

"No one knows about us, do they?" She asked.

"No. Not at that place anyway. I'm not much use if they know I'm working with the Slayer. I'd be a laughing stock." He said shaking his head.

"Right, cause being with a Slayer is like an embarrassment, huh?" She asked wounded.

He looked at her incredulously.

"Damn right it is. But don't go acting all wounded. It's not like you've told any of your friends. You think I'm a disgusting thing, remember? Too ashamed of me and what we have to let your friends know." He pointed out heatedly.

"That's not true." She protested weakly.

"Yes, it is."

"No. I-I've told…Someone." She admitted softly.

He looked at her disbelieving.

"You have? Who?"


"I knew it! I knew she was on to us. She kept looking at me funny at your birthday party. You actually told her?" He asked curiously.

"Yes. I-I had to tell someone." She admitted.

"And what did she say? I'm not turned into a toad or anything, so it must not have been that terrible."

"She was nice. Really supportive. She said she understood. She said she knew that you loved me." She said softly.

Spike felt his heart warm a little towards the blonde witch. He'd never given her too much thought before. She was always nice, a little quiet, but obviously nothing like the rest of the judgmental Scooby gang. He mentally added her to the list of people that he cared about in this world.

"She said that? She didn't tell you that you were crazy or anything?" He asked, still surprised.

"No. She's been really great. She listens to me. She's the only one I can talk to." She admitted.

"I like her."

"Just because she didn't turn you into a toad?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. But that too. I'm glad that you have someone to talk to." He said sincerely.

"Why? I thought you liked having me all to yourself? You said I didn't belong with my friends anymore." She said quietly.

"I never said that. I just said you didn't fit into their world anymore. Doesn't mean I don't want you to have friends. Especially if they don't hate me." He said with a smile.

She smiled back at him.

"So…Who have you told?" She asked.

"Well, people talk, you know? I mean, most of the guys at my regular hangout know that I work with you. I tell them it's to keep you from killing me though. But, Clem knows." He told her.

"Clem? The one you brought to my party?"

"Yeah. He thinks I'm crazy, but he's starting to come around. He kinda fancies your friend from the party." Spike said with a grin.

"Who?" Buffy asked intrigued.

"The girl from burger hell. Sophia, or something?"

"Sophie? Clem likes Sophie? Oh my God! That's hilarious!" Buffy started laughing.

"Well, don't go spreading it around. He's got a reputation to protect, you know." Spike told her with a laugh.

Buffy finally contained her amusement and looked over at Spike.

"Are we gossiping?" She asked surprised at the playfulness of their conversation.

"It's fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is." She said moving closer to him.

He put his arm around her and they lay there together in his bed. Buffy felt content. While they had been talking, she had completely forgotten all about what happened before. And when she thought of it now, she realized that it didn't bother her. It should have horrified her, but it didn't. She was still in the fantasy world that they had made. The world where nothing mattered but the two of them. The world where there were no consequences for your actions. And more importantly, it was a world where they both fit in.

There were no friends to judge you. There were no outsiders looking down on them. It was their world. Somewhere between darkness and light. He no longer belonged wholly to the darkness. And she no longer belonged wholly to the light. They could try and fool themselves, but they didn't belong anywhere. No where except the world they created. Buffy just wondered how long they could hide there.

Feedback is appreciated!

~It's easier not to be wise

And measure these things by your brains

I sank into Eden with you…

Now, we took it back too far,

Only love can save us now…~ LIVE