Hello, back after a while lurking. My muse disappeared for a while but all this new Booth'n'Brennan lovin' seems to have brought it back. :) This is a 'T' bordering on an 'M', so I'm sticking it in the 'M's just to be safe.
This is a short-ish one-shot - Brennan's contemplation of her new life. Set early in season seven.
In the darkness, it's easy to understand how they ended up this way. In the darkness, she can feel his warmth radiating against her from top to toe. The lines of their bodies map to each other like a jigsaw. The bedspread is draped over them casually. His naked flesh brushing against hers is unseen in the night, but when he turns slightly, the friction gives her goose-bumps, though she is not cold. It is extremely comforting, it is somewhat arousing, but mostly it is loving and this is a feeling she is still getting used to.
Being loved. This is not something Temperance Brennan has experienced as an adult with another adult. Not like this, anyway. Angela, Brennan's father, her brother - all love her, but it's so very different to this. Her heart soars and breaks and soars again so regularly now but she can never get used to that rollercoaster. She doesn't want to. She is addicted to the thrill of Seeley Booth.
It soars when he says:
"I love you"
…and smiles gently at her, before brushing a hair away from her face and running his finger along her jaw. They can close out the rest of the world in a split second. They can stay this way for what seems like an eternity. They gaze at each other in a way that suggests they have both seen the most incredible beauty in the universe. Angela calls it "eye sex" but it is so much more.
Her heart breaks just a little when he walks out of the room for a moment to do the most mundane task and yet she finds that in that moment, she is lost without him. (That especially kills her that she can feel this way and she can't seem to fight it, or want to fight it. That remains unexplainable and frustrates her deeply.)
It soars again, especially high, when he makes love to her. She has never known anything like it. In all her physical experiences with men, the feeling she has when Booth is moving inside her is quite the best thing she has ever felt in her entire life. Although it can annoy Brennan at times, he was right. Right about two people occupying the same space. Right about two people becoming one. The intimacy they have shared in the last seven years, growing daily and eventually exploding in the way it did - borne out of sorrow and now thriving in joy, is remarkable. She thinks about this a lot. It still scares her sometimes that he has made her feel this way. This was never supposed to happen. She's glad though, she knows she has grown so much during this time, unlearned so many bad behaviours and let down so many barriers since she met him. He has made her a better person, and in her own quirky way, she has done the same to him.
When it comes to intercourse (and thankfully there seems to be a lot of it again these these days) it doesn't matter how they do it, roughly up against the shower wall in his apartment or a languid 'nooner in their bed on a child-free weekend. Ultimately it's always love made between them. His devotion to her is precious and fills her with wonderment. For Brennan's part she has surprised herself that she has a strength of feeling she did not realise she was capable of.
She allows herself to daydream a little now, even in the lab (when they don't have a case), but especially at times like these at 5am, when he is dozing gently in her arms as she strokes the nape of his neck and their bodies align. She tries to pinpoint why she is in love with Booth so much; why she has been enveloped by him over 7 years and why this makes her so happy. Why HE makes her so happy. It's not just the sex, although that has been mind-blowing just about every single time (she smiles to herself every time she considers this point.) It's at any given time, when Booth glances over to her reading one of her Anthropology papers and gives her the most adoring look. This melts her into a gloop for him to mould at his will. It's after their lovemaking, when their bodies are worn and glowing from the exertion and he wraps her up in his arms and cradles her. He nuzzles into her neck, whispering into her ear the most ridiculous gibberish that makes her giggle like a schoolgirl. But then sometimes he utters the most profound statement as they caress each other in the blackness and she is dazzled by *his* truth and the way it shines out in the gloom. The words glow. She has the genius IQ, but he is wise. His intellect is often hidden under his physical prowess, but this is perhaps what attracts her most, apart from his elegant bone structure and all those lovely muscles she suddenly forgets the name of when he starts kissing down her body.
Until she met him she had never relied on anyone in her adult life. Until she met him she was really quite a lost soul. Temperance realises that now, even though she doesn't really believe in souls. She still doesn't really believe in God, either, yet too often now she will cry out to Booth's made-up deity in the heat of passion, begging for something. She doesn't know if it's forgiveness and gratitude for the pleasure she is taking from one of his children, or for the relief to the sweet torture Booth is giving her. It's all blurred now.
She continues to feel his warmth against her own naked flesh. Her hand slowly slides down to his abdomen, his well-defined muscles under her fingertips. She knows if she inches lower she will have the power to rouse him from his sleep in the best possible way. This is a wake-up call she knows he loves. For now, however, Brennan just allows herself to feel the rise and fall of his chest against hers. He's nearly died on several occasions and so has she; the fact that they are still both here, sharing a life, sharing a bed, is the closest thing to a miracle that her brain can understand. Sometimes she thinks about what life would be like without him; if he hadn't made it through the shootings and kidnappings. These thoughts are dark and horrific but thankfully Brennan pulls herself out of these moments quickly, especially when Booth is physically near her and she can reach out and touch him to confirm that he is still breathing, still whole and still hers.
Soon the sun will rise, necessitating them to rise from their slumber and prepare for work. Brennan checks the clock and sees she still has time to enjoy this for just a little longer. She curls around Booth, draping her arm across his hip and tangling her legs with his, closing her eyes. After a little while she feels him stirring in her arms. She feigns sleep as he shifts his position to take control of their embrace and move her into his arms, although she can't help but quirk a tiny smile and she knows she is rumbled. Booth nuzzles into Brennan's hair, inhaling deeply and sliding a hand onto her back and pulling her gently on top of him. She lifts up her head and they gaze at each other, smiling.
Whatever life throws at them today, tomorrow or the next, Temperance Brennan now knows about the true meaning of love and what that 30, 40 or 50 years really means.