Sam and G escorted Deeks to his home, where he quickly took a shower and then headed for the hospital. He didn't speak a word during the ride, just kept thinking about what was awaiting him in that hospital room and most of all what would happen when Kensi woke up.
After they reached the hospital, they saw Kensi's doctor at the reception and asked him about the progress of her condition.
Callen had posed as her brother so the doctor had no reason not to inform him, as he was a family member.
"Your sister is still critical but stable. We are still keeping her in a coma and monitoring the swelling. We have been inflicting pain to her to check her reactions and reflexes and so far the results have been very positive."
Deeks though at the sound of "inflicting pain" was less than thrilled. She had been through enough, the last thing she needed right now is more pain. He thought the whole idea of keeping her in a coma was to help her relax and heal. Not torture her.
"Can we see her?" he managed to ask.
"Of course. Your mother insisted on moving her to a more private room. I'll have a nurse take you to her."
They took the elevator and reached the fourth floor. Deeks was staring at the floor lost in his own thoughts and fears.
They got off the elevator and the nurse pointed them to her room.
"It's room 413," she said.
G and Sam were the first one's to walk into the room. Deeks was left behind standing still at the entrance. He wanted to run to her but also run away from her at the same time. Finally, he took a deep breath and made a step forward.
The sight of Kensi made his heart stop. She was lying stiff on the bed, intubated with more tubes that he could count surrounding her. He couldn't bear even look her; it was so hard to witness her in this state.
"Guys, can you give me a minute alone with her?" his voice cracked, soft and quiet.
Of course, they understood his need to be with her so they left them and told him they would wait just outside.
Deeks picked up his gaze from the floor and looked at her again. He moved right next to her and reached out to touch her hand. He immediately regretted his action when he noticed the bruises on her wrists.
He removed a lock of hair from her face and revealed the large bruise on her forehead. He ran his fingers softly over the one below her eye, the one that he had caused. He was now examining every inch of her exposed hands and chest. Apart form the hickeys he had caused her he traced some bite marks as well. They were on her neck, her chest, and her hands. He made an effort to count them but as soon as he reached six, he stopped. Who knew how many more were hiding under that hospital gown. He couldn't blame anyone for this since it was all his doing.
He didn't remember though hurting her so badly. He didn't remember holding her down so rough. He didn't remember biting her so hard. Had he lost control somewhere along the way? Why didn't she try to stop him?
He grabbed a chair and moved it close to her bed. He sat down and gently held her hand really carefully avoiding contact with the bruised area.
"I think it's time for me to say all the things you hoped to hear. I am so sorry fern. I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. I would rather die than cause you any more pain. You are my partner, my friend...my life! I can't live without you but you will want to live away from me. So, I am doing you a favor and I quit as a liaison. Trust me it is for your own good. I won't lie to you by saying I'll call you. I will try to get as far away form you as possible since apparently I'm trouble. I always have been. Please understand me."
He kissed her hand and then whispered in her ear, "Love you fern," as he walked to the door he stopped and without turning his head to look at her he mumbled, "Always will."
He stormed out of the room passing by G and Sam without even looking at them.
"Deeks," G yelled at him, "where are you going?"
Deeks didn't look back if he did it would make it more difficult to stand by his choice.
Hetty was sitting in her office going through the last details of the successful mission. She knew G had taken Deeks to the hospital and expected him to camp there until Kensi wakes up. To her surprise, though she saw him walking in.
"IF you are here to do your paper work Mr. Deeks I suggest you leave right now."
Deeks sat on a chair and handed Hetty an envelope.
"What's this Mr. Deeks?"
"I think you know Hetty."
"I Know but I don't understand."
"I can't do this anymore Hetty, this was the last drop. The cost of this is too much and I am not willing to pay it any more."
"Is this because of Kensi?"
"Before I met her everything was simpler. I went in, did the job and got out. No second thoughts and no regrets. I can't keep putting her at risk, I work better alone."
"Can you live alone though?"
Deeks looked at Hetty. This was one question he couldn't answer.
"Please don't try to find me. I need some time to pick up the pieces."
"I had the impression Kensi always did that for you. Are you absolutely positive about your decision?"
"Yes, there is no turning back. Please explain this to the others."
"I will, but I am not quite sure they will understand and neither can I."
Deeks got up and went to his desk to gather some stuff of his. That's when he saw Vance leaving the building. He tried to control his anger but it was impossible. He approached him and without any hesitation punched him in the face. Several other agents gathered and tried to hold Deeks back but Vance ordered them to let him go and leave them alone.
"Are you sure you trust me to be alone with YOU?" Deeks angrily told him.
"I understand your hate Mr. Deeks but I don't regret any decision I made. Besides I knew you would find a way out of it."
"Kensi is lying in the hospital; there was no way out of it." Deeks shouted again.
"I know you wouldn't do it Mr. Deeks, that's why I ordered you to. I know you didn't do it and this stays with us. If our superiors find out you risked the outcome of this mission they might suspend you and agent Blye."
"Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore," Deeks said as he picked up his box and left the building.
Two weeks had gone by and no one had heard of Deeks. They couldn't understand how he could abandon Kensi in this state. One of the nurses though told them that every night a different man would come and stay with Kensi for a couple of minutes and then leave. They were sure it was Deeks and that gave them hope that he would come around and return.
The swelling had disappeared, there were no more complications with her heart, and she could now breathe on her own. She had woken up from the coma but she was too tired and stoned from all the medicines and could barely speak a word.
The monitors indicated that she was still in a lot of pain from all the bruises in her body, her ribs and of course, the head wound.
She woke up that morning when a ray of sun made its way through the drapes and blinded her. For the first time in two weeks, she felt a bit like herself. All this time she could hear faded voices; she could feel the presence of people waking in and out of her room but had no strength to react.
Then she heard a soft voice asking her, "Hey, how are you feeling?"
'Deeks?" she mumbled.
"No, it's me G."
"Deeks?" she mumbled again.
"He is not here Kens. It's just me and Sam."
Kensi looked at them but her sight was still kinda of blurry, "hey guys."
"How are you feeling?" Sam asked.
"I don't know, kinda of sore and numb at the same time."
"Do you remember anything?" G asked.
"Of course I do, where is Deeks? Did he go out for a coffee?"
G and Sam exchanged looks not knowing how to break the news to her.
"My sight might be blurry but I know that look. Something's wrong. Oh my God is he ok?" she started panicking and tried to raise herself from the bed.
"Wow, just sit right there, Sam call the doctor," G tried to calm her down.
"I don't need a doctor I need to know where Deeks is."
G sat next to her on the bed and held her hand, "Deeks left. He needed some time alone."
"He left?" she said not believing a ears.
"He needed to clear his head. This past month had been really difficult for him."
Kensi looked the other way trying to hold back her tears. He had left her. He had abandoned her. The only person she wanted to see right now left her without any explanation. She was experiencing rejection for the second time.
Suddenly she found it hard to breath. G immediately called the doctor who informed them it was a panic attack and gave her some sedatives to help her sleep again.
They hated seeing her like this and not being able to help. Perhaps Deeks would visit her again that night and with a little luck, she would be awake.
Kensi woke up around 2am. The sedatives had worn off and she could feel once again the stabbing pain on her ribs. G and Sam had left and the dead silence the surrounded the room was depressing.
Deeks dressed this time as a janitor walked towards Kensi's room. Her door was open so he stepped in waiting to find her asleep. To his surprise, he faced her big eyes once again.
She looked at him and smiled relieved. "There you are."
Deeks didn't know what to do. He felt his legs go numb, his eyes focused only on her, his brain blank.
"Well don't just sit there, come on in get me that chocolate from that table. G forgot it and I've been dying to eat it."
And there she was. His Kensi was finally back. He smiled, handed her the chocolate and stroke her hair.
"Listen Kens," before he could finish the sentence Kensi pressed her finger on his lips.
"I know you quit but just listen to me. This was the hardest under cover case we ever worked on. Too much was asked of us but we made it through. We work better together and we heal better together. I can't do this without you. I can't do this without knowing things will never be the same again."
"The things I did to you kens..."
"You have saved me more times than you have hurt me. Do you want me to count how many times I was facing a gun before you came to my rescue? How many I would have died by now if you weren't my partner."
Deeks realized how hard it was to leave her, how empty his life would be without her. He kissed her forehead and said, "I am not going anywhere Fern. Someone has to keep you away from trouble."
G and Sam came visited Kensi the next morning only to find her happily sleeping in Deeks arms.
Hetty never gave in his resignation letter. She stored it in her drawer and waited for the storm to go by. It was only a matter of days before she would have her team back together again.
Ten days later she was discharged form the hospital and Deeks was there to pick her up. A she was packing her underwear she smiled and turned to Deeks.
"I have to tell you something otherwise I'm going to burst."
Deeks looked at her confused, "What?"
"When you kiss, you might wanna go easy on the tongue. You almost reached my tonsils back then."
Deeks was shocked. This was not the kind of remark he would expect form her.
He slowly approached her, placed his hand on her cheek and drew her close for a long sweet kiss.
Once it was over, he looked at her, smiled and said, "For your information this is how I really kiss."
Kensi laughed and raised her shoulders, "Nuh, not bad," she said as she picked up her bag and walked out.
Deeks touched his lips and smiled again. Everything was back to normal. This job had led him to Kensi and losing her was the worst cost he would have to pay. But once again, they made it through. They have learned not to hide away form the storm, but to dance in the rain.