When you look into my story, you'll see a young girl with who has made bad choices and problems too overplayed to be real. I understand that your views are morphed and I know you can't grasp why I'm the way I am. Maybe it's your beliefs that keep you from choosing to love me again, but I swear that I will win it back.

I will in no way shove my thoughts on you, lord knows that you do that enough for the both of us. I won't rush it and will not talk to you more than you'd like to hear. I promise to put at much space as you need between us to think about it, and maybe you'll come to a different conclusion than before. Maybe you'll make an exception. But if you don't, and keep your same views, I'll accept it as much as I want to scream out to you, asking if you still love me or not.

I wonder if you know how much my heart yearns for the love that you are capable of giving. That good love. The love that makes my heart warm and at home. I wonder if your train of thought ever wonders to me during the day. I know I think of you constantly. I remember the times you let me sneak food out of the kitchen and those perfect summer days spent with you in your cozy little house right next to the local park. I'll keep those times when you used to come to my performances from school and I'll never forget the seat at graduation that was left unoccupied. Row 1, Seat 19.

I can't blame any of this on you. I know that I'm the one who changed. I am the owner of the loose variable that even I had no control over. If we could all choose whom to love, then by all means I'd choose to not have these feelings. Life would be easier and I'd like to think that I would fit in more than I do now.

But I refuse to apologize for who I am.

I've realized that it's not a bad thing to have these feelings. To not want things that some other girls my age might want. I used to be scared, and frankly I still am. But now I understand that there are people who are going to love me for me, no matter who I am or what happens. It's an amazing thing actually. Love.

I always thought I would find love with a man. Someone dark, handsome and romantic who knew his way around. I wanted the fairy tail story and the cliché perfect ending. Though, as I know well by now, we can't always get what we want.

I now know what I want. She's perfect and my entire world revolves around her. You told me that what I was doing was a sin. But if I'm sinning then does that mean that there is no love or trust in my situation? Because I'm one hundred percent sure I have love. This love I have has been consuming me whole everyday since I first saw her.

I was originally going to leave for Louisville without saying anything to you. But Brittany hid my suitcases and plane ticket so I could get a small bit of closure with you. I know it seems like all this letter is doing is separating us even more, but I'm trying to get you to see what I am feeling too. I'm hoping that we can start up some conversation by letters. No formal contact, just words on paper. Simple, clean and I won't be hurt if you don't write back.

My mailing information is attached below.

Love,

Santana