Dos Equis Drabbles

By: El Chacal

Summary: I don't normally do drabbles, but when I do, I do what I can to make them funny. Keep laughing, my friends.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my imagination and the idea for this. No infringement or profit is being made. Please do not sue. Thank you.


His scars have more street cred than most gun shot wounds.

His accent has made him known as the Sean Connery of the MC world.

The Irish get drinking lessons from him.

If you got shot by him and you survive, you would wear the bullets around your neck as a badge of honor.

He is the Most Interesting Scotsman.


He once slapped a grown man on the back and the impact caused a lung to collapse.

If he were to slap you in the face, it would be like taking a baseball bat to the jaw at 100mph.

If you were to survive a handshake from him, you would put it on your resume.

He once gave a concussion to a man using a whiffle ball bat.

Very few men can break a mirror with a death stare. He's one of them.

If given the choice between swimming in a shark tank with a bleeding gunshot wound and sitting on his Dyna, you would dived into the water without a second thought.

He once walked into a haunted house and all the 'monsters' out got scared.

He is the Most Intimidating Biker


A one night stand with him usually ends with either a medical quarantine, a stay in the ICU or death.

So many women have died after sex with him that his dick has the same warning from the surgeon general as cigarettes.

He's the only man to walk through the doll isle at Toys R Us with a loaded Glock in hand with the safety off.

Seven psychiatrists agree that he's the source of madness even as they were bouncing off the rubber walls of an asylum like epileptic ballerinas singing 'It's A Small World After All'.

He once made a man bleed out of his eyes during a staring contest.

He once played croquet using his Harley and a sledgehammer while high on LSD and psychedelic mushrooms. That video went viral in the first 30 seconds it was on YouTube.

He is the Most Insane Biker.


Death waits for no one. Then it met him.

There are attack dogs that turn into whimpering pussies when he growls.

Whatever his tobacco spit lands on is sought after by collectors on eBay.

There are SWAT officers that have to call in military back up when he rides into town.

He is the Most Bad Ass MC President


He is the only man to bake hash brownies in an Easy Bake Oven.

He is the only Son to beat the tar out of a Prospect for burning a patch of his famous Snickers muffins.

Started a riot in prison when he started singing Kumbaya for 3 hours while strumming a guitar.

He makes a braided beard look bad ass.

He is the Most Scruffy Biker.


She is so hot that she has been known to give other women hot flashes.

Only she can make a surgical incision scar look sexy.

A punch from her is 5 slaps from most other women.

A skateboard turns into a weapon of nasal destruction in her hands.

She is the Most Interesting Milf of the MC world.


He is known to have caused a zombie epidemic panic attack when he was found sleepwalking in a park at night.

He doesn't need a costume to go trick or treating. He just knocks on your door and says 'Boo!'

Black cats don't cross him.

A man once got into a staring contest with him. That man now has PTSD.

He is the Most Eerie Independent Cleaner.

A/n: Some characters were inspired choices. Others fell through. If this amused or got a laugh out of you, leave a review.