I'm awake. I look around the room and take everything in. I'm in my bed, but I don't know how I got here. I start to remember falling asleep on the couch last night. I can't remember ever getting up. I must have just passed out, sleepwalked? Suddenly it dawns on me. It must have been Peeta.
Peeta, I let that name sink in for a while. I've been living alone at my house in the Victors Village for I don't know how long and the only people I've seen have been Greasy Sae, her granddaughter and maybe Haymitch in his drunken scramble. That is until last night.
I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. On my nightstand sits Buttercup, he doesn't look particularly happy to see me, but we both know we're stuck with each other from now on. We both understand each others pain, and somehow it helps. Just seeing him reminds me of Prim. Before I start to sink back down into depression I jump up and throw him out of my room.
Walking into the bathroom I look myself in the mirror and see my tangled hair. Its still all different lengths from where the fire burned it. My skin is still pink and tender. "Ugly" I think to myself. "Good, now I match everywhere, inside and out."
I hop into the shower anyway and try to drown out my growing depressive mood. Soon I find myself thinking about the only thing I've tried to forget the most since I've been back. I just assumed that Peeta wouldn't come back. Gale didn't. Gale. I ruined that relationship too didn't I? But since Peeta's back and Gale isn't I guess that must mean something. I can't help but wonder why he even came back. Surely not for me, but why didn't he come before? Is he even the same boy I used to know? Before I know it I'm stuck with one question I don't think I want to know the answer to... Does he still love me?
I don't even know why I care, but I do. I know I must have taken advantage of Peeta's love for me. Maybe I just assumed he would always love me? I don't know. Maybe I did love the old Peeta, but even if I did I can never love again. Loving someone just means they're going to die or be hurt. I won't make that mistake again.
After I'm showered and dressed I head downstairs, almost afraid of what I'll find. Walking down the stairs I see some breakfast laid out and find a note from Greasy Sae telling me to eat up and when she'll be back. I slowly pick at the breakfast, I'm still lost in thought about Peeta. I wonder if I should go see him today, or if he'll come see me. No, I don't care. He isn't the same Peeta. I refuse to care.
I'm still there sitting when I hear the door burst open and Haymitch barges in. I pretend not to notice him and the foul stench that follows. He plops down on the chair next to me and takes my barely touched plate and starts to eat.
When he's finished he looks at me, opens his mouth like he wants to say something and then abruptly stops. He knows. "So he's back" I say with a small voice, like I don't want to believe it. "I know, he came to see me last night after he had a little run in with you passed out on your floor" Haymitch says gruffly.
Now I know for sure how I got back into my bed, and I don't know what to think of the thought of this new Peeta carrying me to my room, seeing me when I'm sleeping. When I'm most vulnerable.
" He also told me he planted some bushes out front, they look a hell of alot better than what was there before." Haymitch says. I know what he really means, he knows what kind of plant they are, and what they mean to me. I sit there thinking, I want to ask how he is, but I don't want to look like I care too much.
"Haymitch is.. Is he.. um" I manage to stutter out. Haymitch leans back in his chair and sighs. " Back to normal? You and I both know he'll never be back to normal." He says. Try as I could, I must have shown some emotion because he quickly continues "But, he is much like his old self. More confused of course, and scared to death for you." "For me?" I think aloud. "Yeah, believe it or not the kid still remembers you, and I can't speak for him but I'm sure he wants to get to know you... again"
I ponder this thought as Haymitch gets up and leaves. I sit at the table for a while longer before I decide to spend the day in the woods. I haven't been out since I've been back, too many bad memories. I know Greasy Sae thinks It will be good for me to get out and hunt. I hadn't realized until now how long I have been stuck in here day after day not doing anything but sulking, crying, and passing out. The air might do me good, then again.
Before I can change my mind I grab my fathers jacket and head out to the woods, but just as soon as I walk out of the Victors village I'm in for a shock.