A/N. I own nothing. At the moment I'm trying to update every Friday or Saturday, in the theory that by the time I run out of chapters in a few weeks I'll have gotten the motivation to write more.
Jane arrived at the Gryffindor common room, wondering how Lizzie was going to talk to their mother. Floo, maybe? But that wouldn't be allowed. Letting herself in, she spotted Lizzie and Charlotte in the corner. Jane know that some Gryffindors weren't particularly happy about Slytherins and Hufflepuffs knowing their passwords, but no-one said anything about it. She walked over to the others.
'Hey guys. So, how's this happening?'
'Hey Jane, it's a good thing you're early. Mum and Dad are having an argument about your beloved.'
'Sorry, but who?'
'The esteemed Mr. Bingley. Mum's planning your wedding. You did want it in a cathedral right? Mum'll be very disappointed if you don't.'
'I met him today, Lizzie'
'To stop Lizzie's cryptic-ness, your mum doesn't know that you've even met Charles Bingley, she just knows that a rich family with a handsome young son has moved into their neighbourhood. And will marry you, as you are the fairest of them all.'
'You know Charlotte, that doesn't really help much.'
'Well, Charlotte helped me to enchant some parchment so that they are duplicates of each other. Whatever we write on one will appear on the other. We're kinda using Mum and Dad as guinea pigs. I mean, I do want to be able to talk to them, but I thought it would be useful for when we're all in different lessons.' Lizzie pulled a piece of parchment from her pocket.
'The down, or in this case up, side is that we sent your Mum and Dad two bits of parchment so if they're arguing they tend to use these. They both say that the arguing gives them headaches, and Mum just goes on about her nerves.' continued Charlotte.
'There really is no reasoning with Mum. He could be a gay serial killer! Not that he is, of course, and you should definitely always gives someone a chance, but not marry them without meeting them. Go on, I might as well see what my wedding is going to be like then.'
'Sorry, it disappears when the next person starts writing. But you can see it from here. We might as well let them know were here, we've told you pretty much everything.'
Writing had appeared on the parchment in Mrs. Bennet's untidy scrawl, wiping out whatever had been there before.
'You are insufferable!'
'Thanks, Mother.' Lizzie wrote quickly, before Mr. Bennet could reply.
'Oh, not you Lizzie. Although it is nice of you to finally arrive! I was talking to your father. A rich, single young man and his family have just moved in nearby! And it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife! Jane Austen said so! Sense and Sensibility!'
'My dear, I believe she wrote that mockingly. And two hundred years ago. Anyway, you still haven't explained how it can it affect us. Why do I have to go visit them? We'll see them soon enough; it's a fairly small village.' Mr. Bennet's writing appeared on the parchment.
`My dear Mr. Bennet, how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of our daughters!'
Jane looked at them quizzically. 'How does he-'
'Oh, Mum started planning your wedding then ordered Dad to visit the new family in the village without explaining who you were engaged to. But he is also being deliberately difficult.' explained Lizzie.
'What? He is fifty years old, and married besides.' Mr. Bennet was determined to wilfully misunderstand his wife.
'No, no, no, you enjoy annoying me!'
'So, how are you doing at school, girls?' asked their father, ignoring his wife.
'Oh, not much, I got Os on Professor Snape's test, and Jane got an E trust him to give a 'summer exam' on the first day back. That's pretty much all that's happened lesson-wise.'
'Ah well, I'm sure young Mr. Bingley will be impressed.'
'How would he know!?' Their mother had rejoined the conversation. 'He will never meet them, or know of their achievements,
'Bing Jr. joined our school today. We already know him.' Wrote Charlotte, ignoring Lizzie and Jane's complaints about the grilling they were about to receive. Their father's reply was scribbled over by Mrs. Bennet's exclamation.
'Why did you not tell me earlier!? Is he handsome!?'
Jane took over the parchment to assure her mother that he was handsome, nice, and looked to have no intention of sweeping either of her daughters off of their feet into marriage. Their mother certainly had a one track mind.
Pleading homework, they signed off, leaving Mr. and Mrs. Bennet to their argument.