*silently sneaks in* Ola dear readers. I know, I know. I've been horrible, how long has it been? Well, I can't even remember... That's kind of a bad sign, no? o.o Ah well, here you are; the next & probably last chapter to this story! The muse had kind of left me alone to die, so I had quite some difficulty writing this one. (This is one reason why it lasted so long, at least.) I do hope you like it.. *cough* I'm also very sorry for any of the feels this chapter might give you all... Aah, who am I kidding, I'm not sorry at all. I'm just gonna let you all read now ;) Enjoy!
Two hours later, sleep still hadn't come to Myka. Neither had a solution. Myka turned in her bed again. She was so incredibly tired, both physically and mentally. So when a soft knock on the door disturbed her thoughts, she didn't know whether to be happy or annoyed.
She didn't even bother to open her mouth. Instead, she got up and opened the door. "Hello Emily."
The other woman immediately noticed that the other woman looked… Well, horrible. "Myka, I wanted to talk to you."
"Can it wait? I'm not really in a mood right now." She immediately regretted her words at the pang of hurt that covered the older woman's face.
She let out a sigh. "Look, that's not how I meant it." The hurt on her face slowly transformed into understanding and even compassion.
With another sigh Myka opened her door even more and stepped aside. "Come in." She said, defeated.
Emily entered hesitantly, reconsidering if this was a good idea after all.
When Myka had closed the door again, Emily positioned herself on the bed.
"I'm going to be blunt with you here. I… Haven't been entirely honest with you."
Myka frowned in confusion, taking place besides Emily on the bed.
"What do you mean?"
Emily opened her mouth, looking down when no sound seem to pass her lips. She nervously watched her hands until she found enough courage to look up again, to face Myka.
"I know how to bring HG back," She suddenly blurted out, quickly continuing when she saw confusion and shock in Myka's eyes, "well, that's kind of an overstatement. Let's just say I know what's most important to her, what she holds the most dear."
A few minutes of silence followed, the shock that Myka felt slowly changing into surprise & confusion before it turned to disappointment. "Well, why didn't you tell me? I mean, I know I haven't treated you the best way but …" She got cut off by Emily.
"Shush, you have been the very best to me and I have only abused that kindness. Oh Myka, I've been so selfish." Her hand reached out to touch Myka's cheek, redrawing just before she made contact.
The curly haired woman was breathing so heavily now that she could actually feel the heat her breath on her skin.
"I don't understand"
Tears started streaming down Emily's cheeks now.
"I love you, Myka."
The younger woman suddenly became very aware of the fact that they were sitting so close to each other. She desperately wanted to make the other woman stop crying, to tell her everything would be okay, but her throat didn't seem to think the same way. Instead they just sat there, waiting until Emily's worst sobs had stopped, and she could continue talking.
"It's just that I don't know if this is how I feel, or how Helena feels." Her hands were desperately clinging to her own thighs, nails invading the flesh even through her shorts.
"I can't keep her memories, her thoughts, her feelings apart from my own anymore." Her voice was getting more desperate with each word that escaped her lips.
Myka felt as if her head was about to explode. She couldn't even begin to imagine how it felt for the other woman. "Emily, I'm sorry." She said, not knowing what exactly she was apologising for.
"Myka, I just want you to be happy," tears continued to stream down her face, "and I know that I can't give you that happiness." She extended her hand again, this time not pulling back.
Emily's hand was soft against her cheek. Myka closed her eyes, tears now covering her own face too. She knew Emily was right. She wouldn't, couldn't be happy without Helena.
With her eyes still closed, she didn't see Emily lean in, covering Myka's mouth with her own.
Myka felt herself slip away in the kiss. Quickly taking grasp of sense while she still could she put her hands on Emily's shoulders, pushing her away. "I'm sorry," she apologised again.
"Helena." Myka stated, finally opening her eyes again.
"I'm glad you seem to recognise me better now, darling." She said smiling. It looked kind of weird, as Emily's tears were still on Helena's cheeks.
"Helena," Myka took one of the Brit's hands in her own, "Helena, promise me you'll not leave again. You have to. I can't deal with this another time."
"I promise." She brought their hands up, kissing both of Myka's hands.
"How can you be so sure of it?"
"Because I love you."
Myka's eyes were begging for something more, for actual proof in which she could find confirmation that HG would indeed never leave her again.
Helena tangled her free hand in Myka's curly hair, pulling her forward until their foreheads were leaning against each other.
Myka bit her lip, closing her eyes again. Eventually she nodded, looking the other woman straight in the eyes. She clutched Helena's hand even more firm between her own.
"I feel bad for Emily." Myka finally admitted.
Helena pulled herself away from Myka, her own eyes meeting a pair of green eyes she had always loved so much. "Myka, she's not gone."
Once again, Myka frowned, begging Helena with her eyes to continue.
"She's right here." Helena led their hands to her heart.
"Really?" the taller woman asked with a little smile, the first one of the evening.
"Really really." Helena confirmed. "You are forever doomed to be loved by two women, darling. If you will have me… Us… Oh bollocks, I'm getting confused myself now."
Myka couldn't hold her laughter at the sincere confusion on Helena's face. She finally freed Helena's hand, using her own to cradle the face of the woman she loved.
She placed a quick kiss on Helena's lips, traveling her way down Helena's neck, treasuring each of her little moans of approval. Finally reaching the smaller woman's ear, she couldn't stop a grin from covering her face.
"Always," she placed another kiss on her earlobe, "my love."