Title: The Rip.
Pairing: Thorki [Thor x Loki].
Summary: It had been love what had killed him, but it had also been love what had given him life again.
Warning: Slash [m/m].
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; they all belong to Marvel and the Norse Mythology.
R.P. Ann [ipreferlemonpie]
It was unfair, Loki thought.
The bond he and his brother shared was impossible to deny but, also, it was impossible for it to last, to become more, especially since Thor's banishment from Asgard. That had been the very first start, what had weakened the bond that tied them together.
Loki had felt it, the first time his brother had really looked at the woman, it had been the very first rip, the very first crack of their bond… it was the very first wound that, slowly and stealthily, had began to kill the son of Laufey. Nobody noticed it though, just like every other time, as no one really looked at Loki; nobody really noticed his presence… except for his brother.
Brother, Loki visibly snarled at the word, they were anything but that.
Loki sat beside Odin's sleeping form, his -once thought to be- father, his 'mother' sat beside the All Father as well, in the past days she hadn't left his side, not even to see what her supposed to be son was up to. She just sat there, hoping for her golden son to come back and make everything better with his smiles and laughing blue eyes, like Thor had always done for him before.
Loki stood abruptly, angry at his thoughts of his brother, leaving his Father's sleeping form and his motionless mother behind as he walked through the door and went to sit on his throne.
Loki had always been Thor's shadow, never his equal, never shone under the same light; in fact, he had never shined at all. He had always been the darkness that made the light seem brighter and Loki had hated it all, he had never wished more than to be Thor's equal, and it had never happened. And Loki was ashamed to admit (even if it was only to himself) that he had felt deeply hurt when in Jotunheim his brother had screamed at him to know his place.
Like he didn't know already, Loki thought bitterly with a dry smile. Loki felt the sting in his eyes and cursed mentally.
Loki had always been easy to cry, his only sign of weakness were his eyes and he hated them for it, but he had hated them a little less when Thor had said that they were the most wonderful eyes in all the nine realms. And that, he had never told anyone, had been the reason why he had cut Sif's golden hair off and made it black, even if Thor had been mad at him, Loki had felt proud about it, because the only golden star in Asgard was Thor and Sif didn't deserve to share that golden hair.
But Loki's melancholic thoughts were cut off when the doors to the throne room had burst open and in had come The Warriors Three and the aforementioned, Sif.
"My Lord, please, we ask you to reconsider Thor's banish-" And the woman had ceased to speak when their eyes landed on the throne, where Loki sat.
"The All Father sleeps," Loki announced with a devilish smile, he was fond of those. "And the kingship of Asgard has fallen to me." Loki waited for a reply as he stood, but after not receiving one, continued to speak. "It would be wrong for my first order to be to undo the All Father's last one, wouldn't it be? And in these times, I can't seem to do that, as war with the frost giants is close, Asgardians need to feel safe, and my brother couldn't bring them that, Asgard needs uni-"
Loki hadn't even finished his sentence when his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his legs weakened. He fell on his knees, but before he could fall face first to the ground, he grabbed on one of the throne's armrests, and he noticed what had caused him this moment of weakness. It had been another rip at the bond, another stop of his heart. He cursed through clenched teeth, the pain was starting to spread through his body, and he gasped when he tried to stand up but only fell on his knees once again. It hadn't been this bad the last time it had happened.
"Loki?" It was Volstagg's voice that had made him realize Thor's friends were still there. "Are ye alright?"
"I'm fine," Loki answered as he stood only to flop down ungracefully on his throne. "Just go away."
The Warrior Three and Lady Sif looked unsure, and stared at the new king warily; they exchanged glances to confirm if Loki's moment of weakness had really happened.
"Now!" Loki roared and the warriors obeyed, scurrying away leaving him alone to his thoughts and pain.
Loki knew that it had been another rip of their bond, but what had caused it? What had it been that had made him fall to the ground and almost lose consciousness? What had made the pain course through his whole body in only a matter of seconds? Before, the pain had only extended through his chest and never went farther than that, and even if it had been only his chest, the pain and the tremors had taken a few minutes to spread around his chest.
What? Loki asked himself again and again, and somehow, suddenly, he knew the answer.
The answer to what had almost ripped their bond apart, what had almost stopped his heart was Thor falling in love (or at least starting to), and that small start, that small crush that had started to grow in Thor's heart had been the real beginning of their falling apart.
Loki glowered at the realization as he clutched at his stupid heart. He wasn't supposed to feel this way; it was too unfair, too farfetched, for him to feel this way. He wasn't supposed to be the only one to suffer, but he knew it was supposed to be exactly like that.
Once, when he was young, he had asked their mother what had made his heart hurt so much, what was the pain he was feeling and his mother had explained, but he hadn't understood it until now. Back then, it had been nothing compared to now as Thor had still been there and he wasn't in love, he had only made new friends, Sif and The Warrior Three, he hadn't understood what their mother had told him. Their mother had said it was because Thor was his soul mate, he had asked his mother if he was Thor's soul mate too, she had only smiled sadly, he hadn't noticed it then, and then kissed Loki's forehead. And even in the years to come, it had sounded silly in his mind to think that he was connected to Thor in such deep, intricate way. But now, he understood what she had said. He understood the connection, the pain and the happiness that came with loving Thor, and because nothing ever went easy for him, Loki had turned out to be a shadow craving for light: Impossible, unobtainable, forbidden, because even if the shadow couldn't live without the other, the light could easily live without the shadow and could, if it wanted, extinguish the other.
Loki had seen the object of Thor's affection.
And the only thing that Loki had wanted to do was to crush her under his boot, to burn her to ashes, to make her squirm and writhe in pain like he had been doing because of her. He wanted her to feel the burning pain that made sobs and tremors to curse through his body until he wasn't more than just a shivering wreck, to make her heart stop for a few seconds only for it to start beating wildly again, making her realize she was still alive and that death hadn't called for her yet, even if that was the only thing she'd want at the moment. He wanted her to feel the cold fingers of death creeping just around the corner, getting closer every time… He wanted her to feel what he felt every day since Thor's banishment. He wanted her to disappear from Thor's mind, from his heart. He just wanted her gone, to disappear, to die, and to leave them like they were before.
Loki wanted nothing more than to have the light back… To have Thor and the comfort he brought, back.
"We go and search for Thor."
That had been what the Warrior Three and Sif declared after seeing Loki's deteriorating state and the war a step away, but they hadn't expected for Heimdall to comply so easily.
Thor didn't know what this feeling was, but he couldn't help but feel happy every time he looked at the woman. He had always a smile on his face now, It was like that time when he and Loki were kids and his brother had defended him from a rabid wolf with the little knowledge he had on that magic of his, putting himself in danger just for Thor's wellbeing. It had warmed up his heart to the point he couldn't stop smiling for days. Even if everyone else just thought of Loki as silver-tongued and a prankster, Thor knew him better than anyone else. He knew how kind his brother really was, he had always been worrying about Thor, he had always been taking care of him in the dark, making him shine brighter or enveloping him in shadows as Loki took the blame of things that hadn't been his fault this time. Loki covered him from the light when it was needed, even if it was in his sarcastic, angry way, Thor appreciated it all. After all, Thor loved Loki, his dearest brother.
But the feelings he harbored for the woman were different, it wasn't the same type of sentiment he felt for his brother, it was something more… He didn't know the word (his brother, probably, would though), but he knew it was different. He didn't know if better, but it sure was different.
A knocking came from the glass doors of Jane's fortress; he didn't pay attention to it until a familiar voice called his name. His head snapped up from the dishes he was washing and there were The Warrior Three and Lady Sif, his dearest friends, with broad smiles.
"I have never been happier to see anyone!" Thor exclaimed as he hugged Volstagg. "Ah, what are you doing here?"
Jane, the Doctor and the girl all stared amazed at them, Thor didn't understand, but he didn't question, these tiny humans seemed to be amazed by everything that wasn't in their text books.
"We came for you," Sif said with a smile. "To take you back."
"But you know I can't return," Thor said, saddened. "Father died because of me, I can't possib-"
"Thor," Sif looked taken back. Why had Thor said The All Father was dead? "Your father is alive."
Thor face expressed his confusion and surprise, but inside, rage started to boil. Why had Loki lied to him?
"Loki…" He growled under his breath.
"Oh," Hogun exclaimed as if remembering something. "Thor, you need to come back now, your brother…"
"What did my brother do, now?" Thor questioned, surprisingly controlling his anger.
"He's not well, Thor," it was Volstagg who said this, but what alarmed Thor the most wasn't the words but the tone Volstagg had spoken in, because until now, Thor thought Volstagg incapable of silence and softness.
And that's when they heard a noise from afar and they all got out of the place, and not too far away, a huge cloud and what looked like a hurricane roared. They didn't know what it was, but it wasn't good.
Loki was mad; he was angered, he was furious. Thor's puny friends had decided to pay the golden boy a visit. Well then, he'd give them a worthy welcome to their group name. And he called for the warrior, the destructor, and told it to destroy everything at reach.
And maybe then, the woman would die.
He didn't think of Thor though.
"Loki, brother, if you can hear me, I don't know what I have done to hurt you so deeply, but please, do not harm this people, they are innocent, if you are so angered, so hurt, then take me," Thor said, he knew his brother could hear him but even though, he felt afraid as he walked to the metal monster. "Take my life instead."
Loki could hear Thor's every word, and he felt them stabbing at his heart. How accurate had Thor been to know how deeply Loki was wounded. And he felt his eyes sting again with another rip, another crack, pain cursed through his body and he ordered the warrior to retreat but then, in a split second, he grew mad, angered with Thor's decision. To throw his life away for these tiny lives that he had just met, he was furious, because Thor was supposed to protect him, not them.
Thor was supposed to be his.
And so, Loki cried angered at his pain as the bond ripped a little bit more, just a mere action away from completely dying out.
As he closed his eyes, he saw the monster stop flaring with fire and heard it turn around, and he opened his eyes, ready to exhale a breath of relief when the monster turned back, knife fast, and hit him, making him fly back.
Jane ran to him as soon as he touched the ground, she cupped Thor's face in her hands and screamed at him to stay awake, to not slip away, to not give up.
Loki felt cold. He felt even colder than in Jotunheim, even more than when Odin fell into his sleep because of him, even worse than when Thor was banished because of his trying to save his life.
Loki felt a rip away from shutting down completely as he staggered to the Bifrost to let the Jotun in.
And in his chambers, in his sleep, Odin cried a single tear for his golden son.
Thor had his hammer and he fought against the metal beast. He felt more powerful than he had ever felt since the first time he had gotten Mjolnir. He felt alive.
And as he fought, he won.
He had let the frost giants in, his real father who didn't recognize him as his son, and his foster father, an Aesir, who now slept without protection.
But he had a plan, and he was going to go through with it before the last rip, before what would kill him.
Loki had never been afraid of thunder, but what came after it.
"I will come back for you, I promise," Thor said before pressing his lips to Jane's in a loving kiss.
If only he had known.
He killed Laufey, the king of all the frost giants, just in time with Thor's entrance, and just in time with the last rip. The rip that started the end, the rip that would kill everything that was and could have been.
The rip that would kill him.
Loki felt it painfully clear, as if it were his own heart tearing in half and then more, he felt the connection vanish and it hurt him so physically that it sent the worst tremors until now. He felt like he was exposed as a nerve being prodded with knives. He felt death itself clawing at his bones, at his muscles, at his mind, and tearing at his heart.
When Thor came back to Asgard, he thought he'd find his brother committing crimes, treason, murder even, he could have expected everything but this.
In front of him, was his mother cradling Loki's head in her lap, crying at him to not sleep, to not let darkness grab him, and Thor didn't know what to do but in that instant, he felt something tug at his heart, and start ripping at it. Thor had never been in this kind of pain before, so he only clutched at his heart, walked to his brother, and sank to the ground on his knees as Loki's eyes closed and his body laid motionless.
"Brother," he whispered. "What are you doing? Stop. This prank isn't funny." Thor growled. "Brother, open your eyes, I'm here, you see? I'm here!" He grabbed his brother's cold right hand in his, his eyes were stinging. But why were they stinging? Why if it wasn't just another of Loki's pranks? "Brother, stop! I'm here, no need for more tricks, I'm here and everything will be alright now, w-wake up." Thor's voice trembled, but why wasn't Loki waking up? Why wasn't he smiling arrogantly, devilishly? Why wasn't he rolling his emerald green eyes at him, at his cheesiness?
"Loki," Thor called again, whisper soft. "Loki… Loki wake up. Wake up…" Thor tried to shake his brother awake, he even slapped the emerald eyed man a few times, he tried opening his eyelids, and Loki's irises were a dull green growing grayish around the borders. Why weren't they their usual bright color? Why wasn't Loki moving? Why wasn't he breathing? Why had his heart stopped?
"Loki… you promised…" Thor whispered with anguish. "You promised…"
The Warriors Three ran to the scene, expecting to see Thor and Loki fighting, but they didn't expect to see a sobbing Thor and a motionless man in his arms.
Why weren't the brothers smiling like the old times?
What would he do without Loki by his side? What would he do when he messed up and Loki wouldn't be there to help him clean the mess and glare and hiss at him for his stupidity? What would he do when he was scared or nervous or angry and Loki wouldn't be there to calm him down? What would he do all by himself now? What would he do without his brother now?
And Odin, even in his sleep, cried again, but, this time, for his second son. The son that had hated himself so much for what he was that had come to madness, the son who had been suffering all the time without no one noticing. What would Odin do now, without his son to cause him trouble and put the golden one in line? How was Odin supposed to wake up now?
Friga cried for both her sons. For the one who died for love, and the one who would continue to live without a smile and spark in his eyes. When would death cease to claim the ones she loved?
Darkness, there wasn't anything else, only darkness. Not even a spark of light anywhere, not even color, not even life. Just pure blackness, nothingness, but he was there. Why was he there? What was he doing there? How had he gotten there and when?
Was he dead?
He couldn't answer any of these questions, he didn't find any answer, at least, he couldn't find any in this nothingness, in this darkness.
Loki had always claimed to be a shadow, but this darkness… it was terrifying, because the shadow had always been accompanied by light. It was suddenly horrifying to be in this vast darkness.
But then, like magic, a face appeared, it was just a flitting burst of color but it formed a face. Golden hair, tanned skin, and the bluest of all eyes, those were the features he could make out.
He knew the name that went with the face, but he couldn't remember, because every time he tried and thought he grasped the name, the sweet nothingness swallowed it whole. But somehow, he knew that that face and that name had been his light.
Why wasn't he his light now?
"Thor," mumbled Sif. "Let him go, he won't wake up." Thor shook his head from side to side, he wouldn't let go, not now, not ever.
"He promised!" Thor sobbed, as he hugged his brother closer.
"Thor…" Sighed Sif, what had come to be of the greatest warrior? Of the One Who was Golden?
Just barely a sentence, two mere words, but he felt the need to obey the voice. He didn't know whose voice that was, but he knew it was more powerful than him, that somehow, belonged to someone that appeared with time itself, someone who had far more knowledge than him. But he didn't know how to wake up… or where.
"I love you." Thor whispered, and whispered and whispered again and again like a mantra.
He loved him and not like he had thought. It was way more than that love he had thought about before. It was greater. It was beyond them.
And Thor realized that the Midgardians' saying was true, you don't know what you have until you lose it.
I love you, Loki.
But somehow, those words had done the trick. Those were the words that had had spread a white, pure light around his darkness, he had just to open his eyes, didn't he? He just needed to wake up, to find the muscles in charge, to make his heart beat again. It was that simple, wasn't it?
Loki, I love you. I really do.
And he swore he heard a gasp when his eyes opened and he felt once again, alive.
A face was above his. He could only see the brightest, most beautiful and obnoxious blue eyes.
"Thor…" He whispered, his lips felt numb, like he hadn't spoken in years. "Thor." He said again, louder. It felt strange, he had said that name so many times before, but somehow, this time, it felt different, and strange and not like before. It felt… right, even. It felt like the name belonged in his mouth and his tongue.
Good job son, I'm proud.
And that's when Loki recognized the voice that had told him to wake up. It had been his father, hadn't it?
"Loki…" Thor, the light, whispered.
Oh. Yeah. That was his name. Loki.
"I love you too, Thor."
The words had rolled so easily off of his tongue, because, he thought, this was one of the few times he had actually said the truth and really meant it to be fully honest.
Because he had always loved Thor, hadn't he, from the very start?
Loki had been tied to Thor by just a thread, the thin, red thread of Fate who had tied their souls and hearts together before they were even born. Why, some would ask. It was because Fate did things like that, tied two unexpected souls and hoped for everything to roll well from there. But nothing really rolled well when Fate was ensued. Fate was a really stupid thing, but Loki was grateful for Fate's stupidity this time.
[A/N]: Hope you liked it, and if you did, please review, I accept constructive criticism; flamers can go and burn. Thorki is my OTP, just like Hiddlestworth. Making Loki kind of die made me cry because I completely adore him, really, he has been my favorite Norse god since the beginning of time and making Thor so emotional [sad] made me cry even more Q.Q.
Well, thank you again.
R.P. Ann [ipreferlemonpie].