Have You Ever?

My name is Bella Swan. I am an outcast. A loner. I am the one at school that everyone ignores. I have never been told I am beautiful by anyone other than my daddy, and if you ask me I think he would like to keep it that way. When I look in the mirror I don't see anything special. I think every girl should see that something special in their eyes when they look in the mirror. I could be their eyes, hair, smile, or just the way that their face is structured. I don't have any of that. I have long straight brown hair, with normal acorn shaped eyes. There truly isn't anything special about me.

I am 17 years old and have never even been kissed by a boy. Never been on a date. My bestfriend Alice goes on lots of dates with her boyfriend Jasper. I think that one day they will end up married. They are the greatest couple. You can see it in her eyes when she looks at him. Her eyes light up and its like there is no one else in the room. She is beautiful. Her other friends at school call her Pixie, cause she is short and has this awesome black spiky hair. I used to want to do that to my hair, but she said it wouldn't look right on me. She has tried to get me to talk to other people, but I just can't do it. There isn't anyone in this school that can relate to me. Even Alice.

Alice and I have been friends since we were 5 years old. We were inseparable. There was Alice, Angela, Lauren, Tanya, and myself. We did everything together. Then when we hit 12, puberty came and I was left in the dust. They all got breast and curves; and I got nothing. I finally hit puberty at 16. Yes I know that was only a year ago. I was what they called a late bloomer. However, I still don't have the curves or the breast that they got. I am wondering where they are. Were they lost in the mail? Did God want me to be a boy instead? I am still picked on. Alice is the only one that has remained my friend. Sure we don't hang out in school, but that is because I don't want to. I am happy sitting in the music room at lunch and going home to do my homework. I am a nerd and proud.

I love to play the piano and sing. It gives me the voice I am too scared to use. You see there is this boy at school I have been crushing on since we were 10 years old. He is captain of the football team and debate team. He is so beautiful. I want him to notice me. I am hoping after tonight's talent show he will take some notice in me.

"Bella, get in the shower you have 20 minutes to get clean." Alice yelled from my stairs. She was finally here to get me ready. She is doing my makeup and hair. She is even letting me borrow an outfit of hers. See she knows about my crush. This song I am going to sing tonight is special and she knows it.

"Getting in now, mother." I said as I rolled my eyes. I jumped in the shower and made sure I scrubbed myself clean and shaved my legs. I hated doing that, but it was necessary.

I got out the shower and ran to my room. Dried off and put on a button down shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Ok, we are going to make you glamorous. He won't know what hit him." Ali said. All I could do was giggle. "I don't think he will even know who I am, Ali. He doesn't even know I exist. If he does it will be because everyone picks on me. I wish I could be beautiful like you just for one day." I said with tears in my eyes.

"You are beautiful, Bella. You are the most amazing person I know. If they don't notice this then screw them. They don't know what they are missing. Now dry those eyes. Its time for your make up." She said as I wiped my eyes.

I looked in the mirror and I didn't even recognize myself. She had gone above and beyond to make me beautiful. I put on the blue wrap dress that she let me borrow. It was strapless and came down to my mid-thigh. It was form fitting and gave the illusion that I had curves where there were none. I was starting to feel more and more beautiful. I put on her blue Jimmy Choo shoes and did a little twirl. I felt amazing. "Thank you, Ali. You did a wonderful job. I actually feel beautiful."

"You look amazing. I am going to go home and get ready. I will be sitting up front with him and Jasper. Just know that he will notice you now."

I put on my old brown jacket to cover up what I was wearing. I wanted what I looked like to be a shocker to everyone. I walked down the stairs and said goodbye to Charlie. He told me he would be there before it started and that he was proud of me.

I arrived at the school and started pacing around the back waiting for my turn. I looked out in the audience and saw him. He was looking good in his black dockers and white button down shirt. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to his biceps. His muscles were showing and I couldn't help but drool. His brown curly hair and his blue eyes were watching Tanya play the cello. She always had a way with music. I always thought that they had a thing for each other. I saw my father walk in and sit next to Jasper and talk to Alice. I wondered what they were saying.

"Next playing the piano and singing is Bella Swan."

I took off the jacket and started to walk on stage. I heard the gasp of the audience. I knew the outfit was going to be great.

I sat down at the piano and started to play the first few notes and started to sing.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words, but they never come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Haveyou ever been in love

Been in love so bad

You'd do anything to make them understand

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away

You'd give anything to make them feel the same

Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart

But you don't know what to say

And you don't know where to start

I looked out to the audience and saw my dad and Alice smiling.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words, but they never come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever found the one

You've dreamed of all of your life

You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to

Only to find that one won't give their heart to you

Have you ever closed your eyes and

Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words, but they never come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

I stood up from the piano and grabbed the microphone and started to walk to the front of the stage and started belting out the rest of the song. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so beautiful sitting there with tears in his eyes.

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby

What do I gotta say to get to your heart

To make you understand how I need you next to me

Gotta get you in my world

'Cuz baby I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words, but they never come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

I ended the song and ran off the stage. I heard them clapping and Ms. Cope walked over to me.

"Sweetie you need to go back out there and look at everyone. They are standing up."

I looked at her with a lost look on my face with tears falling down my face. I started to walk out there and noticed that everyone was standing up. Even Emmitt. He was clapping for me with tears in his eyes. He was whispering something to Alice and I wanted to know what he was saying. I loved him for so long. Did he know that this was for him?

I bowed and walked off the stage. I didn't want to wait around for anything, but Ms. Cope told me that I needed to. Who knows I may have won the talent show. I didn't want to win. I just wanted to get it out and I told her I was leaving.

As I walked out of the auditorium I took in a deep breath of the fresh air and started to walk to my car.

"Bells. That was the most amazing performance. Where do you think you are going?" Ali caught up to me. She always knew where I was. I don't know how she did it.

"I am leaving. I am going home. I don't want to deal with the rejection. I just needed to get it out before we graduate in two months. I don't want to leave for Columbia knowing that I didn't get it out. I know that he doesn't know its for him, but I do. I feel better about it. Who knows in ten years when I am not this dork and I am more confident I will say something to him. I just can't right now. I want to go to school on Monday and know that not everyone is going to be staring at me because I am a fool. I want to tell him I love him. I just can't." I cried and opened my car door.

"Who do you love?" His deep voice asked. "Tell me Bella."

I turned around with my face all flushed. I was blushing. I don't know how long he had been standing there listening. "No one Emmitt. It doesn't matter anyways."

I got in my car and drove off. I had to get home. I couldn't tell him. I didn't have the guts. I truly believed I was a loser now.

I climbed my stairs and jumped back into the shower and changed into my nightclothes. I was just about to climb into bed with my Withering Heights book when my dad called me downstairs.

"Yeah dad, what's up?" I asked.

"There is a boy on the front porch wanting to talk to you. I am not going to lie and say I am very comfortable with this, but I am giving you twenty minutes." He replied. He was always so protective of me.

I opened the door and there he was. Emmitt McCarty was standing at my front door. I couldn't believe it. "Hey." I whispered.

"Hey, um I came over here knowing what I was going to say and now I don't know how to start." He looked nervous.

"How about we sit down on the swing and you start at the beginning or where ever you feel like you need to start with." I said as I sat down on the swing facing him.

"Ok, when we moved here I didn't know anyone. I was a loner and no one noticed me, until this little girl with big brown eyes said hi to me. She was so beautiful. I think I loved her as much as a little boy could love her. When she got older we drifted apart because she was quiet and I was loud. It broke my heart that she didn't reciprocate the feelings I had for her. I heard everyone pick on her, but I didn't do anything. I didn't want anyone to know I was in love with her. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I was scared that she would be the one girl in school that didn't like me. Everything I have felt for this girl for the past 7 years came out tonight. Your song made me realize that I had to take a chance. When she ran out of the auditorium I had to go to her. I had to find out if that was about me or not. When you drove off my heart broke. I asked Ali to explain the choice of song and she told me that I had to ask you. I love you, Bella. I am tired of hiding it. I want the world to know. I love your smile, your intelligence, and the fact that you have a wonderful out look on life, even though you are quite. You are the yin to my yang. You complete me." Tears were rolling down his face as he finished. I could look into his blue eyes and see he wasn't playing around on me, but I had to make a call first.

"Wait here." I said as I got up. "Hey Ali, did you tell him I loved him? He is currently on my front porch telling me he has always loved me. Is this a joke?" I asked her.

"No Bella. It's not a joke. During the performance he was talking to me telling me that is how he felt about you. I told him he needed to talk to you about it. When you drove away he asked me if the song was about him. I again told him he needed to talk to you about it. You were staring at him at the end. I think he got the hint then. You were singing with so much love in your voice and put so much of yourself into that song, I think he finally got it, Bella. Give him a chance. I know you don't want to get your heart broken, but you will never know if you don't give him a chance."

"Thanks Ali" I said and hung up the phone and walked out the door again. "I had to talk to Ali. I want to believe you are telling me the truth, but it's just so hard to believe. I have loved you since I was 10 years old. You were right we were friends, then came puberty and popularity and gone was Bella. I was ignored. Boys didn't like me; no one wanted to talk to me. Ali was the only one who still talked to me. I became a shell of what I could have been. I am not like all the other girls. I am not beautiful or sexy. I want to have boyfriends and hang out with the girls and go shopping. I want to be cool. I want to be part of the popular crowd. I can't wait to go to college and be able to reinvent myself. No one will have to know what I went though in high school. Just so you know, that song was for you."

I started to walk toward the door to my house when I felt his hand grab my arm and spin me around. He held me close and I could feel the spark that was there 7 years ago. He slowly leaned down and started to kiss me. It was so gentle. It was like tasting wiped cream. He deepened the kiss and started to nibble on my bottom lip. I opened my mouth to give him the access he desired. He thrust his tongue in my mouth letting it explore. After about a minute I pulled away.

"Wow." That was the only thing we could say and we said it together.

"That was amazing for my first kiss. Thank you Emmitt. I guess I will see you around." I walked in the house and upstairs. I went to sleep that night a happy girl.

The next two months had gone by so fast. I found out that Emmitt was telling the truth. He would make it a point to sit with me at lunch in the music room. When people would see us walking out together they started talking. Lauren and Tonya were starting rumors, but we didn't care. We knew what the truth was.

We figured being friends was better since I was going to Columbia in the fall. He hadn't gotten his acceptance letters yet.

Soon it was time for me to leave. I was getting on the plane and there he sat. Right next to me. "Hey, I am Emmitt McCarty and I have been accepted to Columbia University. I am hoping that my girlfriend wouldn't mind if I followed her clear across the county. Someone has to keep her safe." He smiled at me. That was the first time he ever referred to me as his girlfriend.

"Oh really. What if she doesn't want you to come? Maybe she wants to see who she is and make it on her own? Maybe you are her first boyfriend and she wants to see what other boys are like?" I tried to hide my giggles.

"Well then that just sucks, because I am in love with her. I don't want to be way from her. She is my sun and moon. She is the air that I breathe. I know that we haven't been together long, I just want to give us a chance. I don't want to think about her with other guys. I want to know that I am the only guy she wants to be with, ever."

"Well maybe she wants to be the only woman you want to be with. I know she can be stubborn and pig headed. I don't know how long you will be able to put up with her."

"I am willing to put up with her as long as she is willing to put up with me." He leaned over and started to kiss me. We deepened it and when we finished I leaned on his shoulder. Knowing this was going to be the start of a beautiful relationship. He gave up going to Nebraska University on a football scholarship to come to Columbia with me. I really do love him.

I am hoping that this starts the creative juices flowing for my other story. I am having writers block for that one. I was driving home from work today and heard this song. I had to write it down. I hope you liked it. I appreciate feedback. Good or Bad. Thank you for reading.

Twilight is the sole property of S.M. Have you ever is the property of Brandy and I am the owner of nothing. I just get to play with her characters.