Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or The Life of Brian or Not the Messiah. I don't earn any money doing this.

The song is called 'You're the one' and was written by Eric Idle and John Du Prez.

You're the one, you're the one,

You're the one, you've finally come along.

Oh great, they're singing it again. Ever since Colin Creevey showed them "Not the Messiah" they won't stop singing this song. It was slightly funny the first time I heard it but they just won't shut up! It's a Muggle musical nobody knows, not even in the Muggle world and that's a good thing because it's bloody annoying!

You're the one to show us right from wrong,

You're the one, you're the one.

Show us right from wrong? Who am I, Dalai Lama? I'm not perfect, you know? I'm just a kid who makes mistakes like everyone else. Only because my mother died for me all these years ago doesn't mean I am in any way special or better than others.

You're the one I adore,

Oh just great, now the crazy-lover part starts. Of course they can't only sing it, which is bad enough, no, they have to ACT! Have you ever had a crowd of people stare at you like you're some sort of steak? Well, I have, every day for the last few weeks. I'm honestly thinking of staying single my whole life if girls really stare like that when they're in love. Because it is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Including Voldemort and the Dementors.

You're the one that we've been waiting for.

To cure the weak and heal the poor,

You're the one, you're the one.

Who wrote this song? It's not logical at all! When someone wants to write a song, not to mention a whole musical, should he or she at least know basic English. The other students, especially the Gryffindors, think it's funny and even add more illogicality.

Like a rock in the dark, like a candle in the middle of the park.

Like a cake that's been left out in the rain on a plane in Spain.

Hermione told me that line with the rain in Spain is a parody of some other musical. She always sings the loudest at this part of the song. Do you know how weird it is when your best friend sings something like that? She thinks the song is great and even when the teachers tell her to stop humming it in their lessons she doesn't listen to them. That shows how awful that stupid song is when the perfect Hermione Granger ignores the teachers' orders.

You're the one we're dreaming of.

You're the bright and shining light of love.

Ugh, the lyrics are disgustingly sappy. Shining light of love? Yuck! And naturally this is another opportunity to look at me like a complete idiot. Honestly, doesn't have anybody here have something resembling self-respect?

Like a torch from up above,

You're the one, you're the one.

You're the one, there's no doubt.

You're the one we cannot live without.

Merlin, I can't believe it! I'm not something vital like air or food. I'm just a boy, for heaven's sake! Since Colin showed them the song they constantly try to be around me and sing it and at this part they kneel before me and worship me. I can't even go to classes on time because they block the hallways. The teachers hate it nearly as much as me.

You're the living proof that shouts

You're the one, you're the one, you're the one, you're the one.

The second time they sing this verse they sing it louder and act even worse. I really wouldn't mind disappearing if it means I don't have to suffer through this...

You're the one, there's no doubt.

You're the one we cannot live without.

You're the living proof that shouts

You're the one, you're the one, you're the one, you're the one.

This is MY favourite part. Because that terrible song is finally over! But guess what happens now? Exactly, they start again! I hate my life...