Okay, from the title you can probably tell, it's a bit depressing. I really am a happy person! I swear!
This story takes place around two days after Soubi leaves Ritsuka; I really need to start writing in chronological order… Random little oneshot, I was planning to finish/put it up much sooner, but I've had the flu for the past week... :( This story was kind of triggered by the fact that a friend of mine was depressed, so, yeah….Enjoy!
It's been two days since Ritsuka went to the graveyard with Soubi, Natsuo and Youji have finally let him go home, they've been worried he might hurt himself. They finally let him go home, they hadn't last night, because he seemed to be stable. That might not be true, but they could hardly tell the distraught Ritsuka no.
Ritsuka sat upright, barely able to move for shock, he had never even imagined Soubi would truly leave him.
"Soubi, he left, he couldn't have left! What happened then? I'm going to see him come in my window ant minuet! or maybe I'm dreaming, maybe these entire two days were just a bad dream! I'll wake up crying and Soubi will rock me and croon in my ears to comfort me. None of this ever happened, it couldn't have! Soubi would never leave me, it's just a nightmare, that's all it is." Ritsuka flopped down so he was laying on his bed, looking at the wall of memories in front of him. There were pictures of his school friends, both his Senseis and Kio. But the majority of the pictures however, were of Ritsuka himself and a blond college aged man with no ears.
"Soubi didn't leave me, this all just a dream!Soubi will come back, no, Soubi never left! This nightmare will disappear just like the old Ritsuka did, I'm glad the old Ritsuka disappeared! Ritsuka picked up the cellphone with the butterfly background that Soubi had given him. "If Soubi gave me this... he loved me! Why would he leave if he loved me? He gave me this phone so I could call him, he wouldn't ever leave! But, I have memories of Soubi leaving me in front of the graveyard... He was crying, wait! If Soubi was crying, then this truly is a dream, he's an adult, he wouldn't be crying!
Suddenly Ritsuka jumped up, knocking his phone of the bed. The distraught neko ran, practically tripping over his own feet, and stopped in front of his wall of memories.
He stood there for a few minuets, looking at the precious pictures, his eyes unconsciously focusing on the ones of Soubi. Those of him with the older blond were his most precious pictures, and they were numerous.
Suddenly, for some reason breaking out of his daze, he reached up and grabbed one of the treasured pictures, this one was of him and Soubi sitting under a cherry tree in full bloom, there faces so in love and happy it was heartbreaking, Soubi wasn't even looking at the camera a tiny bit he was so caught up with his sweet little sacrifice. The picture made Ritsuka happy every time he looked at it, it was the neko's favorite picture.
The distraught boy took the picture with both hands, and not being able to control himself, ripping it in half. "Soubi, this is your fault! You left me all alone and broke my heart! You've keeping secrets from, probably even lied that you loved me! Soubi, why did you say you loved me if you never did!? I hate you! You can not come back for all I care! This is your fault Soubi, all I wanted was to love you, and you left me crying in a graveyard! Everything you said from the start was a lie, all those words of love, fake!"
Ritsuka steadily got louder, while ripping the lovely picture into smaller and smaller pieces. Angry tears were running down the cat boy's face as he stopped his yelling to gasp for air, he hadn't ever realized how much he loved Soubi before now. Now that the wonderful comforting presence was gone, he discovered how much he had treasured it.
"Soubi, I'm so sorry, what have I done? Am I becoming like mother, unable to control my own actions? This was all my fault wasn't it, and now I've ripped our picture! You kept that picture in your wallet ever since I gave you a copy, you loved that picture! And now I destroyed it, I'm such a monster! Wait, it was because of that time Youji stabbed your hand, and then I turned you away when you needed to help... I'm so sorry Soubi, you needed help, and I turned you away in the cold! I'm such a monster, I deserve to be loveless! This is all my fault, I said something insensitive in the graveyard didn't I? You're probably in more pain then I am, you always are! You're probably crying Soubi, I really, really hate seeing you cry! I'm so sorry!"
Ritsuka started to sob quietly, but who could blame the distraught little neko? The cat boy pulled himself from his resting place under the push board, and slowly drew himself to and up onto his bed. It took almost to much effort for the small movement, Ritsuka hadn't slept but an hour if even that.
"Soubi... I miss you so much..." Ritsuka thought as he slowly drew the blankets up over his head. Before he left, if Soubi had seen his precious sacrifice so unhappy, though this was the first time he ever had been this sad, the older man would have comforted him. "S-Soubi, if I w-were to hug you o-or k-kiss y-you, w-would you come back t-to m-me?" Ritsuka whispered shakily between sobs. "Soubi, what could I do to get you to come back?" Ritsuka thought as he burrowed into his bed sheets, imagining that they were his beloved fighter's chest.
"Soubi, I would do anything for you, just please come back! You wanted to take me to the southern islands so you could sketch right? Let's do that together! You could teach me how to draw! That'd make you happy wouldn't it? I could cook that omelet you liked so much, that would make you happy wouldn't it? I'll do anything to make you happy Soubi, anything! Wait, I love you! It makes you happy when I say that doesn't it?! Please come back Soubi, I'll do anything to make you happy, if you come back Soubi, I'll do everything I can to make you happy!"
Ritsuka was sobbing harder now, each word was choked out, the sheets wrapped around his head damp from his tears.
Ritsuka sobbed for the next half hour, cried as much and as hard as his small body could stand, his mind full of thoughts of Soubi.
"You were the best thing I ever had, the first person who really made me feel happy and safe. I had Seimei of course, but Soubi was so beautiful, he was so wonderful to me, and he made me so happy. I really, really loved you. No, I still love you, but I never told you that... Is that why you left? I'm really sorry Soubi, you're crying right now aren't you? All those times I called you an idiot... I'm more of an idiot though, why does it have to be now that I realize I love you? I can't blame Soubi, but Seimei is Seimei... I don't know what to think anymore!
Soubi, I miss you."
Poor little Ritsuka had lost the strength to yell or cry, he was so tired. The neko slowly felt himself drifting off to sleep, to full of sorrow and depression he couldn't find the will to stop himself, and he quickly fell asleep.
Ritsuka was lost in a dark, bare field, he was lost. "Soubi!?" the boy called into the darkness, hoping for an answer from his blond fighter, but none came. It was completely dark, completely silent, completely still, there was nothing there, or at least Ritsuka hoped.
Ritsuka began to walk forward into the dark, what else could he do? The little cat tripped over unknown objects in the darkness a few time, one time landing on his side painfully, but he kept walking forward. As hope of ever finding light or warmth started to fade, Ritsuka noticed a soft light from a little to the left of him. The neko, having no where else to aim for, followed the little light.
The light was coming from a large blue butterfly, the kind that made Ritsuka immediately think of Soubi. Even though thoughts of Soubi brought a fresh wave of grief, the butterfly still made Ritsuka happy, a little bit of warmth in the darkness.
As Ritsuka followed the butterfly through the darkness, for that is what he decided to do, the one blue butterfly was joined by many more, the number steadily growing until there were a few dozen cobalt blue butterflies. Ritsuka noticed, as he followed the butterflies, his surrounds were slowly getting lighter. There leading me out of this nightmare... Or is it a good dream?
Once the butterflies had lead him out of the darkness, he found himself under the electrical tower by the river, where the had fought Sleepless. It was late dusk, the sun had already gone down, and the shadows were enveloping everything.
Then Ritsuka caught sight of a flash of blond, the precious older man was leaning on one of the tower support. Ritsuka tried desperately to restrain from yelling his fighter's name, no matter how much he wanted to go to him, the man had left him crying in a graveyard! The neko slowly padded closer, and even closer when the blond man didn't see him.
But then Soubi looked up, on his face the look of love and protectiveness that always seemed to melt Ritsuka's heart. "Ritsuka!" said Soubi running to the neko and sweeping him up in his arms. At first Ritsuka protested, but as Soubi cradled the little boy near his heart, Ritsuka leaned in to the embrace, happily wrapping his arms around the warm body.
"Soubi..." Ritsuka was cut off by the older man pressing Ritsuka's face in to his shirt, harder then he already was so the small neko boy couldn't speak.
"Shhhhhhh... Don't talk, let me hold you" said Soubi, rocking the black haired neko in his arms gently.
"Baka" Ritsuka mumbled from Soubi's arms, relaxing all the same. The little boy was falling asleep, no matter how hard he tried to stay awake, to stay with his fighter, sleep was stronger.
Ritsuka woke up with fresh tears on his face, it had all been just a dream, Soubi was still gone. The crying boy sat up, to see that there was a bright blue butterfly on his bedpost. "Was it more then a dream? If so, then why isn't Soubi right beside?"
It hurt to see the beautiful butterfly, but it comforted him still, enough so he could fall back into a dreamless sleep, he saw the butterfly flutter onto his finger before he fell asleep.
The boy would probably remember none of his night, but feel better tomorrow all the same, he had gone through the seven stages of grief, and as everyone does, felt better after it.
"Natsuo move! I'm stuck in this corner!"
"Sorry, it's not my fault he woke up so suddenly, besides, this was your idea, so if Ritsuka saw us and got mad, I could blame it on you!"
"I hope that cheered him up..."
"Idiot Youji! If it didn't we would have wasted an entire night for nothing, we should have started looking for that butterfly in the daytime!"
"I didn't think about it until it got dark! Let's leave before he wakes up."
And with that the red and mint haired boys tip-toed out of there sleeping friend's room and into the night, real friends would never let Ritsuka go through the pain alone, and they hadn't ether.
Well there it is! Thank you for the awesome reviews I got for the other Loveless fic, could it... possibly... happen again? Btw, I recently finished my Yoite cosplay! I have another Loveless fic writen on paper, just have to type it up the computer, I'll try to update sooner than the last ones have been! *hugs you guys*