Star Wars is the Property of George Lucas. Oh wait, it isn't, not anymore. Star Wars is the Property of the Disney Corporation, apparently. Either way I don't own anything. Please leave a review. This is my first time doing something like parody so please be gentle. I apologize if it isn't funny.
In a distant corner of the Outer Rim, the rag-tag rebel fleet had gathered. Not to attack their mortal enemy, the Galactic Empire, but to deal with a far more important matter. Aboard the rebel flagship, Home One, the most important members of the Rebel Alliance gathered together for a Council of War to discuss what was being declared the single most improbable and unusual thing in the history of the universe.
"What's the problem, has the Empire completed the Death Star?" asked Lando.
"No Lando," said Mon Mothma, "Something even more potentially devastating than that has occurred!"
"Oh please, what could be worse than the Empire finishing its doomsday weapon?" asked Han.
"It's horrible, horrible!" Someone shrieked. The assembled group turned to see who was talking. And there they saw Luke, sitting in the fetal position sobbing quietly to himself. "I can sense it all in the Force. It's as if millions of fanboys are crying out in fear and pain, only to be silenced!"
"Seriously, what is the big deal that has gotten everyone so upset?" asked Han.
Leia stood up, her face the very symbol of fear and uncertainty. "George Lucas sold Lucasfilms and the entire Star Wars saga to…" She paused, unable to carry on with the painfulness of it all.
"To who, Leia, who did he sell it to?" asked Han, who was starting to get more and more freaked out by what was happening.
"Disney" stated a booming cold voice.
The Rebels jumped as they realized who that voice belonged to. Standing in the entrance to the conference room was Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, accompanied by his Master, Emperor Palpatine. And they were livid.
"How the hell did you find us?" Asked Mon Mothma.
"IT'S A TRAP!" yelled Admiral Ackbar.
"It's not a trap, you stupid fish." said Vader.
"We sensed a horrible disturbance in the Force, and decided to broker a temporary truce with you rebels in order to deal with this problem." said the Emperor.
"I can't believe that George sold us out to Disney." said Han, the shock and horror starting to sink in.
"Hey Leia, doesn't this make you a Disney Princess? asked Luke.
"Well, I suppose I will be killing myself then." responded Leia.
"Oh No, if Star Wars is going to be a Disney series now, then that makes me a Disney villain." wailed Vader. "I swear if they force me to sing a villain song I am going to strangle someone."
"I don't know, if they give me a Villain song like Hellfire from the Hunchback of Notre Dame I think I could live with it. Maybe." said Palpatine. "But it's the indignity of it all that is the problem. Everyone in this room is a pop culture icon who redefined entire generations of moviegoers. And now we have fallen to this."
"I had thought that we had hit rock bottom after the Phantom Menace, but this is horrible." said Vader. "Before you know it the corporate goons from Disney will be here, trying to make us, child friendly."
Everyone shuddered at the thought.
"It's hopeless, we might as well just give up now." sighed Lando.
"If I may, I think I speak for a sizable faction of the fanbase when I say that you are all being overly negative about this whole situation."
"Who said that?" asked Leia.
"I did." There, standing firm in front of the incredulous crowd was C-3PO.
"Marvel fans reacted just as poorly as you did when they heard that that their beloved company had been bought by Disney, and there fears were mostly unfounded." stated C-3PO. "The Marvel Films have all been excellent so far, and while I haven't read the comics recently I have heard that Disney has been fairly hands off."
"But it's Disney!" said Han.
"Yes Captain Solo, it is Disney, but that changes little. Disney may have a reputation as being an entertainment company for children, but I find it highly unlikely that they would radically alter the Star Wars films. Contrary to what many believe, some executives are not that moronic. They surely know about the feelings of the fanbase, and they know that if they do not create a quality film then the entire project will have been for nothing. To be painfully blunt, no one is stupid enough to buy something for $4 Billion and willingly screw it up. They have to put effort into this, or else it will hurt the company's bottom line."
"Hmph, one of the few times where the stingy nature of the entertainment business actually works out in the audience's favor." snorted the Emperor sarcastically.
"So you're saying we should just blindly accept this." asked Luke.
"No Master Luke. What I'm saying is that right now we don't know enough as of right now to really form a valid opinion. Who knows what the future has in store. But we must accept this, for now. Maybe the writers and directors will take public opinion into account when they make Episode VII, maybe they won't. But this is the Will of the Force. We just have to be patient. And we must be optimistic for our future. After all, it could be worse."
"How could things possible get worse Goldenrod?" asked Han.
"George Lucas is not a young man, Captain Solo. If he were to die without having sold his company, chances are it would have been carved up and split into pieces amongst greedy investors, and then the franchise would have been doomed to a slow death. This way, Lucasfilms will live on. And who knows, maybe these films will breathe new life into the franchise. Again, we need to be optimistic."
"My Master, why don't you use your precognitive abilities to see into the future? You could tell us what will become of this Episode VII."
Palpatine turned to Vader, concern written in his face. "As Yoda once said, 'impossible to see the future is'. For the first time in ages, the future is clouded to me. I suppose the droid is correct. We can only wait for what the future has in store for us."
The assembled group fell into silence, each one wondering about their future. Some were cheered up by 3PO's arguments. Others could not be roused from their fear and concern over this problem they found themselves in. But they all knew one thing for sure. No one can know definitively what will occur in the future, but we must have hope in order to endure the hardships of the present.
After all, it couldn't possible be worse than the Phantom Menace, right?