A/N: Well, I am sorry for the delay. I'm sure after all this time, I'm going to be virtually killed.
Enough of me blabbing, let's get on with the story.
I do not own Heart no Kuni no Alice.
I'm going to apologize ahead of time. Sorry for the short chapter, I'm a bit pressed for time at the moment. Next chapter will be hilarious and LONGER!
Read and Review.
XX (Claire Triton POV) XX
"Dude, take a chill pill! They're just children! Deadly children…but you know what I mean!" I hissed as the Tweedle Twins hid behind me, clutching my pants (I fought Blood tooth and nail for them), sticking their tongues out at the fuming March Hare.
"No, they aren't, Claire! They're money grubbing pieces of shit!" Elliot's temper wasn't so great today. Apparently, Blood had banned carrots and carrot dishes for the day.
Wonder why…?
Elliot suddenly whipped out a pistol, pointing it at the twins, who were peeking from behind me. I simply frowned, folding my arms. Guh, he's gonna ruin my plans if I have to reprimand him any longer.
"Elliot, be a bro!" I tried, but he refused, "Sorry, Claire, I can't. Those two turds took it too far!" Elliot growled, glaring daggers at the twins. I sighed.
"You're just under a lot of stress because of the lack of carrot cake, brah. You're a man, Elliot. You can survive without it like I am without my precious pudding."
"Don't lie to me, Claire. You were having a fit this early day time period when Blood said no pudding for seven time periods."
I froze before abandoning the twins and tackling Elliot, "SHADDUP! GIMME THE GUN!"
"Hey! Stop!"
"NUH! Give me the gun, Elliot!"
The twins decided to finally speak," Go, Claire-nee! Show that bunny who's the man around here!"
"I AM NOT A RABBIT!"
"Thanks, boys—I GOT IT!"
"CLAIRE, NO—"
~Bang~
A bullet had shot a nearby Faceless—who worked under Blood Dupre—and he fell to the ground, grasping at his left hip. "AUGH!"
I could only stare in shock while I held the pistol in my hands, Elliot snatching it away in my shocked trance. I glared at him with my silver eyes, "DAFUQUE MAN?!"
Elliot looked offended, "Hey! Don't blame me! Besides, he's a Faceless, no one cares—"
~POW~
Elliot held his red cheeks as I pulled back my fist. I had just punched him in the face and I don't regret it. Not one bit.
Well, punching a bunny was like a sin, but whatever!
"Well, I do!" With a snap of her heel, I turned away and walked off, deciding to head into town to get away from the icky March Hare and the bastard Mad Hatter. I'll bring back a present for the Bloody Twins, though. Never forget about the adorable twins. So cute~.
~ (No one's POV) ~
Watching her retreating form disappear up ahead, Elliot sighed and ran a hand through his curly locks. He should have been careful with her feelings. Sure she was not lady like at all, and that she was horrible at housekeeping, and she got along with men better than women, but she was a woman nonetheless. A female Foreigner, of course. She was touchy about the topic of 'life here doesn't have any value, so get over it'.
Now he felt really bad. Sighing, he rushed off after the blackette, not realizing that the Faceless was still alive. On the verge of dying, but hey! He's alive. He lay on the ground and looked at the March Hare leaving.
"Oh! Don't mind me! I'll just stay here and bleed to death!" He shouted but Elliot was already long gone. "I hate my life" The Faceless sighed.
"We hate your life, too!" The Bloody Twins grinned down at him as they now towered over him.
"Oh, you two were still here?"
"We find that offensive and now we're going to hurt you. Badly!"
"Seems legit…"
~ (Claire POV) ~
There was only a small amount of liquid in the pale blue vial, swishing around delicately as I heaved a sigh. Right now I was leaning against the front of a shop, debating whether or not to enter it. They sold interesting trinkets and stuff, but nothing caught my eye from outside the store.
"Maybe I could find a store that sells pants, these are my only pair and I don't think Blood is going to give me any more…" I sighed before getting off the wall. Time to go—
"Hey, you!"
Turning around, I grunted when four Faceless men surrounded me. Okay, this is so cliché, it's not even funny. Thanks, authoress. (Reaperdeath: You good for nothing…!). The people around us chattered lowly before taking off. Hey, thanks society.
Burn.
"Hey, I saw her with The Mad Hatter the other day!"
"You think she works for him or something?"
"Aw, who cares, she's a Foreigner—!"
"HEY!" I shouted, peeved off, and they jolted. They were frozen up like popsicles as I folded my arms, giving them a glare. "That's racist."
"Uh…sorry."
"Better. So, what? Are you going to kidnap me now, or am I going to have to slap a bitch?" I gave them a glare, and only one of them stepped forward, nervously laughing.
"Aha…hahahaha! Why are we beating around the bush, guys? It's just a girl. Nothing we can't hand—EGH!" I withdrew my right fist, moving it away from his crushed cheek as he fell to his knees, gently cradling it. Blood spilled from the corner of his lips. "Mah…mah maouth!"
Tightening my fist, I opened up my hand and grabbed him by his short blonde hair, kneeing him in the center of his face. If he had eyes, I'll bet you a pound that his eyes would've burst out of their sockets.
"BLRRRFFFF!"
His friends stepped back, paling visibly. "Uhh…this doesn't look good…not good at all…" I let the Faceless go and cracked my knuckles, giving them a toothy grin though it didn't match the menacing look of my silver eyes.
"Heheheh…now, who else wants to give this girl a try?" I asked, the anger bubbling spicily in my tone.
One of the Faceless let out a whine as they all huddled together, "H…Hey! We didn't say anything about you being a girl!"
"But weren't you the one who called me a Foreigner?"
…
…
…
He was on his knees, "Please don't hurt me! Please, please! O, high and mighty goddess of…of, uh, of, of…STRENGTH! Don't, don't, don't hurt me!"
I kicked him right in the face, causing him to cry out and fall back, and I watched him hold his nose, which was bleeding. A lot.
"Whaft was zat foooo?!" He whined, not turning around to look at me. I think he was crying.
Shaking my foot from the blood that had gotten on my shoe, I snorted, "No one likes an ass kisser."
"I ab not ad azz kissher!"
"Yes you are."
"No, ab not!"
"Yes."
"No!"
Stomp.
Setting my foot down, I raised my fist, already ignoring that Faceless, at the last two. They trembled before making a break for it.
"THAT GIRL IS CRAZY!"
…
I shrugged before blinking. "Wait…" Stepping forward, I shouted, "HEY, GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, YOU GIRLY IDIOTS! COWARDS—"
"Claire!"
I froze and turned around, seeing a breathless Elliot run up to me. He rested his hands on his knees, leaning forward to catch his breathe. "Hhh…hhh…Cl-Claire! I finally ca-caught up to you, look, I feel bad about bef-before…hh, hey, can I make it up to you with some carrot ca—hey, why are those two out cold?"
I turned around, seeing the two unconscious Faceless' out cold on the sidewalk. I turned back to Elliot, opening my mouth to say something before closing it, debating with myself. I opened my mouth before closing it. I looked Elliot into his purple eyes before mentally punching myself in my stomach.
DAMMIT! How am I going to get myself out of this—FOOD! Bribe him with food.
"U-um, err…so about that carrot cake—"
Elliot's ears bounced excitedly on his fluffy head, "There's a good cake shop near here that sell's a mighty fine carrot cake! I'll pay!"
Hah, the darn fool.
I stepped over the bodies, walking after Elliot. See, if I wore a skirt, I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd have to walk around them, and that takes too much time! My time is valuable!
I patted my full belly, letting out a small burp—and excusing myself—as I walked back to the mansion with Elliot. "Hah, never had carrot cake before, but…that tasted really, really good!"
Elliot beamed, "See, I told you—"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH!" Elliot jumped at my sudden outburst when we reached the gates.
"Huh? Whu, what's wrong?"
"I totally forgot about buying me some pants! I can't wear this again…!" I slapped the side of my head. Crap! I can't believe I let that slip my mind. Stupid sweets!
"Uh, no offense, Claire, but the pants sold in town are in in male sizes-" His ears flopped down to show that he was a little sad when I glared at him. "Bu-But I'm sure that they sell pants for women as well! Just…uh, but they're probably rare, so, uh…!"
I gave him one last glare, "Elliot."
"Y-Yeah?"
"Hold up your hand."
"O…Okay?"
"Now talk to it."
Burn.
I left him behind as I walked through the open gates. Now that I think about it, the twins aren't here. They must be slacking. I'll leave that to Blood and Elliot. That isn't my problem.
Buried in my thoughts, I headed inside and towards where the direction of my room was until a pair of neatly folded up moss green pants was shoved in front of me.
"What the fu—" I pushed the pants down, seeing a completely exhausted Elliot.
"Here, Claire. Pants!" Elliot flushed as he made me take them. "Don't ask me how I went to my room and back. I just did, and I have a few pair of pants close to your size. And…"
I looked at the folded pants before playfully punching him in the shoulders, "Thanks Elliot, I'll put them on right now!" I ran past him, waving the pants around gleefully, "Yaay! I don't have to wear those skirts Blood wants me to wear!"
Elliot went beet red, tugging at his own pants.
"They're, uh…the same as mine…"
~ (No one's POV) ~
Blood set his tea cup down as his 'butler' set down a plate of crumpets in front of him. Claire stepped back and turned to one of the Faceless maid, brushing her black hair behind her ear as she did so. Blood couldn't help himself from staring at Claire.
There was something about her that bothered him…
Was it her eyes? No, they were interesting…
Her hair? No, the red streaks were also interesting.
Her skin? No, pale was a beautiful shade for her.
Blood spreaded butter onto one of the homemade crumpets and lifted it up to his lips, taking a small bite. What was it-?
Elliot came into the dining room, holding a small stack of paperwork, "Hey, Blood?"
PFFFFFTTT!
"Hey! I worked hard on those crumpets! The cook wouldn't let me leave until they tasted delicious!" Claire called out angrily, shaking her fist. A Faceless made tried to console her.
"Don't worry, miss! There are more crumpets in the kitchen! We can eat them later together."
Surprisingly, Claire gave the maid a grin, "Hey, that sounds great. We can eat with the others, too!" Why did Claire only liked the servants more than her own boss?
Blood placed his crumpet onto the platter, taking a napkin and wiping his face, "Elliot, Claire." Both looked at him when their name was called. "Your pants…"
Claire blinked, seeing the small anger in Blood's eyes. Why is he so mad? A light bulb lit up above Claire's head. Ah hah! She understood!
"Blood, don't be so angry that I'm in Elliot's pants and you're not."
…
…
…
Elliot glanced at his boss, "Blood, she didn't mean it like—" Elliot never got to finish his sentence when Blood changed his cane into a machine gun and shot it into the sky.
BOOM! BOOM!
Claire took off running.
"WHAT THE HECK DID I DO, BRO?! WHAT? YOU MAD?"
"I'm adding to your debt!" Blood deadpanned as his machine gun turned back into his cane. Claire turned around and dropped to her knees.
"Please kill me."
Blood's lips twitched into an amused smirk, "I kind of enjoy watching you suffer."
Epic burn.
"I hate my life..."
~ (TBC) ~
Reaper. death: Hey, don't think I'm going to stop there. I have a short extra for you guys.
-Extra-
For once, Claire was acting like a butler, pouring her boss a cup of tea in her butler's attire. It was a gift from the Faceless servants so that Claire can actually do her job. It was a black suit with tails, a stereotypical attire for a butler. Claire's hair was put up in a ponytail with her bangs framing her face. She wished her hair was shorter so that she could act like Sebastion from Black Butler. One of her role models of becoming a great servant to Alex!
Blood sat at his desk, jacket and gloves off as he did paperwork. So much paper. He wish he could just shove it onto Elliot, but that would be too mean of him. He had to do something other than drink tea and mock Gowland.
Pfft. Mary...
Gowland was handing over a piece of paper to a worker until a shiver went down his spine. He sat up and looked around.
"WHO SAID MY NAME?!"
Blood chuckled as he reached over for another paper from the stack, quickly pulling his hand back. "Ah?"
Claire looked up from the tea set, "Lord Blood, what's the matter?"
He glanced over to the female butler, holding up his hand. He was almost glad that her personality changed a 180 when she wore the suit that fitted her well. His index finger had a small cut that was bleeding slightly. "It's nothing, Claire. Just a paper cut."
Claire brought over a cup of tea and set it down on the table. She stepped back and held up a gloved fist, clenching it tightly.
"Paper cuts are a tree's last revenge."
Reaper. death: REVIEW!