3I see nothing, but that soon changes when I let out a breath. What the hell? Darkness- everything is black. Everything is black, other than my breath. Appearing to push though, like chalk on black construction paper it flies away from me like air tends to do.
I take a step towards it only to frown when it fades into the blackness as if it was my body heat and I'm in a Mass winter. A shiver escapes from the thought. Now a real shiver- I'm cold- my body became aware of it after that step and I realize my feet are bare again- the moccasins given to me by the villagers seem lost. Looking down instinctively, I become aware of my own stupidity- everything is black.
I blow out another breath and reach out towards it with my hand. When I see it's silhouette slice through the middle, I know my hand hit it's target. Flinching, I pull my hand back and bring it to my cheek- why is it wet? It feels like condensation, or whatever phase of the water cycle that is, I forget.
I dare myself to take a deep breath- the deepest my lungs could possibly produce- and shove it all out in one sigh-like movement. Nothing, no air. I'm choking! Reflexively grabbing at my neck, I look around: it's not dark anymore; I'm surrounded by water and light is coming from the surface, illuminating everything around me. Imma drown; that's a fact.
Bubbles float past me as I gurgle and I wish this was in one of those movies where characters could hold their breaths for ridiculously long amounts of time. Only I'm not. This is the real world, and I'm going to die- it's a given. How'd I even get here?
Jo, focus; there's no time for that now- some things are more important than others. Oh God. I'm swimming, I'm swimming; just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do you do you swim, swim, swim. Reach for the sky! I have to get that sky- get to the air. I need to swim to the sky.
I can't do it- I can't reach. I just let myself float now; I'm gone before my body's even considerably close to the sky.
My eyes shoot open and I find myself laying under a blanket strangling a tree stump- the kind that campers sit on at a camp fire 'cept shorter and thinner.
Deep breath. Take some nice, deep breaths, Jo. It was just a dream. You gotta calm yourself. I bite my upper lip and cock my head upward; towards the sky; my eyes still closed. One arm still gripped to the stump, I shove the free hand into my mess of hair and frown at the tangled, greasy mess. This is so attractive. Hopefully I get to take a shower before meeting this hokage person- I want to at least look presentable.
Depending on several factors my hair can range from curled ringlets to freshly flat-iron straight, but usually it's waves that have these "just got out of bed" curls. I know, it's a mess. Somehow other people find it attractive; I just call them loons (the best people are crazy, so loon is more appropriate because it has the same meaning, but isn't necessarily "crazy").
Moving on, a groan escapes, and I set the tree into my lap then begin combing my hair with my fingers. After a nice ten minute "brush" I realize I need to pee. Shit. Get it, hahaha, I'm that funny . I scan the clearing after blinking several times to adjust to the moonlight. Everything freezes when I see a figure sitting a good couple feet from me.
After a nice swallow, I announce myself, "who are you?"
"Shikamaru." Oh thank God. "You alright kid?"
"Yeah, just a nightmare is all." He grunted in response and goes back to watching the forest. When I squeak, he's forced to look back at me; his battle stance ready. Kim's sleeping form thinks it's hilarious to claw onto my low pain tolerance nerves and has lodged her fingernails onto my ankle. "Everything's ok, the owl just spooked me," I tell him as I point across from me. Well that's partly true; my story justifies itself when the owl I pointed to lifts itself into flight and flies through the clearing, most likely for pry.
Sikamaru stares at me for another moment; then returns to his original sitting position. Pulling at Kim's wrist, I don't tear my gaze off Shikamaru until I have to due to Kim's strong grip and claws.
"Kim," I whispered, "Kim. Kimmy?" I poked her side, nothing. After a pout I picked the stump off my lap, and shoved it into Kim's face. She releases and uses both hands to push the tree out of her face.
She finally opens her eyes after I called her name again. "Uh-huh?" She sits up and rubs at her eyes.
"Wanna go on an epic adventure with me?" I ask, hope evident in my whisper.
"You need to go pee?" I nod and she takes a moment to stretch and produce a sigh which ended as a yawn. "'Kay."
I stand up; at which she extends her arms out; I take them, pulling her up. We walk out of the clearing and I can fee Shikamaru's gaze on me. I bet he thinks we're sleepwalking. Kim, probably.
So like I said, we walked into the forest, Imma say ten feet, yeah, ten sounds like a good number. We walked ten feet into the forest, stop and Kim turns around to give me privacy/ makes sure no one from the group comes to spy. Then, me being female, I squat.
"Thanks Kim."
"Uh-huh."
"I really don't understand how guys are just fine with going to the bathroom by themselves. Like, what if they get jumped on the way or something?"
"I don't know- they're guys. Do you really want to know what they think about while the pee?"
"Oh God."
"What?"
"Don't say that while I'm peeing! I really don't want to try to figure that out considering I'm kinda busy with that right now!"
She chuckled. It was quiet for a moment, and then Kim broke it, "Well Jo, you gotta grow up eventually. I mean I understand you're one of the youngest in the class, and you're more sheltered than the rest of us, but that's not an excuse anymore!"
"Kim, we both know I'm plenty grown, hell I'm half a foot taller than you!"
"Shut up."
I pulled my pants up as I stood. "Heh, you started it," I told her.
"And you continued it."
I sighed. "Whatever."
We went back to the clearing and laid down in our previous spots. Shikamaru ignored us this time, and I'm grateful for that. I hugged the stump- it's my new teddy bear. Kim fell asleep rather quickly- her snoring echoed and was part of the reason I couldn't get any sleep. The other excuse, my nightmare.
Were those her final thoughts? Is that what Steph saw? My next few breaths came out as gasps while water filled the brim of my eyes. I took a deep breath. Calm yourself. You can't change the past.
After calming down I froze when I heard twigs snap- someone, something, is walking towards us. Luckily my body was facing Shikamaru, but sadly, when I opened my eyes, I saw him sitting there, where he's been the whole time. Why the hell isn't he looking this way? Can't he hear it? Or is he playing stupid, waiting for it to reveal itself?
It's probably an animal. Well, my Polish scout experience told me so. Its way more hardcore than regular girl scouts. Whenever I describe it to my friends I say: imagine our ROTC class mixed with American girl scouts. If you ask me if we sell cookies, Imma punch you.
That all flew into the gutter when I heard labored breathing and a blade being unsheathed. Oh fuck my life.
Before I know it, my breathing becomes like theirs from anxiety and I find myself shaking. Oh my God. Think. Come on, Jo! Does he know, or is he deaf? Decide, you gotta decide now.
I spring up, and walk over to Shikamaru, all in one swift movement; still holding my stump. He hears me coming and watches my sit down next to him.
"Hi," I say.
"Hey."
"It's too quiet." He doesn't respond, well considering that was a stupid statement, I forgive him.
After an awkward silence, he says, "Are you ok?"
Is my breathing really that heavy? I wait a moment before answering, "Um, yeah. How well can you see in the dark?"
"Huh?"
"Can you see well in the dark? And it looks like your listening skills suck."
"Yeah, I've been trained to, and no, that random question confused me- I can hear pretty good."
"Right. Um, well, do you want to draw pictures in the dirt?"
"You want me to draw in the dirt?" Now is not the best time to think I'm a loon, Mr. Pony tail. I mentally groan in frustration.
"Yeah, we can take turns, why don't you go first?"
"Ok." He sounds hesitant; his tone telling me he really doesn't want to participate.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," I blurt out.
He sat there, and looked at me. I was facing the direction of the sound; his back was too it. Not holding his eye-contact anymore, I simply looked past him, so anyone watching would think I looked at him; I knew he knew better, and searched for whatever, whoever it was that frightened me.
A tap on the shoulder was all it took to get me looking at him again. He held up a twig. "Why don't you go first?" My assumptions are finally right.
"'Kay."
I took the twig from him, and thought. How the fuck do I write something he'll be able to read? Can I write with their characters? Does Ino know how to write?
Ok, I've decided. Imma just wing it. Yeah, I'm stupid and irresponsible, but that's ok, I'm just not good at spontaneous decisions. Pressure can kill.
Back to the "picture." I leaned forward and brushed the twig against the dirt; my stump was now resting in my lap. It was a little difficult to see considering the fire was put out hours ago and my shadow from the moon was on top of my writing, but I tried nonetheless. The characters looked scribbly and unpracticed from my inexperienced hand, but I could still read it; that means Ino could read it; I hope that means Shikamaru can read it.
I leaned back when I was done and admired my handy work. From what I could read, it basically said: I heard labored breathing and an unsheathed blade.
"What do you think? Does it look like a cat?" He grunted. "What? Do you not believe it's supposed to be a feline?"
"It's a good cat." He believed me, oh thank God. "Is it my turn?"
I looked at him, "Yeah."
Shikamaru drew a person, with a big head and a large mouth, "I'm done."
"Who's that?"
"Ino." I almost died. "No, she has longer hair. May I?" He relinquished ownership of the twig. I drew her hair all flowy and probably longer than it really was, but whatever. "Now I don't know if that's accurate, did she always have long hair?"
"No, when we were younger, younger than you, she had it grown out, but was forced to cut it. But doesn't her hair fan out more?" I cocked my head, and gave him a blank look. Sighing, he wrote something in the dirt. Draw an arrow.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I furrowed my eyebrows and thought for a little. Oh! He wants to know where the hiders are hiding! My bad. Stupid distractions. I really should get ADD tested.
"Sorry," I mumbled. I took the twig, and drew an arrow facing the direction I came from. Shikamaru grunted which made me look at him.
"Are you sure it's always like that?"
"Huh?"
He sighed. "Her hair doesn't fan out this one way."
What? He pointed to the arrow. And I examined it. "Well I haven't known her long enough- I don't know."
"I see."
We kept drawing picture for the rest of the night; I'm pretty sure Shikamaru didn't lose his guard- he actually looked extremely calm, while I was pidgin-toed and stiff. He told me to relax; the animals won't bother us if we don't bother them. (After he said that, I calmed down, but completely forgot there were hiders around.) If he means murderers, than I hope he's right. Well, isn't he kinda trained in this stuff? And I'm still alive, so that must mean there's been no opening, right?
I hope so.
Moving on, after, let me say 3 or so hours of doodling in the dirt, Ino woke up and twenty minutes after that, she and Shikamaru woke everyone else up. Is it hard to imagine everyone was excited? Yeah, I guess it is. Kim, was extremely pissed; in fact, her sleeping self almost duffed Ino in the face. Another thing to consider, the sun has just started to rise. Oh Issac's gonna get it.
We trudged along the path, and I suddenly remembered the hiders! Is Ino aware of them? Shikamaru's so passive, and she's the same- I have no idea if I just imagined the whole thing.
"Ino?" I asked. I gotta ask her.
"Yeah?"
"How come we can't just get a ride?" This has been bugging me since we started walking.
"What? A ride?"
"You know," I started, but stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look to it's owner and find Jenny. "What?"
"She has no idea what you're talking about," Jenny told me.
I gave her a look. "And I was going to explain it to her."
"No- they don't have cars here. No cars, busses or planes. We asked while you were out." I gaped at her. How did these people live? "I don't know what's going on here, but they have wagons and carriages. Oh, and obviously boats since we saw them at the port village. Maybe we've gone back in time."
"But Jenny," I tested slowly. She looked at me. "They had me plugged into an IV."
"What? No, you probably hallucinated; you did lose a surreal amount of blood." And the most logical one is gone. Oh shit, we're going to die here! I didn't push it anymore in order not to fry her brain- we need everyone that we got.
More walking, and might I say everyone was wearing their grumpy faces, Issac included. Yeah, Karma's a bitch. Me, I'm grateful for the conversations, the distraction, or else I'd probably have passed out by now. Don't ask me how many all-nighters I've completed, you'd be disappointed.
The sun was high in the sky, and Imma guess it's about noon. Upon hearing my stomach's protest, and everyone else's complaining, Ino and Shikamaru reluctantly gave us a break.
"It's going to be a pain explaining why we're this late to Naruto," Ino said. Shikamaru sighed.
With my face planted in the dirt, I took my log, and cuddled to it like a pillow- time for a nap….Shit, I can't do this! I groaned and twisted onto my back; still strangling onto my stump. Blab la bla. I thought everyone was cranky for getting up early, what happened? Where'd all the energy come from? Damn it.
A poke in the side, and I flinched, then convulsed into the fetal position- I've extremely ticklish and sensitive to touch; having a low pain tolerance doesn't really help that.
Kim giggled at the sound I produced. I believe it was something like a "Nyaaaahhh!"
"Hey there," she said. I grunted. I sneaked a look and I saw the grin I knew would be there. "You look like a kicked puppy."
"I feel like one." I paused. "Glad to know my pain causes you pleasure and got the desired effect."
Before I know it, it's dark out and we have only the moonlight to guide us. I really want to admire it, but I'm scared that I'll either somehow get lost or walk into a tree. Hey, it's happened before ok, please don't laugh.
"Ino," I yawned, "how much longer?"
"Not much."
"But you said that an hour ago!"
"Because it's true." Deciding not to push her anymore, I focused more on keeping her pace than talking. She was walking too damn fast for any of us to keep up. How the hell does this girl was so fast? She has to be at least 2 inches shorter than me, and I'm struggling. I don't even want to think how hard of a time Kim and Jenny have- they're shorter than Ino herself!
I made a gasp as my foot lodged itself into a ditch and because I was walking so damn fast I didn't have time to catch myself. And thus, the inevitable reunion of my face and the dirt was painful. Oh so painful.
"Jo?! Are you ok?" Kim ran to me.
"Eh."
"Jeez Jo, we all know you're a klutz, but what the hell did you trip over? 'Course, you do have your own two feet," Issac snickered.
I pushed myself off the ground. "One, I hate you. Two, there was a ditch."
He squinted. "Yes, yes there was." I mentally thanked Kim for defending me.
"Come on, you'll be left behind!" Ino warned. "We're almost there; I can see the gate!"
I was in the process of getting up when I found myself tangled inside a net, like the one they trap fish in. I did the first time that came to mind: I screamed.
I look, and my mouth just dangles from my jaw- we have to be at least twenty feet behind everyone. Well shit. Thank you gravity, and net.
I see Ino spin around, eyes wide and she assesses our surrounding. Sorry to say, I can't really tell you what she's looking at because this net is heavy, and my bangs are covering my forehead and eyes. A poke in the side and I almost twitched into the fetal position, but as I bent to do so my forehead hit someone's face and I squeaked in pain.
"Sorry Jo," Kim said.
"It's all good. What the hell is going on, my bangs are in my face?" I replied
"Um, there is a man in between us and everyone else."
"And why the hell did you poke my side?"
"I didn't."
"What?"
"I did." Issac's voice.
"Issac, where are you?"
"As much as I like your ass in my face Jo, I've know you too long to find it appealing." I grunted, then maneuvered myself onto my side, and kicked Issac in the process. "Ow."
"Well would you rather have my ugly ass in your face?"
"Thanks."
"You don't have to say it like that." The second I finished that sentence a knife landed next to my face and I gasped, eyes wide.
"Will you all shut the fuck up?!" I turned my head and saw it was our kidnapper who spoke. Shikamaru was the only one left. Ino must've gotten everyone else to run away. Well that's nice.
Oh shit! That jacket! "You're the bus driver!" I yelled.
"Fuck, is he really?! You're an ass; do you know how many people you killed?!" Oh Issac's pissed. Well considering he was a pretty popular guy who liked everyone and vice versa, I understand. Hell, I'm majorly pissed at this man because I just knew a handful of my peers- I'm a very introverted and shy person.
Mr. Bus Driver grunted as Shikamaru took advantage of the distraction and did something. Yes, he did something. I was too distracted to notice.
"What just happened?" I asked Kim.
"Shikamaru did some sign language and I think his shadow grew, connecting to our kidnapper's. It's magic!"
"Kim, it's that jutsu stuff they explained earlier," Issac informed.
"Right."
"Go Shikamaru! You got this!" I cheered. Then I really looked at Shikamaru, he was sweating, almost as if he was struggling. Well shit.
Bus Driver chuckled. "Do you really think your jutsu will last that long in the dark?"
"Long enough for my comrade to get reinforcements." Shit, he's painting now.
"And did I come alone?" Well shit.
Um, ok, what can I do? Damn, I wish I was Jimmy Neutron… "Brain blast!" I said, and shut my eyes.
"Jo, sweetie," Kim started.
Shikamaru muttered something: "That was your first mistake."
"Hm?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm trying to come up with a way to get out of the net!"
"Oh God, please don't." I grunted and reopened my eyes. Then, like Jimmy, I got it.
"Where's the edge of the net?" I whispered.
"What, why does that matter?" Kim asked.
"Here!" Issac announced. I turned my head, and he was pulling the rope and attached to it was a medicine ball.
"Ok." It took a moment to swivel over to him, but I did it nonetheless. I grabbed the edge. "Ok, we're going to lift it on the count of 3." He nodded. "One." I really hope Issac did some major weight-lifting in track. "Two. Three!" We grunted at the same time, and together lifted the same medicine ball a couple of inches off the ground. This shit is heavy!
"Kim!" I gasped.
"Coming!" She came just a moment later. Even with all of our power together, we could only lift it up half a foot.
"Ok, Kim you go first!"
She kept one hand on the bottom of the ball and army crawled out. The, after reassuming her hand under the ball, I copied her. Once I was situated, I prayed to God Kim and I alone would be able to lift this sucker long enough for Issac to squeeze through.
When he let go, the medicine must've dropped at least 3 inches and landed on Issac's head. I ignored his pain, and yelled at Kim. "Kimmy, come on! We got this!" She grunted and once Issac's lower back was out, we both dropped the ball; fortunately missed him this time, and he swiftly squeezed out.
"Shikamaru!" I screamed. He looked over. "You ok?!"
"Shit!" Bus Driver said. "How the hell did you get out?"
"One we're that awesome; two, we're not fish." I explained.
"I'm fine. You run," Shikamaru stated. "Just run straight and you'll reach my comrades soon. They'll escort you to the village."
"OK." Kim and Issac have no problem with this suggestion.
They begin to sprint, but stop after a couple seconds when they realize I didn't comply. "Jo!" Kim screams. "What the hell are you doing?! Get your ass over here!"
"But what if he dies?!" I gestured to Shikamaru.
"Don't throw your life away!" Issac warns.
"But-" I was interrupted with a scream. It was Kim, and she was screaming my name.
The last thing I saw before I finally fell asleep was Mr. Bus Driver's face. Too bad the only thing I remember was the metal bar in the middle of his headband. It had something carved inside, too bad I passed out before the shape registered in my memory.
"Hey. Hey. What's her name again?"
"Jo." Ino's voice.
"Jo, honey, wake up." I grunted. "Please."
"Fiiine," I stretched the word. Another grunt, then I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It took a moment for my eyes to gain focus but the first thing I saw was the color pink. Once focused, I realized the pink was attached to someone's head. That's cool. I got no problem with pink hair; my friend once dyed hers green. "Where'd you get that done- it's really bright."
"What?" The lady asked me. She was a little taller than Ino, and looked to be about her age.
"Where'd you get your hair dyed?"
"Get my hair dyed?"
"Yeah, it can't possibly be natural."
"But it is."
"What do you mean your hair is 'natural?'"
"There's no such thing as hair dye- it's absurd- clothes I understand, but hair? You're funny," Pink Head reasoned. I almost passed out again; it's not good to do that is it?
"Where am I? Who are you?!"
"Jo, relax." I spun and saw Ino on the other side of my bed. "You're safe- You're in the Leaf's hospital." Does she mean leaves hospital?
"Where's everyone else- Kim, Issac, and, and Shikamaru… Are they ok?"
"They're fine." Ms. Pink said. Her eyes are a bright, vibrant green. Not gonna question if those are contacts or not…
"Um, what's your name?" How come I'm always question-filled?
"My name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm the head of this hospital."
"'Kay and-"
"Jo!" I flinched at the sudden shriek of my name. Damn Kim's loud. A second later, a force forces itself through the door, nearly toppling Sakura over. "How are you?"
"Fine. And Kim, apologize to Sakura, you nearly killed her!" Damn, I really don't want to be a nagger.
Sakura chuckled and responded: "It won't be that easy to kill me. You," she gestured to Kim with a hand on her hip, "need to get out. Jo-san needs her rest." Déjà vu. Is she possibly, somehow, related to Ino? And so Kim was shoved out just as fast as she pushed herself in.
"Do I really need to stay much longer?" Yeah, I'm a whiner. And proud.
"No, you can check out if you want to," Ino replied.
"Ino," Oh shit- that tone. I pulled the blanket to hide parts of my face. "Naruto said he wanted those results as soon as possible- she needs to stay." Sakura knows damn well how to be persuasive.
"Listen forehead-"
"Oh how old are you?!"
"Sakura," Ino corrected, "She deserves to freshen herself up and explore the village a bit; let's save the boring crap for later." Oh God, why am I in the middle of this?
"Well Ino, do you really want to refuse our Hokage?"
"Aren't I supposed to meet him?" Should I have intervened? Guess it's too late for that. In my mind, I was more silent than a mouse, but I know my message came across because I received a double stare. "And if I'm supposed to meet this "hokage" person I'd like to look presentable. 'Cuz isn't he important? I feel disgusting."
A moment to process the information. "Alright Jo, I'll go ahead and check you out." And thus, Ino fled and I was left with Sakura.
"Jo-san-"
"Sakura I, Sakura-san, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use honorifics."
She spoke slowly, "Alright."
"And in return, Imma tell you right now, that Imma forget to add them to your name so you think it'd be ok if we were friends?" Insert a sheepish smile- those always work.
All I received was a look. Yes, a look. "I see."
I didn't have enough time to question her for Ino returned, pulled the IV out of my arm, shoved clothes into my arms, gestured to a door and told me to change. Everything was robotic, my movements, I mean; even my nod. A robotic manner and the clothes pull themselves on; before I realize it, I'm out into the original room and I'm being watched. May I assume they're done talking? I bet they were talking about me, or well, something relevant to me.
Please, for the love of God, stop looking at me. "Um, where can I take a shower?"
And here I am, at Ino's house, taking a shower. Of course some thinking is gonna go down, I mean I am in the shower.
I remember how much attention the villagers gave me. Terrified. Did the port villagers tell them how stupid my peers are? Wait, how would they know I'm not indigenous? Do I look different? Aside from the pink hair, Ino's blonde! So what if I'm not blonde? My hair color's way more natural than some pink they're telling me is. I really must be hallucinating.
Relax Jo. How can I distract myself? Ohh, this shampoo smell nice. Must be strong- I have a suckish sense of smell. When I say "suckish" I mean I couldn't smell the senior prank last year which was stink bombs. Before you tell me how uncreative they were, the year before the seniors camped out at school. That's it. They slept in a tent. I know. Next year, people know my class would've had the best one yet, 'cuz we're that boss.
Moving on. Ino's house is above a lovely flower shop that her family runs which, might I say, is a good way from the hospital where she told me she works at as well.
So I'm still thinking about the flowers when I turn off the shower after conditioning and drying myself. I walk over to the clothes I threw onto the floor and examine them because I didn't at the hospital. A blue tank-top that's short slides over my upperself and black sweatpants that I assume are men's just because the crotch is so big covers my lowerself. I notice the bottom have a rubberband as if the ankles are supposed to stretch when I go to suffocate my feet with disgusting blue sandals.
My feet feel exposed. And ugly. They're… Nope, can't think of a cool way to combine those words. Damn I feel stupid.
After the clothes are on I feel more déjà vu when I tiptoe to the door and open it. That déjà vu is 'cuz Ino just so happens to be standing there and I nearly pissed myself. Thank God I didn't- that shower would've been rendered useless.
"Ready?" She asked me.
"Huh?"
Ino groaned. "You're supposed to meet the Hokage."
I took a moment to process. "Oh yeah! I have to meet the hokage."
"Yes, let's go now."
"'Kay."
So another time skip; I'll spare you of my mental breakdown from all the stares. Imma just say now, this is a big building. Yes Jo, you are very vague. Why thank you, I always try my best! Insert sheepish smile here.
Yes, back to big building. This is a large building with multiple levels and it's at the edge of the village, next to the mountain which is like the freaking Mount Rushmore! What the hell? There are freaking faces (6) carved into the mountain, how could I have missed that?!
Ino leads me into said building, up some stairs and some hallways and yeah it was a while. I'm just happy she didn't sprint there.
Now there's a door and I find myself alone. The hell? How'd this happen? When'd she leave? How the hell did Ino think it was possibly ok to leave Jo here to fend for herself? If someone were to come and attack me at this very instant I'd die- I can't protect myself and I have difficulty literally killing flies. I disappoint myself. Oh God Jo! Just open the damn door and walk in! Wait, does one knock before arriving before the hokage? How do you open a door again?! Shit!
Relax, calm yourself. To open door:
Extend hand. Check.
Open hand. Yes.
Make sure door is in front of you. Ok, I'm not delusional.
Wrap hand around knob/door opening device. I look down, see one and comply.
Twist-
"Come in!"
What? Shit, what do I do? My hand releases the knob and in my panic I forget what step I'm on. Well damn. Ok Jo. What'd they say? Um…
"I said you can come in!" Coming!
Eyes wide, I slam the door open, leaving it open, walk inside, and freeze. It's a rapist!
An Aryan man with long sideburns is sitting a desk. A very nice desk. His blue eyes are narrowed and I watch as his eyes scan me, my entire being. Yep, rapist. This man has to be mid-twenties, and he's checking out a 16 year old girl? Definitely a rapist. Thanks for leading me here Ino. Oh damn.
"You must be Jo." The rapist knows my name! Shit. Shit. Shit. "Sit down." He gestures to a seat across from him. Shit. Shit. Shit. Do I listen and flip out or do I stay and have a good chance at running away? My eyes are still wide. The rapist sighs. "Ok… You must have a lot of questions." He pauses for my reaction. But my eyes are still wide; I'm silent.
"Ok. Well you're here in the Hidden Leaf Village, and please stop looking at me like that!"
"Huh?"
"Yes, I understand you're terrified, but please, I can't look at your face like that! You look like a kicked puppy!"
"Naruto, calm down, she has no reason to be scared." I turned in place and my mouth hung ajar at Shikamaru. Since when has he been there?
"You're ok!" I breathed out.
He chuckled. "Jo-san, I've been trained in combat. How wouldn't I have survived?"
"But, you…" I took a breath. "Go ask Ino or Sakura for the honorifics speech."
"What? The honorifics speech?"
"Yeah."
"Jo-san," The rapist has my attention again. "Shall we continue?" I nod. "All right." He took a deep breath. Did Shikamaru leave me? Damn him. "I'll just cut to the chase. I'm the Hokage- the kage of the land of fire- the strongest shinobi in the whole country-"
"Shinobi?"
"Ninja. I'm the strongest ninja in the land." Conceded much? "And I want you to attend the academy, where they train ninjas." What the fuck is this man saying? Did he not hear my inner rant about not killing a fly? "Don't give me that look until I'm done." I maneuvered my jaw so it resembled someone with an under bite and raised my eyebrows. "Thank you. Now what I'm saying is there's no way for you to live here without an occupation. If you train for this, I'll give you an apartment and money for necessities. If you make it, pass the test, there'll be more benefits." He paused to let me process. "Wha'cha think?"
"What do I think? Not only was I kidnapped by a psycho on my way home from a field trip, but I somehow ended up in a bizarre land where magic is commonly used to kill people rather than guns, and people are looking at me as if I'll go crazy and demolish everything in sight, and last, I'm being forced into the Goddamn military! How do you think someone who's passed out like 3 times in 2 days feels when their blood pressure is high like this!? Oh and I forgot to mention the kidnapping psycho tried to kidnap me again by trapping me like a fish. Do I look like a fucking fish to you?" Deep breaths- I took deep breaths. Calm yourself. Don't blow up like that. Calm down.
Then this freaking enigma chuckled. He fucking laughed. I shot him my best glare- completely not recovered from my blow-up.
This freaking man amazes me further: "I like you- you're different." Who tells someone they just met they liked them when they just flipped out? This man- the rapist, no the hokage- I gotta be careful of him.
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, a lot's happened to you recently, but you ended your speech with being offended by someone comparing you to a fish. Not many people do that, let alone remember that." Yeah yeah, I remember lots of irrelevant things, I know, but will you please get to the point? "Jo-san, please take up my offer- there's nothing else you can do."
Processing. Processing. "The tests?"
"What about them?"
"You wanted tests taken; that's why I, we, came here."
"They'll be completed regardless."
"And I'm guessing everyone else is forced into this?"
"Everyone else? Hm, don't know yet, we'll need the tests for that." What the hell?
"And if they don't meet standards?"
"What? I guess we'll have to see what happens won't we?" This man… There are no words. "So, Jo-san, wha'cha say?"
"No honorifics." He gave me a O_O look. "Imma forget to use them, so we might as well be friends."
Hokage smiled. "'Course."
"Then I guess I have no choice."
"Really?"
I sighed. "Yeah."
Hokage jumped up, "Yes! Shikamaru, you were right! She agreed!"
Shikamaru poked his head in. "Of course she would. She has nothing; Jo's not stupid."
Processing. Shit, I've just been duped. Well damn.
"You're an ass." Hokage stopped celebrating and looked at me. "No, I don't mean you." He smiled a sparling smile. Is it ok to call this enigma loveable? 'Cuz I really want to right now.
"Now," Hokage started, "Let's get down to the tests."
What do you think?