Heyyyyy so wow it's been quite a while haha. I don't even really know what to say except that junior year kind of threw me into an existential crisis and then ezria was just really sucky on the show and I've had no motivation to do anything really. But some people have been asking me to update lately so here I am and here ya go!
Oh and so like I was rereading this story and I seriously screwed up some of the timeline stuff and some parts just make me cringe a LOT so I'm gonna fix some stuff with them and rewrite things. I think it will send out an update email though so you can ignore that if you want, or not and read the new parts, whatever you want lol. The chapter before this will be different though and should be already done by the time this is up so yeahhh!
"So what are you saying?" Aria's voice cracked at the end of her sentence, her quick breaths shaky as she inhaled.
"I'm not saying anything," Ezra shook his head, his own thoughts just bashing around making everything that more unclear. "I just don't want you to get to a point where you look back and wished you'd changed something along the way."
Aria chuckled dryly, tears continuing to burn holes in her cheeks as they pursued their path down her face. "My entire life has been me looking back and wishing I had changed something along the way," Aria retorted. Another strangled sob emitted from her throat as she ran a ragged hand through her hair attempting to swallow her cries. "The only time I've ever just wanted to be exactly where I was, is when I'm with you," she whispered.
Ezra could feel his resolve slipping with every passing second, his eyebrows furrowed together so as to keep his composure. "But how do you know?" Ezra murmured. "How do you know that this," he motioned between the two of them, "Will still be what you want down the road." Ezra sighed before continuing. "What about when I'm 30 and you're 23?...What about when another Noel comes along."
Aria frantically looked out the window and back at Ezra, her fingernails digging into her palm. "You can't do this to me," Aria whimpered as she roughly wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. "Everyone always leaves." Aria said, so softly Ezra wasn't even sure he heard her correctly.
"Aria, I'm not leaving," Ezra reassured her. He was sure his heart was going to physically break into two pieces at any moment; Aria's panicked expression practically sending him over the edge.
"I didn't mean to make you this upset," Ezra swallowed thickly, resting his hand to rest on top of Aria's, not sure how things had got so out of hand so quickly.
Aria's lips quivered, her hand trembling under Ezra's.
"I'm not leaving," Ezra repeated again, "You know that?" He moved his thumb to run across the pointed knuckles of her hand, as her extremities were balled up into a fist on her leg.
"Do I?" Aria breathed. "All of a sudden you're talking about the future and things not working out and I don't know what I'm supposed to think," Aria's voice raised in pitch as she took her other hand not under Ezra's and moved her hair from her face.
"I care about you so much," Ezra stressed. "More than I've ever cared about anyone…ever." He explained. "Which is why I said those things. I just want you to be happy."
Aria moved her hand out from under Ezra's and stared at him incredulously. "You don't get to choose how I feel Ezra." She shook her head, worrying her lips between her teeth.
"Is this what you want?" Aria gestured her hand between them. "Or would you rather have someone older?"
"Of course this is what I want," Ezra stated.
A silence soon enveloped the pair, neither really knowing what to say. Ezra looked out his window at the passing cars, not being able to turn around and face seeing Aria so distraught. Minutes went by without a word from either of them, both lost in their own heads.
Ezra eventually started the car and began driving back to his apartment, still no conversation exchanged between the two. Finally, Ezra turned into the parking garage attached to his building, quickly finding a space. He turned the ignition off, the air once again becoming deafeningly quiet without the hum of the engine. Ezra looked over to Aria who continued to stare out her window even though what she was looking at was a blank concrete wall. He sighed and opened his door, waiting for Aria to do the same but she remained stationary, making no move to get up.
"Are you coming," Ezra softly asked as he leaned down to put his head in the car.
Aria didn't answer but Ezra could hear the faintest sound of a sniffle as her body shook ever so slightly.
"Please come Aria," Ezra said. "It gets cold down here."
Aria reluctantly undid her seatbelt and opened her door, stepping out onto the hard stone floor. She wrapped her arms around herself and bowed her head slightly as to shield her tear-stained face with her dark brown locks.
The elevator ride to Ezra's apartment was just as quiet as the car ride and luckily they happened to be the only people in the small box at the time. Ezra stepped out first and turned to make sure Aria was still following him as the pair walked to his door. Ezra stepped into his place, Aria soon doing the same, both of them ending up just standing there, neither of them knowing what to do.
Aria finally decided to speak, her voice sore and tired sounding from all the shed and unshed tears that still threatened to make their appearance. "I'm so screwed up… I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Aria," Ezra looked down at her furiously shaking his head, his expression reflecting the ache he felt for her. "No you're not, what are you talking about?"
Aria looked down at her shoes, running her fingers along a string on the ends of her sleeves. "I really can't lose you," she murmured.
"You're not going to," Ezra said. He curled a piece of her hair behind her ear and ran his hand under her jaw causing her to finally meet his eyes.
"I know I freaked out" Aria explained, "And you probably think I'm crazy," she shook her head looking at Ezra's chest, not wanting to look at him directly. "When you said that, I just can't help but feel like it's me holding you back, not the other way around. You could be off with someone your own age, who's actually going somewhere in life instead of stuck with me, who you can't even enjoy a fucking drink with," she breathed. "If you ever decided that you changed your mind about us, I just don't know what I would do."
Ezra pulled Aria closer to him, wrapping his arms around her petite frame, resting his head on top of hers. "It's not going to happen," He mumbled into her hair. "I'm not going to change my mind."
"And how do you know that?" Aria repeated his words from earlier.
"Because I know everything," Ezra said. He could feel Aria's lips tug upwards against his chest followed by an almost inaudible laugh. He felt his own mouth curving similarly, glad he was able to lighten the mood somewhat, like he had intended.
"You were the only person who ever treated me like an actual human being and not a thing," Aria spoke into Ezra's shirt, the two of them still enclosed in an embrace. "Every single other person in my life has either let me down or left and I just couldn't imagine if you were to do it too," she explained further. "I don't like thinking about a future that you're not a part of."
"Well I don't like thinking about a future that you're not a part of either," he confessed, as he ran his thumb along her hand that he was holding.
Aria brought her other hand up towards Ezra's cheek, brushing her fingers along his face. She cradled his cheek in her palm as he leaned into her outreached hand.
"I'm sorry I'm so," Aria shook her head trying to find the right words. "I don't know, I just get so insecure…I don't how you put up with me."
"Because I love you," Ezra said. He brought his own hand to rest atop Aria's that was still placed on his face, before grasping it and bringing it to his lips. He softly pressed his mouth to her fingers before squeezing them lightly.
"God, I don't know what I ever did to deserve you," Aria whispered. Ezra hummed softly in agreement, he too often wondering how he ever got so lucky as to have Aria be a part of his life.
"I know we still have so much to talk about but, are we ok?" Ezra asked, raising his eyebrow and flashing her one of his famous boyish smiles.
Aria nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before pulling back. "I love you Ezra, I really do."
"I love you too Aria."
"I wish we could just stay here forever," Aria murmured, her forehead resting against Ezra's, both of them lying on his bed. The room was dark save for the moon that shone through the windows casting a soft glow on everything it reached.
"Me too," Ezra agreed, his hand resting on Aria's side, their feet pushed together as well.
Aria smiled and turned her body so her back was to Ezra's front, as Ezra tightened his arm around her torso. She pulled the covers up around them, which paired with the oversized hoodie of Ezra's she was wearing making for an extremely comfortable position. Ezra pushed the hood of her sweater down slightly and kissed the back of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent.
"Can I ask you something?" Aria turned her head back and glanced at Ezra.
"Of course," he replied, his face still buried in her hair.
"Do you think we'll be together at the end, honestly?" she asked. "I know we said we want to but do you really think that's how it's going to play out?"
"Yes," Ezra stated. Aria was somewhat surprised with how much conviction he had when he said it, and it made her heart swell to know he was so sure. "We've already been through hell of a lot more than a lot of other couples and somehow we're still here," he explained.
"That's true," Aria nodded. She snuggled herself further into Ezra's embrace and grasped his hand that was wrapped around her.
"I don't think I've really been this happy ever," Aria whispered. "And certainly not in the past few years."
Ezra lifted himself slightly so he could peck Aria on the cheek, gradually making his way towards her lips before softly connecting their mouths. He could feel Aria grinning into the kiss, causing Ezra to reciprocate the action before leaning back to where he had been laying. It was moments like this that were his favorite, just the two of them alone in the dark with nothing else but their thoughts. The conversations they had here always stuck out in his mind as being the realest and most genuine. He pulled Aria closer to him, even though that was next to impossible, simply basking in the warmth that she provided. He knew this wasn't the last argument they would have over something regarding their ages, but he was sure they would be able to get through it just like they always did.
Hopefully this didn't suck too bad it has definitely been too long haha. I tried to end on a sweet note though to make up a little for the wait lol. But yeah I'd love to hear your thoughts and also if anyone has any ideas for something they want they should def tell me :)