Title: Supernatural Road Map
Author: SinuousFun-Keeper of Innocence
Disclaimer: I do NOT in any way own Supernatural, nor am I getting paid for this.
Summary: Post-Stanford, first time Dean gets hurt after Sammy comes back. "Normality is only what you make of it — what you think it is, what you find in it." - Astraea L. Skylar. Because to Sammy, this was normal.
Supernatural Road Map
"Normality is only what you make of it — what you think it is, what you find in it."
– Astraea L. Skylar
When Sammy was young and he asked his brother why their Dad was always getting scarred, Dean had answered with, "'Cos scars are the road map of your life. They tell others what you've been through and how much you have withstood and how much more you'll be able to withstand." Sammy had thought it was cool and when he had asked his big brother if he would ever get any too, Dean had responded with "Not if I have anything to say about it, buddy."
When Sammy went to Stanford, he received a new life. He finally had the life he wanted, no more hunting and no more fighting with dad, he finally had a normal life. It wasn't long before he realized he missed Dean, his music, his love for the Impala, the way he called him 'Bitch,' everything. However, he sucked it up, this was his decision and he had to live with it, just like Dean had made his own decision. Sam threw himself in school and when he met Jess, he used the good things that Dean had taught him about girls.
While Sammy was off at Stanford, Dean had been left alone most of the time. He and his dad weren't welcome at Bobby's anymore, and as soon as his dad was able to, he rid himself of Dean. Dean had no one for the majority of the time that Sammy was at college. He went on hunts most of the time, going from coordinate to coordinate that John sent him. One time, he had stopped at a park, looked at the children running and remembered Sammy playing with others while Dean watched, always the silent protector. Dean went back to his motel room and tears escaped his eyes.
When Jess died, Sam felt like a part of him had died along with her, the better part. All he thought about was revenge, revenge against the thing that killed the woman he could never remember and the woman he could never forget. Sam had said some things to Dean while he was grieving, near misses of hurtful things that he stopped himself from fully saying, but still managed to somehow hang in the air.
The first time Dean got so hurt that he needed to be sewn up again after Sammy came back from Stanford was so different and familiar that they stayed silent for a while. Back then Sammy always talked to Dean while he sewed him up, a way to get Dean's mind off the pain. Sammy was always a comfortable noise to Dean, always talking, walking, and rustling papers that it was always too silent for Dean in the beginning, so he started leaving the TV on and started playing his music louder.
When Dean started hunting, his body became a road map of scars as well. Dean was able to point at any one scar on his body and tell when he got it, what did it to him, and how to kill it. Sam sutured up most, if not all, of those scars and he knew how his brother received them just as well as Dean did. As Sam pulled up Dean's shirt to sew his new wound, he noticed all the new scars that littered his brother's chest and stomach.
Sammy also noticed one scar in particular, a new one, staring him in the face that had healed very bad. Sam wasn't sure why, his dad was one of the best sewers he knew, John kept a steady hand. It looked familiar for some reason. It wasn't until Sammy was halfway through sewing the new wound when he heard, "Nnn, no Sam'y, s'kay. Don't w'rry, ah gottit," that Sammy remembered why it seemed so familiar. Dean's grumbling from his pain induced hallucinations made a memory come to mind.
One time when Sam was still starting out with training, he had to learn how to sew, he practiced on animals and when the time came he was able to patch up his dad. However, one time Dean came back from a hunt on his own and he was badly injured, he had to be sewn and Sammy was trembling too much to do it. To Sammy, stitching Dean up was different than practicing, different than even sewing up his dad, because to him Dean was his brother, mother, father, and protector all rolled into one. Dean had told him not to worry; he sewed himself up and told Sammy that he would be ready for the next time. Only Sammy didn't want there to be a next time and Dean tried his best not to get hurt, but he eventually came back wounded and Sammy was finally able to stitch his brother up.
Sammy realized then that Dean had stitched himself up, and as he looked over Dean's scar-riddled body, he realized he had done it more than once. That's when Sammy also realized that while he was off at Stanford out of the hunting life and living a normal one, his brother didn't have that luxury. It seemed as if his brother had been left alone a lot, and not only in motels, but in hunts as well. Sammy wasn't sure what had gotten into their dad, he had always told them to hunt in pairs because it's safer.
When Sammy finished stitching Dean up he situated him comfortably on his bed so he would be able to get some sleep and much needed rest if he wanted to heal quick. Sammy looked over his brother slowly and carefully and he realized that not only did his own life continue while he was away, but so did Dean's. While he was writing essays and having fun with friends, Dean had been alone while he was hunting and when he was resting in motels.
Dean had continued chronicling his life on his supernatural road map, and though Dean was still able to point to any one scar amongst many and tell when he got it, what did it, and how to kill it, Sammy for the first time in as far as he remembered wasn't able to do the same thing. His absence in being with Dean was shown in his lack of knowledge of what his brother had gotten up to, of who all he had saved and what all he had killed.
For the first time in a long time Sammy felt like a child, a child who was left waiting at home while his most beloved person was off fighting monsters for the world and for his little brother who would eventually end up taking him for granted. Sammy cried then and hoped that he could really mend their broken relationship, that they would be able to hash out the misunderstandings soon because Sammy didn't think he could last any longer.
It was also then when he realized that even though he had thought he had wanted normal, he'd prefer a life with Dean anytime, because the gun is always shinier in the arms of another hunter, and because there was no Samndean without Sam and Dean together.