My inspiration for this chapter was The Funeral, by Band of Horses

Chapter Two/ Commitment

I'm coming up only to hold you under

And coming up only to show you're wrong

And to know you is hard; we wonder...

To know you all wrong;

we warn

It was raining the day of their funeral. They were outside holding black umbrellas open, keeping the cold weather from reaching their sorrowed souls. Two holes in the ground faced them, a difficult reality to most, including Sam and Freddie.

In the background the priest spoke his famous words, but Sam couldn't focus on them. All she thought about, was that in few short moments she's be burying her best friend -her sister. Her eyes fogged up with tears and she tightened the grip on Freddie's arm, as if he was that last stable thing in the world in that moment.

"With every death, there comes rebirth..."She heard the priest continue on.

Tears fell down her face, staining her cheeks a small pigment of red. She couldn't really believe she was, there right now. She was at her best friend's funeral. Her best friend's funeral.Her heart beat raced, as if she was about to speak in front of a large crowed, just by looking at the two black caskets before her.

Black; It was funny how appropriate that color was for funerals -or anything sad for that matter. She was wearing black, Freddie was wearing a black suit, there were black umbrella's, there were even black cameras clicking away from the annoying press in the background, and of course, who could forget the two black caskets that lay in front of her. It was almost like death was mocking her, her two best friends lay in those caskets ready to be buried six feet under, even if Sam wasn't ready.

She whips her tears away and thanks god of at least leaving someone behind with her. She remembers how Freddie was supposed to go with them that night -they all were. There was a Cuddle-Fish reunion concert and Carly invited that both to tag along. But Freddie canceled the minute before, saying he was stuck at work, and Sam had a late night band recording. They were so lucky... odds were, if they went, there might have been four caskets today.

Her body trembled with fear and coldness as she clung onto Freddie. Freddie turned his head and gave her a small sad smile, there were tears begging to come out in his eyes, showing Sam his vulnerable side. But he still made himself more stable for her to lean on. She needed him today, and truth was, he needed her.

"Now, if you please, a moment of silence for the deceased..."The priest bowed his head in prayer, every one followed.

Only the rain could be heard. The rain as it dropped onto the umbrellas, as it fell against the asphalt in the background, as it pelted against the two caskets. Sam breathed in the cold air and watched the fog come out of her mouth. She sighed for a moment, and then gazed down at Emma asleep in her stroller, tucked in with a soft nude pink blanket. Her small chocolate curls had a few rain droplets from the water that found its way through the strollers hood. She looked so peaceful, so innocent...

She looked so much like Carly, it was even hard to sometimes look at her now. It brought back painful memories she couldn't handle at times.

More tears fell down her face, and she whipped them aimlessly. Freddie noticed this and put his arm around her back, and met her eyes. They seemed to say, I've got you.

Sam leaned herself more into him and placed her hand protectively on the strollers handle. Nothing bad will ever happen to Emma, they would make sure of that.

As he stood there Freddie rose his head when he noticed a figure behind the priest on the opposite side of the rest of the crowd. Male, well aged, tall, black suit, long heavy trench coat, supported by a cane. It was strange,the man was oddly familiar, like he had seen him before, but once he though about it; no one had fit any description in his mind. The man stood there, about twenty-five feet away from the burial ground, just watching. He was too far for Freddie to see the full detail of his face but close enough to get this weird vibe off of.

Chills ran down his spine as he continued to look back at the man in confusion. Who was he, what did he want? Why didn't he join the crowd? Did he want to be noticed?These questions burned his mind blank. "S-sam," Freddie spoke in a light hused tone as he took his eyes off the man of a second. No on heard him but the petite blonde before him. "Yeah?" She whispered. "Wh-who is that?"


"Behind the priest... look." Freddie instructed, then joined her as he rose his head once more.

"Freddie, there's no one there." She mumbled. "Y-yeah there is-" When he looked back up the man was gone. Vanished. And suddenly, a part of believed he was day dreaming or it was his imagination...

"N-never mind." He mumbled as he continued to scan the rest of the cemetery for the figure.


Later that evening everyone gathered at Adam and Carly's house, which was now actually theirs, for refreshments and according to Sam "Where everyone takes pity on us."

As Sam walked around the house she felt everyone's eyes burn in back, they were watching her, she knew it. With a glass of red wine in her hand she tried to ignore them and found her way to a more familiar crowd, Spencer and Megan.

Sam smiled at Spencer from a distance as she made her way, he was busy playing with Emma on his lap, and Megan, Spencer's wife, was turned around admiring a photograph. Emma looked like she was having a good time, she giggled when he tickled her and she even blew raspberries happily.

Sam chuckled at the two and stopped for a moment not wanting to disturb their happiness. She wanted to absorb their happiness and take it all in. Sam suddenly felt someone brush up against her, and turned her eyes to meet Freddie's.

"Hey." He exhaled as he watched Spencer play with Emma. "Hey." "He's pretty good with her, do you think we'll have a shot with them?" Freddie asked. Sam looked up at him, her expression was blank. She was so warped up in the funeral, and everything she forgot that they were looking for the right family for Emma. Sam turned back and stared at the little girl in the distance and smiled sadly. For a quick moment she felt as if Emma was hers, as if it was her job to make sure nothing happens to her. But she shook her head and threw that out the window. It wasn't her job to raise Emma... It was Carly and Adam's.

"Maybe... come on, let's talk." Sam took a sip of her drink as she walked towards Spencer, Freddie right at her side.

Spencer looked up as he saw them approaching him. "Hey guys." He smiled, but Freddie could sense the smile was only because of Emma's sake, not that she even understood what was going on.

"Hey Spence." Sam greeted. Freddie did as well. During that, Megan turned around setting the picture down, and revealing her giant baby bump as she turned.

Sam and Freddie's jaws would not likely have dropped to the floor if this was a cartoon. Sam's eyes widened, but she quickly covered them up with a smile. "Megan! Wow, I-I uh..."

"-didn't know I was pregnant?" Megan chuckled placing a hand gently on her belly. Sam nodded and let out a forced chuckled as well. "Yeah... geez how far along are you?" She asked in confusion.

Freddie gave Spencer a "Why didn't you tell us?!"look. Spencer only shrugged. "I'm gonna be eight months next week." Megan smiled admiring her stomach with love.

Sam smiled back at her and Freddie forced out a "Congratulations!" Sam slowly backed away and jabbed Freddie in the ribs with her below. "We don't have a shot with them." She mumbled without either Spencer or Megan hearing them.

Freddie nodded aimlessly.

"So you guys, what's gonna happen to little Emma here? Who's gonna look after her?" Spencer asked as he made room for Megan to sit next to him on the couch.

"We don't know yet, we're trying to find a good family for her." Freddie honestly spoke. "No luck so far..." Sam mumbled, and Freddie chuckled at her humor. Spencer nodded. "Well didn't Carly and Adam have a written will on who they'll hand Emma down to?" He frowned.

Sam was ready to explode. But she kept her cool and spoke. "Yeah… they... they named us." She took a deep breath.

Spencer looked up at them, as Megan spoke softly. "Then why are you guys trying to find a family for her? She already has one."

"I know she does, but we're just trying to do what's best for her." Sam spoke rationally. "Obviously Carly and Adam would be best for her but since they can't be, it's our job, and we don't think we can be parents Spencer... I mean, I'm like the most irresponsible person you know, and Freddie is too busy with work all the time. I don't think it'll be a good stable way for her to grow up." Sam explained.

Freddie exhaled. "She's right, and if we can't find a family, we'll find a way to fit her perfectly into our lives -we just want what best for her." Freddie finished off.

Spencer nodded, understanding, but he continued to fight it. "Come on you guys, you've been through so much together. I think the reason Carly and Adam chose you two is because they know you best."

Sam inhaled and closed her eyes. She was trying to explain to Spencer the reasons behind her and Freddie's decision, but he didn't understand. Sure, they were good for Emma. But they weren't cut out to be parents, they were certain there was a better family for her.

"I know, we've been through everything with Carly and Adam, but -this is better for her Spencer! I'm not cut out to be a mom..." Her eyes were glassy and her voice was beginning to break. "She's not my daughter... she's Carly's." Sam fought back her tears but failed.

The look on Spencer's face was one they'd never forget. He looked stunned, shocked, and in despair. By now everyone in the house slowly made their way to the living room to see what was going on.

"I'm sorry... s-sorry everyone... I-I jus-need a minute." She apologized then walked away and disappeared behind a group of people. Freddie turned to Spencer and spoke. "Sam -she's not really taking this well. She doesn't know what to do -we both don't know what to do..." He explained.

This time Spencer understood, he sat there and shook his head. "I get it, I really do -I didn't mean to upset her."

"It wasn't you Spence, trust me. Today –this whole incident, It's just been hard on her –-on the both of us." He whispered the last sentence. There was a moment of silence before Spencer spoke once more. "You should go, talk to her okay?"

Freddie nodded and gave him on last look of sorrow before he exited the same way Sam had.


He found her on the balcony in Carly's and Adam's bedroom -a place they barely visited. But she thought no one would look for her there, and it would be the perfect hiding spot. She was wrong.

When Freddie had gone looking for her he saw the master bedroom door wide open and thought it was the obvious where she ran off to. She was sitting on one of the chairs her head facing the ground.

"Sam?" He asked softly. Sam looked up at him then back down again. He saw her eyes were red and tears were stained on her cheeks.

"Heeeyy." He said in an attempt to comfort her. He quickly closed the door behind him and bent down to get to her level.

He put a hand on her knee and the other he gently grabbed her arm. She sniffed and looked up at him. She wanted to scream at him. How could he stay so calm through the whole day? Sure he shed some tears at the funeral, but after that he was emotionless as a rock.

"Go away! Ugh, what do you want Benson?" She grumbled while sniffing. Freddie looked her in the eye and spoke. "I want to make you feel better Sam... how can I do that?" He asked softly.

It took a moment for Sam to respond. "You got a time machine?" Her voice seemed to echo off the balcony. Freddie gave her a sympathetic smirk. "I wish." He simply said. "I want them back as much as you do Sam but we have to get through this..."

Sam nodded, and continued to look into her lap. She didn't want Freddie seeing her cry, seeing her at her weakest. But she was glad he was there, she needed him though she would never admit it.

"We can't give her away Freddie..." Sam spoke. Freddie listened and looked up at her, wondering where she was going with this. Sam continued to shake her head repeatedly. "She's the only thing we have left of Carly, of Adam..." She was so nervous her bottom lip was quivering. "I-I can't just give her away... I love her..." She whispered. "Carly and Adam loved her more than anything... we can't do that to them -if they thought we could take care of their daughter, then we can." She stubbornly said. Freddie nodded.

And after much thought he realized she was right, if Carly and Adam thought they could take care of her, they would. Freddie nodded, then looked back into her pricing, strained blue eyes. "Of course we can." He replied.

"So I guess we're parents?" Sam chuckled, whipping a fallen tear off her face. Freddie nodded. "I guess we are."

"No more looking?" Sam asked.

"No more looking." Freddie agreed.

Suddenly Sam got off the chair and embraced him in a hug. She wrapped her arms around him so grateful for him in that moment, she couldn't help but think what she would do if he weren't there... If he had gone with them that night... he would be dead.

Dead. Sam hated that word -or anything related to it. Dead, Carly and Adam were dead... death took away her best friends, her family... but she was grateful it didn't take away Freddie, cause even though she didn't want to admit it, she needed him.

Freddie hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her petite body, and the suddenly without realizing it, he was holding her. Her arms subconsciously let go of him, and she crossed them close to her body vulnerably as Freddie's arms tightened around her.

He was scared. This was Sam, the same girl who beat the football team up in high school cause one of them didn't ask Carly to the dance, the same girl who lasted a whole month on only Fatcake's and fountain water. Where was the strong, confidant girl he knew? Cause the girl curled up in his arms, crying, and struggling sure as hell wasn't her.

He was terrified because, he's never seen her like that. She's never allowed him to see her like that, her vulnerable side. Only Carly saw it.

"I'll go downstairs a tell everyone to go home." Freddie whispered. But Sam shook her head. "No, don't leave." She sniffed, and Freddie listened not moving. He slightly smiled at what Sam had just said and was planning on commenting, but he didn't want to ruin the rare moment.

"What is it with us and balconies Freddie?" Sam asked a small smile forming on her lips. Freddie shrugged. And chuckled, realizing their history with balconies, and fire escapes."I don't know..." He scoffed playfully realizing what she had meant.


By the time they came back downstairs everyone was basically gone. Megan was seeing some people off at the door and Spencer was rocking Emma to sleep in the same spot he was before they left.

Sam walked towards him with a smile. She was trying to hide the damaged part of her. "Hey Spence." She whispered. Spencer looked up at her and smiled back. "You guys were up there for quite a while..." He chuckled softly.

Freddie rolled his eyes in amusement. Sam just ignored him and bent down to pick Emma up. "I should change her and put her bed." She said walking back upstairs.

Freddie took a seat on the couch next to Spencer and sighed. "So did you guys find a family?" Spencer asked. Freddie shook his head. "Yeah... I think we did." He smiled. Spencer gave him a questionable look, and took a sip of his wine. "Seriously, who?" There was a slight disappointment in Spencer's tone.


Really too late to call,

So we wait for morning

To wake you is all we got

To know me as hardly golden

is to know me all wrong,

they warn


Is to know me all wrong, they Christmas! And Happy Holidays (if you don't celebrate Christmas) This is your present! :D I Hope you liked it! The next chapter is early Jan! Please review and send me some ideas to write into the story! Did you like it? Did you not? Let me know! ( I don't own iCarly, nor its characters, all rights go to their owners).